*Year One*
It's been about five months since Link went to the sacred realm and Hyrule market was turned into a redead town. Our animal friends are doing . . . decently well for themselves. They moved into a house with Claude on the west side of Kakariko village; right next to the potion shop that's not run by the old hag. Claude works at a restaurant called "Intestinal Payne"; if you don't remember it refer back to chapter 6. Anyway, while Claude works the animals' clean house, go grocery shopping, or other things; sometimes they hide out in the graveyard when Ganondorfs' lackeys decide to come through the village looking for either Zelda or Kayla. They've even made friends with the cucco patrolling around the village entrance and made a deal with it; they'd run off the villains if the cucco warns them of the villains' arrival.
It's around noon time and the animals are lazing around the house doing nothing. It's not a big house; it just has a small kitchen area, a small living room, one bedroom and a bathroom. I'll let your imagination furnish the house whichever way it wants.
"What time are we going to see Impa?" Stephanie asked while sitting on the living room sofa.
"She said training was canceled today." Sage said.
Oh yeah, about two months after Hyrule market was taken over Impa came to live in Kakariko village. She told them she came back to protect her home town because Zelda was 'hidden' in a place Ganondorf would never find her. She also offered to train them so they can protect Kayla better; which they happily agreed to of course.
"Then what are we going to do today?" Stephanie asked.
"Let's go get something to eat." Linda said.
"Linda, we ate two hours ago." Kayla pointed out.
"I have a fast metabolism." Linda said.
"You can't use that excuse every time." Kayla said.
"Watch me." Linda said, sticking her tongue out.
"Emergency! Emergency!" A voice called out from outside. The animals open the front door only to find a panicking cucco.
"What is it?" Sage asked.
"Some of Ganondorfs' goons snuck into the village and are terrorizing civilians!" The cucco reported with a salute.
"Again?! That's the third time this week!" Sage shouted, "Linda get Kayla to the secret grave, Cheyenne go be their look out, Steph come with me to get those assholes out of here."
"Yes sir!" They all saluted.
"Quit calling me sir!" Sage yelled.
The animals run out of the house; Kayla, Linda and Cheyenne going one direction, Sage, Stephanie and the cucco going the other. Kayla, Linda and Cheyenne got to the graveyard pretty quickly without getting seen by any monsters.
"It seems they haven't gone through the whole city yet." Cheyenne whispered as they walked through the graveyard.
"Maybe this time they're not looking for Kayla." Linda said.
"Fat chance at that." Cheyenne replied.
They begin to hear leaves rustling and quickly hide behind a grave; well in Kayla's case, tried to hide behind a grave. Cheyenne peaks over the grave and sees Dampe patrolling the graveyard with a shovel resting on his shoulder.
"It's just Dampe." Cheyenne said with relief and they all come out from hiding.
"Wha-Who's there?" Dampe asked in a panic, "Don't come any closer I have a shovel!" he begins to swing it around violently as our friends start backing away from him.
"Whoa, calm down there buddy! We're not going to hurt you!" Linda shouted.
"That's what they all say! Then before you know it they have me bound, gagged and naked!" Dampe shouted.
"Oh trust me, we don't want you naked." Linda reassured.
"And honestly, I don't see anyone else wanting you naked either." Cheyenne added.
Dampe swings at our friends and they start running away from him. He shouts and chases them around the graveyard while shaking the shovel over his head.
"I'm smarter then you and your ancestors! Unlike them, I keep a secret diary with my most precious secrets!" Dampe shouted.
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!" Linda shouted back.
"The location to my secret weapon is in that diary! But I'll never tell you!" Dampe shouted.
"Damn him, now I want to know where that secret weapon is." Cheyenne said.
"Ugh! My legs can't take it anymore!" Kayla whined as she began to slow down.
"Keep going Kayla, we're almost to the grave!" Cheyenne encouraged.
"Okay I'll tell you!" Dampe shouted.
"Sweet!" Linda said as she skidded to a stop.
"Only if you play-" Was all Dampe got to say before he fell in an open grave. The animals gasped and ran to aid Dampe, but when they looked inside the grave they see Dampe had busted his head on a rock.
