A/N: I'm going to say right off the bat that I write angst a lot better than I write fluff, but I tried to do my best. Hopefully you enjoy it :)
I will be posting the final chapter of this on June 12th. Until them I added a smutty little chapter to We're In This Together to tide you over. It's bit of a prequel to this chapter.
Outside it must smell like ozone and rain and fresh green things. Spring has blown in with strong winds and unpredictable thunderstorms and heavy rains to wash away the last vestiges of winter. In a few weeks - once the weather grows somewhat milder - we'll be sending our people over the fence.
Inside though, in the warmth and comfort of our bedroom, the air is heavy and humid and thick with the scent of sweat and sex and us. Lately it's been physically impossible for Tobias and I to keep our hands off each other, and we've been spending most nights naked and tangled together. Knowing that he didn't see our tryst in the Control Room as a mistake, that he liked it, has been an incredible aphrodisiac, even more so than the late nights we've kept each other up talking because the after has been a lot better too.
"When I was little lightning used to scare me," I say softly, carding my fingers through his still damp hair where he's resting his head against my stomach as a particularly brilliant burst of it lights up the night sky. I've claimed his shirt and he's pulled on his boxers, but how long either article of clothing will stay on us is anyone's guess.
"It's just electrostatic discharge," Tobias says with a sarcastic smile. "Like when you rub your socks across the carpet to build up a charge and zap somebody. You were scared of that?" His fingers never stop fidgeting with the ring on my finger where it's resting over his heart.
"Like you were never irrationally afraid of anything as a kid," I scoff.
"Sinkholes," he says after a minute. "I used to get panicky when I'd take the bus to elementary school, worrying that a sinkhole would open up and swallow it." He wraps his hand around mine, bringing it up to his lips for a quick kiss. "It seems to absurd now, that fear."
I hum in agreement. The fears I had as a child do seem absurd now; now that I'm an adult and lived through the things I have, I know what real fear is. In some ways it would be nice to go back to that innocence though.
"So, are you scared about this weekend?" He asks, pulling my attention back to him and the violent, vibrant light show mother nature is putting on outside our windows.
"Hoping I'll call off the wedding?" I tease. In less than forty-eight hours we'll be standing in front of our friends saying our vows. And I am scared, but it's of the normal things like tripping and falling as I walk down the aisle or screwing up the vows. I'm not scared of marrying Tobias though.
"Nope," he says smugly, lips popping over the 'p'.
He rolls over, twisting around to cover my body with his, pressing his palms flush with my own, fingers threaded through mine as he pushes them over my head and me flat on my back. "Really? Again?" I ask with a quiet laugh as his lips fasten to my neck.
"It's your own fault," he mumbles, loosening one hand to push my shirt up. I can't help smiling.
This morning when he got out of the shower - before he had a chance to get dressed - I'd pulled him back to bed and taken him in my mouth. By the time I finished he was dazed and weak kneed and five minutes late for a meeting with the Abnegation here to go over the plans for the building on the east side of the Pire they're turning into their new home. Since he couldn't immediately reciprocate he had all day to think about it... just like I planned.
Not that it was easy for me either, but I love that I can have that effect on him, and I'm not above exploiting it. Knowing that he thinks of me as sexy and desirable makes me feel like I am those things and I like feeling that way. Although I was surprised that it affected him so much that he actually came down to the training rooms today. Tori stops by most days, and Harrison actually led the class today, introducing them to using knives in hand-to-hand combat since that's his area of expertise, but Tobias usually prefers to keep track of things through the detailed reports Christina and I submit to the leaders on a weekly basis.
My back arches into the warmth of his mouth as he sucks and licks and nips at my breasts, his free hand working his boxers off his hips. As much as we've been doing this lately there's always a certain amount of impatient fervor, like the only thing that can quench this need is him being inside of me, and I suppose that's pretty much right. It's hard to keep my eyes open as he lines our bodies up, but I force them too, if only to read the silent need reflected back to me in his as he presses into me.
