The four of them stood there in awkward silence for a moment, all of them craving answers to different questions, none of them making eye contact until John decided to turn towards Sherlock and pretend, as much as it was possible, that they were alone in the room. He cleared his throat and raised his eyes to Sherlock's, dark blue irises catching lighter ones.
"Sherlock I..." John sighed heavily and licked his lips. "I know this isn't the time for this... But, I just-"
Oh, so they were going to have this out straight away, were they? Sherlock would have preferred to wait, at least until he had had a chance to see the letter Moriarty had sent them, but that was not going to happen. I suppose if they discussed this now, they could save time later.
"John stop. You're right, this isn't the time for this."
Sherlock watched his partners face fall slightly and swallow back words as he looked away from him. He let John process this for a bit, but he couldn't stand that look on his face anymore so he hurriedly carried on his sentence.
" but I will make time for you John, your happiness is essential to me and I fear that I have not settled your mind with details pertaining... Us and the... The sentiment that I... Um, feel, for you. I have deduced by your conduct recently that you are slightly worried about the veracity of this, and that you think that my worries are... Truthful yet pointless pertaining to the danger that criminals would exhibit if our relationship was known, as you get kidnapped on a semi-regular basis even without that knowledge. Following this incident and ones recently, I believe that you are mostly correct. Viewing that, I have come to the conclusion that we should make our partnership public ourselves and on our terms before that decision is taken away from us by the content of these tapes, as i would not be surprised if the 'consulting criminal' sold this information to the press or to slightly less...savoury places. That does not mean that I will sit back and let him, and once I have viewed the evidence I hope to follow up on all lines of investigation, no matter what it takes."
Sherlock took a deep breath and congratulated himself on his verbal prowess, waiting for John to agree with him so that they could get on with it and stop dragging this encounter out unnecessarily, whilst in front of an audience. He may need to call Mycroft for damage control, the fat git could do with something to keep him occupied.
John physically leaned away at this, he was so taken aback that he just stood and blinked for a couple of seconds, shoulders still squared where he had been anticipating a degrading speech on the futility of emotions. He twisted slightly so that he could see whether or not Lestrade and Sally had heard the same thing or that he was going mental. Nope, not mental yet, going by the look on their faces. John had really not expected this, he felt like all he knew about the detective and his privacy was being turned up on its head.
Sherlock felt like an even bigger imbecile than before. He had already admitted to himself that John was still a bit of a blind spot in his deductions, especially those related to emotions, but he had never thought John would believe he was capable of just swiping away his lovers feelings like an annoying gnat. He was becoming a bit fed up, actually, and more embarrassed by the minute. John was not that stupid or blind, surely, unless Sherlock had been completely wrong and John did not want their relationship to become public news. No, no he knew John, he would never use him like that, like a toy that could be thrown away at anytime. No that was stupid, stupid, stupid. No harm in collecting evidence though, was there.
"John... I don't understand. Why are you so surprised? We've been in a relationship for most of the year, how could me declaring my feelings possibly alarm you? What, is it not real if only we know? Are the actions that occur behind closed doors not special or affirming enough for you?"
Watching Sherlock with increasing guilt slowly build up his walls and protect his self behind sneered words, John realised that he had to explain fast, otherwise he would be closed off for a while and he did not want to go through this ordeal with an upset Sherlock on his hands. They had to stand together, otherwise Moriarty would win and break them apart. Not caring that Donovan and Greg were watching Sherlock in avid wonder, as if staring at a rare animal, John pressed his palms to Sherlocks face and stepped closer, enough so that he was looking up at his boyfriends turned away chin.
"Sherlock. Look at me. Please."
Sherlock, slowly tilting his head towards John at a glaciers pace, clenched his jaw and tried to deduce what John was going to say. He couldn't, although he detected concern and a healthy dose of shame in his eyes.
"Sherlock, I love you. I would tell everybody in the world about us if that made you happy, and I would have done at the beginning, even before we got together and stopped being idiots. But... I guess that I got it into my thick skull that you somehow felt ashamed to admit being with me. I know, I'm stupid right? I know that you love me. I know that you would do anything to keep me safe, without being constricting or clingy. well, at least most of the time. I know it in the way you play all my favourite songs on the violin, in the way that you are always there to keep the nightmares at bay. Yeah, I know you can be a right dick sometimes, and you drive me up the wall on even the best days. Especially when you steal my gu- well you know..."
at this point John cleared his throat sheepishly as Sherlock widened his eyes and made a shushing motion with his lips.
