A/N: wow. over 100+ follows for ONE CHAPTER. You guys just.. whoa. Well, here is the second half with the introduction of Maura's POV. This will wrap up after one more chapter and will bounce back and forth between Jane and Maura's POV from here on out. This also references some of last nights episode (just dialogue wise) Flashbacks are in italics. I've always had the song 'Say Something' playing in my head (and in the background) while writing this. If you haven't heard that, go listen to it and cry your face off, okay? You all are awesome and thank you for reading and for your feedback!
A small green light flashes on her phone. Maura catches it in the corner of her eye and she knows who the message is from even before she opens it. They have all been the same.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
For three days and each time it reads differently to Maura.
Sadness.
Desperation.
Atonement.
And today's will be no different. She will read Jane's message and begin her response before giving up, because she simply has nothing left to say. Maura had let it all out - years of pent up frustration for every ounce of love that had clung to every fiber of her being. She let out and watched as it fell, withered away and was left abandoned at Jane's feet.
And she misses Jane so much that it makes the the muscle in her chest ache. She wants to tell Jane how she is doing - how she is saving small, fragile lives and how she isn't scared of the living here because the gratitude she has seen in so many eyes makes her not afraid.
Everything is so decidedly human.
She picks up her phone and wills herself to sit up. The cot creaks as she shifts and sits with her back against the wall. Her thumb slides across the screen and she forgets to breathe.
Only one word has changed and Maura isn't sure how many times she re-reads the message, only that the tears in her eyes eventually make it impossible.
And it isn't fair. She curses and tosses her phone to end of the cot. Jane isn't being fair. Sadness and anger well up inside of Maura because Jane Rizzoli is monstrous. She burns bright and the distance she has put between them is inconsequential. Maura can't escape her. Jane is everywhere and has designated a corner of Maura's heart just for herself.
The ache in her chest seeps out into the spaces between her ribs. She cries for the third night in a row until she exhausts herself and the only sound that fills her head is the sound of heart and the whispered clicks of her eyes as she tries to blink away her tears.
Thunder sounds in the distance as sleep finally takes hold.
Turbulence makes Jane's stomach drop and she surges forward in her seat. The pile of napkins beside her defy gravity as the plane drops and Jane's grip of the armrests becomes white knuckled.
The captains static filled voice comes over the speakers and Jane looks out the window. They are moving through clouds and she can barely see the wing. Her mind circles morbid scenarios as the plane banks left and the cabin shakes.
Quickly Jane gathers the napkins beside her and pulls her book bag out from under her seat. She unzips and shoves the mass of paper into a side pocket.
She closes her eyes and hugs her bag to her chest. If she is goes down with this plane maybe they can at least find the bag in her arms - maybe the notes there will find their way to Maura.
Maybe she will have time to scribble out one last line before they collide with the earth.
The pen on her tray table falls and rolls off down the aisle as plane drops again. Someone shouts. Jane expects oxygen masks to appear.
Then suddenly it is calm and she can hear gears whiz and whirl to life. The plane begins its descent. Jane opens her eyes and can't tell if it is rain on the windows or if her own tears that have gotten in the way.
The sky is grey and the air smells of earth and electricity. Thunder booms above Jane as she steps out into 'arrivals' area. Her hand slips into her pocket and she pulls out a worn post-it note.
'Nekemte.'
She steps to the curb and puts her hand out, but each taxi she attempts to wave down passes her by. She rubs her eyes and tries to shake the James Cameron movie marathon that played for twelve hours out of her head and stomps her foot as another taxi drives pass her.
After ten minutes the rain is falling so hard that her shoes have soaked through and Jane realizes she doesn't have another pair of socks. Her hands ball into fists and she resists the urge to scream. A gentle tap on her shoulder only adds to her frustration.
"Ma'am?"
Jane spins on her heels and she glares into the face of the person who is fucking stupid enough to cross the line into her personal space.
"Where do you need to go?" He speaks slowly. His accent is thick.
