A/N: Wow. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, followed, and/or favorited this! I was so nervous, but your encouragement has meant the world to me. Thank you.

Things are going to get worse before they get better, but the point is they do get better. Thank you for reading, and please continue to review. Your reviews are like fuel to me! :) xo

Disclaimer: Same as Ch. 1

Anna awoke the next morning with a dull ache behind her eyes. Probably a result of her tirade last night. How embarrassing, she thought to herself. What on earth had caused her to react in such a way? Why couldn't she just be honest with him? Honesty had never been an issue for her in the past, but this...this was different somehow.

It hit Anna then that John was not beside her. She noticed that there was no noise coming from the crib across the room, and when she rose to check she found it empty. Peeking out of the window it struck her how high the sun was in the sky. What time was it? Why had no one woken her up? Hearing noises coming from downstairs she quickly wrapped her robe around her and followed the sounds down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

She was greeted with quite the sight; one which made her smile from ear to ear. William was settled in his seat smearing remnants of what looked like eggs around his tray. Meanwhile John was busy putting together a plate she assumed was for her.

"Good morning." She said from the doorway, and watched as John turned; shocked but smiling.

"Good morning darling. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but that son of yours was not quite satisfied with just one egg." He laughed, and Anna couldn't help but join him. She made her way to the table; kissing William's soft blonde curls before taking her seat beside him.

John sat a plate full of food down in front of her, and smiled. Anna could still see that his eyes were laced with concern. As he turned back towards the counter she stopped him by taking hold of his wrist. He turned back to her.

"Aren't you going to let me thank you for this wonderful breakfast?" She smiled, trying to tease. Inclining her chin towards him told him how she wanted to thank him, and he leaned down to meet her lips softly with his. The kiss was chaste, but intoxicating...they all were. She blushed as she pulled away, and tucked into the delicious looking food.

"Not that i'm not thrilled, but what are you doing home?" She asked curiously.

He hesitated slightly before answering. "I took the day off. Actually I have the next few days off."

Anna didn't know why, but his hesitation made her weary. She tried to keep her tone steady.

"Has His Lordship gone to London?" Lord Grantham had been taking Thomas on trips with him so that John wouldn't have to leave Anna and the baby. Another sign of how generous their employers were.

"No." He replied simply. "I just...thought you could use me here for a few days."

She knew then that this was because of her meltdown last night, and possibly because of how she'd been acting over the past months as well. She felt a touch of annoyance that he felt the need to babysit her, but reminded herself that he was just concerned for her, and it touched her. She wanted so badly in that moment to tell him why she was acting this way, but again the words just wouldn't come to her.

He joined her at the table then with a pot of tea which he poured for her, and for himself. They sat quietly while she ate. The silence only broken by Williams little babbles as he played with his food. Anna finished her meal, and pushed the plate away slightly. She turned to smile at her husband.

"That was delicious, Mr. Bates. Thank you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Mrs. Bates." He crooned, before opening his hand in silent plea for her to take it. She did, and he squeezed it gently.

"I want you to go out today." He smiled at her. "Go to the village, or Ripon. Just have a peaceful day to yourself. William and I will be just fine here so don't even try to protest on this. You have been cooped up in this house for far too long, and i'm sorry I am just now able to give you the break you need." He gently rubbed his thumb along the palm of her hand. Anna felt as if she could cry. A day just to herself? Whatever would she do with all that time? Unsure of how to respond she simply squeezed his hand, and whispered, "Thank you."

He smiled, and brought their joined hands up so he could kiss hers gently.

"Anything for you, my love."

Anna spent a very peaceful day in Ripon. She missed William and John terribly, but couldn't deny how nice it was to just enjoy a quiet day on her own. Part of her felt guilty for her thoughts, but she knew this was a rare thing and tried to let herself enjoy it. She roamed the shops leisurely, and picked up a few things they needed for the cottage. She also found a book that John had mentioned he was interested in, and a new little rattle for William. After taking tea and luncheon she caught the bus back to the village, where she picked up a few groceries they needed.

It was just shy of dusk when the cottage appeared on the path ahead. Anna stopped, and took in the sight of it before her. The thought crossed her mind again briefly of how easy it would be to turn around, and leave it all behind. All the stress, all the fear….

What is wrong with you Anna? You have to stop thinking this way. This is your family.

She shook away those disturbing thoughts, and pushed them as far back in her mind as she could. She just needed to hold her sweet baby boy, and spend time with her husband, that's all. Once she got some rest she would be fine. She put on her best smile, and continued on towards the cottage.

