You pull the SUV into the parking lot of the apartment complex. You feel the look of Rossi on you and turn your head to him, after you shut the engine down. The lines of Rossi's face are concerned and thoughtful. You respond with a gesture "Lets do this". You make your way with Rossi through the complex to the person who is waiting for you.
"Hello Mrs Williams, nice to finally meet you!"
"Agent Hotchner" She reaches her hand to yours with a friendly nod and turns to Rossi.
"David! It's been a while!"
She smiles and gives Rossi a quick hug. He smiles responding her hug.
"Yeah, it's good to see you Jill."
"Did Agent Prentiss fill you in with the situation she found Agent Jareau two days ago?" You start walking and look to her.
"Yes, she was able to give me a picture of the impressions she gained. I think it is a positive way to do this in her familiar environment and with your team present."
"Agent Jareau already has some bad experiences with therapists. It won't be easy to get her on your side. But we have to remain consistent to show her guidance."
The last sentence reminds you, this won't be easy for both sides. Your gut tells you just to throw the rules over board and screw politics, but sadly this is how it works. If JJ will return to work, there has to be a proper path to make that possible. And you are about to build that path for her.
Emily opens the door to the apartment. Her look is worried.
"Come in."
She takes a step aside to let you in. You take a look around, Morgan and Prentiss had cleaned the place up. You find JJ sitting on the couch with a look that gazes into nowhere. Her knees are tucked up to her chest. Her arms wrapping around them and her chin rests on her knees. She does not notice the group that just entered her apartment. She appears to be totally absent-minded.
You let the pictures sink in and decide to walk into the background, towards the kitchen, where you still can JJ's face. JJ doesn't look like she wants to talk or do a nice little greeting, especially with you. She may be depressed, but she isn't a fool, she knows exactly what's going on.
After Emily discovering the loaded weapon, there has to be consequences. You sigh silently and lean against the wall of the hallway to the kitchen. Rossi passes slowly by and takes a stool from the kitchen to sit nearby you.
The demeanor of JJ has changed, she is looking at who the woman, who stands in her living room, is . She is angry. You can almost feel it. Her hands are repeatedly gripping her legs to pull them even closer to her chest. She is agitatedand you can see fear in her eyes. She distrusts the woman.
"JJ"
Her head turns to Emily, JJ looks confused, as she seems to be ripped out of her thoughts. She blinks for a second.
"Will you please just talk for a few minutes?"
You study JJ's reaction as Jill Williams starts to talk to JJ.
"Agent Jareau..."
The despite on JJ's face is now clearly visible. It makes you somehow uncomfortable and you are feeling a beginning of an inner struggle with yourself. You notice Rossi looking up to you and you steady yourself, but remain silent. You can see on Rossi's face he has some doubts too. As you watch the scene between JJ and Jill, you remind yourself of the bigger picture and you are finally able to find your reassuring stance.
You scowl as you hear suddenly hear JJ talking.
"Leave!"
With a voice that is shaking and barely to hear. There was such an intensity in this one word, so much meaning. It is almost breaking your heart. All the sorrow and rage in one barely audible word.
It is a familiar feeling. You already lived through it. You know it. The guilt of the survivor, you don't want to be the one that is left. You were the one, but your son were there to reassure you. JJ is the only one left.
You see JJ is more agitated now, as she suddenly stands up up. Ready to do anything, her body language is clear.
"Get out. I don't want you here, I don't want your help, I don't need you."
With the attempt of Jill to calm the situation down, you make two steps into the hallway that is connected to JJ's bedroom. JJ is still struggling with Jill's words. But finally she passes Jill and almost runs into you. She looks up and your gaze meet hers. She is puzzled for a short moment. You can tell she didn't expected you here in that position.
"Move!" She growls.
As Jill starts to talk again, she seems to set her attention brief away from you.
"You are not responsible for their deaths, Agent Jareau!"
That was the spark for the imminent explosion.
The sorrow and rage are now clearly visible in her eyes, that gazes straight into yours. You prepare yourself for an emotional thunderstorm. You tense up and notice JJ doing the same. Her eyes water and her lip is shaking.
"How dare you.." Her hands are starting to hit your chest as she begins to cry out. "How dare you..." She is enraged and in a fury. You feel your heart sinking and it is really hard for you to remain calm, but you can hold back your tears. The sobs of JJ are so heavy that she already isn't breathing normally. You wrap gently your arms around her while she beats with her hands against you. The beats stifle through your firm embrace. Her crying is heartbreaking and your shirt wet by all the tears. Her sobs are shaking you both as you brace youself.