Jane looks him over. He is young. No older than 17 she guesses. He isn't wearing a shirt and his cargo shorts are muddy. He swallows hard then forces a brilliant, white smile at Jane.
"Nekemte. I need to get to the hospital there."
His face twists with concern. "Are you okay?"
Jane shakes her head, "Yeah. I just.. can you get me there?"
The young boy straightens his back and nods his head proudly.
"Yes. Two hundred American dollars."
Jane's eyebrow arches, "Really? Two hundred?"
The boy nods again and looks around him, "No other taxi will take you in weather like this. I can get you there."
Dark eyes narrow and Jane studies him for a moment before pulling her wallet from her back pocket.
"What's your name, kid?" Her fingers brush over two crisp bills before pulling them out and handing them over.
"Akeem." He takes the bills and shoves them into his pocket and smiles. He turns and waves his hand for Jane to follow, "This way."
Jane lifts her shoulder and adjusts the strap of her bag, "Lead the way, Akeem."
The boy makes good on his promise and they pull up to the hospital three hours later. Jane is impressed and a bit surprised they hadn't lose a wheel. Akeem had shown quite a talent for hitting every pot hole in the road. The ache in Jane's head amplifies as the car comes to a stop. The rain has let up and now falls as a steady drizzle.
Stepping out of the car and into the dark, Jane gives the boy a tight smile and a short wave.
"I hope you are okay, ma'am."
"Me too, kid." Apprehension edges into her voice as she makes her way up the gravel path. The fence that surrounds the hospital twists in the stone it is embedded in. Cracks and trails of rust run across the rocks. Paint peels from the entrance sign and the security lights sway in the wind. The sight is bleak and Jane can feel the sting of bile rise in the back of her throat as she stops walking.
This is all such a bad idea.
Her eyes burn. She is exhausted and droplets of rain gather speed and race from her scalp and down the back of her neck. She can feel knots begin to form in her stomach as she wills her legs to move. Jane licks her lips as she gets closer to the doors. Rain and sweat.
In her head she pictures Maura standing in the hall, waiting for her expectantly. She pushes in the doors and steps into the dim lobby lights. There are hardly signs of life aside from a nurse pushing by her with an empty wheel chair.
There is no Maura rushing into her arms and the wind howls outside.
A shaky breath escapes Jane as a firm grip takes hold around her bicep and pulls her quickly around the corner and out of the hall. She barely has time to register it before she is colliding with someone's chest.
"Jane?" The accent is familiar and Jane looks up, "What are you doing here?"
It's Ian. Jane swallows hard. She hasn't thought this far ahead and when she opens her mouth to speak she must look like swallowing air because she can't find the words and Ian's face twists up in confusion and anticipation. It seems to be a recurring theme in her life at the moment. She purses her lips and searches her brain for an answer.
"I needed to see Maura." Jane mumbles, her eyes becoming downcast.
Ian's grip loosens and he rubs his hand up and down Jane's arm reassuringly. He lets out a heavy sigh.
"I'm not sure if that is the best idea." He finally concedes.
And Jane isn't sure if it is a cry or a laugh, but it catches in the back of her throat and tumbles out of her mouth. A stab of pain moves through her chest and she can't think of anything that will fill in the empty space left behind there.
"Yeah, I get it." Jane rubs the back of her neck
"She hasn't stopped talking about you."
Jane smiles and feels lighter for moment when and glances up at Ian. His eyes are kind and hint at understanding. There is hope.
"About how shitty of a friend I am?" She sniffs and looks away, her eyes landing back on the hospital doors. She dismisses the thought of fleeing that had been dancing around in the back of her head.
Ian chuckles, "Not is so many words. Mostly how much she loves you."
The words make Jane's heart pound madly in her chest and Ian takes a step back, studying her. His eyes hint at more and before Jane can ask he is offering her his arm, "You look ragged. Here, come with me."
Jane waves off his offer and he shrugs as he turns and makes his way down the hall. "You are a big part of her life." He says over his shoulder.
'And she is the love of my life.' The words rattle around in Jane's head and make her feel warm and a little terrified.
