A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the follows, favorites, and reviews! You guys are my inspiration!
When Santana wakes up, still in a slow haze, it's to an empty bed, the pillow still imprinted with the shape of the blonde's head. Santana finds herself nuzzling into Quinn's pillow, breathing in a scent that is purely Quinn. She almost starts to smile at the comforting smell, when –
Oh.
The events of the previous night come crashing into her with such a force that she screams and throws Quinn's pillow off the bed, pent up with hurt frustration.
She can't help but feel disappointed that Quinn left. She expected it – it was such a Fabray thing to run away as soon as things got complicated – but there was a pathetic side of her that held the smallest sliver of hope that maybe, well, maybe she'd stay. But she didn't.
Santana wants to scream at Quinn for hurting her, scream at herself for being so weak and exposed, but most of all, she wants to scream at her feelings for fucking everything up.
So she does. And she punches a wall, too.
Her bedroom door, er, curtain, goes flying open, and Rachel and Kurt appear, Rachel with half her makeup on, and Kurt in the middle of his morning skin procedure.
"Oh my God, Santana, what happened?" Rachel gasps as she inspects the damage on the wall. If Santana wasn't so hurt, she would've laughed – one of Rachel's eyes has full-on eyeliner and mascara, and it looks comically larger compared to the eye that's still makeup-free (oh, the wonders of makeup). Rachel sets down her tube of mascara and rushes closer to the girl on the floor.
"I'm fine, guys, seriously, I-" A terrible sting shoots up Santana's arm, making her yell in pain.
"Santana!" Rachel cries out. "Kurt-"
"I'm on it," he says, and goes to grab his phone and call an ambulance.
"I think you broke your wrist. What did you do?" Rachel bites her lip, worried.
"Punched a wall, duh. Or are you too short to see the frickin' hole?" Santana spits out, but Rachel's lived with her roommate long enough to know that it isn't anything serious.
"I know, Santana, but why?"
"Cuz I wanted to, I don't know." Santana doesn't want to talk about her; it hurts too much. More than her broken wrist.
Rachel shuts up because she notices how Santana's eyes aren't as bright anymore, how her body seems to slump on the floor. And then she notices how Santana's room seems…almost empty. There's something missing, or maybe, someone. And if Rachel had her suspicions, well, this definitely clears it up.
Rachel and Kurt accompany Santana to the hospital. Santana's too lazy to tell Rachel that half her face looks like a clown and the other looks like a baby's bottom, but at least Kurt has the decency to wash whatever lotion-skin cream-thing was on his face.
Santana insists on a bright pink cast because it's her favorite color. Or, well, it was Quinn's favorite color, but it soon became Santana's too because it reminded her of Quinn's pink hair way back in high school. That and Quinn likes to wear lacy pink underwear from Victoria's Secret.
Maybe the pink cast was a bad idea though, because every time Santana looks it at she thinks of Quinn, and thinking about Quinn hurt. But at the same time, the cast gives her this unexpected boost of confidence.
She's Santana Lopez. She doesn't get rejected that easily. No, Santana Lopez doesn't go down without a fight.
So on Monday, when she can't fight her feelings anymore, she calls Quinn. (Isn't three days the proper amount of time to not seem desperate?)
"Hello?" the blonde's voice sounds distant and wary on the other line.
"Go on a date with me." Straight to the point.
"Santana, I told you-"
"I miss you, Quinn."
"I miss you, too, and I'm sorry but-" It's Santana's second rejection by Quinn and it hurts Santana even more.
"Sorry but what? You're not gay? We're just fuck buddies? You know what, screw this. Screw you. I knew this was a bad idea."
"Sanny-"
"Nuh uh, you do not get to call me that."
"Ok, Santana-"
"Bye." Santana huffs out angrily and hangs up the phone.
It was all a bad idea. Stupid hot pink cast.
Rachel's been watching Santana closely for the past few days. She's quieter now, her insults less threatening. She isn't the first one to finish breakfast anymore, but now she's the first one to go to bed. Something's wrong, and Rachel thinks that something has a blonde head of hair and a knack for running away.
So the next Wednesday, while Santana and Kurt are out grocery shopping for next week's Very Berry Pancake Sunday, Rachel sits down and dials Quinn.
"Hey, Rach!" Quinn greets.
"Where were you last weekend?" Rachel asks.
"Huh?"
"You missed out on Very Berry Pancake Sunday. You never miss those. Where were you?"
"I um…I had things to do…" Quinn's voice is quieter, more morose.
"Things like breaking Santana's heart?"
"W-w-what do you mean?" Quinn asks nervously.
"I mean, why has Santana been moping around the past few days? It's like living with a zombie, and believe it or not, I almost miss her insults. She's not the same. So I'm asking you. What did you do?"