He keeps his body above mine, one arm slipped beneath my lower back to keep my hips tilted up. This is when he's soft and slow and tender. And this makes me feel beautiful too, the reverential way that moves inside and with me. Since our first time he always makes sure that I find my release before he finds his, and this time is no different. We stay pressed together afterwards, the sweat between our bodies melding our bodies together. His weight should be suffocating, but I enjoy this part of it too.
He kisses my ravens like he does every night, an 'I love you' washing across my sticky skin as we part so I can clean up and he can fix the bed. When I come back he's already waiting for me under the covers, his arms pulling me close and tucking me against him so that we can sleep. I want to ask him what he thought of the trainees, but I'm too comfortable and too tired and it can wait for another time.
The entire city looks immaculate in the way it only can after a storm has washed it clean of a years worth of grime. It seems to shimmer like an oasis under the bright sun and brilliant cerulean blue of the sky. It's stupid and fanciful but it feels like a gift, all the buildings - even the crumbling ones - turning out in their best for me and Tobias as we ride the train through it towards the Abnegation section of the city. It wasn't until after we'd jumped on outside the Pire that he told me where we were going. Zeke is still throwing us a party tonight, but zip-lining or anything else 'special' has been off the table since I told Uriah about Marlene.
We jump off several blocks out of our way so we won't draw attention to ourselves by walking through the Abnegation neighborhoods. After the simulation attack they had to bury the bodies far enough away that the mass grave wouldn't taint their drinking water and spread disease, but it still lies on the fringes of their part of the city. We make our way between empty buildings until we emerge on a large, flat expanse of land.
I played here as a child, and Tobias probably did too, though now it's completely deserted save for some barren trees and the wall of grey stone I can see in the distance. Tobias squeezes my hand encouragingly and leads me to it. I don't know what kind of stone it is - granite maybe -, but up close there are tiny iridescent flecks that reflect the sunlight.
There are small plants shooting up in the ground around it, though they're not flowering now I know they will blossom into calla lilies - funeral flowers. The Amity who designed it must have taken into account how tall the plants will eventually be because the list of names engraved on the stone stop a few feet above the ground so as not to be hidden by them.
The names are arranged alphabetically so I have no problem finding my family. Tobias is silent behind me, but his hands on my shoulders are an inexpressible comfort. I reach out, gently running my fingers over the name Andrew Prior etched into the stone in blocky letters. My mother's name is directly under his and for some reason knowing that at least here they're together makes the tears pooling in my eyes spill across my cheeks. When my shoulders shake with the force of them Tobias wraps one arm across my chest and the other around my waist, his face tucked against my neck.
We stay like that for a long time, him wrapped around me and my fingers pressed against their names, tears blurring my vision. The tears never really stop, but when my throat is no longer painfully constricted and my shoulders relax Tobias pulls a thin sheet of paper and a chunky length of hard charcoal from his pocket, pressing them into my hand so that I can make a rubbing of the engraving.
"Talk to them," he murmurs, squeezing my hips reassuringly before he wanders off to the other end of the wall. His arms are folded tightly across his chest and his brows are furrowed together. Marcus' name is on this wall too, but from the corner of my eye I can see that Tobias seems to be reading every name as if he's paying each of them his respects instead of just one or two people as I'm doing.
My hands shake as I rub the charcoal across the paper and I have to do it twice to get a clean imagine that doesn't include part of the name of the person above my father, or my name below my mothers. Just seeing it there is surreal. And surprising. Apparently the Abnegation did everything they could to perpetuate the lie of my death. Silently, I thank Marcus for that. Whether he did it for me, or my parents memory, or Tobias doesn't matter.
But I do as Tobias suggests, I talk to them. I tell my parents everything. I tell them about initiation and my ravens representing the people I love and making friends. I tell them about Will and how I still miss him every day, how I still feel guilty and how because of that I carry a part of him with me; how I'm using my guilt as a tool and not a weapon, or at least trying to. I tell them about Tobias and falling in love. I tell them how it isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. I tell them I said yes, and how I wish they could be there tomorrow.