"And despite knowing all that, i love you so completely that I don't know how I survived before you. I almost didn't."
John gave a sad smile that portrayed his own self loathing, and Sherlock could not at this point stop himself from wrapping his arms around his blogger, hands resting naturally, casually as if a move that had been executed a thousand times before, on his waist. Their eye contact was extremely intense, more so then Lestrade or Donovan had ever seen between the two men. They debated on whether or not to give the couple some privacy, but that had long gone out the window.
In fact, privacy would soon be at distances as to be invisible from said window.
The next words soon burst their eardrums, yet it was Sherlocks facial expression which shocked them: it looked like he was drifting into unknown heights of feeling as they watched his lips shake, his eyes glisten and his hands tighten their grip.
" I thought that I wasn't good enough for you, hell I still think that. What I'm trying to say in a round about way is that I'll always be here, and you have always been enough for me, more than enough. I know how you like to gather the facts, so I'll give you one: I will never stop loving you. No amount of grand declarations or silly flowers or ridiculous valentines cards will change that. No stomach-churning experiments or body parts in the fridge. You don't have to change sweetheart, not for me, not for anyone. Although it would be quite nice if you do the washing up or the shopping every now and again. So... Yeah. That's... Well."
John finished off gruffly, his voice a bit thick and a weak grin on his face.
"John..."
Sherlock felt overwhelmed. He could not have dreamt this happening to him, not in all his destructive yo- yo life. He was an ex drug addict, an absolute arse hole who hadn't cared about anyone before John had turned up out of the blue. He was selfish and arrogant to an extreme level, and had only just realised that he was not the sociopath he thought he had been. John had changed him, and he may not have welcomed that fact at first but he now craved for John's approval, the change not being forced or asked for by John himself; rather, Sherlock had wanted to change for John, to be someone that John Watson deserved.
And here was his partner, saying he did not deserve Sherlock of all people, whilst he stared at him like a half whit instead of getting on his knees and worshipping the man. Who cared who saw? He had waited for ages to tell John, and now was the time. Hmm... Maybe not right here, who knows what had been on this floor. No point getting his dress trousers dirty when he could wait until they got home to get on his knees. Maybe then he could use his mouth for something other than talking to please his doctor. Decision made, he pulled John by the hips until Sherlock could perch on the edge of the chair he had been sat in, John standing in between his thighs. He grabbed his hands and held them tightly, so tight that John's fingers changed from golden sunshine to bone white, bleached by the strength of Sherlocks grip.
"You must understand John, I don't know how to convince you otherwise. I'm no good at this. You're the first person who I've ever felt remotely close to in a loving way. Yes, before you say it, there is Mrs. Hudson of course and Lestrade to an extent- don't look at me like that Greg, I know about your little 'paternal' conversations with John,"
"John what the hell? I thought you said you wouldn't tell him!"
Lestrade shuffled his feet even more than before as his embarrassment increased to unknown levels. Was there a point at which you could die of it? Greg didn't know but he was sure that if it was possible, he would be the one to find out from first hand experience, and probably today. It wasn't even bloody 10 am yet, and his coffee was no where near strong enough to deal with this dramatic shit.
Sherlock peered around John's body and scoffed.
"Of course he didn't tell me, I am a detective for a reason other than to save your so called reputation from diminishing due to the 'impossible' cases thrown your way. Now shut up, I'm trying to tell John how much I love him and you're ruining my speech flow. Where was I..? Oh yes..."
John was flickering his eyes between Lestrade and Sherlock incredulously as his partner returned his gaze to him with a completely straight face. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He settled on doing a bit of both, laughing breathlessly, staring at his lover with a telling wetness in his eyes as Sherlock looked on, bewilderingly ruffling a hand through his hair.
"John, why are you doing that, stop it, I need to get this out before it takes up too much short memory space up, it's already backed up in 3 different places... No! stop giggling! This is a serious matter, John, please just quieten down and listen."
John saw that Sherlock was now becoming desperate, his bum almost hovering off of the chair to get closer as his hands tugged John impossibly closer so that his whole vision was filled with the sun mottled forrest and sky ensigns of a tortured soul.
"Alright, alright, settle down love. I am listening, don't worry, so please go on. It's not often I get treated to a nice soliloquy on how amazing I am."
He grinned, trying to lighten up the situation a bit more, knowing that Sherlock was getting unbearably frustrated due to his mirth. Sherlock felt himself become calmer, although he was still a bit miffed that John might not be taking him seriously enough.
