A/N: First, I hate authors notes so you will hopefully not see many. Second, this is the first story I have ever written and the first story I have ever published on FF, so I'm still on a learning curve. You'll notice my dialogue isn't the strongest and I tend to over use commas but I am hoping to improve as I go. Please hang in there with me. I promise I will try not to make it too painful. Third, I'm currently planning my wedding as I get married shortly and I have full time job, as well as studying for a certification for my job. Updates may be slow for the next month but I'm going to do my best. Positive feedback is always welcome. Thank you for your support!
Disclaimer: All rights to characters, names, etc. belong to Veronica Roth.
2-Tobias
"Tobias, what happened?" I hesitate and open my eyes to look at him. "I can't remember anything except bits and pieces over the last month."
My hands go still under hers. Her face is still wet with tears and it's scrunched up slightly in pain. Typical of Tris to put her needs aside. I'm torn between questioning her about what she remembers or pressing the call button for a nurse to get her the pain medicine I know she needs but doesn't want.
"Tris, maybe we should get a nurse so you can get something for the pain-"
"-no!" She says, panicked.
"Tris, you're in pain. You need it. It's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. We all know you are tough as nails," I say, smiling slightly.
"You don't understand! I don't know where I am! I don't remember what happened! I woke up and you weren't and I thought..." Her voice breaks, "Tobias, I thought you were dead! I don't want to be drugged up and sedated and wake up thinking you are dead again! I can't."
Guilt floods over me. I shouldn't have left her side. I'd been up for days, sitting in the hospital waiting for news on Tris. I had sat by her bedside, never leaving until a nurse suggested I get out of the room for a little bit.
"Go grab some coffee. You won't be any help to her once she wakes up if you are dead in your feet." She smiled gently and I knew she was right. I was running on empty. I squeezed Tris' hand and slipped out of the room.
On my way back up, Tris must of woken up. I passed the nurses station and heard them say her name. I shot down the hall, tossing the coffee in a trash can along the way.
Guilt washes over me. "Tris, I swear I never meant to leave you. I should of been here for you. I'd just stepped out for a minute." I'm blubbering on, unable to stop myself even though I know I sound pathetic. I can't bring myself to meet her eyes. Vaguely, I realize how different I am from the person I was from a short time ago. From the time before Tris. Even as we grew closer, it was hard for me to show a softer side after so long of building up walls that I had constructed so carefully for so long. I was instructor Four to everyone who knew me. Intimidating, strong, and powerful. Then, Tris came along and tore down the walls I had surrounded myself with so fast that I didn't even have time to blink. It made me feel vulnerable, yet strong and powerful in a completely different way.
Now, that strong and powerfulness is nowhere to be found. Instead, I'm groveling at her bedside. I try to tell myself to pull it together, that Tris needs me to be her support. I gather myself and bring myself to look at her again. Before I can say anything else, Tris sighs. "Tobias, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, I guess I'm feeling emotional. And confused."
I study her for a minute. She's pale and thinner, if that's even possible. She has a bruise under one eye and she's so weak she can hardly sit up. I want her to go back to sleep, knowing she needs the rest. I know Tris though, and until she gets answers, she'll make sure she doesn't so much as blink an eye. I'm wary at the thought of hashing out the details of the last month on her all at once. Having to break it to her about her parents, Caleb, Uriah again...I'm not sure I have it in me to break her heart. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"What do you remember? I'll tell you everything you can't remember," I say.
She's staring up at the ceiling, focused on her thoughts. After a few seconds, she blinks a couple of times. "I remember initiation. All of it, I think." Her face scrunches up and she absently swipes her hand across her bangs, trying to sweep them from her eyes. She has IV's and a heart monitor hooked up to both hands becomes frustrated after a few unsuccessful attempts.
I reach up and brush her hair from her eyes. "Do you remember what happened to your parents?" I ask. I'm still haunted by the image of Tris throwing up at the site of her dead Father's body.
Tris nods slowly. "I remember. But Tobias, what happened to Caleb?"