I don't tell them about Caleb.
By the time I finish Tobias has made his way back to me. I know he won't make me leave if I'm not ready. He carefully folds up the piece of paper and tucks it back in his jacket and then pulls me against him so I can dry my tears against his chest. I stay there until the sun makes my skin burn through the black of my clothes despite the crispness of their air. It's not until I come out of hiding that I realize he's got one hand outstretched and pressed over my parents names like I did earlier. His expression is inscrutable, but I get the feeling he's having a conversation of his own.
"Ready?" He finally asks, pulling away enough to cup my face in his hands.
"Yeah," I say weakly, my voice sounding as raw as my throat feels. "Thank you for bringing me here," I add.
"It's important to you," he shrugs before slinging an arm across my shoulders and leading me back the way we came. The ride back to Dauntless is a quiet one. I rest my head against his shoulder the entire way, taking comfort in the solid warmth of his body.
As we approach the Pire I start to stand so we can jump off, but Tobias pulls me back down, shaking his head.
"No?"
"We're going someplace else, too."
"Okay," I say, elongating the word in confusion.
"Someplace happy," he explains, a nervous smile tilting up the corners of his lips.
Twenty minutes later, as navy pier the Ferris wheel come into view I let out a laugh. "Really?"
"Too cheesy?"
"No, it's perfect," I say, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. It really is.
I've only ever been here at night and as we walk from the train towards the pier I look around, taking it all in. Like other parts of the city, the abandoned buildings have brown, barren vines climbing up them, nature slowly reclaiming the land in the absence of humans. In the summer I can imagine soft green grass growing up from the cracks in the pavement and flowers twining around the tall metal poles that once must have once held streetlights and signs. In it's way it's probably beautiful and I make a mental note to come back here then.
Just like we did the night we played paintball we stop at the merry-go-round first, and I run my hand over the decaying wood and metal horses fondly. I barely knew Tobias then, but even so I gravitated towards him, always aware of where he was in relation to me. He follows after me, a look of amusement on his face as he watches me greet the place like an old friend.
Eventually we make our way over to the Ferris wheel. In the daytime it looks so much bigger than it did at night, but maybe that's just my imagination. "I feel like I need a tetanus shot just looking at this thing," Tobias grumbles, taking in the sharp edges painted in rust. We don't climb up to the platform as we did that night, but we do sit in one of the basket seats hanging a few feet off the ground. Tobias glares at the floor as if to reprimand it for groaning and swinging as we situate ourselves inside.
Tobias laces our fingers together as we sit side-by-side, tilting his head back to look up at the platform suspended above us. "I wish I could get over my fear of heights," he says softly. "Or any of my fears, really."
"You can't be fearless," I remind him. "You get over one, and another takes it's place, like lightning and sinkholes. I'm sure if I ever go into my fear landscape again my number will be the same; higher, probably, given everything that's happened."
"Still. It feels like failure."
"Maybe you just expect too much of yourself," I say carefully. Tobias has rarely spoken of what it was like growing up under Marcus' iron fist, but uncompromising perfection was something that was expected in that household, and punished severely when it wasn't achieved. "You're only human Tobias; love and fear go hand in hand."
He doesn't say anything, but he does pull me closer, draping my legs over his and curling his arm around my shoulders. It takes a while, but his expression finally clears and he smiles again, drawing me into a conversation about the trainees. "Thornton's a dickbag," he supplies when we start talking about the man with snake tattooed on his arm. "I've never had much to do with him, but what I have hasn't left a good impression."
"Mine's not much better. I don't really see sending him outside of the fence as a good idea."
"Why is he still coming to training then?"
"He's working hard, trying to make up for snapping at me the first day, I guess. Besides, it's not up to me to decide who ends up on the teams."