They stop in front of a worn door that Ian unlocks and pushes open. He extends his arm and Jane walks by him.
"Wow, you guys spare no expense, huh?" Jane taps her shoe against an uneven metal desk in the center of the room. Drawers are missing and there is a scattering of papers across the top of it. The file cabinet and book shelf that line either side of the wall are in disarray.
"None. Maura and I actually share the space." Ian smiles as he flips up the light switch and closes the door behind him.
Jane's eyes widen. "Maura parks herself behind this thing?" She grips the side of the desk and rattles it. "She couldn't import that mahogany piece she keeps in her study?"
Ian's hands disappear into his pockets and he rocks back on his feet. "She is so much more than all of that. She adds a class here all her own that can light up a room." He reaches up and taps the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling.
"I know." Jane bites her lip and her finger trails across the chipped and rusty edge of the desk.
The soft hum of electricity fills in the spaces and silence between them.
"I was surprised to hear from her. She told she wanted to take a leave of absence from the department and come back out here with me. I will admit, at first I was ecstatic at the idea of getting her back." Ian says stepping forward.
Jane's eyes cut to his and he smiles. She can feel jealousy flare up inside her.
"But I quickly realized she wasn't here for me." He turns and leans against the desk beside Jane and crosses his arms. "She was here because of you."
Jane lets go of the breath she doesn't know she's holding.
"I hurt her." Jane shakes her head. "I was an ass and so stupid-.."
"I think she called you the most clueless detective she has ever met." Ian says with a smirk.
The small laugh that rumbles around in Jane's chest is quickly silenced by the door opening. It sends a bolt up Jane's spine and she fumbles to stand up straight. Her arms fall to her sides as Maura steps into the room.
Jane's heart drums wildly in her chest and all those clever lines become a haze as they fly out of her head.
Looking up from the file in her hand, Maura's eyes grow wide and she steps back. She floats in the doorway, glancing back and forth between Ian and Jane.
The light above Jane's head begins to fracture. Star bursts of color flicker and dance in front of her eyes. She vaguely wonders if this is what it's like trace a constellation - all of those far off, dusty balls of light coming together to form something beautiful.
Jane swallows hard and tries to focus on Maura's face. Her eyes trail from the her lips to her eyes and Maura looks so, so lost. She is drifting further away until she finally becomes a pinpoint - a distant star that Jane simply cannot hold.
The earth shifts beneath Jane. It rises up and swallows her into a cold darkness.
Maura didn't like it, the way Jane displayed her hand. She pressed her palm into the island in her small kitchen and flicked her left wrist out casually.
"I said yes." The corners of Jane's lips turned up into a small smile. The sight made Maura's stomach knot and she narrowed her eyes as she looked down at Jane's hand. Her eyes trailed over a waning scar and settled on a simple gold band. It was a princess cut.
Maura titled her head. She always envisioned platinum complimenting Jane's skin tone - something with sapphires set into the band. Deep and blue, like the veins that ran through Maura and pumped Jane in them. She had secretly played out the fantasy multiple times - browsing designer bouquets online and customizing her order. She would stare proudly at it before she closed the browser, allowing the dream disappear into the ether.
She did not like this gaudy diamond.
When she looked up at Jane, she was being studied.
"I'm supposed to get all giddy and girly and you're supposed to squeal over it."
Maura shook her head and blinked, "Why would I squeal over a colorless crystalline form of pure carbon?" Her tone was laced with indifference.
"You're not happy for me?"
Maura remained silent.
Jane's hand dropped as she took Maura's into her own and laced their fingers. Maura brought their intertwined hands up. Her thumb dipped into the valleys between Jane's knuckles and brushed over the ring.
It was too big. Casey didn't even know her size.
"You're a seven." Maura said quietly.
A snort of laughter escaped Jane, "I am. How'd you know?"
Maura shrugged, "This is too big for you."
"I can get it fitted."
Jane's fingers tightened around her own, and Maura felt trapped.
