This chapter, especially, has Winter Soldier spoilers, so if you have not seen the movie yet, I don't quite recommend reading it unless you're alright with a MAJOR plot point being given away.

They found him.

She'd gotten the text not three hours ago from Steve, explaining that they were on their way back from DC to New York, where Nat had been grounded after a GSW had ripped through some of her muscle in her left thigh. She was getting too sloppy if she was grounded after something as simple as that, though Loki had been pleased when he found out that she'd be home for some time, until she finished healing. He complained of feeling a similar pain to that which she suffered, but other than that seemed content as could be expected. He was even gentle with her in the evenings, when he longed for something besides just physical touch and emotional companionship, for which she was, admittedly, grateful.

But they'd found Winter, and they were bringing him in. When Natasha had known him she'd been a little girl, just training at the Red Room, and Winter had been the one everyone talked about. The best of the program, the Red Room's crown jewel. It was her aspiration to be as revered-as feared-as that one day, and she made sure to stand out from her peers enough to get her the attention she'd wanted. Including his.

So when they brought him back into the Avengers tower, Stark taking every opportunity to shout "WINTER IS COMING!" before he entered every room, because ha-ha he was so clever, Nat stayed back in the shadows, content to just watch. To wait. God only knew what the Red Room and Hydra had allowed him to keep, and she very much doubted that their history was in any of it. Yet he caught her eye from across the room and his pupils dilated just enough that Loki growled at her side, taking her hand in his.

Well shit.

"Relax," she murmured quietly in her lover's ear, even if she knew that was a fight she'd never win. She could tell him all that she wanted that what had happened between she and Winter was over, could confirm to him that there was nothing else there besides old blood and a life they'd both left behind. Or was there? She caught Bucky's eye once more as he turned to look at her and gave a brief, thin smile, which he returned, even as it angered Loki. She supposed she did owe him an explanation, assuming he'd give her time to give it as she walked with him hot on her heels behind her, Natasha eager to leave the awkward situation.

"Who was that?" Loki demanded, barely waiting until they'd made it back into her room with the door closed to start pressing her. His fingers were quick on the zipper and button of her jeans, cold and shaking as he struggled to divest her as quickly as he could. She let him work, let his fingers ghost over her skin and brought his lips to hers for a slow kiss, trying to calm him down.

"His name, as I knew it, was Winter Soldier," she said, slipping out of her jeans. "And I don't think this is an appropriate conversation for us to be having as you undress me, or else you'll start thinking I associate him with our intimacy."

"But you two have been intimate. He looked at you-he has seen you before, has lain with you, has he not?"

"He was the first I've ever been with," she admitted as she looked up at Loki. No one else knew that, not Clint, not Steve-only the three of them, herself, Winter, and now Loki. He stilled in front of her, his eyes slitting as he pulled his hands away from her. She was right, he didn't want to have this conversation when they were like this. Besides, she could use a break. She loved sex, loved having it with Loki, but honestly? She needed a breather as well, and as she stood on her tip toes to kiss him he didn't seem as enthused about responding.

"Loki I was a child," she said as she pulled away, her eyes locking on his. "Fourteen. I'd just hit puberty, they decided they wanted to send me on a mission. I needed to be broken in, so to speak. Taught. Part of the Black Widow training is learning how to use your body to its fullest capacity, and a lot of that includes seduction and making the men who are my targets happy. You know this." They'd had too many discussions about it, Loki none too happy every time it came around, but what else was she supposed to say? What else was there for her to do? This was her job, this was how she atoned for what she'd done both by herself and with Winter at her side. This was how she chose to live her life, and if he didn't like it, well, he knew where the door was. Not that she thought he'd take it, but if he had a problem that was the solution provided him.

"And you picked him?" He demanded, his face brokering no alternative to talking about it.

She gave a rough, humorless smile. Oh how little he really knew. "You don't get to pick in the Red Room, not when you're at the bottom of the rung like I am. He chose me, was rewarded with me for having done such a great service to the motherland." She said, pulling away from him to sit on the bed. It wasn't something that she was wholly comfortable talking with, never would be, but he wouldn't be content until he knew, and it wasn't worth the struggle of trying to keep it all from him. Not when he'd sulk about it soon enough. One thing was certain about Loki-if he wasn't trying to get into her pants, trouble, or her past, she knew it wasn't really him. He was a nosy brat. A nice one, admittedly, when he was satiated and able to get his extra energy out, but still a brat.

He didn't say anything in response, however, simply kissing her cheek before taking a seat beside her. One of his hands threaded their fingers together, and he brought her hand into his lap. "I'm sorry. I know it must be difficult to talk about," he murmured and she looked, surprisingly over at him. Oh. This was unexpected. Pleasant, but unexpected. "Did you love him?