"Holy shit . . ." Linda said and the other two nodded.
"Do you think there could be a slight possibility that he's alive?" Kayla asked.
"Not with all that blood," Cheyenne replied, "and I doubt with the lack of technology here there's anything we could do to help."
"What do we do?" Kayla asked. Cheyenne shrugs.
"Is it just me, or does everyone we come in contact with have a tendency to die right in front of our eyes?" Linda asked.
"Only two" Cheyenne said irritably.
"So far" Linda pointed out.
"Please don't say stuff like that when we're standing in a graveyard . . ."Kayla whined.
-One week later-
The whole village is back in the graveyard attending Dampes' funeral. Some of the villagers say a few words of respect while he's being buried then they all bow their head in silence at the end.
"I can't believe Dampe would run around the graveyard so recklessly; he knows how dangerous it can be." Claude said as they were walking back home.
"Well he is old and senile." Linda pointed out.
"Was" Stephanie corrected.
"What I don't get is how he fell into the grave in the first place." Sage said.
"Um . . . yeah" Cheyenne, Kayla and Linda said as they nervously glanced at each other.
*Year Four*
Life has been dull for our furry friends. Sure there was the occasional monster attack, but nothing more than that. Over the past few years they've become more familiar with their animal bodies; no longer getting irritated with their small size, long tails, walking on all fours or being completely covered with fur or feathers. Life for them seemed to be quite dull.
One afternoon they were at Impa's house just hanging outside, passing time until dinner. Sage and Cheyenne were pulling grass and throwing it around, Stephanie was reading a book, Kayla was eating some hay, and Linda decided to stare at a wall. Impa walks out of the house and looks over at the animals with a displeased look.
"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" Impa asked.
"Like what?" Kayla asked while chewing.
"I don't know, prepare for the Hero of Time's awakening?" Impa suggested.
"Trust me we have time, the Hero of Time won't be waking up for another three years." Sage said.
Impa sighs "Can't you do anything useful then?"
"Actually I have," Stephanie said. She scoots the book she was reading over to Impa, "I remember you telling us about the dark magic that Ganondorf uses so I've been studying it."
"Why?" They all asked.
"Because that dark magic is what turned us into animals." Stephanie replied before flipping through the book, "I figured if I looked hard enough I might find a way to turn us back into humans." She said as she found the page she was looking for.
"Yes, but even if you did find a way it would be useless because performing black magic is forbidden." Impa pointed out.
"The ruler of Hyrule performs black magic; I don't think we have to worry." Cheyenne said.
"Ganondorf made that rule number one when he took over." Impa countered.
"That is why I've been researching a way without using black magic." Stephanie said.
"And what did you find?" Impa asked.
"This," Stephanie replied while showing Impa the book, "It's a potion that can revert things back to their original form."
"Any side effects?" Sage asked.
Stephanie gives them a nervous smile "Nothing much . . . just that there's a possibility of death or internal bleeding . . . and it's written in bold letters."
"Well there goes that plan." Linda said.
"There has to be a way to make this potion and have it work without the possible side effects, I just have to figure it out." Stephanie said.
"I might know someone who could help." Impa said.
"Really, who?" Stephanie asked.
"The scientist who lives at Lake Hylia." Impa said.
"You know what that means!" Linda chimed.
"Road trip!" Sage shouted.
"We're leaving Kakariko?" Kayla asked; a little scared.
Impa patted Kayla on the head and gave her a reassuring smile "Don't worry Kayla; it is best if you keep moving around and keep the enemy guessing. Even if you do run into trouble you've got your friends with you."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Kayla said.
"Take the book with you, consider it a gift." Impa said to Stephanie.
"Thank you!" Stephanie said.
After saying their good byes they headed back home to tell Claude the news. Of course he wasn't particularly happy about it, but he understood their reasons for wanting to go. They were up and ready by dawn the next day and after saying a final good bye to Claude they were on their way. Unfortunately by noon, they were already lost somewhere in Hyrule field.
"I don't get why jelly beans don't taste like beans." Linda said.
