It hadn't lasted an especially long time, and hadn't been so much passionate as it had been nervous and chaste. Nonetheless, it'd gotten the point across. Softly breaking contact, Grantaire let himself keep his hands where they rested for several seconds more before he pulled them away. Enjolras said nothing, and continued to say nothing, until it was too late, and Grantaire had mumbled an apology, voice soft as bird-talk, and rapidly left the room with his heart in his mouth and his stomach full of stones.
He hadn't expected anything less – he hadn't expected Enjolras to suddenly realize how blind he'd been, how much he in fact needed him in return, and how much he cared for him. Grantaire wasn't stupid, he'd known that this was what would happen. Enjolras was probably glad to be alone, glad that he'd left so that he could stop feeling so embarrassed, although now he'd have to work out how to politely let Grantaire down. How to tell him that, while he valued their friendship, he didn't see them going much further than that. Grantaire wasn't stupid…or maybe he was, for letting himself hope. Every group needed a fool, and as he tore off his clothes and stepped into the shower and let the water gradually turn his skin a scalding shade of pink, he certainly felt like nothing more than that. A fool. A good-for-nothing fool.
When Enjolras had returned to the living room and taken a seat where Grantaire had been previously, at first no one really noticed how quiet he was, or how out of it he seemed. At least, not until Montparnasse had turned over his cards and confirmed that he had already lost, more or less. Giving his friend a sneer and Jehan a dark, challenging look, his eyes soon found the blond student sat a few feet away, looking at nothing in particular with his brows knitted into a concerned frown, his cupid's bow curved into a tight line.
"What's wrong with you?" he said clearly, catching Enjolras' attention almost immediately. "You look as if you've seen a ghost."
"Nothing that concerns you." Came his answer, stern and distracted. Exchanging looks with one another, Feuilly nonchalantly got up and approached his friend, sitting next to him and opening Grantaire's notebook, idly flicking through the drawings and doodles.
"Anything wrong..?" He was at least good enough to keep his voice discreet and low, just out of reach of prying ears. Realizing he wouldn't get anything out of it, Montparnasse kicked his feet off of the coffee table and went to make coffee, shooting glances back at Enjolras as he went. They weren't noticed, not by anyone who cared anyway.
"No. I don't think so, at least."
"Where did you two disappear off to?" Asked the chemist, pausing briefly to examine one, more detailed half-finished portrait. "You weren't gone long, but you look like he just told you he stole your kidneys in your sleep."
"…We talked, and I think I may have upset him. I don't know, I'll have to find him later…straighten things out."
Of course, Feuilly meant well – and Enjolras would have been happy to talk to him, but with something like this, something delicate, he knew who he really needed. He needed his best friend, the last lawyer in France. He didn't like gossip, how it turned a half truth or a lie into something totally warped and, more often than not, hurtful. And this wasn't something he wanted everyone in the bunker to know about. He'd deal with Grantaire once they'd had ample space from each other, and cross whatever bridge came next when he came to it.
Sensing that he wasn't going to get the whole story, Feuilly just patted Enjolras' shoulder in comfort.
"Whatever you say…but, my advice? Don't leave it too long. He's one to overthink things."
Thanking him, Enjolras soon took his leave, letting the others continue with their game while he wandered the bunker. While he wasn't necessarily looking for Grantaire, he knew he needed to clear things up with him; tell him he shouldn't have left so quickly. That'd he'd only been surprised and that, for once, he hadn't known what to say right away. He didn't know what he'd say now – he wasn't even clear about how he was meant to feel. While he'd hadn't really thought of Grantaire romantically before now, it was clear that the other felt strongly for him. As he opened the door to the dormitory and found his bed, he desperately tried to clear his head and think. He didn't know how other people did it – spent so much of their time worrying about relationships and their partners. This had only been one kiss and already he felt more stressed than he had done in some time.
X
It wasn't until later that Grantaire was finally found again, tucked away in one corner of the bunker's tiny excuse for a library room. Knocking delicately on the end of the shelf, Jehan went and took a seat next to his friend on the floor, the crestfallen cloud he had hanging over him prompting him to link their arms together loosely, his fingers gracing light lines into his sleeve. Despite him saying nothing, Jehan could see the comfort was appreciated. Looking ahead instead of at him, the poet spoke softly, as if to honour the universal silence rule all libraries abided by.
"How'd it go?"
Grantaire's jaw tightened as he swallowed thickly, keeping his breathing steady as he finally replied, the hoarseness of his own voice telling Jehan he'd been crying.
"As well as I expected…"
"I'm sorry…what did he say? What happened?"
"He, ah…he didn't say anything. He kept pushing and pushing, and so I…kissed him. And he didn't say anything, and I left."
Okay, that wasn't quite what Jehan was expecting to hear.
"Wait – so he didn't actually say 'no'?"