"JJ"
But that was the only thing you get out as she collapses in your embrace to the ground, you sit down next to her. You continue to gently hold her as Jill makes eye contact with you. She has a questioning look and you briefly nod.
"Agent Jareau?" She tries again. "I am not going to lie to you. I am very concerned about your welfare."
You feel JJ tensing up again and you can almost hear her thoughts running through her mind. After a few moments, Jill looks to you again, noticing JJ won't answer.
"Does she have any psychiatric history?"
JJ slightly twitches in your Arms, you look down to her and lessen your embrace. You take a breath and let the hug go. Finally you look up to Jill and answer.
"PTSD and depression."
"Any suicidal ideation or attempts?"
You know that it is a strategy and you have to play your part. Jill already knows all the stuff she has to know to do this conversation with JJ. You feel a little chaos of feelings in your chest. On the one hand you just want to sooth JJ and hold her in a tender embrace, until she gets better. On the other hand you have to remind you of the bigger picture. Although the bigger picture slightly begins to fade away as you replay the recent scenes. But your deep empathy for JJ has to wait in line, for now.
"Yes."
Your voice is firm and you regain your reassuring clarity over your emotions. You steady yourself and stand up. The game between you and Jill continues a few moments, as you recognize JJ is in her own world of thoughts again.
"JJ."
She is still looking down without noticing your voice.
"Did you hear what Jill said?" You try. "Common lets get back to the couch."
Finally she snaps her attention up to you, but just says "I need to go to the bathroom."
As Jill takes over you sigh mentally. You take a look to Rossi and you are relieved as he shows you his support on this. You know you have to be strong to deal with the dourness of JJ.
"Not by yourself!" Jill arranges herself in front of her, because JJ was back in a fight position. That was the reason why a external person has to do this. You cannot imagine to be rough to JJ, but maybe you have to learn something from Jill. JJ does seem to be damn determined. And Jill won't be around every time.
"I have every reason to believe you are planning to kill yourself. Give me a reason I should trust that you won't attempt that behind a locked door."
You watch the scene going on and recognize the tone of Jill's voice is now different. It is determined, calculated. She is going to corner JJ and you have to help. JJ needs to accept the help of your team and you. As long as you can make the string between being JJ's boss and JJ's friend in this difficult situation.
"I don't owe you a damn thing." JJ hisses. Her voice is filled with anger and she stands up. "I want you out of my house. I want you all out." She bristles with rage and starts to walk past you towards the bathroom.
"You have a choice, Agent. You can work with me and your friends and agree to let us help you, or I can call and get a mental health warrant in which the police will detain you and force you into the hospital. It is your choice."
Suddenly JJ stops in her movement and you can see the words came through.
You can feel the tension in the air.
"I know you are scared, agent. Being kidnapped and tortured, and raped." Jill tries to minimize the space between her and JJ. But you could notice with each word said, JJ tenses up a little more.
Jill continues to talk insistently to JJ.
"And then to watch your family murdered." Even you can feel how these words hit your mind. You were there. It was awful. You struggle to keep the terrible pictures out of your mind.
"Stop!"
You are back in the present. Looking at JJ, as she turns round.
"Stop! You don't know what it is like, do not tell me what it is like or understand or can relate. Because you can't!"
You nod mentally, but you are also aware of the situation going on. JJ has to be cut down to size. As soon as possible.
"Not until you tell us your decision JJ."
You make two step towards JJ.
"If I say yes, will you all leave?".
You notice Jill letting out a brief sigh. "No." She is shaking her head. "We have an arrangement set up, someone will be with you all the times until I or a psychiatrist believe you are no longer a danger to yourself."
"I don't need a babysitter." JJ folds her arms.
"Really?" Jill is about to win, you can feel it. Her arguments are hitting JJ right on the spot that was her defense to hide her self-neglect.
"I know you don't want us here, I know you want us to leave you alone, but we care, we all care."
'More than you know.' you think.
"I know you do." JJ eyes water up and she looks down, hesitating to say it out loud: "But I don't"
You realize how deep down JJ really is. Why were you not able to see that coming? It breaks your heart to see JJ giving herself up. You want to grab her and pull her into your arms. Holding her tightly. But you can't. You notice Rossi behind you, as he is making his way to JJ.
"Come on kiddo, let's get back to the couch. Take your time. I'll make you a warm tea."
He leads her through the hallway, passing you and Jill, to the couch. His arms are gently around JJ's shoulders. Rossi's gaze shifts to you and his look is reassuring. But you can tell she is broken.