"Who would want to eat a candy that tastes like beans?" Kayla asked.
"But the name is misleading-" Linda started.
"I thought you knew where we were going!" They heard Stephanie yell.
"I do, but we must've taken a wrong turn somewhere!" Sage yelled back.
"That means you don't know where you're going!" Stephanie yelled.
"Guys, we passed Lon Lon Ranch about an hour ago. If this map is correct we'll get there in a few hours, just chill out." Cheyenne said.
"And what if we end up in the wrong place?" Stephanie asked.
"We'll just have to figure it out when we get there." Sage replied.
"So why don't they just call them jelly candies or jelly fruits?" Linda asked, continuing her conversation with Kayla.
"Not all of the jelly beans taste like fruit and I figure they're called jelly beans because they're shaped like beans." Kayla said.
"Can we change the subject? All this talk about food is making me hungry." Cheyenne said.
Their conversations continued like that for the next several hours. It was close to the evening when they entered a desert area, but because they were too engrossed in their conversations they didn't notice. They finally noticed something was amiss when they were walking over a bridge.
"I know this bridge." Sage stated.
"Yeah, it's the bridge that leads to Gerudo Valley so what?" Linda asked.
"So what?!" Sage mocked, "That means we're heading to Gerudo valley not Lake Hylia!"
"So we were going the wrong way!" Stephanie yelled.
"I'm really not in the mood for your complaining right now." Sage warned.
"But you're definitely in the mood to get us lost, right?!" Stephanie yelled.
"You're the one who wanted to go to Lake Hylia so you should be finding the way there, not me!" Sage countered.
"Excuse me for trying to find a way to turn us back into humans! What happened to your 'let's use Kayla's cow powers' idea? I haven't seen that plan take effect since she's been here!" Stephanie yelled.
"I don't know if you've noticed yet, but Kayla obviously doesn't have any powers! How can we use powers that don't even exist?!" Sage yelled back.
"How should I know, you're the Zelda game expert here!" Stephanie yelled.
"Cows with magical powers never existed in the Zelda games! And stop blaming me for everything before I bust a cap in yo ass!" Sage yelled.
"Guys! There's really no point in fighting, let's just turn around and go find the right way." Cheyenne said.
"What are you talking about; don't you know this river-" Linda started to say until they heard a snap.
"What was that?" Kayla asked nervously. She took a step back and the wooden plank she stepped on breaks, causing her hoof to get stuck between the other two boards, "AH! My foot's stuck!" The other animals try and help get Kayla's foot out, but she begins to panic.
"Kayla, it won't do you any good to struggle!" Sage warned. Kayla tries to calm down, but accidently looks down at the debris filled river below and realizes she's too high! She begins to panic again, trying to step back but her other hind leg slips and she falls. Unfortunately this causes the bridge to snap in half and our animal friends begin to plummet into the rapid flowing river below, screaming for their lives.
Cheyenne and Stephanie catch themselves on the wind before hitting the water but the other three weren't so lucky. They flew over the river, looking for any trace of their friends. Finally Kayla resurfaces gasping for air and trying to find anything to keep her above water. Stephanie finds a piece of drift wood and lugs it over to Kayla; placing it under her jaw to help keep her head above water. As Stephanie was helping Kayla, Cheyenne was keeping an eye out for the other two. She found Sage on top of a small branch flowing down stream and went after her.
"I'm fine, go get Linda! She can't swim!" Sage shouted over the waves, pointing to where Linda was. Cheyenne turned that direction and saw Linda barely hanging onto a tree branch that was about to snap off the rest of the tree.
"Linda!" Cheyenne yelled as she flew next to her friend.
"H-help! I can't swim!" Linda shouted, still holding on to the branch for dear life.
"I know!" Cheyenne replied looking for anything else Linda could hold onto.
"I stuck too much food in my ta-il!" Linda cried. The branch snaps and Linda is swept away by the rapid water once again.
"No!" Cheyenne yelled as she flew after Linda.