"Yeah, but you and Christina know them better than any of us," he points out. "We're going to listen to you if you think it's a bad idea."
"Well, Harrison will be in charge of the class for the next few days, so if he agrees with me then I'll tell him not to come back," I shrug.
The conversation carries us back to the train and back to the Pire, gleaming in the late afternoon sun. Despite the fact that it felt like Tobias spent most of his time in the training rooms watching me, he did pay attention and was able to pick up on a lot of the nuances that are hard to put into words.
As we shower and change and get ready for the party that's being thrown in our honor my nerves start taking over, making me hands feel clammy and shaky. Uriah and I have barely said three words to each other in the last few weeks, and every interaction with him has caused a landslide of guilt to bury me. Both Tobias and Zeke have tried to cheer me up, telling me he just needs some time, but it still feels cruel to expect him to be happy for me right now when I'm the reason he's not.
I pull on the black dress Christina made me buy during initiation, but I can't help running a hand down the garment bag that hangs next to it containing my wedding dress. It took another week of searching, but we finally found it, the one dress that made it seem like a great idea to buy a dress I'll only ever wear once. It's nothing particularly fancy, but it is perfect for me.
Since we're not expecting any storms tonight the party is being held outside, though the reason for that is still kind of vague to me. Before we even reach the party where it's set up on the side of the Pire opposite the doors I can hear voices and smell the scent of fire and cooking meat. My stomach rumbles hungrily; I haven't eaten all day.
A general cry of greeting echoes through the crowd when they see us, many people lifting cups full of alcohol into the air to toast us. I see Zeke hand off a spatula to Uriah and push himself through the crowd between us and where he's cooking over a couple of fifty gallon drums cut in half and filled with charcoal.
He presses drinks into our hands and slaps Tobias on the back. "For a minute there I thought you guys weren't going to show up."
"It's not like we're going to duck out on a party you're throwing for us," Tobias says, taking a sip of his drink.
I do the same, my eyes scanning the assembled crowd, hoping that Christina or someone - anyone - is bringing me over a plate of whatever's cooking.
"I know," Zeke says. "I just thought with the way you've been keeping busy in bed you might have been distracted. At the rate you two are going you're gonna get her knocked up before Shauna."
At his words I choke on my drink, spitting most of it onto the pavement in front of me, and coughing up the rest of it.
"Jesus, Zeke," Tobias mutters, embarrassment turning his face as red as a beet.
"What?" Zeke shoots back, a look of mock innocence plastered on his face. "It's not like it's a state secret."
"What have you been telling him?" I hiss out as best I can, wiping away the last of my misguided sip.
"Not a thing, Tris," Zeke says sweetly. "But thanks for confirming what we all suspected seeing you walking around Dauntless so flushed and happy looking."
"Can you hold my drink while I break his nose?" Tobias asks, one eyebrow cocked up threateningly.
"Oh come on! It's a compliment," Zeke protests. "And you can't break my nose, I'm your best man!"
"That's debatable," Tobias deadpans.
"Either way, it's my job to embarrass the shit out of you," Zeke says dismissively. "Speaking of which..." he trails off, turning from us, to the rest of our friends. "Hey," he yells out, his voice booming around the space between buildings that has been strung across with tiny lights. "You all know it's my job as best man to tell you all the embarrassing crap Four has done in the years that I've known him-"
"Oh, God," Tobias mumbles, looking down at his feet.
"-and I will, I promise. But just for tonight I want to say something nice." He turns to face me, his arm easily resting across my shoulders, and I can't help shivering a little in fear, my mind flying through every humiliating thing Zeke could say about me. "So I think we all known just how smitten Four was with Tris, and that was great and I was happy for him, but I didn't really get it until we left Candor and came back to the Pit."
It suddenly dawns on me where he's going with this, and though the story is a nice one, just like he promised, I still feel awkward, especially when Zeke is praising me for something any decent human being would do.
