Chapter 11
Faith was a little let down when they reached the walled capital city of the humans on Polaris. Ever since meeting the hunters and seeing what they did to the natives of the planet, she had been itching for a fight. When they got to the gate, they were simply waved through while the Ursanoids were searched. "This sucks," Faith said to no one in particular.
Once they were inside the city walls, the tenth Doctor shot away from the group towards an information kiosk. The kiosk had three walls in a staple shape and a glowing screen mounted on a pole on the back wall. The tenth Doctor pulled out his brainy specs and looked the touch screen panel over. He waved his sonic screwdriver over the screen and information not generally available to tourists popped up on the screen. "Appears our two hunting buddies with benefits were correct," he said. "It says here that the last 'bear lover' had been shipped off planet over a month ago. A ship carrying Ursanoid sympathizers was turned around by use of force just last week," the tenth Doctor said sourly.
The fifth Doctor had put on his glasses as well and squeezed in next to his older self. "Pull up a map of the city. I want to find that government building and put a stop to all of this nonsense as soon as possible," he said. The tenth Doctor nodded his head in agreement and a map of the city appeared on the screen. Not surprisingly, the main seat of power for the puppet government set up by the Safari Planet Charter Corporation was in the center of town. On a hunch, the fifth Doctor pulled out the segment tracer and saw that the blue tip pointed towards the center of town as well. He put away both the tracer and his glasses. "Ever forward," the fifth Doctor said as he walked briskly towards the center of town.
The building at the center of town was a large cube taking up a city block on each side. The tenth Doctor squinted and made out the hazy form of a communications array on the top of the building. A plan began to form in his mind. He let his eyes move down the building and was angered by the large image of a triumphant hunter standing with his foot on a beast's head and his plasma rifle by his side. The image took up most of the side of the building that was facing them. The tenth Doctor recognized the species the hunter was standing on. It was a near sentient race that had been hunted to extinction.
The fifth Doctor again pulled out the tracer and was satisfied that it pointed directly at the building. "It looks like we will be able to take care of both our chores at once," he said optimistically. His hopes of a quick end to their current quest were dashed when they reached the sealed doors leading into the building.
The tenth Doctor sighed loudly in defeat as he ran the sonic screwdriver over the doors and the panel on the wall next to them. "Triple dead-locked," he explained as he took a step back from the doors. "We're going to have to find another way inside," the tenth Doctor told his younger self and their Companions.
Faith looked up and saw that there was a small, open window on the third floor a little ways down from them. She elbowed Buffy and gestured with her head. Buffy nodded in agreement. "You guys stay here. Faith and I will be back in a couple of minutes," Buffy told the Doctors. The two Slayers trotted off down the side of the building. When they reached the window, Buffy took out a quarter and flipped it.
"What are they up to?" the fifth Doctor wondered. He was soon given an answer when Faith took up a position directly under the open window. She crouched slightly and made a saddle with her hands. Buffy took several steps away from Faith and then ran at her sister Slayer. The combined strength of Faith's lift and Buffy's jump propelled the petite blonde up to the window with ease. Buffy grabbed the window seal and pulled herself through the open window. When Buffy held out her hand with a thumbs up gesture, Faith casually walked back to where her boyfriend and his cute younger self stood waiting.
"That was amazing," Nyssa said when Faith got back to them.
"Not really," Faith said modestly. "Buffy could have thrown me up here just as easily, but she won the coin toss," she said.
"Coin toss?" Nyssa asked, unfamiliar with the custom.
A loud thump came from the other side of the door. "Yeah, the winner got to go inside and be the first to kick some ass," Faith explained. The door slid open and an unconscious human guard fell into the doorway. The door had been the only thing holding him up. Faith simply stepped over him, not bothering to move him out of the way.
"We need to split up," the tenth Doctor said suddenly after they were all inside the building. Faith recognized the gleam in his eyes and knew that he was up to something. "You lot go find out what the company has planned for Polaris 2 and I'll catch up with you shortly," he suggested.
"Where are you off to?" the fifth Doctor asked.
"I need to make a long distance call," the tenth Doctor replied cryptically. He jogged off towards a door marked with a symbol for stairs.
