Present Day
Kise flung his hands behind his head as he took in the fresh air and the welcoming warmth of the sun. "Ah, glad that lecture is over. But the professor was a real hottie, wasn't she?" He looked down at blue. "Kuroko, wasn't she? Oi!"
Kuroko looked up, eyes as dazed as always. He hadn't been paying attention to anything all day. Just like any other day. "Uh, sorry, I wasn't listening?"
"Why is that a question?" Kise put an arm over Kuroko's shoulder. He has come accustomed to Kuroko's distant personality. But it became even worse ever since that day. "Anyway, you're going to the hospital again today I assume? Don't even wanna hang out with your best mate after Uni anymore." He pouted.
Kuroko looked down. He felt sorry to Kise, but It felt like he was betraying Kagami if he went out and had fun. "Sorry. Aomine is always free."
Kise smiled knowingly not wanting to talk about it anymore. He knew Kuroko was suffering more but he had decided to let the bluenette decide when he wanted to talk about it. "It's alright. Everything will get better and then we'll all be able to play basketball again…it's not your fault." Kise waved goodbye before walking down a different path. "Trust me!"
Kuroko lifted his hand up and slowly put it back down once Kise was out of sight. "…Yeah…." He turned and carried down the usual route to the hospital. Not my fault? Kuroko thought to himself as he crossed the road. His heart panged as he remembered that moment his whole world seemed like it turned into a deep abyss.
If I hadn't gotten into a fight with him over something stupid, then I wouldn't have run across the street…not seeing that car speeding towards me…he wouldn't have ran out and pushed me out of the way…he wouldn't have almost…died- Kuroko shook away the thoughts saying to himself that remembering that won't make Kagami come back to him any sooner.
His conditioned legs finally brought him to the hospital where he was greeted by the nurse at reception who knew the reason for his daily visits. She looked up and smiled. "Ah Kuroko. He has been moved to the 2nd floor. 5th door on the left."
Kuroko nodded. "Thanks."
Maybe, if I had never confessed to him, then there wouldn't have been anything to argue about. This entire incident could've been avoided if I had decided to be confident that day… Maybe, if I wasn't gay… Maybe, if I didn't exist…
"Oh, Kuroko. You're here again today?" Kuroko broke from his thoughts as the mature yet weary voice called out to him.
"Yes. Good Afternoon Mrs Taiga." He watched as she replaced the vase with new flowers. He should've brought flowers too.
Kagami's family. Kuroko couldn't even begin to apologise for what he had done to their son… brother… cousin… nephew. Yet, no matter how many times he tells them that it's his fault, they never agree. They don't want to blame anyone; it would only hurt them more.
Kuroko sat down next to the bed and placed his hands over Kagami's. It was warm. "How is he?"
Mrs Taiga also sat down letting her stress sink to the bottom of her feet. Days used to be so much easier. "Sleeping as always. He was always known to sleep anywhere and everywhere."
Jokes…Kuroko hasn't found one funny since then. How could he laugh when someone he holds close to his heart is fighting for his life? A bitter laugh escaped her lips reminding Kuroko that she too is hurting.
"Kuroko…I know I say this every time I see you, but…it has almost been a year since then. Who knows if it may take another year or more? I know Kagami would want you to have moved on…we want you to move on. Kuroko-"
"-You don't have to worry about me Mrs Taiga. Just seeing him here every day in a hospital bed and not a grave stone with his name on it is enough for me to keep holding on. Please, I want to stay beside him and tell him that I waited for him. "
Kuroko said this not only to reassure himself, but also to reassure Mrs Taiga that her son will come back. He knew that they have been thinking of pulling the plug. Kuroko respects the family and their wishes, but he will not let them take away the person he loves. They might as well pull the plug on his life as well.
She looked at him before lightly tapping her lap. "Right, I'm glad you were the one for my son."
"Thank you."
She smiled happily this time, remembering the days her son was up and playing basketball 24-7, not in a coma and fighting for his life. The Taiga family is a very sensitive family and Kuroko had made sure not to tread on that land of mines. Kagami himself told him that. He made sure to keep his opinions to himself.
After a while talking with Mrs Taiga, Kuroko left the hospital as other family members started coming in and talking to each other, not noticing – or refuse to notice – how uncomfortable he was feeling. Not all of Kagami's family had accepted what they had together, and would never be seen in the same room with a guy who's gone 'astray'. Kuroko would always save them the awkward attempt to make conversation with him by leaving the room first. It's the least he could do. Kagami wouldn't want to witness that, even if he his unconscious.