"I…I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb with me, Quinn. I know something's been going on between you and her. I have ears, you know. Yeah, Kurt and I try to leave the house as much as possible, but sometimes when we come home early, we hear you guys whispering to each other. And giggling. So don't think I don't know what's going on, Quinn. Because I do."
"Nothing's going on."
"Well something must be."
"Well, it's not anymore. It's over."
"It can't be over if it never even started," Rachel shakes her head.
"Rach, you don't get it. I…can't. I can't be with her. I need something casual, but she wants something more, and I don't know if I can give it to her. I don't how to," Quinn admits quietly. Rachel's heart softens at her friend's words.
"Quinn, does Santana make you happy?"
"Uh yeah, I guess. I don't know."
"She makes you laugh a lot."
"She does."
"Does she do nice things for you?" Rachel inquires.
There's a small pause and then Rachel hears Quinn say, "Yeah." Rachel smiles. This is getting somewhere.
"Do you do nice things for her?"
"I don't know. I mean, I guess. Well, I wasn't that great with her last weekend, no. But other times, yeah. I made Santana her mom's special burritos once. Or at least, I tried to."
"Do you make Santana happy?"
"Do I?" Quinn asks in a tiny voice.
"You do. You make her so, so happy, it's almost disgusting." Rachel says, and she swears that she can almost hear Quinn smile.
"So why are you denying it? You like her, she likes you, so boom! You become girlfriends and all."
"Rach, it's more complicated than that."
"So what is it?"
"I don't…know how to be with a girl. I don't even know if I like girls. And I like Santana too much. If I screw things up, I'll lose her. I don't want to lose her, Rachel," Quinn whispers.
"Quinn, Santana's been in your life since first grade. I don't think you'll ever lose her even if you tried."
"I-"
"No, Quinn, don't start lying to me. Don't do that bullcrap." The line is silent for a moment.
"You think Santana still likes me?"
"Why don't you come down next Friday and find out?" Rachel suggests.
"What if it's too late?"
"Just think about it," Rachel pushes.
"No promises," Quinn states.
Rachel takes that as a yes.
It's Friday, and it's Santana turn to ride the train. Usually, she'd be a block away from Quinn's dorm by now, but instead she's cooped up on her bed, watching old reruns of How I Met Your Mother.
Rachel and Kurt are out doing some NYADA thing, and Santana has the place to herself. The silence is nice, it's calming, it lets her forget about…
Ding dong.
Santana huffs. Who the fuck thinks they can just interrupt her HIMYM marathon time? Hmm?
Santana is about to go all Lima Heights Adjacent on that motherfuckin' doorbell ringer when she opens the door and -
"Hi," Quinn says shyly. biting her lip. She's holding a box wrapped in shiny wrapping paper and hot pink flowers. Her honey blonde hair is in loose curls, and she's wearing a pink dress that hugs her curves. Santana's favorite of her dresses.
Santana's heart quickens. What was Quinn doing here? She's so happy to see the blonde, she just wants to run into her arms, but then she remembers everything that went down with Quinn, and instead, her face hardens.
"Go away."
"Santana-"
"Go away," she says again, and slams the door in Quinn's face. She hears Quinn sigh.
"Santana! Open up!" Quinn is knocking on the door rapidly, and it quickly becomes annoying, almost aggravating. Why can't Quinn see that she just wants to be alone?
"Go away!" Santana shouts again.
"Santana, please! I'm s-"
"Just leave me alone! Go find another stress reliever! You know what-" Santana runs into Rachel's room and opens the bottom drawer of her nightstand. She grabs the vibrator inside (she found it while snooping last week; she knew the hobbit wasn't as innocent as she preached) and then runs back to the front door, opens it, throws it at Quinn, and shuts the door hard. "There! Now you got a new fuck buddy! Now can you just leave me alone?"
Santana hears Quinn sigh again. It almost breaks her heart, but she's too stubborn to open the door again.
When Quinn starts sniffling, Santana wants to rip open the door and hold Quinn in her arms, but she can't. Quinn's hurt her twice, and she can't lose her pride now. She continues to listen to the sound of Quinn sniffling. She forces herself to not feel, to just not feel anything, and then all the pain will go away.
Quinn knocks twice on the door and says shakily, "Okay, I'll go. But don't think I'm giving up. Cause I'm not. I'll be here next week, whether you like it or not."
By the time Santana's found the courage to open the door, Quinn's already long gone.
"Santana, why is my vibrator on the doorstep? Did you go through my stuff again?" Rachel asks as she and Kurt return home from their outing.
"No, Quinn did," Santana mutters, and then shuts herself in her room.
Rachel just smiles knowingly.