Yes.

"I'd thought so," she admitted, used to telling half truths. Her life was based around them. She was Russian, but with the stunted American super soldier serum within her, a mortal, but not entirely so as she was pushing eighty years old. There was so much of her that was half true it made it difficult to guess at what was false and what was wholly correct. He seemed to catch onto that part, and for that she was grateful, his lips brushing against the side of her cheek.

"I love you." He murmured. He'd been saying it for the past few days, and though she knew he was looking forward to the day when she'd return the sentiment there wasn't much else that could be done. His ties went deeper than her own, so far at least, and there was nothing that either of them could change about that, it was simply the nature of the bond as he'd explained it. She simply kissed him, fingers framing the side of his face before she pulled away and tugged her pants back on. She wasn't quite in the mood, and he didn't want to even consider it when they'd just been talking about one of her old lovers.

Things went on smoothly for the most part from then on, Steve and Bucky spending most of their time at his own apartment, not wanting to overexpose and freak Bucky out by having so many people near him at one time. Natasha thought he'd be relieved. Even when he was Winter Soldier, entirely in control of himself and the situations he'd been shoved into, he'd never quite liked all the attention, all the commotion that came with being in a large group. She hoped that Bucky, whatever parts of him that were in there at least, was more at ease around people, else they'd be in for an interesting time. She had a feeling that Steve was trying to get him to join the Avengers, and while they'd gotten Sam to join as well, they could certainly use all the people they could get.

Besides, he and Natasha would work well together, having had so much time logged into the gym, training with one another for decades. If anyone could ever fit right in she was sure that Bucky would be one of them.

None of this, of course, pleased Loki, but he kept his silence about the situation, not wanting to offend Natasha any further or reopen any wounds. She was grateful for his tact, sure that he would be able to feel when she was uncomfortable with the situation, and rewarded him by keeping him as close as she could stand. Every so often, when Bucky came to hang around the others, looking like he was getting less sleep than he ever had before, she'd catch the pair of them glowering at one another from across the room, though nothing was ever said. She tried to chalk this up to them simply being boys, and went on her way as though nothing had happened.

On the rare occasion that Bucky did seek her out she was more than happy to go along with him, keeping her voice soft and her movements well telegraphed, an odd but necessary sensation for her. It wasn't that he was like an animal, easily spooked, but it was best to take precautions so as not to trigger any flashbacks or unnecessary memories. She knew all too well what those were like and wouldn't have subjected anyone to the horrors they brought with them. More often than not he'd come to her with quiet questions and mixed curiosity and caution brimming in his eyes, wondering what it was that they had done in the past, what the total body count had been while he was still working for the KGB, before Hydra found him and took them for their own. She'd thought he'd died that day, and had mourned by taking out an entire squadron of Hydra's closest. She'd thought, at least, that that had been doing his memory some justice.

They'd, in turn, retaliated by attempting to burn her alive, catching fire to the safe house that she'd taken up in. One thing had led to another, and Ivan's displeasure at her emotions getting the better of her, of her going off on her own to exact her own vengeance, had led to her being considered an expendable asset. Clint had found her on the suicide mission the Red Room had sent her on, and the rest was a history she was more proud of remembering but no less difficult to speak about. The past was in the past, so to speak, and she only brought it up when he prompted her to, asking how she dealt with the horrors that they'd done, all but begging her with his soft eyes and twitchy fingers to confirm the terrible deeds committed while brainwashed.

She could understand it, she supposed, laying a hand on his normal shoulder and squeezing. He relaxed into the touch, leaning his head to the side to feel the warmth of her skin against his cheek. They all had their counts to tally up, all had debts to be paid. How they went about doing it, well, that was the turning point, wasn't it?

When he brought up their more intimate past she'd been sitting in one of the many family-styled rooms that Stark rarely touched, blank in hand, though she'd put it down when Bucky had taken a silent seat beside her on the couch. Loki was off galavanting with Thor, checking back on Asgard to ensure that the queen was alright, and for Loki to assist in some of the damages he'd wrought while there, now that he'd considerably calmed down, and Bucky was more than happy to take advantage of Natasha's usual shadow.

"Do you remember us?" He murmured, hands fisting on his knees, face down turned as though he didn't trust himself to look at her.

She licked her lips, puzzling over the question. "How do you mean, Bucky?" She asked, voice soft, pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. He turned, catching her eye.

"Us. Moscow, Saratov, Belgorod. Tambov. The seedy motels or safehouses provided by the Red Room."

