"Are you crazy?!"
"Yeah, Leo. I'm crazy, okay? A loony, okay?!" It flew right outta my mouth and was probably tha most honest thing I'd said ta my brother in a long time. His eyes were wide at first as he took in tha unconscious news lady, then they narrowed at me and his beak settled inta a frown.
"Why?"
I whirled around quick and realized Donnie was standin' behind me, leanin' on his bo. When tha hell he'd come inta tha room was beyond me and I stumbled ta find words, "Why? Oh, I don't know, cause I wanted ta redecorate. A couple throw pillows, a TV news reporter, whadaya think?!"
I held his gaze for a second and he made some noise that I'm sure meant he disapproved of my snark. Yeah, I was usin' sarcasm ta mask my shock at that little nerd sneakin' up on me like that. How fuckin' long had he been back there? Shit, what'd he see me do? He asked me 'why,' and it was such an open ended question that I don't know exactly what he's askin' about. Please don't let him have seen me do it.
I didn't get anymore time ta think about it, before my attention was pulled away by another voice.
"Raphael. What are you doing?"
Sensei.
Tha way he said my name made my blood run cold. It was tha same as a couple weeks ago when he caught me up late one night crouched in front of tha TV in tha livin' room. I'd been out that night too, walkin', clearin' my head. Had got me a couple beers and was feelin' tha effects of 'em by tha time I got home so I crashed on tha couch. I'd tried ta be quiet; I was watchin' some monster movie. By tha time tha damsel in distress got caught by whatever filthy, spongy, green freak that was chasin' her I was so intrigued by tha whole thing I'd kneeled in front of tha boob-tube with my eyes glued ta it. Somethin' about tha way she was screamin' had me turned on and I couldn't keep my own freak-like, three-fingered hand off myself. There I was in front of tha TV jerkin' off while tha dame screamed bloody murder before she was, well, murdered. I was too inta myself ta notice my father enter tha room until he said my name in tha exact same tone he'd uttered it just now.
He hadda know I'd done somethin'.
"She got jumped in tha subway, I hadda bring her here." I gave him my most sincere explanation, while tryin' my damnedest not ta look at him. I couldn't look at him. It didn't matter though, cause my dimwitted little brother was busy askin' if we could keep her, like she was some kinda pet or somethin'.
Sensei touched her face with his long, elegant, fingers, pullin' gently at her brow ta rouse her. And he succeeded quickly. Her eyes started ta open slowly, unfocused and a little glassy. She hadda have been on tha brink of consciousness for a few minutes. I started ta wonder if she could feel what I'd done ta her when I was doin' it. I didn't get ta think about it for long cause her eyes focused on my father and an ear splittin' scream pitched from tha depths of her soul.
"Hi!" Mikey offered cheerfully as he returned with tha cold washcloth Splinter'd asked him ta get.
Tha bitch screamed again, and her feet tucked under her so fast that I mighta thought she was in fact a ninja afterall, sendin' her upright and standin' on tha couch like she was ready ta spring and attack at any moment.
My guilt had me sinkin' down ta my knees, my arms huggin' myself and one hand pattin' soothingly at my pads. I soon realized that in my position I could see right up her skirt. Shit.
I tried lookin' away. At tha floor. At Mike and Don who were screamin' over tha fact that tha broad had been screamin'. At Leo, who just stood there wide eyed, with his mouth set in a firm grimace. At her face ta see if she knew, if she knew what I'd done. But when we locked eyes she got more hysterical.
"Oh my god, I'm dead. I'm dead!"
Really? I was that ugly? I mean I know people don't see shit like me every day, but was I so hideous that this bitch immediately thought I was some monster from tha bowels of hell? I snarled, angry at how she looked at me.
I'll fuckin show ya a monster.
I mighta pounced on her. I mighta leapt from my spot, latched my beak onta her neck and ripped her throat out with my teeth right there in front of my family if Sensei's voice hadn't cut through tha air.
"Please," It was a demand, not a request. "If you sit down, and calm yourself..."
I sank further inta myself. I knew my father could feel my anger radiatin' off me, hear me snarlin' with his one good ear. He was talkin' ta me just as much as he was talkin' ta tha reporter. And it was a good thing too, I needed his firm calmin' tone ta help me get hold of myself in that moment cause I was spiralin' outta control. Fast.
What tha hell's happenin' ta me?
As I tried ta piece it tagether I lost track of time. I mean really, truly, sincerely lost fuckin' track of time. I had my sai out, tha one I'd lost, tha end of it stuck in my teeth pickin;' out remnants of week old food. I was somewhere in my head, goin' over tha day, tha week, tha month, I didn't know.
"Raphael!" My father's voice cut through tha air like tha crack of a whip and my head immediately snapped up, eyes locked on tha old rat standin' before me in his tattered robe.
"Huh?" It was all I could manage as my eyes slowly began ta focus again. Where tha hell was I even?
"I asked if you were plannin' to accompany your brothers as they take Miss O'Neil home?"
Home? What'd I fuckin' miss here?