The moment she entered she was struck by the smells of delicious food. John must have cooked dinner? She smiled at the thought; how did she get so lucky? Setting her packages down in the sitting room, she noticed that it had been cleaned. Not just picked up, but actually deep cleaned. Her interest peaked, what was he up to? As she made her way to the kitchen her suspicions increased; she took notice that all the floors were spotless, toys were picked up, tables had been dusted. Not that Anna normally kept a messy house, but William prevented her from being as thorough as she would normally like to be. Had John done all of this on his own, and on his day off? And if so, why had he done it? Not many men just cleaned the house like this for no reason…Anna stop, her conscious chided her, he just wanted to do something nice for you. She stopped herself from thinking these dark thoughts, of course John didn't have ulterior motives. He wasn't like that.

When she finally made it to the kitchen she gasped. John was standing beside the table in their spotless kitchen, dressed in his best suit. The table was carefully decorated with a few of her favorite candles, and an assortment of flowers, along with two settings of his mother's finest china, and what looked to be a carefully prepared meal. Anna felt her eyes prick with unshed tears. Gathering herself she asked a rather obvious question.

"What is all this?"

He smiled as he approached her. He kissed her forehead before pulling out the chair for her to sit. She did, and caught herself giggling as he placed the napkin over her lap like they were in a fine London restaurant.

"You deserve to be pampered. I don't get as many opportunities as I would like to treat you, so I thought I would take advantage of the time off."

"Charmer." She whispered, giving him a sly smile. "This looks magnificent. Did you cook all of this yourself?"

"I did." He said proudly, beaming as he made a plate for her.

"Did you clean the house all on your own while I was gone? You didn't have to do that…" He stopped her with a look.

"You work so hard; keeping the house, and taking care of Will...it was the very least I could do."

She felt as if she could cry. "Thank you John." She whispered, as he nodded at her and gave her his best smile.

"I feel terribly under dressed for the occasion." She laughed, gathering herself.

"You're perfect, as always." The tone of his voice made her insides curl up.

She hummed appreciatively as she took the first bites of food. It truly was delicious. She hadn't realized how hungry she'd been from her day around the village. The thought struck her then that William must be hungry as well. After cleaning her plate she looked over at John who had been watching her as she ate, his own plate long since empty.

"That was wonderful." She smiled. "Thank you, love."

He took her hand from across the table. "It was my pleasure. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have something else for you as well." He smiled, reaching under the table and pulling out a small box. "Will and I made our own little trip today." She could see the excitement on his face as he handed her the box.

"John, you really shouldn't have." She chastised him, even though she was quite excited herself. She opened the gift carefully, and gasped as she uncovered the delicate gold necklace. It was a simple chain with a pendant of three hearts intertwined together. "Oh John…" Her voice was barely above a whisper. She watched him as he stood, and moved to stand behind her. He took the necklace from the box, and latched it around her neck before leaning down, and placing a gentle kiss on her neck. Her hand went to the pendant, and she stood from her chair turning around to face him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together, and whispered softly. "Thank you doesn't seem like a strong enough sentiment for how I feel right now. But thank you all the same." He smiled as his hands rubbed gentle circles into her hips. "I love you, John."

"I love you more." He whispered, before capturing her lips in a heated kiss. Normally there would have been no question as to where the kiss was leading them, but in the midst of her utter happiness...the darkness crept it's way back in. She pulled away from him, trying to ease the blow with a loving smile, but she saw the concern and disappointment in his eyes. She reverted to her usual excuse...their son.

"Is William upstairs? Did you already feed him? He is probably getting hungry himself." She moved towards the stairs, but stopped when John grabbed her hand.

"Will isn't here, darling." His words were quiet, and when she turned he was smiling warmly.

"What do you mean? Where is he?" She felt an unnecessary panic rise in her.

John seemed to sense her unease, and made an attempt to pull her closer to him. He frowned when she kept her distance.

"He is spending the night with Mrs. Hughes. I thought we could use some time to ourselves." His smile was forced now, shadowed by confusion.

"You asked Mrs. Hughes to care for our son overnight? When she has a house to run?" Anna was trying to keep her anger at bay as she tried to work out what was going on.

John shrunk back slightly. He looked down, and fiddled with his hands nervously. "Well...actually, she offered."

"She offered?"

"Yes."

Anna sensed there was more to it. "Why would she have done that?"

"She offered after I told her what happened last night." His words were soft, and hesitant.

Anna felt her confusion break, and the anger build rapidly. It all made sense now. He'd taken the day off, cleaned the house, fixed dinner, and bought her a gift...all because of her meltdown last night. Then Mrs. Hughes had "offered" to care for William overnight...something she had never done. Anna felt a new emotion gathering inside her, fueling the angry volcano she was becoming...betrayal.