He remembered the first morning Kagami was in the hospital. The family accused Kuroko of corrupting Kagami. Kuroko didn't argue because it was true. Kagami was as straight as any other guy. But that night at the end of college party Kuroko confessed. He wasn't going to come but hearing that Kagami was going and that a lot of alcohol was involved gave him a push. He approached Kagami that night at that end of college party - taking advantage of his half-drunk state. Kuroko wanted to finally get laid that night and he wanted it to be with Kagami.
Kagami was the popular guy in college, the king if you will. All the girls would swoon over him, finding every opportunity to talk to him or even touch him. He was 'the guy' that everyone talked about especially when it came to basketball. Even the teachers had to double take on him. Of course, Kuroko saw him too, and he was just one out of the many that wanted to be noticed by him…well, one out of the girls, since there weren't many guys like him in school. It would've taken a miracle to have gotten noticed by Kagami, but all it took was a little hairspray, cherry lip balm and most of all it took confidence. He remembered asking Kagami, "why would a seriously hot, popular guy like you, talk to a nerdy, nobody like me?" He remembered as clear as day the charming smile that played on Kagami's lips. He placed his beverage on the floor beside his feet and replied saying, "Why not?"
It wasn't love at first sight like it was for Kuroko, but Kagami gradually fell in love, making the blue haired his number one and the only thing he truly treasured in the world. They went to different Universities but joined the same basketball team. Kuroko loved every memory they made together and began looking forward to making new ones when Kagami wakes up.
His mum told him that he was being too optimistic, saying that people who go into a coma hardly wake up again. She tried to convince him to find a girl and eventually get married in order to carry out the Family name, but she knows that'll never happen. His dad was more understanding than she was. However, no matter how much she turned away from Kagami, she could never deny the happiness he gave to her son and his dad wouldn't let her take that happiness. When Kuroko first visited the hospital she came with him but stopped after that for a reason he's not quite so sure of. His sisters accompanied him for a while until they either forgot or didn't have the time to like he did.
Whenever the people around him start to lost hope Kuroko would also remember the promises Kagami made to him when they were in his room laying on the floor side-by-side, staring up at the ceiling. Promises of the future was what Kuroko held on to.
Kuroko arrived home after traditionally stopping at the park just outside his doorsteps, to spend time on the swings. After a two on two with Aomine and Kise, Kagami and Kuroko would sit on the swings and watch the sun set. It was a period when there love was kept secret. It was fun and the excitement lasted long after they revealed themselves to their friends and family. Kuroko's sisters were the best people to be around after breaking the news. It gave him so much joy talking about his basketball idiot to them.
But now, Kuroko couldn't even think about basketball, not when it reminded him so much of Kagami. He withdrew himself from practice and finally from the team all together. It was a big decision, but the fact that his light wasn't there anymore made the decision easier to make. It was a no brainer.
"Kuroko! Mum and Dad will be late home today, since it's their anniversary. Want me to cook, or do you want to? Welcome home by the way."
"Temura…you're here?" Kuroko shut the door behind him and greeted his older sister with a hug.
Kuroko's sisters hardly come home since they have their own lives to live, but it's surprising to even see one of them here. He never used to live here either because he had moved into an apartment that Kagami was renting, which was just between their two Universities. But when Kagami went into a coma his parents wouldn't continue the payment and Kuroko wasn't working like Kagami was, so he had to move back in with his parents.
She stroked her younger brother's hair and smiled at him. "Yeah, I decided my little bro would be lonely without one of his big sisters to keep him company."
Kuroko managed a smile back before moving out of the hug. "You should stop deciding. I have assignments to do, so you can cook if you want." He took off his shoes and made his way up the stairs.
"How was he today?" Temura asked hesitantly thinking whether she should tread on this subject.
Kuroko shrugged. "Still sleeping, but I think he's getting better." He replied giving himself hope. He finished the rest of the steps and walked into his room.
Kuroko, you don't need a bigger bed. We can just squeeze together! – Kuroko, why don't you have a game console? – Kuroko, stop working and let's go play basketball with the guys!
Kuroko smiled sadly as he could see Kagami walking around his room trying to entertain himself while he finished off assignments. It was a life with Kagami that he didn't want to lose no matter what. He couldn't believe that is has almost been a year since then. It felt longer to Kuroko. He emptied out his bag on his desk only to stop halfway at the sound of his sisters screaming voice.
"Kuroko! Kuroko! Kuroko!"
"What?! Don't run up the stairs, you might fall!" His bedroom door opened hitting hard against the wall. Kuroko sighed. "What is it?"
He took out a pen from his bag while he allowed his sister to catch her breath.
"Kagami's waking up! I just got off the phone with- Where're you going? Kuroko! Argh! Take the keys first!"
