A/N: Thank you for your reviews and following/favorite my story. I'm glad you like it. Here is a new chapter, enjoy it!
"Yes, of course...I understand...yes...thank you...I will keep you posted."
Finally you nearly slam the receiver into the base. You let out a deep sigh through your nose. Strauss. Nobody needs a person like her. Your look goes from the phone over to the files you were working on, until Strauss disturbed you. The lack of concentration today was killing you. You made several attempts to work the pile of papers in front of you. Every time you were in a working mode something disturbed you. Like Strauss.
Knock knock.
Or Rossi.
"Come in."
"Oh is someone having a bad day?" Rossi teases.
You only scowl and huff. You lean back in your chair and focus Rossi with your look.
"I'm just checking to make sure you take a break, Hotch. You know by yourself how sloppy you are on that."
"Hmmhm" you mumble and run your hands down your face.
"You look rather strained."
"Well, I think I am."
"At least you are honest to yourself."
A silence settles in. Rossi is studying you with wary eyes. 'Honest to myself...huh', you think. Well, the only thing what really bothers you in fact is JJ isn't showing any progress. She lost weight, she barely speaks and is absent in mind for almost all the time. Since the terrible nightmare, you witnessed two weeks ago, you hoped it would get better with the team around her. Well, most of the time it was Garcia, who nearly moved in to JJ's place.
You fidget with your pen and meet the gaze of Rossi.
"I can manage that tonight, take your time to sleep, Hotch."
Shaking your head, you look down on the pen in your hand. "No, I'm ok."
"Sure you are." Rossi tells you with a smirk.
You cannot help yourself and smirk to.
The phone vibrates on your desk. You see the caller, your smirk fades away, you frown.
"Hotchner."
"Sir? Please, can you come to JJ's apartment? I don't think she is doing OK. She is really weird, I mean weird weird. She scares me, I need your help. Please be quick."
"I'm on my way." You catch Rossi's gaze as you stand up. You can tell he reads your face and knows what is going on.
"Let's go" he hurries to open the door, while you catch your jacket. Within minutes you are on the streets to JJ's apartment.
Rushing the stairs up in the building, a bad feeling engulfs you. Before you can knock on the door, Garcia lets you in.
"What is going on, Garcia?" You pass her with large steps, as she tries to explain.
"She is in the bathroom." She hesitates, visibly scared.
"She is in the bathroom?" You rush along the hallway, Rossi right behind you.
"Sir..."
You spin around and frown. "What?"
"She has locked the door..."
Your chest tightens and you can feel a small panic growing in your stomach. You look back at the bathroom door, you get yourself together for a moment, to not kick instantly the door in.
"JJ, we can't do this anymore." Your voice is firm and you knock on the door. After a few second, there is still no answer. You shot a quick look to Garcia, she knows you want an ambulance.
"JJ, open the door." You say with a powerful tone.
Nothing.
"Sir?" Garcia's voice is trembling.
"JJ, open the door or I'm kicking it in."
No, you don't want to wait, to be gently, careful. Your bad feeling is fully present, as you kick the door in.
The view of what meets you inside the bathroom lets your heart stop. JJ is lying on the floor on her side. Her mouth is half open and her eyes are closed. One arm is stretched out, the fingers of her hand barely touching the little orange bottle. 'No! NO...' You don't want to think. You don't want to realize what just happened.
You knee down beside her, her eyes are half open now. You grab her neck to lift her head up.
"JJ!"
Her consciousness fades away. You grab the bottle and your heart sinks.
"JJ!" You shake her shoulder again and again, trying to wake her up. You are almost yelling, desperate and frantic. Fear is all around you, it is in your stomach, it strings your throat. You have to swallow hard. You turn her on her back and start shaking her shoulder again. Nothing. Oh God!
'Get yourself together! You can't help her like that.' you tell yourself.
You start checking if she is still breathing. The breathing is very slow and too shallow. The pills are working, unfortunately. You turn her on her side again, in case she vomits. You feel Rossi standing behind you, putting one hand on your shoulder. You look up to him.
"She is still breathing." He nods. The gaze of him is more than worried, almost moist eyes are looking into yours. Finally the relieving noise of people running through the hallway tells you the paramedics arrived.
You stand up to make space for the two men to work. You quickly gave the two the empty bottle.
"I don't know how much she has taken, she has a severe depression and PTSD, she obviously has hidden the bottle."
"Alright, how much time went by since she took the pills?" One of them asks. You shake your head, you have no idea, you have no sense of time at all. You are too troubled. You look at Rossi.
"Maybe 25 minutes." Rossi answers.
The paramedics are working fast and you search for anything you can use to steady yourself. An I.V. - line and the heart monitor are set up. You grab the sink, at the same time you know you need it. JJ has just stopped breathing. You lean back against the sink, both of your hands are gripping the rim. One of the paramedics is beginning to intubate her and places the bag on the tube. You look from JJ up to Rossi, as your both eyes meet. Suspense.
"She has to get into the hospital as soon as possible. Her whole system will be hit from that overdose." He tells you, while he presses the breathing-bag. The other paramedic sets up the gurney and they load her with the help of you and Rossi on the gurney.
"BP is dropping." One says.
"OK, lets move! Move! Lets go!" You hear the other paramedic shout, as you run after them.
The doors of the ambulance closed, you are sitting next to JJ, holding her hand, while the horn and emergency lights are running. Slowly the whole situation settles down in your mind. Guilt. There is guilt growing inside you. Why weren't you able to prevent this. JJ lying intubated in a rushing ambulance. You ran the hands down your face. You had a bad feeling about the whole situation the last couple of days. Somehow you sensed it. Your look lowers on JJ's face. She is pale and the paramedic is stroking her hair out of her face, while he pushes the bag.
"The vitals are critical, but aren't running up and down anymore."
The man assures you, as you look at him. He is checking her lungs again with his stethoscope. You simply nod, too busy with your thoughts rushing through your mind. You take JJ's hand again and hold it tight, as if you might lose her.
The door to the ER slides open, you follow with large steps the paramedics, who are rushing JJ into the ER. A doctor and a nurse appear by the side of the gurney, as the staff exchange the information.
"A female in her mid thirties with a medication overdose in suicidal intention. We suppose it was Tylenol Codeine, but the dose is some special prescription. We have the bottle. She was intubated at the scene, she stopped breathing. Her BP is 75/40 , heart rate is 118/min, pupils are narrow. "
You stand at the end of another gurney, as the doctors, nurses and paramedics lift JJ up. Gently she is laid down by the staff. The nurses start to manage the wires and tubes connecting to JJ's body. Your gaze is on JJ's face, you have a tunnel view. The doctors demand some lab and medications, as some other blurring noises make their way to you. You feel a hand on your right arm, as your head slowly turns, eyes still on JJ. Finally you look to your side. There is a nurse standing, smiling at you.
"Sir?"
You blink.
"I need you to come with me please, you cannot stand here while we are working."
You simply nod and follow the nurse out of the treatment cabin. Finally you flop down on some plastic chair in a room, you don't even notice. You stare to the ground.
"I will update you later, Sir"
You say nothing, you do nothing. Just sitting there, looking to the ground. After a few moments, you look up, Rossi and Garcia are approaching you. Both with questioning looks on you. You stand up.
"How is she?" Garcia is breathless.
"They are working on her. There is nothing new, she is still critical. They will update us later."
You can tell both are not relieved or less concerned about that, you aren't either.
The guilt is making its way up to your consciousness again. The bad feeling has changed into suspense.
You have to wait.