I gave my head a hard shake ta clear it and pinched tha bridge of my beak. I hadda stop driftin' off like that. April was leavin', and my brothers were takin' her home? Ta her place? And Splinter wanted me ta go? I couldn't go! Findin' out where that woman lived would be death of me, maybe even tha death of her too. I couldn't even begin ta think about how hard leavin' her alone once I knew where I could always find her would be.
"Sensei, I don't really feel like goin'. It ain't like it's a four man job. Let Leo take her."
Splinter's fur stood up at my defiance, but his tone remained calm and relaxed, gentle even. "I think that it would be best, Raphael, if you were to take Miss O'Neil home. You are whom she may feel the most comfortable with, given your heroics today." He paused a beat as his nose twitched as if he was scentin' tha air then continued, "However, I am not entirely sure that you are who I feel the most comfortable with Miss O'Neil being accompanied by. Therefore, you and your brothers will go."
His black eyes bore inta tha golden fire of mine and nearly smothered it with tha intensity of his stare.
He knew!
Shit, I'd been so fuckin' stupid. Of course he fuckin' knew. He was a goddamn rat after all. He could fuckin' smell it! Whether he could smell me, or her, or both, I didn't know. But he could smell it. My face started ta redden, my cheeks blendin' in with my mask as I ran a shaky hand over my scalp. I was startin' ta sweat.
"Sensei, I-" I cut myself off quickly, tryin' ta figure out tha best way ta go about this. Was I denyin' it? That'd be stupid and make me look guilty. "I-" I stopped again, maybe he could only smell me? Maybe that was why he'd spat my name when he came inta tha room in tha same tone that he had used tha night he caught me in front of tha TV. "It ain't what yer thinkin'!" I blurted out as his head cocked ta one side somewhat seemin' as though he was surprised by my admission and expectin' me ta tell him tha truth.
Smooth Raphael.
"I- I ain't never been that close ta a human woman before, I got riled up. I couldn't help it. Don't act like its weird. It ain't weird. She smelled good, not like sewer and trash and Mikey's burnt oatmeal. Just did somethin' ta me." That was tha truth. Well, half of it anyway. I didn't have ta tell him I'd touched myself. Or touched her either for that matter.
He reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder, givin' it a small squeeze and smiled gently as a soft chuckle left him.
"Sometimes I forget that you and your brothers are growing up. Teenage hormones were not something that I prepared for when making the decision to raise you as my sons." He nodded along as if he was more talkin' to himself than ta me. "You seem to be the first of your brothers to be experiencing this. Just please, try to keep your..." He paused ta choose his words carefully "Urges confined to your bedroom, yes?"
"Yes, Sensei." I couldn't look at him. I was embarrassed and ashamed on too many levels ta even begin ta comprehend. Not only did my father just give me permission ta masturbate, he totally bought my bullshit.
Smooth, Raphael.
"You comin, bro?" Mikey called from tha front door.
Splinter gave me a warm smile and ushered me on my way.
This was insane. It was really insane. Or maybe I was insane. I wasn't sure which, but I was sure all of it was crazy. I was traipsin' through tha sewers with my brothers, escortin' tha O'Neil woman back ta her apartment after I'd felt her up. It was insane.
tha bitch really had no idea who she was dealin' with, and when we arrived and she invited us inside my stomach turned ta knots. Walkin' her home had been hard enough, now she wanted me inside her apartment. Fuck.
It was torture.
She changed inta some short little shorts when got there and cooked up some frozen pizzas while she talked mainly with Donnie and Mikey. Leonardo joined in every once in a while but seemed ta be more reserved than our two younger brothers. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, he just didn't seem ta know how ta conduct himself around a human.
I, on tha other hand, just stayed outta her way entirely. I didn't wanna talk ta her. I didn't want ta be there at all. I busied myself, lookin' at odds and ends, pretendin' I had an interest in books and shit she had layin' 'round, and did an over all good job of avoidin' any direct eye contact with her till she started settin' tha table. She was leanin' over, settin' out plates and forks and shit and I could see right down her blouse.
No bra, just like I'd thought.
I stared a second, it was tha first pair of tits I'd seen in real life.
"Raphael?" Her voice was soft and I jerked my eyes up ta her face when she called my name.
I cleared my throat and tried ta focus.
"I asked what you wanted to drink, I've got soda and milk." She spoke so gently that I wasn't sure if she was afraid of me or just wasn't sure how ta approach me. She hadn't been speaking that way ta my brothers.
"Soda's okay. Straws if its in a can. Drinkin' outta them don't work too well for us. Wide beaks and all..." I trailed off as she stared at my mouth. She seemed like she was contemplatin' somethin' and one of her hands raised up ta run through her hair.
Her hand dropped after a second and she nodded, "I've got straws, big guy."
A shiver ran down my spine as she turned and went back inta tha kitchen were my brothers were screwin' around. Big guy? Where'd that come from, lady? Was she referrin' ta my muscles? Was it some kind of human flattery? Flirtin'? Maybe she'd been conscious this afternoon when I'd whipped myself out and gotten a look at my cock? It was certainly big.