"You have to admit, it's pretty."
Glancing down, Maura forced a smile as she pulled her hand out of their embrace, "So! You're leaving? Do you see yourself as a General's wife?" Maura glanced around the kitchen and averted her eyes. She couldn't look at Jane.
Her fingers trailed absently over the cool granite of the counter.
"Wha-? No."
"Casey is going to retire then?"
Jane chewed at her bottom lip, "I don't know."
Something rose in Maura's chest. It felt like anger. It was a myriad emotions mixed with years of frustration - stolen looks or a touch that lingered too long. It was the electricity she felt when Jane moved close to her in her sleep and wrapped her arm around her waist.
It was like being set on fire.
"You don't know?" Maura erupted, "That's it. You just don't know?! God Jane, are you that thick?"
Jane's eyes widened and her jaw fell slack, "Wha-"
"Tell me you're that oblivious. Tell me that you never saw me in front of you all this time and I'll stop now."
The look that stapled itself to Jane's face told Maura all she needed to know. She had crossed line they had been avoiding for years.
"God." Maura scoffed and closed her eyes. She pressed the heels of her palms against her head, "I'm an idiot to think that you would do something.. that you would act on any of this." Her hands fell to her sides. She felt utterly defeated.
"Jane, for years I have waited patiently for you to-... sort all of this out-." Maura's hand pressed against her chest. She wanted to protect her heart, "But all you've done is hurt me - in the most subtle ways. And I had convinced myself you would come down in some perfect moment and say every word I needed to hear and this would set itself right. But it hasn't and clearly it won't."
Tears stung her eyes but Maura pushed forward - the confessions poured out of her. Her chest heaved and she struggled to fight back the want to choke on her words and cry out instead.
"But being this close to you now devastates me." Something shattered in her chest as the words left her mouth, "Because you are a reminder of what I will never have."
Tears that lingered at their edge finally fell and Maura pushed her hand into the counter to brace herself as a sob ripped through her.
She could see Jane reaching out for her and Maura knew if Jane touched her she would fall apart. She struggled to find her voice.
"Don't touch me!"
Maura took a step back and pulled a quivering lip between her teeth, "I can't have you touch me." She needed distance. She needed to breath. She shook her head.
And then she laughed. It wasn't familiar to her. It was desperate and broken.
"Are you going to say anything?" Maura asked incredulously.
Jane stared at her.
"Say something!"
Jane's movement was a blur and Maura found herself with strong arms wrapped around her waist. They pulled her in quickly and close. Lips and teeth collided. A hand moved up her spine and tangled into the hair at the base of her neck. Jane's tongue darted across her bottom lip and Maura devoured the moan that followed when Jane kissed her deeply.
An ache shot through her and warmth settled into the pit of her stomach. It made Maura burn bright and she wanted so much more.
She pressed her hands against Jane's chest and pushed herself away. Jane grunted and stumbled back into the counter as Maura backed up to the door and opened it.
"Don't go." Jane's words came out strangled.
Maura shook her head as she turned quickly and stepped into the hall. She didn't close the door as she ran for the stairs.
Her name echoed behind her.
"Maura."
The sound of her name jars Maura from her thoughts. She gathers Jane's hand and cradles it between her own. The IV in Jane's vein settles just below her bare ring finger. Maura brushes over the vacancy with the pad of her thumb.
She remains silent as she perches herself on the edge of Jane's cot.
Pain flashes across the features of Jane's face. She has been sleeping for almost 16 hours and gone through two bags of saline. She had been dehydrated and exhausted.
Jane's eyes struggle to open before closing tightly again. Maura can see tears pushing to the corner of her eyes. They trail down and disappear into her hairline.
She leans forward and presses her lips to Jane's cheek. She brings her hand up and her fingertips smooth over the fine hairs at her temple. Maura wants to tell her that she is here and that she hasn't left her side.
She wants to say she would never leave - the way Jane had promised her years ago.
But silence is all she can convey and words escape her as her own tears race with Jane's, becoming lost in obsidian hair.