"The day we came back I was really broken up about Shauna, and I ran into Tris at the Chasm and I asked her how Shauna could be Dauntless if she couldn't walk. And you know what she said to me?"
You could hear a pin drop our audience is so quiet, and my face feels like it's on fire from the blush flaming across my cheeks.
"She said, sure she can. She can get a wheelchair, and someone can push her up the paths in the Pit and there's an elevator in the Pire and she'll just have to get over having someone help her because she shouldn't let something as stupid as not being able to walk make her drop out of Dauntless."
I chance a peek up through my lashes at the people grouped around us. Shauna has wheeled herself to the front of the crowd and I get the impression this isn't a story that Zeke has ever shared with her, or anyone for that matter, by the look on her face. I can't really see Uriah without turning my head, but the movement I was catching out of the corner of my eye has ceased.
Zeke presses a brotherly kiss to my temple before turning to face Tobias. "So, I guess what I'm saying is, don't fuck this up Four; she's special." Everyone claps at his proclamation, but I just wish a hole would open and swallow me. I still hate being the center of attention. As soon as Zeke releases me Tobias' arm is around my waist.
"How come you never told me about that?"
"I don't know. We weren't really talking at the time and it just never came up."
We make our way into the crowd, accepting well wishes and congratulations right along with hugs and handshakes. Mercifully Christina appears with a plate of food for me since we still haven't worked our way over to the grill. The hamburger probably isn't anything different than we can get in the cafeteria, but after not eating all day it's so good I ask for - and eat - a second.
As the party winds down Zeke and Uriah haul out several big boxes full of fireworks and everyone starts lighting them off. Some whizz into the air like shooting stars, exploding in a rainbow of colors, others shoot off balls of different colored lights, and some are just simple sparklers. All of it is fun though and elicits ooh's and aah's from all of us.
The pyrotechnics last only ten or fifteen minutes with two dozen people lighting them, but it's the perfect end to the party. A chorus of catcalls follows Tobias and I back into the Pire, but I've had enough to drink that I have to lean on him to avoid tripping over my own feet. How Tobias is staying upright I don't know because, like the last party we went to, he has drunk a lot more than me. Either way, the only thing we'll be doing is falling into bed and going to sleep.
"You two better be decent," Christina barks out, banging loudly on our bedroom door.
Tobias rolls over, burying his head under a pillow. "How the hell did she get in here?"
"You forgot to lock your front door," Christina says, suddenly looming at the end of our bed. "And it's a good thing too; I've been knocking on it for the last five minutes."
"What time is it?" I croak out, my eyes too blurry with sleep to focus on the clock on the dresser, though by the way light is flooding in through the windows I know it's late in the morning.
"Noon," Christina answers, tugging at the blankets, which only makes Tobias grip them tighter. "And you need to get up so I can make you pretty."
"She's always pretty," Tobias snaps in my defence. "And the wedding isn't for another five hours."
Christina rolls her eyes as if Tobias, being a boy, is just too dumb to understand the need for five hours of grooming. Truth be told, I don't either. "Get out. Go sleep on Zeke's couch for a while or something," she snaps, patience finally exhausted. I'm surprised it's lasted this long.
"Fine," Tobias huffs. "Go wait in the living room while I get dressed."
"How did you get through initiation being so modest you won't even let someone see you in your underwear?" Her face is puckered up for a second before it slips into something more horrified. "Oh God, you're not naked under there are you?"
"I might be," Tobias says seriously. As soon as Christina's out the door he smirks at me, throwing back the covers to reveal a pair of rumpled black boxers. He pulls on his a clean shirt and pants and pulls a pair of dress slacks and a button up shirt from the closet before kissing me goodbye and wishing me luck with Christina.
When she comes back in she's got a sour look on her face and a bottle of water and a couple of aspirin in her hands. "It'll help with the hangover," she says crisply before decamping to the bathroom. Through the open door I can see her pulling a what seems like an endless supply of bottles out of a paper bag, and once that's done she starts running the bath.
