The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Play-by-Play

by Addira

The Play-by-Plays are my initial thoughts as I watch a movie. I've been told that I can be funny, you can be the judge :D. I have read the book, I will comment on that but I won't be 'that' person. I also watched Desolation recently and realized that I didn't really remember much of Hobbit 1 so there will be a second chapter that will have some Hobbit 2 related comments in them.

2. Invalid Arguments

Hobbit 1: An Unexpected Journey, after reading the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug Play-by-Play.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

The Dwarves are still in Bilbo's house and they're talking about how unlikely they are to succeed because they are only 13 of them,

"And we have a wizard in our company!" – Kili.

We all know he's going to ditch the company Kili. Your argument is invalid.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Still in Bilbo's house. Gandalf hands Thorin the key,

"It was given to me by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping."

Which was the same reason why Bard didn't tell his son about the black arrow. A lot of distrust between father and son in Middle-earth.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Bilbo is reading the contract and asks to clarify the "incineration" clause,

"Oh aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." - Bofur

Oh. Is that right?

So… Thorin… do you have iron flesh or something. You were clearly stuck in his fire in Desolation.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

I really love that this movie makes the whole Frodo/Pipin family connection clear. Bilbo is the best of both Baggins and Tooks

….

Wow. Now it's really fitting that I claimed Bilbo pulled a Pipin in Desolation of Smaug. I completely forgot that he was also a Took.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Radagast to himself as the spiders creep away from his hovel,

"Where on this good Earth did those foul creatures come from?"

Well you've never been to Mirkwood I see.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

After seeing how outrageously tall Dwalin was compared to the other dwarves on numerous occasions,

Tauriel, Kili is not tall for a dwarf. Dwalin is tall for a dwarf.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Upon crossing the bridge into Rivendell,

No handrails. Again? The elves also want their dumb to die out.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

The Dwarves catch some shut-eye in the mountain right after the whole Stone Giants segment,

Subtitles: [Dwarves snoring]

See! What did I tell you! Dwarves do snore!

Mirkwood elf bonding 101 is canon! IT'S CANON I TELL YOU!

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Near the end after Bilbo saves Thorin and he passes out,

See Kili! Even Thorin passed out after he was heroically saved. Get with the program!

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

Bilbo is saved by the dwarves after he literally just saved Thorin,

Yes. Knuckle Puncher, Fili and Kili jump into the fray to save Bilbo. I knew I liked them for a reason. I wish Bofur would have been in that shot though.

By my logic, Bilbo, it's your turn to pass out.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

When seeing the bird being annoying as hell in Erebor,

If Smaug heard the bird he should have heard the dwarves trying to break the door down. Or Maybe he just hit the snooze button.

Wow. I never thought I'd relate to a dragon. Today is a good day.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

These thoughts just had to be written down but they wouldn't make much sense without the "Read the Desolation Play-by-Play" warning.

Thank you for reading! Have a good night Internet!

And remember: Knuckle punchers are the way to any Hobbit fangirls' heart! Unless they tell you otherwise.

By that logic if I ever see Fili, Kili or Bofur (Yes Bofur, you read that right) with Knuckle Punchers I may die of feels.

Frodo.