He'd told her. He'd told Mrs. Hughes what had happened...something she was absolutely mortified about. Something that had happened in the privacy of their home. He'd probably been telling Mrs. Hughes everything that had been happening with her; sharing his concerns, or just gossiping about what a terrible mother and wife she was behind her back. He'd probably only done all of this; the cleaning, the dinner, the gift...all of it just to get her into bed. Trying to buy her with good deeds, only to expect payment later. She strained herself, trying desperately to keep the eruption at bay; trying to convince herself that this was insane. This was John, her husband...he would never…..but he had. He'd betrayed her. The anger only fed the hungry demons inside of her, and she felt a haze settle over her good judgement.

John had taken a few steps back, but was standing firm now. He at least had the tact to look embarrassed. There was a heartbeat of silence before the lava finally gave way.

"You told Mrs. Hughes what happened to me?" Her voice was cold, and eerily quiet.

"Yes. I thought she could help. I told her that I wanted to do something special for you, and she offered to keep him so we could spend some time together." He was acting like he was speaking to an irrational child, which only incensed her further.

"I don't think that's why you did it." She spit the words like venom, and watched John's eyes widen with shock. She'd never spoken to him this way...she'd never spoken to anyone this way. But all rational thought was out the window right now. She couldn't even see him clearly she was so blinded by rage.

"What do you mean?"

"I see how you have been looking at me lately. I'm not blind! Did you do all this out of pity, John?!" She was yelling now, and John stepped back in shock. "Or did you think that not having William here would rid me of any excuse not to go to bed with you? Well I have news for you John Bates, I can't be bought like some common whore!"

"Anna! My God! How could you possibly think that?!"

"Just because you pawn our son off, and buy me a pretty necklace doesn't mean I am going to sleep with you!" Somewhere in the dark recesses of her mind she knew she was acting hysterically, but she couldn't stop the flow of accusations. She was aware enough to register the hurt and anger on his face, and in his voice.

"I cannot believe you would accuse me of such things. I would never 'pawn off' our son. Nor would I try to buy my way into your bed."

Anna scoffed sarcastically. "Of course you wouldn't."

John shook his head in frustration.

"Anna, what the bloody hell is going on? Who are you? Who is this person standing before me accusing me of trying to buy off my wife?!" He tried to gather himself before continuing, but she could still hear the strain on his voice as he tried to keep himself from yelling back at her. She couldn't find it in her to care.

"Anna I don't know what has gotten into you. You haven't been acting like yourself for months. All this time I've driven myself crazy trying to figure out what i've done. I thought you were stressed. That is why I sent you away today! I cleaned, and cooked because I thought I was helping you! I bought you the necklace because I love you!"

"I don't believe you." Anna whispered, her voice almost menacing as hot tears of anger slid down her face.

John just stood there completely flabbergasted, and obviously at a loss for words. She couldn't take this. Reaching up to her neck she unlatched the necklace, put it on the table, and turned towards the front door. Her hand was on the doorknob when she felt his grip on her arm.

"Where are you going?" His tone had changed; shifted to one of heartfelt worry, and pain. Even in the haze of her anger she knew that she'd caused this, and her tears gained intensity.

She yanked her arm out of his grip, and turned as he stepped back. She saw his eyes brimming with tears of his own, and it almost broke her. But the anger wasn't dissipating. It was like it had latched onto every rational thought she could come up with; poisoning her, and turning her into a person she didn't recognize. When she spoke she felt disconnected from the words she was saying.

"I am going to get my son. He seems to be the only one who doesn't feel the need to coddle me. We will be staying at the Abbey tonight." She turned back towards the door, but stopped when she heard him choke back a sob.

"Anna please. Please don't go. We need to fix this...Will is fine with Mrs. Hughes. We need to work this out while he's not here. I don't want him to see us fighting. Please, I am begging you...stay." She had never heard such pure desperation in his voice before, and it seemed to pull some of the darkness from her thoughts. Enough that after a moment she nodded in agreement, and let him lead her to the sofa in their sitting room.

They sat there side by side, a heavy silence between them, and Anna had never felt so utterly alone than she did in that moment. She refused to speak first; he wouldn't understand anyway so what was the point? He was the one who wanted her to stay, so he could be the one to talk first….and so he did.

"I'm sorry that I told Mrs. Hughes. I shouldn't have done that. It was a private matter, and I should have spoken to you first." His words were sincere, and she nodded her head in acceptance.

"I just….I didn't know what to do. I have never seen you like that, and it scared me."

He waited, but she didn't respond so he went on.

"And this...what happened tonight...this isn't you Anna. This isn't us. We don't fight like this." There was a long pause before he asked quietly, "Is it something I've done?"

"No." Anna whispered. She heard him sigh with relief that she was finally speaking.

"You're sure? Because if I have done something please tell me...I'll do anything to fix it."

"I said no!" She was not in the mood to deal with his self-deprecation.

"Alright, I believe you." He was silent a moment. "Is it Will?"

"What?"