"Okay, I lined up the bottles in the order in which you're supposed to use them," she says when I walk in. She's already poured something into the water that has turned it milky white and softly scented like flowers. I nod along as she explains how to use each product, but it feels like it's going in one ear and out the other. She leaves the door cracked open so she can talk to me as I bathe.
The water feels silky and I'm glad she said I could soak in it as long as I want. I make the appropriate noises as she tells me about the latest developments with Michael and explains to me again how to use each product. Why I have to scrub my body with soap and a bristle brush, and then scrub it again a creamy paste that smells like nuts before shaving and then move to the shower to wash my hair and my body once again I don't know, but I follow her directions to a T.
It doesn't stop once I'm out of the shower though. Then I have to apply lotion and wrap myself in a robe so she can pluck my eyebrows and paint my nails, and when that's over with she leads me back into the bathroom to dry and style my hair. We're just taking a break to have some tea and toast - which is all my nervous stomach can handle - when Uriah lets himself in. He looks uncomfortable, like he's not quite sure what he's doing here, and shifts from one foot to the other before handing me a small cardboard box.
"Tobias asked me to give you this. He said you'd know what it's for."
It's cold to the touch like it's been in a refrigerator, but when I pull the top off there are six perfect white violet blooms carefully nested within. In Abnegation when a woman is married she usually wears whatever clothes are clean and whole, nothing special or different from what she wears every day, except for the three white violets they adorn themselves with, usually tucked into their hair.
They symbolize a lot of things. The flowers themselves represent humility and selflessness, and the three is meant to symbolize the three promises of Abnegation vows. Tobias is paying tribute to that tradition, and giving it a Dauntless twist, by providing me with six of them. No one else will probably pick up on it, but we'll both know what it means.
"Can we put these in my hair?" I ask Christina, tilting the box so she can see the contents.
She looks at the elegant twist she's pulled my hair into in the back and the bangs swept across my forehead for a moment, working out their placement before nodding in assent without complaint.
"Keep her company while I take a shower," she says as she breezes past Uriah and into my bedroom.
"You don't have to stay," I say after a minute of awkward silence.
"It's okay," he shrugs, the action easing the tension out of his shoulders. "So... nervous?"
"I'm okay," I lie.
Uriah looks at me for a second before cracking up. "You're still a terrible liar, Tris." He swings around into the kitchen and starts rummaging through the drawers, finally coming up with a battered pack of playing cards. "Come on, we can at least play a couple of rounds of Go Fish while you wait for her."
I don't know if he's forgiven me or if this is just a temporary truce, but either way I'll take it. "So what are Tobias and Zeke doing?" I can't help being a little curious.
"Playing darts when I left. Zeke's trying to get him drunk and Four keeps dumping the drinks down the kitchen sink when he's not looking."
Uriah's won two out of three hands when Christina finishes up in the bathroom and comes out to drag me back in. By the time she finishes up her own makeup and helps me into my wedding dress we've only got fifteen minutes to spare. She arranges the violets in my hair as we ride the elevator to the top of the Pire, claiming the mirrored interior is better than the single pane mirror in my bathroom.
I didn't really expect to look much like myself considering all the work Christina put in, but I do, just... better, I guess. My hair is shinier than usual and pulled into a sleek updo. My eyes are piercingly lined in khol, but it's a very thin line and accentuated by a subtle, skin toned shimmery powder on my lids. My cheeks are rouged, but it looks like I'm faintly blushing instead of wearing makeup, the same way my lips are only a shade darker than they usually are since Christina mixed the barest amount of lipstick into a clear gloss.
The dress is perfect, just as I thought before. It's fitted and black, but has a delicate lace overlay that reaches to my knees, is cut in a V across my collar to highlight my ravens and covers my arms with three-quarter sleeves, effectively covering the ugly patch of Erudite blue ink on my one arm. My nails are painted the same rich, deep red as the bouquet of roses I'm holding in my hand, the stems wrapped in silky black ribbon.