Kuroko caught the keys she threw down the stairs and ran out of the front door. He cursed himself for not staying longer at the hospital since he wanted to be the first person that Kagami sees when he wakes up. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want Kagami to think that he had forgotten him and moved on.
Kuroko was nervous more than anything. The last thing Kagami should remember was his angry face and the bright headlights. Kuroko hoped Kagami wasn't mad at him. Maybe Kagami has forgotten about the whole thing and just wants to be beside Kuroko like Kuroko wants to be beside him. Kuroko's thoughts ran wild as he sped down the street. He wants to feel Kagami's embrace and hear the confessions of love that the red head would always whisper in his ear after a passionate night together.
I want to see him.
Kuroko arrived at the hospital not caring to park the car correctly. He ran inside and used the reception desk to stop his speed.
"Ah Kuroko," she smiled knowingly, "You know where to go."
I want to see him. I want to see him. I want to see him.
He opened the door and headed straight forward without shutting it back. Kagami was there, with his mum, dad and sister around him. They were all smiling and giggling amongst each other. Mrs Taiga had a few tissues around her. When Kuroko's footsteps came within earshot they all turned to look at him. Their smiles and giggles went to mute as they glanced from red to blue. Kuroko slowed his steps until he came to the side of Kagami's bed. He wanted to chuck himself on his lover, but he didn't know if he was hurting still. The tears came down instead. Kuroko took Kagami's hand into his feeling content with the warmth he was feeling. Kuroko looked at Kagami who wasn't looking at him. Instead he was looking at his parents who were looking at Kuroko and then at their son.
Kuroko looked back at Kagami and smiled, but received nothing back. Something in Kuroko's body froze and told him something that he didn't want to think of. His heart started feeling heavy.
"Hey…" Kuroko started as he wiped away his tears. He kneeled down and looked up into Kagami's eyes. They were lost, confused, trying to make sense of something unfamiliar. Why were they like this? Kagami looked back at his mother again before looking back at Kuroko and hesitantly returning the greeting. "How are you feeling?" Kuroko asked uncomfortably. Kagami would usually be the one to start conversations and ask the questions. It almost felt as if he was uncomfortable with Kuroko's presence.
Kuroko stood up when all Kagami did was nod in response. Kuroko's blue eyes shot to Mr and Mrs Taiga who seemed to know something that he didn't. Mrs Taiga stood up and after taking hold of Kuroko's hands she led him out of the room.
She shut the door behind her and placed her gaze on the floor. "Kuroko…I…I don't know…I don't know how to say this…"
Kuroko's tears of joy turned into tears of sadness and utter confusion. He expected the worst to come from her lips, and he was about to receive them.
"Kagami doesn't…he…doesn't remember you," she started to cry as she pulled Kuroko into an embrace. "I'm so sorry! He doesn't have any idea. I don't want to make this hard on him."
Kuroko couldn't respond – he didn't know how to respond. It was almost as if she was telling him not to try. Try what? Try to get Kagami to love him again or try to make him remember the love that they had? She stopped crying before Kuroko did. He managed to control his emotions. Short little hiccups escaped his mouth.
She walked back inside leaving him at the door. He didn't know whether she was telling him to leave or to follow, but he decided to follow. Mr Taiga nodded with understanding at Kuroko before he led his family outside. Mr Taiga always had a soft spot for Kuroko and felt hopeless that things turned out the way they have.
Once Kuroko heard the door shut he turned his attention to Kagami. "Hey…" He said again before sitting down on a chair beside the bed. Kagami looked at him and smiled.
"I'm guessing…you're Kuroko?" Kuroko nodded as the tears he tried so hard to pull back kept running down his face stopping him from saying anything. Kagami smiled again awkwardly. "Ermmm…do you want a tissue?"
"No, I'm ok." The blue head wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. "Well, I'm guessing you don't know me." His voice was shaking but at least the tears didn't come out. He didn't want to make Kagami feel any more uncomfortable than he already was.
He shook his head in response. "I'm sorry. I don't really remember much of anything. I don't remember anything after the end of college."
Kuroko's heart sunk as the only memory where he had the confidence to approach and confess to his idol was lost. The tears threatened again.
"So, are we friends then? My mum didn't really say much; neither did my dad or my sister."
"I don't think you want to know." Since the only memory of their meeting was forgotten Kuroko knew that the person he was looking at was as straight as any guy could get.
Kagami smirked causing Kuroko to want to have those powerful arms around him. "Try me."
"I'm…your lover." He confessed after a few seconds. He looked at Kagami's face waiting for a reaction. Kagami looked down at his hands and then at Kuroko. Confusion was the only emotion he had right now.