I shook my head, I had ta get it tagether. She hadn't been awake this afternoon, and this afternoon shouldn'ta happened. I had ta stop thinkin' about it if I was goin' ta survive tha rest of tha evenin'.
It didn't happen.
I turned sat down at tha table, tryin' ta forget about tha shit I'd done ta her. I knew it wasn't okay. I knew I wasn't okay.
It didn't happen.
It wasn't long before she came out of tha kitchen with my brothers in tow and sat down next ta me as we ate. I kept my eyes on my plate, not lookin' up unless I was directly spoken ta and even then I kept my answers reserved ta brief grunts or shrugs of my shoulders.
"Is he always this quiet?" tha reporter asked as Mikey shoved an entire slice of pizza inta his mouth.
Donnie made some sort of noise that she mighta taken as a laugh, "Raph's like a caveman some days. No manners, bad attitude, not a stickler for big words." Donnie turned his gaze towards me before he continued, "You're like a Neanderthal who'll club a woman over the head and drag her back to your cave, huh Raph?"
I choked on tha food in mouth as my blood ran cold. What had this fuckin' twerp seen me do?!
"I ain't no Neanderthal." I held his gaze for as long as I dared then pushed my chair back from tha table. tha fish tank across tha room suddenly got real interestin'.
I could hear them all laughin' behind me as I watched tha fish in tha tank swimmin' back and forth, trapped in there with no freedom. I knew how they felt. I felt like that all tha time in tha sewers. Trapped with no freedom. I shoulda been glad for this time outta tha lair. Usually I was, usually I was grateful for any second I could spend topside. Tonight though, I just wanted ta slink back inta tha darkness of tha sewers, hide there and never see tha light of day again. I didn't deserve ta after what I'd done today.
With a deep sigh, I tried ta wipe tha memory from my face. It hadda go. I hadda stop thinkin' 'bout it. But as my hand came down my beak, I could still smell tha news lady on my fingers. It'd be hours since I'd touched her, and I could still smell her on me. My eyes squeezed shut and my brain raced, could she smell it too? I'd been sittin' right next ta her while we ate? I didn't know how well humans could smell shit, but I expected that they at least knew their own scent.
I panicked and stuck my fingers in tha fish tank, hopin' tha water would wash away tha scent as Mikey started in on his James Cageny impressions. Hopefully if my fingers smelled like her fish, she wouldn't know notice anythin'...
Or maybe that wasn't tha best logic.
I pulled my fingers from tha tank and sat back down at tha table as she laughed hard at Mikey's impression.
"That must be Splinter's favorite," She laughed harder, makin' us think she'd made some kinda joke we didnt quite understand as we all looked up in unison and confusion.
My eyes narrowed at her as realization dawn on me. Mikey's joke had been 'bout a dirty rat, Splinter was a rat. It was a shitty pun, and this bitch was an idiot. An indiot who was leavin' herself in stitches she thought she was so fuckin' clever.
"It was a joke," she finally offered ta my brothers who still sat there peerin' at her through their confusion.
An awkward pause later and my brothers burst inta a fit of laughter. Except for Donnie. I'm sure Mikey still didn't get it though, and I think Leo was laughin' because he was bein' polite and mighta been a bit flattered that a human woman was even tryin'a entertain us.
Donnie, on tha other hand, was lookin' at me. Watchin' me watch her.
My eyes immediately went right back ta starin' down at my food. My brother was makin' twitchy. I knew he knew somethin'. It was just a matter ofhow much and when he'd blurt it out that was tha question.
My downcast expression didn't take too much hold though, cause Leo was excusin' us for tha evenin', lettin' tha bitch know we hadda head home before Splinter got too worried.
Before I knew it I was on my feet, bein' ushered toward tha door.
"...Will I ever see you guys again?" She asked as she opened tha door for us.
Leo was tha first one out. He either didn't hear her question or wasn't actually too sure of tha answer, cause he didn't provide her with an response.
"Indubitably!" Mikey offered, causin' Leo ta stop.
He seemed ta not want ta commit ta Mikey's response, "Well that depends on how fast you stack your pizza."
Donnie clicked his tongue against his teeth before he pushed past me and out tha door behind Mikey, tha two of them venturin' down tha hall and leavin' me tha last one out tha door.
Her eyes locked with mine as I walked past her and inta tha doorway. As much as I wanted ta look away I couldn't. Her eyes were so fuckin' warm. They just kept pullin' me in. I stood there in tha doorway lookin' at her, feelin' my heart pound in my chest. She was like a magnet, just pullin' in my god damn soul!
I felt Leo's hand on my shoulder, gently guidin' me away and I still couldn't stop lookin' at her. I could barely get my feet ta move.
tha soft goodbye she offered me did me in and I lifted my hand ta return tha wave, my two fingers barely bendin' as I was pushed away from tha door and down tha hall, Leo's hand still gentle on my shoulder, givin' me a soft pat.
I heard tha soft click of her door closin' behind me turned my head sharply ta look behind me. Tha draw ta that door was so strong. Stronger than anythin' I'd ever felt. It wasn't like I didn't know why. I knew I was fucked.
I was fucked.
I'd left my soul in there with her, and I was fucked.