I look pretty, and grown up, but I still look like me.
Christina gives herself a quick once-over, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles in her plain black dress. It's very different from my own; the bodice is fitted and the skirt is fully and floaty, but it's black and modest and that's all I asked of my maid of honor. When the elevator doors open Michael is waiting, and his eyes immediately light up when he sees her.
Standing here it finally hits me that I'm really doing this, I'm marrying Tobias. All of the sudden I feel shaky and weak and the faint nervous nausea that's been plaguing me all day blooms into something that threatens to end with me vomiting all over my pretty little kitten heeled shoes.
"Everybody ready?" He asks, looking over Christina's head to me.
I nod because I don't trust my stomach enough to open my mouth.
The gates leading into the garden are closed, but when he raps his knuckles against them the crowd on the other side falls silent. Christina grips my shoulders, shaking me lightly. "You're going to be fine. Four's waiting for you on the other side, so just focus on him if you're nervous."
I don't bother telling her that Tobias is the main source of my nervousness right this moment. "Do you have his ring?" I eek out.
"Right here," she says, opening her fisted hand to reveal a simple silver band. "Ready?"
"Not really."
"You'll be fine," she says again, a wry smile gracing her features.
She takes her place behind me and on her command Michael and Uriah open the gates. For a second, when all eyes turn to me, I'm stuck in place. But then Christina pokes me sharply in the back and I nearly stumble into my first step.
My eyes reel around until they land on Tobias standing off to one side of Harrison and flanked by Zeke. It feels like I'm in a dream, my feet carrying me towards him without thought or action on my part. But by the time I'm ten feet away I've snapped out of my daze, and my steps are my own and they're confident, in no small part because of the way he's looking at me.
Tobias' cheeks are flushed pink, and his eyes are filled with something like awe beneath their glassy surface. When I reach him he takes on my hands in his own, and - like he just can't stop himself - he leans in and chastely kisses my cheek before turning his attention to Harrison who is officiating.
"Friends, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of Beatrice and Tobias."
At the use of my full name Tobias's eyebrow lifts, but he doesn't interrupt. We both stand quietly, and patiently, hands clasped together like the Abnegation symbols adorning our bodies as he explains to our friends how we asked to include the values of all the factions in our vows, and his hope that more couples in the future will do the same. It's strange to be in a room full of Dauntless and have them all so silent and solemn; the last time it happened Eric was just about to die.
Harrison keeps his comments short, and soon enough Tobias is repeating the vows that we wrote together, incorporating being selfless, and kind, and intelligent, and honest, as well as brave enough to love. His voice is steady and certain, but his have trembles just a little as he slips the wedding band on my finger with his free hand. I have to trade Christina my bouquet for his ring, but I manage to do the same for him without tripping over my words or fumbling the ring.
The last part of the ceremony - the Dauntless part of the ceremony - requires slicing across each other palms like we did during the choosing ceremony. It struck me as odd when when Harrison told us about it. You would think in a society that proclaimed 'faction before blood', a bond reinforcing just the opposite would be frowned upon. But as Harrison explained it, it's not about a blood bond, it's about the trust and bravery required to let someone else inflict an injury, no matter how minor.
The knife Tobias uses is so sharp it stings more than it hurts, but he winces right along with me as he pulls the blade across my skin. The thought of hurting him is enough to churn my stomach, but I do it quick and hastily return the knife to Harrison. As soon as it's out of my hands, before Harrison can even get out the words 'you can now kiss your bride', Tobias has his arms wrapped around me and pulls my chest flush with his. Unlike our earlier kiss it's anything but chaste.
When we finally break apart to the hoots and hollers of our closest friends - our surrogate family, really - he traces the line of my nose with his. "Beatrice?" He questions softly, ignoring the crowd around us.
"It's a special occasion."
"I guess so," he says through a smile, kissing me again.