kyu: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in forever. I had a couple things here and there that took me away from my laptop. But here's the next chapter! Nothing wincesty in here though! Just a little bit of angst. Next chapter will begin some hard times for Dean though...

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or their characters. God how I wish I could though!

Sam woke to… nothing. No soft snores, no deep breathing, no Dean kicking his legs back onto his side. Sam sat up and panicked for a second, thinking Dean was gone again, that he had just dreamed finding his big brother and finally bringing him back where he belonged.

Then he realized that the covers next to him were just as ruffled as his and that they were still giving off a bit of heat. Sam got up and slipped quietly down the stairs. After a quick search of the kitchen, study, and living room, he slipped out the back door where he found Dean curled up in a porch chair, his head resting on his knees.

"Dean?"

Dean's head snapped up, his eyes wide at being caught out of bed. "Sammy? What are you doing up? You should be asleep."

Sam rubbed his eye. "I could say the same about you. Why are you out here? I would think you'd be happier in the warm bed."

"I… I couldn't sleep. Been doing too much sleeping lately. Too much dreaming." Dean rested his chin on his kneecap, his arms still wrapped around both. "Guess it all caught up to me."

"Is it me and my long legs again? Would you rather I sleep on the couch?" Sam sat in the other chair, tucking his cold feet up under him.

Dean closed his eyes at the thought of those long legs tangled together with his, wrapped around his waist, sprawled across his lap on the couch. The nostalgia that hit him- the want that punched him in the gut- was so strong he almost pressed a hand to the offended area.

"N-No, Sammy. It's just me. Just trying to get used to this."

"To what?" Sam tilted his head like a puppy, big brown eyes adding to the picture. "This is real. This is what you're used to."

"No, Sammy. This was different from the first time." Dean glanced at Sam, but he found it easier when he didn't have to see those eyes. "The first time felt wrong from the beginning. I remembered everything and just didn't care for a while that stuff was weird."

Sam nodded for him to continue when he paused.

"This time I had no recollection of anything from this life. I had a completely different life. I had memories. Of everything. From childhood on. It felt like years in there, Sammy. Then suddenly, I was getting dreams." Dean shifted, lowering his legs into an Indian-style position and wrapping his arms around himself, trying to get comfort from a hug he barely felt. "Nightmares that would wake me from a dead sleep, shaking in fear and self-hatred. And then I would get told that it wasn't real. That there was no way I had acted like that. That there was no way I would abandon my little brother to go get laid every chance I got."

"Dean…" Sam was shocked. This wasn't what he and Bobby were expecting. The last time, Dean had righted himself in a couple hours. This didn't look like it would be so easily shaken off.

"It's okay, Sammy. I'll fix it. I'll get it right eventually. There's no need to worry." Dean smiled up at him, but it was that smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"You keep calling me Sammy." Dean blinked at the realization. "It's all you've called me since you woke up. Normally, you only use it to annoy me or when you're feeling especially chick-flicky."

"I- I'm sorry." Dean's eyes widened, and his cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "I just… Habit again, I guess."

"I'm guessing we were friendlier in this version than in the last?" Sam chuckled and stood, stretching his long arms.

Dean's mouth went dry as he watched those abs flex, those biceps curl. He had to look away quickly to avoid being caught. Instead he mumbled, "You can say that again…"

SDSDSDSDSDSD

The boys stayed at Bobby's for two more nights, then deemed Dean travel-ready again. They packed their meager possessions and headed out after many goodbyes with the old man. Dean stopped at the car and just stared. "Oh, Baby, I missed you."

"You didn't have the Impala in your dream? The car you love more than life itself wasn't in your deepest desire?" Sam was gobsmacked.

"Wasn't exactly safe for Lucas. Couldn't put his car seat in it either." Dean muttered, not completely paying attention to Sam's widening eyes as he ran his hands along his baby's roof.

"Lucas? You- Dean, the infamous bachelor- had a kid?" Sam picked up his bag from the ground, where he had dropped it in his shock.

Dean froze, his hand retracting like it had been burned. "I- Yeah. H-He was gonna be six in a week."

Sam snapped his mouth shut at the utter hurt that rang in his Dean's voice as his brother slipped into the driver's seat. He rubbed at the pang in his chest at the thought of his brother having an apple-pie life. Without him.

The drive from Sioux Falls to Fort Collins, Colorado was a long one. Ten hours in the car was too much for Dean after having not been in a car for more than an hour in his dream. They stopped in Alliance, Nebraska for the night, Dean getting cramped and cranky after several hours. Sam waited in the car while Dean went to check them in.

"They didn't have any doubles left. Only queens and kings. I got us a king, cuz I figure the more room the better." Dean shifted back and forth on his feet, looking slightly guilty and anxious.

Sam smiled up at him. "It's fine, man. We've been sharing for the last few nights anyway. What's one more?"

Dean seemed to brighten a little at that, but he was still a bit on edge. "Y-Yeah. I guess."

They reparked the Impala and grabbed their bags, shuffling into a room tastefully done in blue and greens with a subtle leaf pattern on the brown trim. Sam was impressed. "Wow. This is actually… nice. Nothing like we usually get."

"I thought it would be… bad. Remember that pirate theme we had in that tiny town in Oregon?" Dean laughed at the memory.

"Oh, don't remind me. Or that poker themed one we had outside of Vegas!" Sam shuddered.

"Bleh!" Dean tossed his bag on the floor by the bed. "We've had some pretty awful places before, but that was just tacky."

"Right?" Sam gently set his bag on a chair by the window. "I'm gonna go shower, okay?"

"Care for company?" Dean froze at his slip, but Sam just played it off, thinking nothing of it.

"No thanks, Romeo. I'll do just fine on my own!" The door closed between them, and Dean dropped to the bed, his head in his hands.

"Idiot!" Dean yelled at himself. "What kind of brother asks that?! If you hadn't been such a man-whore before all this, Sam would have freaked at that!"

He'd just have to be more careful. It couldn't be too hard to relearn his mannerisms, right? He'd survived Sam before. Had ignored all the stirrings his tall, tan body had caused. He could do it again, right?

But that was before. Before he had touched, learned. Before he knew what it felt like to go to sleep with Sam at his back, his taste on his tongue and his seed between his thighs. Before he had woken from that sleep to go take care of their child, cradling a mini-Sam and rocking in a chair, singing him to sleep as his mother did for them.

This was gonna be the hardest thing he had ever done.