"Am I always that impulsive?" the fifth Doctor asked Faith.
Faith smiled at the retreating form of her boyfriend. "Pretty much, yeah," she replied. "You're also awesome in bed," Faith added.
Nyssa blushed at this bold statement. Buffy just rolled her eyes. The fifth Doctor returned Faith's smile and blushed slightly as well. Just to do something to relieve his embarrassment, the fifth Doctor pulled out the segment tracer.
"Something's wrong," the fifth Doctor said in worry as he looked down at the tracer. He turned around in a circle and the pointer stayed still, as if glued in place.
Nyssa took a step towards her Doctor. "Some kind of jamming signal?" she suggested.
"We'll have to deal with this after we get the information we came here for," the fifth Doctor said, shaking his head. He pocketed the tracer and gestured towards the Slayers. "Lead on, ladies," the fifth Doctor said.
After a brief discussion, Faith and Buffy decided the best way to search was from the top down. They figured that whoever ran this branch of the charter company would most likely have an office near the top of the building. A short elevator ride brought them to the top floor. The doors opened to reveal a large reception area devoid of people. The reception area had a large cream colored receptionist desk in front of a large set of double doors made from heavy, dark wood. Scenes had been carved into the panels of the doors.
"Where is everybody?" Buffy wondered aloud.
The fifth Doctor walked around the imposing desk / counter of the receptionist and found a calendar with days marked off. "It appears we have come on a Sunday," he told her. The fifth Doctor stepped out from behind the desk and turned to look at the large double doors behind him. He ran his hand down the front. Up close, the fifth Doctor was able to make out the scenes carved into the ancient wood. The scenes depicted creatures of all types being hunted down. The fifth Doctor tried to turn the handle and found the doors securely locked. "Bother," he swore. "Maybe I was bit hasty in throwing away that old screwdriver," the fifth Doctor mused, not for the first time since meeting up with his older self again.
Buffy put her hand on the blond Doctor's shoulder and gently eased him aside. Without saying anything, Buffy spun to her side and kicked out at the doors. The wood shattered around the locks and the doors flew open. "I've never needed one," Buffy told the fifth Doctor reassuringly as she walked past him into the room. Faith followed Buffy into the room and the fifth Doctor just shrugged his shoulders and went into the room as well.
Nyssa and the fifth Doctor walked over to a huge desk monopolizing the large room. Like the now broken doors, it was also made of ancient hardwood and decorated with carvings. Its black shine went well with the plush burgundy carpet under their feet. While the fifth Doctor and Nyssa busied themselves with hacking the primitive programming, Faith stared closer at the desk. Something about the carvings was bothering her. Buffy made disgusted faces as she wandered around the room and inspected the creature heads mounted on the walls.
"Oh shit," Faith muttered as she finally figured out what about the carvings was bothering her. There were three panels that were larger than the others. "B, come take a look at this," Faith said. Buffy stood next to Faith and looked at the desk. The three larger panels each showcased a different animal without the common hunter motif. Faith pointed to each panel in turn. The first panel was of a large canine. The second was of a big horn sheep and the final was of a majestic stag.
"Wolf…Ram…and Hart," Buffy swore. "You guys had better hurry, I have a bad feeling about this," she warned the fifth Doctor and his Companion.
"Wolfram and Hart? Isn't that the group of bottom dwelling lawyers that seem to infest every populated world?" the fifth Doctor asked, not looking up from the computer screen.
"It's so nice to be recognized," a slimy voice told them from the doorway. Buffy and Faith spun around and saw a short man dressed in an expensive black suit pointing a deadly looking gun at them. His slicked back hair shined almost as much as the polished desk. The lawyer pulled out a small box from his pocket with his free hand and thumbed a switch. The monitor the fifth Doctor was working on went dark. "Here I was sitting alone in the building bemoaning the fact that I have to break the Sabbath at least twice a month while everyone else gets to go home," he told them. "I was bored out of my mind until a little flash on my com panel let me know that someone was breaking into the manager's office," he explained. "I would like to thank you for livening up a perfectly blah day," the lawyer said happily.
Faith looked at the lawyer like he had just crawled out from a swamp or a live taping of the Glen Beck show. "I thought you guys would have gone to ground permanently considering how often we kick your ass," she taunted.