"Are you for real? …but no offence, I'm straight. I've always been straight."
"You met me at the end of college party." Kuroko added, desperate to get Kagami to remember.
"I'm sorry. I just seriously don't remember anything after arriving. I…" He held onto his head. "I don't remember any of that…"
"It's alright." Kuroko took hold of the redhead's hand, but Kagami removed his hands from the hold in an instant. It wasn't a gesture Kuroko was used to and the tears fell yet again. "I'm sorry! But we've loved each other since then. We lived with each other in an apartment that was just in-between the universities that we went to. Don't you remember any of it Kagami?!"
Red looked into blue. Kuroko read from Kagami's eyes that he was sorry for him, but what could he do? "I don't remember. Sorry. But…I mean - if it isn't too hard for you…we can just be friends. I mean, I'm always looking to start new bonds." Kagami suggested with a smile the Kuroko had missed seeing. Why is Kagami so kind? But…that isn't what Kuroko wanted. He wanted to go back to the time where every morning he woke up Kagami's sleeping face was right behind him and powerful possessive arms wrapped around his body protecting him from nightmares.
"…Kagami." Kuroko moved in forward but was pushed away.
"Look. If we did have something, then I'm sorry. I just…I can't do this with another guy. If you can't accept being friends then, I'm sorry but I can't give you anything more. I just don't remember any of that stuff." Kagami said firmly not giving Kuroko room to say anything else.
Kuroko's hands dropped to his sides like weights. "No…I'm the one who's sorry. I…I did this to you, Kagami."
Kagami put up his hand stopping Kuroko from saying anymore. "Look. I don't remember anything, so you don't need to apologize, but…thanks. But I do have a question-" Kuroko looked up hopefully into Kagami's red orbs. "…how long have I been in university? All I can remember is college, it would suck if I forgot a whole bunch worth of studying…"
Kuroko cursed himself for the hope he has built up until now. He was a fool. "well you took a gap year, so only 3 months…"
"Phew. That's a relief…so ermmm…how long have I been in a coma? My parents wouldn't really get to that part. You know, crying and everything."
I stood up. "2 weeks from it being a year."
His eyes widened. "Wow. I'm surprised they didn't pull the plug. My folks aren't really the most optimistic people on the planet."
I folded my arms. "I know. I kept reassuring them that you were going to come back to them. And well, here you are." Kuroko smiled weakly, not knowing what to do. He didn't want to leave, because if he did then he would have no reason to come back.
"Thanks for that. So, you were here from the beginning then?"
Kuroko nodded like a child. To Kuroko it felt like he was the one meeting Kagami for the first time and not the other way round.
He smiled. "Don't feel awkward. I don't mind you coming to visit me when you want to."
Kuroko didn't respond. He nodded before grabbing his bag and quickly making his way out of the room. He passed Kagami's family not wanting to talk to any of them. What was there to say? Kagami doesn't remember him and that's all there is to it. Regret was all Kuroko was feeling right now. To not be able to get that love back was killing him in so many ways.
Once Kuroko got inside the car his phone vibrated. He took it out of his pocket and put it on loud speaker. "Hello?"
"So…? Everyone's waiting for me to relay the good news." His sister's soft, motherly voice came through. It made him feel like a child. His quiet sobs soon turned into raging tears of frustration. "Kuroko…why're you crying? What's wrong?"
Kuroko coughed hard as his tears and emotions were boiling all together. "Kagami…he…he doesn't remember me!" He banged his hands on the steering before repeating himself. He felt lost and hopeless. He cried even more when his sister began crying as well. He needed someone to cry with him. "I don't know what to do Temura! It's like I'm a stranger!"
"C-come home…and all of us will talk it out. I have tissues and ice cream all ready." She joked between hiccups, but he could tell that she was just as distraught as he was. But despite how he was feeling the thought of a movie night with his sister's was just what he needed. He really needed his sister's around him.
"Looking forward to it." He smiled when he heard her sniffing on the other end. He rubbed his eyes looking in the front mirror and saw how red they've gotten. No one would think I have blue eyes.He joked to himself.
"Drive safe please."
"I will." Kuroko pressed the end-call button before starting the car. He gave himself a few breathing seconds before driving away from the hospital. He wasn't going to give up. Kagami may have forgotten him but that doesn't mean he can't make him fall in love with him a second time.
He was glad Kagami's optimism rubbed off on him. He was glad to Kagami for a lot of things. He remembered what Kise said about how everything will get better. He held onto that thought like it was his only lifeline.
"It can only get better."
AN: The end? Yes or No.
You: how can it be the end?! Fool!
AN: I really can't do the lengthy stuff, but imma try...