"Is he too much for you? Maybe we can get someone to come, and help once in a while just to give you a break."

Anna felt the rage building up again, but tried desperately to keep it from exploding like before. "I can't believe you would even suggest that? Are you saying I can't take care of my own son?"

"Of course not." John said defensively. "You are a wonderful mother."

"Then why did you ask?" She tried to keep her tone level, but she could hear the underlying tension in it. She could tell John was treading on thin ice; trying to determine if what he said next would set her off. Honestly she had no idea if it would or not.

"Because if it's not anything I've done, and it's not Will, then…."

"Then what?" She had a feeling she knew where this was going.

"Darling, you just haven't been yourself lately."

"So now it's my fault?!" Her voice rose.

"No of course not." He tried to reassure her. She could hear the frustration building in his tone. "I only want to help you, love, but I can't do that unless you tell me what's going on."

"This is your idea of trying to help me? Blaming me?"

That was it for John. She watched as he crumbled in front of her. Tears spilled from his eyes, and with his elbows resting on his knees he put his head in hands. Anna felt the anger fall away from her in that moment, as she watched her stoic husband fall apart. She was breaking him. Oh God what have I done? When he spoke his next words her heart shattered.

"Do you not love me anymore?"

"What? Of course I love you." She replied.

He seemed to gather some form of resolve in that moment.

"Anna I told you once, and I'll tell you again; I'd love you however, whatever, whenever. I mean that with all of my heart."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to form the words to apologize for everything, but nothing was coming out. He took notice of her tears, and took her hands in his own.

"Let me help you, love. Just tell me what you want...anything, and I'll do it. Do you want me to leave? I'll go right now if that's what you want."

She desperately wanted to say no, but she was frozen. She could feel the indifferent expression on her face, and pleaded with herself to show some kind of emotion. Speak Anna! For God's sake do something! She just sat there watching as his expression turned to one of total anguish and despair. No….Oh God, please no.

"So be it." He whispered. "I'll go fetch Will, and bring him back here. Then I'll go stay at the Grantham Arms for the night." It sounded so final.

No, she couldn't allow this to happen. When he released her hand, and stood up to leave, something finally broke inside of her.

"No!" She choked out through a sob. John turned immediately, just in time to catch her as she launched herself into his arms. "Don't go. Don't go." She didn't know what else to say in that moment. Didn't even know if she could say anything else through the intensity of her crying. All she knew was that him leaving would only break her completely. She needed him. If she had any hope of making it through this...whatever this was...she had to have his support. She had to tell him….but right now she needed to cry.

She was vaguely aware of John soothing her with soft words. Rocking her as she wept desperately into his chest. The past six months of stress, confusion, and desperation released in that moment, and Anna felt a strange sense of relief.

As she started to calm down, she felt John lift her into his arms, and make his way towards the stairs. She couldn't speak to protest, her breath still hitching from her cries. For a moment she felt a sense of panic rise inside of her. Surely he wasn't trying to take her to bed? He wouldn't try to comfort her in that way, would he? But Anna realized how silly that thought was, and then rejoiced in the return of logic to her mind.

He was more than gentle with her as he laid her down on the bed; pulling back the covers so she could get comfortable. He sat beside her, and rubbed circles into her back...much like he did for William when he was upset. It worked, and she finally felt herself relax enough to speak. She opened her hand beside her, and he didn't hesitate to take it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice hoarse. "I couldn't take you leaving me again. I'll change, I promise. We'll fix this...I don't know how...but we'll try."

He squeezed her hand gently, and moved the hand on her back up to push the hair away from her face.

"I don't want you to change, love. I just want you back."

Hearing him acknowledge the change in her broke an entirely new dam of tears she didn't even know existed. He stayed by her side as she cried until there was nothing left. She was overcome with exhaustion, and her eyes began to give in to the weight of it. Just as she was about to slip into the blissful peace of sleep she felt his weight leave the bed beside her. A new wave of panic brought her back from the brink.

"John." He turned from the door when he heard her voice.

"What is it, love?" He returned to her side.

"Are you leaving?" She felt her lip quiver, but there were no more tears to be shed.

He brought his warm hand up to rest on her cheek. "No love, I'll never leave you. I was just going to sleep in the guest room….give you some space."

She shook her head. "Stay with me."

"Anna…" He started to protest.

"John please. Stay….I need you to hold me." She could barely get the words out. She felt relieved when he didn't even hesitate. He removed his coat, vest, and shirt, leaving him in his undershirt. He then quickly switched his trousers for pajama bottoms before climbing into bed beside her. The moment she was settled in the safety of his arms she let the exhaustion have her. The last thing she remembered before she was pulled completely under was the feeling of his lips in her hair, and his whispered words of love.

It gets better from here guys. Thank you for reading, and please leave me a review to let me know what you think! xo