The lawyer chuckled. "Brave words coming from a woman who will be dead soon," he said. "But where are my manners? I am Jeffrey Williams and I'll be your executioner this evening," the lawyer chuckled.
Buffy and Faith stepped forwards, completely unafraid. "I'm Buffy Summers and this is Faith Lehane," she told him. Williams frowned as he tried to remember where he had heard those names before.
Faith gave the lawyer one of her predatory smiles. "The guy behind you with a gun shaped thingy in his hand is my boyfriend, the Doctor," she warned Williams.
Williams felt something touching the base of his skull. He went still. "Drop the gun and kick it under the desk," the tenth Doctor commanded. Williams did as he was told and the sonic pistol slid over the carpet to come to rest under the huge desk.
"For the record, I prefer to think that many guns look like bananas," the tenth Doctor said as he walked past the lawyer. The ancient alien was holding a bright yellow banana in his hand. He pealed it and took a satisfied bite. Faith walked over to the tenth Doctor, stood on her tip toes, and kissed her boyfriend's cheek.
Before Williams could get angry at being duped by a piece of fruit, his memory finally churned forth where he had heard those names before. The lawyer looked from the brunette girl named Faith to the dark haired man called the Doctor. The man's apparent disdain for weapons was the key to unlock the knowledge he had absorbed in fifth year law school ("Working with Evil and Making a Profit".) Jeffrey Williams, Esquire was standing in the presence of the Destroyer of Worlds and the Dark Slayer. That meant that the blond woman was probably the Slayer that had caused so many problems on Earth so long ago. A growing wet spot appeared on the front of his pants as he lost control of his bladder.
Faith looked down at the lawyer's soiled pants. "It's so nice to be recognized," she parroted back to him.
The tenth Doctor leaned over to the lawyer from Wolfram and Hart. "If I were you, I would start running about now," he suggested in a friendly tone. Williams took his advice and fled out of the office as fast as he could run. The Slayers were stopped from chasing after him by a raised hand from the tenth Doctor. "Let him go. He'll soon have more trouble than he can handle," he said cryptically.
"This have anything to do with your phone call?" Buffy asked.
"Perhaps," the tenth Doctor said smugly. He joined the fifth Doctor behind the desk and activated the terminal with his sonic screwdriver. Both Doctors clenched their jaws in anger while they read through the files.
Faith put her hand on the tenths Doctor's arm, lending him some comfort. "What did you find?" she asked softly.
The fifth Doctor answered for him. "It would seem as though the slime from that law firm has set up a shell company so they could purchase this world and set off a religious war," he said sourly. "Records indicate that Wolfram and Hart subsidiaries are due to make a fortune from arms sales as well as the trade of Ursanoid pelts," the fifth Doctor explained.
An alarm sounded throughout the building. "That's our cue to go," the tenth Doctor said, his manic smile flashing. He was so happy that he couldn't help humming a Ramones song as they rode the elevator to the ground floor.
As soon as they were outside of the building, the fifth Doctor pulled out the tracer and began sweeping the area, hoping to get a fix on the Key segment once again. His brow furrowed as the blue end of the arrow swung once again to point at the building. His expression softened when comprehension dawned on him. The fifth Doctor caught the eye of the tenth one and the older Time Lord winked at him. The tenth Doctor had been watching his younger self and had come to the same conclusion.
"Halt!" an armored guard yelled as his troop ran from the building across the street. The small squad was made up of 6 men with plasma rifles and the short lawyer looking ridiculous in the ill fitting guard uniform.
"As senior representative of Wolfram and Hart, I demand that you surrender to us, Oncoming Storm," Williams shouted from the rear of the group.
"I would rather not, if it's all the same," the tenth Doctor said glibly. His face darkened. "Instead, I will offer you a chance to surrender and throw yourself on the mercy of the courts," the tenth Doctor offered. He nodded to his younger self who had slowly made his way to the side of the building. The fifth Doctor smiled as he took out the segment tracer and touched the side of the building.
The guards gasped in fear as the building flashed out of existence. Faith walked over to where the fifth Doctor was standing. She bent over and picked up a small cube. "Cool," was all she said before tossing the Key segment to the tenth Doctor.