She actually felt herself smile at that. Wouldn't he be pleased to know that things didn't always improve from that? It wasn't always a five star hotel that they got to stay in while on a mission, sometimes they were worse than the dumps that Ivan had sent them to stay at for weeks at a time. At least then they'd always had the guarantee of a hot, usually flavorless, meal. Not to say that her own missions were so spartan, she simply wondered how glamorous Steve made it out to be.

Then again, he didn't get sent to be the hooker or the sex kitten to infiltrate the less than savory bastards out there, did he?

"Yeah, I remember," she said with a quiet laugh. "God, thought the bed would break some nights, you'd lay into me so hard." She reached out to take his hand and he latched onto it, squeezed it hard. Not that she'd ever complain. He'd been all she'd known back then of choice, and she'd chosen to lie with him. He'd never once had to force her, not like the others whose job it was for her to seduce them and get the information. No. Bucky was her choice, her one and only up until Alexei, and even then that match had been engineered entirely by Ivan's choosing. She'd not mourned his death the same way she'd mourned Bucky's, after all.

"I think about that a lot," the soldier admitted, his metal hand shifting hair out of his face as he turned to face her straight on, one leg bent on the couch, the other thumping nervously on the floor, as though he had too much energy and not near enough to do with it. All this downtime wasn't good for him, and she was curious just how much Steve had let him do, and how much he was doing for him to try and ease his way back into society.

"It's some of the better memories to think about-."

"Not always," he gritted his teeth, and she could practically visualized the memories that he brought back with him this time. The times that Ivan had shouted for them to stop being so close, had punished Natasha by sending her out into dangerous missions. They'd gotten craftier at sneaking time together after that, had had to. They weren't in love, not by the conventional meaning, not the way that Natasha thought she'd want to be with someone someday, but they did need one another, relied on each other.

He still did, if she was to judge how he held onto her hand like a lifeline, and she felt her heart grow heavy in her chest. What the hell was to be done about that?

"You're with Loki now, are you?" He asked.

"You already know the answer to that."

"Guess I don't really get the right to say anything."

She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "You're more than welcome to say whatever you want. Free country and all that," her smile let him know that she was teasing him. "Doesn't mean I have to listen to it, though."

"I miss you."

Her throat tightened. Yes. She'd been afraid of that.

"If he ever-."

"I'm not sure he will, Bucky. Can you live with that?" She asked, and her voice was so close he had to pull closer to make sure he could hear. "What Loki and I have . . . it's complicated. Real complicated. But it doesn't look as though it's going to go anytime soon. Now, I'm not saying that you should have a problem with it, and I'm not looking to make it an issue, but if you're both going to be part of this team then you both need to come to terms with that. We've had a past, and Loki and I-." Her voice cut short. What did they have? She wasn't sure what to call it, after all who knew how long this bonding thing lasted. If life, then fine, but she had a difficult enough time projecting that much thought into where she'd be in a month's time. What the hell was she supposed to do with the assumption that Loki seemed to have about them being together until she died?

And who even knew when that would be? It wasn't as though her job was the safest, sanest thing out there, especially now that Shield's secrets were out and it was all her doing.

She sighed and shook her head. "I just don't know, Bucky. I don't know what to tell you."

"Do you love him?"

"You really think I'm a simple enough person to give that a yes or a no?" She asked, one eyebrow rising. What did the word even mean, really, and when the hell was she supposed to have learned it?

His body went lax as a sigh worked its way through his mouth, leaving him looking far more tired than he had since he'd been sitting with her. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek, catching his chin with her hand when he tried to move into the kiss.

"Stop that, James," she said, voice thick with emotion. "You'll only hurt yourself."

"I'm gonna fight for you, Natalia," he muttered, and she hated that he pulled out her real name as surely as he likely didn't like his own. "Once everything gets squared, gets back to . . . I don't know. But I'm not giving you up that easily. I don't care who he is."

"Do you care enough to respect my opinion?" Her voice went cold as she pulled away from him, eyes narrow and hand retreating from where she'd been holding his as her whole body went rigid. Honestly, what was it with these men and thinking they owned her? They could no sooner claim possession of her than they could a firestorm, and she had every intention of breaking it off with anyone who thought they could.

Bucky backtracked swiftly. "If you want me. I don't want to live in a world without you. I've done it for so long already, I don't want to have to do it anymore."

"It's not your choice. I get as much of a say in it as you do, as does Loki. If you two want to work something out then fine, but don't you consider turning this into something that you're going to instigate because you feel like picking a fight and opening up some old wounds."

She rose from the couch, taking her book in hand and making her way towards the door to get back to her room. She didn't want to think about what he said, but before she'd made it so much as a foot he caught her around the wrist and held tightly. She tensed.