"Come on – he might as well have. And that's okay…I'm not going to make him feel bad. I knew he'd never say yes, and I already embarrassed myself in front of him enough. And I can't take any of it back now…"
Flicking whiskey-brown eyes to his friend, Jehan gave his arm a squeeze as he urged him to look back.
"Do you want to take it back? Do you really want to go back to him not knowing..?"
Finally managing to look up, Grantaire could feel his resolve beginning to crumble, his eyes quickly welling up and forcing him to look anywhere but his friend as he nodded with a shaky inhale.
"…It was so humiliating. I mean…I knew he wouldn't feel the same, and that's fine, and I don't know why I'm so upset by all this. It's such a petty thing to be focused on, I mean the world's come to an end for Christ's sake…"
"But?"
"…I really, really like him, Jehan. And knowing I'm not good enough…it hurts. I know it's the truth, but it hurts so much"
Sighing to himself, Jehan carefully removed his arm from its place hooked into Grantaire's, and pulled the other student into a hug. Feeling Grantaire curl his fists into his shirt just made him hold him tighter, one hand acting as the anchor while the other rubbed his back reassuringly.
"If there's anyone in this world who is good enough for him, it's you."
X
"What sort of virus do you think it is?"
Bossuet didn't get his reply until Feuilly's crossword was finally complete, by which point he'd almost forgotten he'd asked anything at all.
"Not a clue…a nasty one, by the sounds of it. Why?"
"Just thinking…we know nothing about it. How it's spread, how long it incubates…"
"Oh Christ, don't start saying stuff like that – look, we left them both alone for days. And both Grantaire and the Phantom came up clean."
"They both showed normal vitals, and had no sign of a rash or any other external indicator that they were sick."
"Right…so what're you saying?"
"I'm not saying anything, I'm just thinking. Maybe we should just be a little more cautious around them for a while longer. Neither of us have any proper equipment, we can't conduct blood tests – we're placing a lot of our eggs in one basket here"
Sitting up, Feuilly wrapped an arm around the back of the sofa, giving his friend a knowing look.
"Alright, I hear you. Shotgun not telling Claquesous."
"You can't shotgun something like that."
"I think I just did."
X
"Enjolras."
Slowing to a stop in the middle of the corridor, the blond turned to see Jehan catching up to him. Motioning back the way he'd come, the poet addressed him in a tone that was probably more urgent than necessary.
"Go and talk to him, now. Go and talk to Grantaire."
"That's where I was going, I was trying to find him…Is he alright?" He asked, only now registering the look on Jehan's face.
"He needs you to either tell him that you feel the same way, or let him down gently – and I mean gently. Tactfully. If you can do that, we'll all be good."
Nodding almost guiltily, Enjolras headed off, though Jehan wasn't alone for long.
"Aah, poet – we really ought to stop meeting like this."
"I agree – how about you lock yourself in one of the medical rooms until…let's say, the end of the year? That should fix the problem nice and quickly."
With a snigger, Montparnasse walked forward a few more steps, stopping much closer to Jehan than he had done before as he pushed his hands into his pockets, one thumb resting in the nearest belt loop. Standing his ground for the time being, Jehan just raised his brows expectantly.
"So. What are we going to talk about this time? I think we left off at me going to jail last time?"
"I actually wanted to let you know you play a good game of poker. Surprisingly so, in fact – you should join in tomorrow."
"Perhaps."
"Go on – you know you want to. And maybe it'll make you reconsider my earlier offer."
Quirking a brow at him this time, only now did Jehan step back when Montparnasse took another forward.
"And what offer was that, exactly?"
"For us to hang out more. I think I used the phrase 'run in my circles'? Either way, I think some part of you enjoys my company. I don't think you're entirely intolerable, unlike the rest of your boy band friends."
"Wow – with statements like that, I really am hard pressed to think of a reason why you don't have more friends." Jehan replied with a roll of the eye, though this only got another light snicker as he was backed up just a little further once again.
"I'm serious. Jokes aside, you're alright. And, we're gonna be stuck in this place for a year. We might as well make the most of it."
"And I'm serious; while you're not as awful as you like people to believe, I'm not sure we'd be a good fit. Now…if you don't mind, I have somewhere to be."
"Where?"
"None of your business."
With a glance further up the corridor, Montparnasse gave Jehan a smirk.
"All that's up there are the showers and the supply room. Given that you've no need for the latter, I wouldn't mind tagging along."
"I'll bet you wouldn't."
Easing past the taller student, Jehan pushed some hair out of his face as he continued up the hallway, stopping only once to make Montparnasse reconsider his next step.
"If you follow me, I'll have you castrated in your sleep."
"Oh, a fan of dirty talk – I love it. Keep going."
With an exasperated, yet playful laugh of his own, Jehan promptly flipped him off as he walked away. Montparnasse only smiled to himself and watched the other go, heading in the opposite direction once he was completely alone.