Ten to fifteen minutes felt like a lifetime for our friends. Keeping Kayla and Linda above water was a tough job for Cheyenne and Stephanie; plus they didn't even know where Sage and her log went. After dodging more debris and falling down a few cascades, they finally made it to land. They didn't even check their surroundings; they just plopped down on the ground gasping for air. Their bodies were aching and they were out of breath.
Linda coughs "I lost ten pounds of food!"
"There's no way you could fit ten pounds of food in your tail." Kayla said.
"Did anyone happen to see Sage on our way over here?" Cheyenne asked.
"Oh you mean while we were fighting for our lives against this animal hating river?" Stephanie asked sarcastically.
"God dammit Kayla, your fat ass broke another bridge!" They heard Sage yell. Kayla was about to yell something back but when they all turned to her they noticed she wasn't alone, "Oh, this is the lake scientist that Impa was talking about."
"I was just taking a nice stroll around the lake when this rat came and asked for my help." The lake scientist said, "Please call me Professor; it makes me seem really smart."
"But you're a scientist." Stephanie pointed out.
"Yes indeed." The Professor said.
"Wow you sound smart already!" Linda said.
"Could you help us Professor? We-" Stephanie spoke.
"Why don't we finish this conversation in my house?" The Professor interrupted, already heading for his house. The group looks at each other, shrugs, and follows the professor to his house.
*Year Five*
Our animal friends have been staying with the professor for over a year now; researching the potion that could possibly turn them back into humans or . . . kill them. Well actually the professor and Stephanie have been researching, the others just hung out; sometimes doing odd jobs for the professor such as grocery shopping or fetching some ingredient for an experimental potion. Not much was accomplished the first couple of months, but they believe they might be on to something good.
One particular day, the freeloaders were out by the shore just hanging out, as usual, when they hear an explosion coming from the professors' house. They go to check out all the commotion, but as they approached the house they see smoke coming out of the chimney and all of the windows. The professor and Stephanie come running out of the house covered in soot and coughing like crazy.
"Dear Goddesses!" The professor shouted, "What a rush!"
"Let's just hope this one is worth it." Stephanie said.
"With our many days and nights of research, there's no way this would be a miss." The professor said while looking at the purple liquid in the small glass bottle he was holding.
"So what's the plan now Professor?" Cheyenne asks as her and the other animals approach them.
"Well, I'll need one of you as the test subject." The professor said. They all looked at Linda.
"What?" Linda asked.
"It's your turn." They all said in unison, remembering all the painful experiences they had with failed experiment potions.
"Wha-really? Already?" Linda asked, almost scared.
"Don't worry; I won't make you drink it at first. Just let me pluck a strand of fur off," The professor explained before grabbing a hair off Linda's tail, "there we go." He then places Linda's hair on a small plate.
"Hey, that didn't even hurt." Linda said happily, "but what are you doing to do with my hair?"
"Simple, when I pour a drop of this potion on the hair it should turn back into what it was before; a piece of your skin, but if it doesn't then it's back to the drawing board." The professor explained.
"Wish you would've thought of that before I went bald for a month." Sage said.
The professor grabs a liquid dropper (I guess that's what they're called) and squeezes a drop of the potion on to Linda's hair. For about five minutes it doesn't do anything, but just when they were about to give up and leave, Linda's hair begins to mutate into something! The professor drops the plate and they all step back, fearing it might be some kind of monster. It grows arms, then legs, then a head! After its transformation is complete, they all stare in awe at the naked figure.
"It's PERFECT!" Linda screamed.
"What the hell just happened?" Sage questioned completely confused.
"I've never been able to successfully form another Hylian being." The professor said while adjusting his glasses.
"Why does he look exactly like Link?" Stephanie asked. The other animals glare at Linda.
"What are you talking about, he looks older." Linda pointed out.
He indeed, looked older than the young Link we were familiar with; about ten years older. I'm going to put him in his mid-twenties with dirty blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, and a nice toned body. . . MMM. OH, and let's put some body oil on him . . . LOVE it!
"How could this Link be in his mid-twenties when the original Link, who you got the hair from, is probably around fifteen now?" Stephanie asked.
"Who cares?" Linda said, mesmerized by the blonde beauty in front of her.