" Really, was that so hard? I uhh... Wait. Wait."
For god sake this was taking too long! Who could have known how difficult this silly stuff was!? Sherlock huffed, looked away from John, entered his mind palace quickly and then found the document he was looking for. It was crumpled and ink stained, as if it had been handled numerous times: more scribbles and corrections than actual words.
"Ah! Yes got it."
Donovan was now seriously considering leaving at this point, muttering to herself about how much of a freak he was was not helping her mood at all. Sherlock darted his eyes over to her and she watched as he clenched his jaw, his face overcome by burning determination, meeting John's eyes once again.
"What I feel for you is magnified by millions compared to them. You- you never want to irreversibly change me, and you accept me as I am. John, you are much more of an idiot than I thought you were if you for one second believe that you don't deserve me. You are wrong, so laughably wrong. It is I who does not deserve you or your love. I know I shouldn't accept it, I should do the right thing and let someone else handle your amazing, human heart... But because I am selfish I will take that heart for myself and hoard it closely to my chest, right next to mine. I didn't want to... lose you. I want to keep you to myself, cling to you completely and I thought that if everyone knew, they would try their hardest to take you away from me, warn you and then you would suddenly realise that you deserve so much better. Or worse, take you away from me without your consent and harm you before I could find you. But you are mine, John Watson, and I hope to show you off to the world as such."
A single tear ran down Johns weathered face, his smile blindingly bright. He couldn't handle the distance between them any longer, so he tugged Sherlock up off the chair, pressed himself fully along his lean body, clutched at his curls and snogged him stupid. Sherlock gasped quickly and then whimpered, attacking John's mouth with all the pent up passion he felt for him, all the love that had been behind those desperate words. Meaningless mutterings weren't his forte anyway, words could be manipulated, could be misinterpreted and he would much rather express himself with the language of gestures. He could finally, finally show off his doctor to everyone, show everyone who ever doubted him that he could manage to win the love of this man. He now knew that no one could put John Watson off him. He clutched at him tightly, hands fluttering about all over his body like the beatings of hummingbirds wings. However, John quickly turned the kiss into a slow, intimate exploration, calming him with stroking hands that glided and ran liquid gold up and down his spine. The kiss slowed even further, so slow that they ended up just sharing breaths and little kitten licks, their eyes now open as they ran their swollen mouths along the others in a imitation of an Eskimo kiss, lips spread into grins.
"Alright you two, that's enough. Seriously, you can stop now, I'm afraid I'm gonna get cavities you soppy buggers."
"I'm not that much of a soppy idiot, honest! We have eight months of frustration to make up for after all."
Grinning slyly, John winked at sherlock and turned to give Donovan a cheeky smirk. Sherlock blushed slightly and looked at John from under his lashes and messy fringe, biting his lip in a move that was clearly initiated to tease.
John adored him. He could be so shy sometimes, yet in other circumstances could be completely in command, without any reservation at all. This had been his first chance to do some serious PDA, and couldn't wait to see all the ways he could make Sherlock look exactly like that. Hell, as soon as they were out of here John was going to grab his hand and not let go for the entire journey home. No more tension and longing thickening the atmosphere while their hands were mere centimetres apart, thank fuck for small mercies. Sally curled her lip.
"Yes, please do spare me, I don't think I want to be here when you unleash all your pent up frustration on Lestrades desk, thank you very much. I'll probably get a show of that later, knowing my luck and this... Moriarty's sick sense of humour."
"Oh and to answer your previous question of half an hour ago, frankly, Sally, the sex is bloody amazing."
"Huh, I guess he must be a psycho freak in bed as well then. I guess if that's what your into John, you can keep it to yourself."
Sally could have kicked herself. Shit, her brain to mouth filter really needed some work. In the blink of an eye, John became completely serious, staring at her dead on. The change on his face was terrifying, and Donovan could not look away, lest she was vaporised into dust on the spot.
"One more thing Sally, if you ever call him a freak again, if anyone at the yard dares to call my partner a psychopath", he flicked his eyes over to Greg and back again, "or insult him in any way possible while I am in hearing distance, they will live to regret it."
Lestrade must keep pet crickets in his office, for Sherlock could have sworn he heard their chirping.
"... And on that lovely note, let's please get back to business, Lestrade. I can only deal with so much sentiment and my quota for the day has been by far filled up." Smirking he let go of John's waist and strode over to the items on the desk, though not before giving John a sweet, awkward kiss to the temple and smiling at him shyly, pleased as punch.