The tenth Doctor caught the segment and tucked it away safely in his jacket. He turned to face the assembled guards once again. "Last time I make that offer," the tenth Doctor warned. "Lay down your weapons and the courts might take mercy on you," he offered.
Two of the guards dropped their weapons and took a step back. Williams looked at them with contempt. All the talk about courts had brought the lawyer back into comfortable territory. "I'm a lawyer for the largest law firm in the Universe," he told the Doctor. "Everything about the sale and purchase of this backwater planet was checked and doubled checked. Everything is well within galactic law," Williams said smugly.
"Except that it illegal to purchase the rights to a planet without the consent of the majority of the sentient beings living there," the tenth Doctor said, interrupting the lawyer.
Jeffrey Williams openly scoffed. "There no such provision in galactic law," he said. He made an involuntary step back when he saw the look on the tenth Doctor's face that clearly told him that the lawyer had been maneuvered into a checkmate.
"Galactic law, no I suppose not," the tenth Doctor replied. He held out his sonic screwdriver and pressed the switch. The blue end flashed twice and then the Doctor put away his tool. The crack of displaced air was heard from all sides. The street had suddenly become crowded after the platoon of heavily armored Judoons materialized all around them. "Violation of the Shadow Proclamation section 4-5, most definitely," the tenth Doctor said. He turned to face the Judoon with a different colored badge on the front of his armor. "So…blow…sho…no…toe…go," he said in flawless Judoon.
The Judoon Captain nodded to the Doctor and made a motion with his fist. All of the guards still holding their weapons were roughly taken into custody. Those who had laid down their weapons earlier were ignored. Williams made a break for it and ran down the street. The Judoon captain calmly pulled out his disruptor pistol and fired once. The red beam struck the fleeing lawyer in the center of his back, turning him into a pile of ash. "Blow…go…slow…blow," the tenth Doctor yelled out to the Judoon commander. When the rest of the Judoon platoon heard the Doctor, they all spit on the ground. The Judoon captain shot the pile of ashes, just to make sure nothing was still alive within.
"What did you say to them?" Nyssa asked, clearly frightened of the rhino looking aliens.
"I just wanted to make sure the good captain over there knew that Williams had been a lawyer," the tenth Doctor said with a shrug.
TARDIS
The tenth Doctor politely looked away as Buffy kissed her husband passionately in the control room. Adric and Tegan had joined Spike in welcoming the others back and both of them looked away in embarrassment as well. The Doctors and the Slayers had made a small detour back to the Elder's Pub before returning to the TARDIS. The elders were quite taken with the Judoon and the Judoon captain was equally taken with the Ursanoid beer. The extra time had made Buffy's heart yearn even more for her undead husband. Faith wrapped her arms around the tenth Doctor's waist.
"It really is quite sad that the Ursanoids got caught up in that ancient struggle," the fifth Doctor said to no one in particular.
"You mean between the forces of light and darkness?" Buffy asked when she finally came up for air.
"I was thinking more specifically along the lines of whether or not there is an inalienable right to arm bears," the fifth Doctor said with a straight face.
This statement was greeted with a couple of chuckles and even more heartfelt groans. The merriment died away when Tegan looked down at her hands and was able to see through them. She looked over at Adric and Nyssa and they were becoming transparent as well. "Doctor!" Tegan yelled.
The Doctors ran to the center console and started working with the knobs and levers, trying to keep the Companions stable. "Where the hell are the phase compensator on this thing?" the fifth Doctor swore.
"They're the green switches by your hand," the tenth Doctor told his younger self.
"Ah, here they…" the fifth Doctor said.
"…are," a different voice said from where the fifth Doctor had been standing. In his place was another blond man, but this one had curly hair and was wearing a red coat with multi-colored panels. His hand was finishing the act of flipping the green switches.
Adric, Nyssa, and Tegan had disappeared and an attractive young woman with shoulder length brown hair was suddenly standing where Tegan was. "See Peri, I told you I could fix that dimensional instability," the sixth Doctor told his Companion, Peri Brown. He looked up from the console when Peri did not reply. The sixth Doctor turned around slowly, taking in the new control room. "Oh…bother," he swore.