"Wait, why was Links' hair in your tail?" Kayla asked Linda.
"Well, when he was here I used to take the strands of hair that fell from his head and wad them up into pretty balls before storing them in my tail for safe keeping. Honestly I thought they all washed away when we fell into the river." Linda explained then sighed, "I wish the scab I kept was still there though . . ."
"Is one normal friend too much to ask for?" Stephanie rhetorically asked.
"Honestly I'm more worried about how she managed to store everything she talks about in there." Sage stated, looking at Linda's tail.
"In more important matters," The professor spoke, "let's get this man some clothes before he freezes to death." He began to lead the older Link look-a-like to the house.
"You can . . . keep him like that . . . I mean, if you really want to." Linda said.
"Uh, no." the professor said, still leading the Link look-a-like to the house.
"So does this mean the potion works?" Kayla asked.
"Hell yeah it does." Linda said as she watched the Link look-a-like walk into the house; mostly staring at his ass.
"Well, by the reaction Links' hair had to the potion I'd say it does." Stephanie said.
"Great, turn me human!" Sage shouted.
"First we need to examine any possible side effects from the potion." The professor said, walking out of the house.
"He's not going to die, is he?" Linda asked anxiously.
"We'll just have to wait a few days and see." The professor answered.
-Three days later-
Unfortunately, the Link look-a-like was put in some clothes and wore them regularly. He had a moss green tunic with khaki color tights and brown boots to match, I guess. Also, it seemed he didn't know how to speak so the girls helped him form simple words. He also didn't have any of the original Links' memories or fighting skills; even though Link wasn't very skilled to begin with.
The freeloaders plus the Link look-a-like were out by the lake messing around while the professor and Stephanie were in the laboratory doing . . . scientific things.
"His motor skills have improved tremendously," the professor said as he wrote in some kind of science log, "he can feed and clothe himself without assistance. Uh, bathe himself . . . let's see . . . identify objects-"
Stephanie cut in "he can basically do everything a grown man should be able to do . . . besides speak."
"Yes, but no recollection of his original forms' past kind of worries me." The professor said.
"But he was just a strand of hair; not an actual person." Stephanie said while staring at their notes. She suddenly realized something, "If being a strand of hair was his original form, why did he grow a body?" Stephanie asked.
"That's true, if this potion could turn something into its original form, then that strand of hair should've stayed the same. It seems that we made a potion that does the opposite or something." The professor said.
"Another failed attempt then?" Stephanie asked.
"No," The professor said as he started looking around the lab, "I just need to examine the potion more. I still have a good feeling about this." he starts flipping through a huge textbook while Stephanie goes over their notes.
-Outside-
"Okay Link, say Linda." Linda said while pointing to herself. They all were sitting in a circle on the grass teaching the Link look-a-like to speak.
"L-L-inda." The sexy man stuttered.
"You know what I think?" Cheyenne stated.
"What?" they all asked.
"I think we need to give him an actual name." Cheyenne said.
"Why?" Kayla asked.
"Because when the original Link gets back from wherever the hell you said he was, it'll get confusing calling them both Link." Cheyenne explained.
"That's true." They all said.
"Oh yay! This's going to be fun!" Linda cheered.
"Sexy Beast or Muff Diver is not even an option!" Kayla said, glaring at Linda and Sage.
"Damn, Sexy Beast was my first choice . . ." Linda said sadly.
"How funny; Muff Diver was mine." Sage said.
"How about blah?" Kayla suggested. Everyone kind of gave her an uninterested face and shrugged.
"Oh! Quasimoto!" Linda shouted.
"Hell no." They all said.
"How about Sean Connery?!" Sage joked.
"Actually, I kind of like that name." Cheyenne said.
"Yeah, Sean is a good name." Kayla agreed.
"I guess, but Sexy Beast is way better in my opinion." Linda pouted.
They all turned to Sean "What do you think of your new name, Sean?" Sage asked.
"I think it is rather a lovely name." A girly voice spoke. They all turned the direction the voice came from and gasped.
I don't know why but I imagine the lake scientist guy to look like Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future ... oh well