"I'm sorry. I do care," he murmured. "And if I have to make it work then I'll make it work. You're worth it, if you'll have me."

"Let me go," she said, voice icy. He complied, and she didn't say another word to him as she moved floors and nestled herself into bed, pulling the covers tight around her body and closing her eyes so tight she saw stars.

The day after Loki and Thor returned from Asgard, a carnival had been set up in one of the nearby parks, and Steve had insisted they all go to it. The day of was warm and sunny, and they all seemed in high spirits as they traipsed down in their civvies towards the thrum of noise and life, children's screams of joy radiating in the air. Loki kept his arm wrapped around Natasha's shoulders, throwing surreptitious looks towards where Bucky and Steve had taken the lead, the both of them jabbering away about the time they'd gone to Coney Island as kids to adults and been determined to go on every single ride there. Natasha kissed his cheek, murmuring for him to calm down, before turning her attention to the conversation that Bruce and Thor were having about what to expect from the carnival. She'd never been to one herself, not having had time or the mind to go to anything so trivial when she was a child, and so the sight and swell of people took her off guard. So many of them, and it was only noon in the middle of the week. Crazy. Still they had no problem navigating around, Clint shouting out which lines seemed to be the shortest. Nat's eyes fixed on the ferris wheel first, and, tugging Loki behind her, announced to the others that she'd always wanted to ride one before they pitched forward into the throng of exuberant children, exhausted looking parents, and teenagers playing hokey for the day to enjoy the early summer weather.

"What is it?" Loki asked, eyeing the contraption as they stepped closer and Natasha pressed money into the operator's hand. The wheel stopped at the next available compartment, and Natasha eagerly moved the bar to allow she and Loki a place to sit, before placing it over their laps. Securely fastened inside, the machine groaned as it moved once more, and Loki stiffened at her side.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights," she teased, kissing his cheek as she reached over to run a hand over his groin. He'd been so good, lately, and if there was anything she'd learned it was that the easiest way to mellow him out and calm him down was this. Her touch was often enough to do it by itself, but added with the adrenaline of possibly getting caught?

Well, there was a reason she'd never been able to consider early retirement. What the hell would she do to get her kicks if this was how she acted after being off a mission for so long? He gave a soft groan as she slipped her hand past the belt of his jeans and massaged his hardening cock, the gasping and chattering of those around them easily drowning out the noises that Loki was making as he leaned closer to murmur in her ear.

"Why do you have to do this to me now, you wanton creature?" He asked, half teasing, half honest, back arching as she ran her thumb over the slit of his cock, precome slick against her skin.

"Because you like it, and you've been so good the past few days. Thought you might enjoy it. I could always stop-." His hand closed over her wrist as she made to pull away.

"Wars have been started for less," he warned her, the glint in his eye showing that he enjoyed the exhibitionism as much as she did. As they cuddled closer, Loki managed to whip up magic enough that it would look as though nothing suspicious were happening, allowing Nat to get a better grip as she pumped him in her hand, leaning in to bite his throat, relishing the way he shuddered beneath her.

In no time he was tightening the grip on her wrist to near painful proportions as he came, hot and wet, covering her fingers as he made a bit of a mess of himself. She pulled her hand back with a shit-eating grin as he slumped beside her, breathing hard and going slightly pink in the face before he cleaned himself up. Natasha brought her fingers to her lips and cleaned them off with an arched eyebrow, loving how his eyes glazed and his mouth parted in surprise. So long as she could keep him entertained and on his toes she'd consider that a victory in itself.

"I would be lost without you," Loki whispered in her ear as he held her closer, kissing her deeply though she protested that he was missing the beautiful sights around them, opening up the ability, admittedly by her own mistake, for him to tell her that the only beautiful thing in front of him was her, and though she rolled her eyes and punched him for being so cheesy she couldn't deny that it had a heavy hand in the reason she was grinning like a fool as they disembarked to find the others.

Loki was even too content to find it in him to glower at Bucky, possibly because Natasha had taken the initiative herself, that he hadn't had to do anything to prompt her to be intimate, and was taking that as a positive, but the other soldier was definitely not as thrilled with the change in their moods.

She'd told him, though, had given him more than enough ample warning, and as he'd beckoned Loki to go with him to one of the other rides, Nat traipsing after Clint on his search for the perfect combination of fried dessert, she couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually take her advice and talk to Loki about it. Compromise.

A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed! I'm really kind of super enjoying writing Nat and Bucky together, soooo this might turn into an OT3 kinda deal. Might. Just because I can't stop thinking about the two of them, and adding Loki in the mix is just something that really makes me smile.

Either way, thanks so much for reading! And thanks to the anon who prompted the carnival portion of this!