The Way We Were

by CarolineIsThine

"I don't care about Veronica." In the heat of the moment, it almost feels true. Wallace nods. "I know you don't care about her now. But if you ever did - at all - then I'm asking you to come."

4. Chapter 4A

Chapter 4A - The Way We Were

The four of them don't speak or even move for what feels like a long time to Logan. The ticking of the clock on the wall sounds like a loud, ceaseless drumbeat within the silence of the conference room.

Wallace disrupts the quiet first.

"So I guess we've got our orders. Visiting hours are almost over so I'll run up and say good-bye – I'll tell Veronica that the nurses kicked all of us out but that I snuck back in; she'll believe it. Mr. Mars and I can be back in the morning and then," he says, turning, "if Logan and Mac can get here by noon, I'll talk to the neurologist again and get some more infor"-

"There's no way."

Logan hadn't meant for that statement to be so loud, but he also doesn't particularly care.

Everyone turns and looks at him quizzically. Wallace frowns. "What did you say?"

"I said there's no way. I'm not doing this."

Keith looks at him warningly. "Logan"-

"I said no," repeats Logan vehemently. "Do you people not speak English?"

Mac shakes her head, her eyes wide and beseeching. "You said you'd help. You said-"

"Yeah, I said I'd help when I knew, like… less than half of the story. When I said I'd help, I thought maybe, you know, I could help with the medical bills or something. Or I could show up and let her yell at me just to give her something to do. Hell, even when I realized she had amnesia, I thought maybe we could help her get her memories back or something." "Logan-"

Logan throws up his hands in frustration. "You can't honestly expect me to do this, can you? To go back up to that room and pretend-" He tries to calm down. "Let me spell it out for you: She hatesme. She wants nothing to do with me."

Keith tries again, speaking in what Logan considers to be a maddeningly placating tone. "We understand. And no one's saying the situation's ideal, but-"

"You know what would be ideal?" snaps Logan. "If my mom were alive. Or if my dad had been a half-way decent person. Or – yes – if Veronica had ever loved me the way I loved her. That would be ideal."

"But what you're asking me to do is pretend that that last statement is true. And I'm telling you, it's like asking me to pretend that the first two are true." Logan clenches his fists. "You would never ask me to pretend that my mom is alive; it's just too cruel. And you can't ask me to pretend that Veronica loves me, because when she wakes up…"

I won't be able to deal, he thinks.

"…when she wakes up, she'll figure out that we've been lying to her; keeping her in the dark. You know she'll find out. And then she'll be even more pissed at me than she already was, and I think I've dodged enough death threats for one lifetime."

"So it's all about you, then?" asks Wallace coldly. "Poor you, right? And who cares what's best for Veronica?"

Logan laughs mockingly. "You guessed it, sport! And in return, I'll pretend to believe that this little crusade you're on is all about Veronica and has nothing to do with you."

Wallace's jaw drops. "What?"

"Maybe no one else has noticed, or maybe they're too polite to say anything. But I know why you're so gung-ho about helping her." With that, Logan stands up and stalks toward the doorway, hell-bent on leaving this godforsaken hospital.

Wallace splutters in the background. "What's that supposed to mean? I don't"-

Logan spins back around. "I'm not the one who bailedon her when she needed someone," he hisses angrily. "You are." Having delivered that parting blow, he exits the conference room, slamming the door behind him.

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The second Logan is out in the hallway, he is disoriented. He cannot remember which way he came – never mind the fact that he isn't thinking too clearly right now. He leans against the wall, closing his eyes and willing the emotions flooding through him right now to die down.

He hears the door open and figures that Wallace has sent Keith or Mac to try and calm him down. But no. He glances over to find Wallace himself, looking as miserable as Logan feels.

"So what do we do? Do we throw down over this?" quips Logan tiredly.

Wallace doesn't look at him. He is staring at the adjacent wall. "You were right. Back there, I mean. You were right."

"As always," agrees Logan.

Wallace pointedly ignores this. "That was messed up, what I said to you. I'm sorry."

Now that he has Wallace's apology, Logan isn't entirely sure that he wanted it in the first place. "Whatever. The whole situation's messed up," offers Logan.

"Yup. Life's a bitch." Wallace smiles grimly. "Veronica taught me that one."

"Hmm. Strangely enough, I figured that one out all on my own."

"I'm not surprised."

After several seconds of uncomfortable silence, Logan decides that he can't contain his curiosity. "So what did happen between you and Veronica? You two always seemed so tight."

Wallace's gaze stays firmly fixed on the opposite wall. "I'd never had a girl for a friend before," he says reflectively. "I mean, casual friends, yeah. But I was never close to a girl that I wasn't with,you know? So when we first became friends, I didn't know what to expect."

"I'm guessing it was pretty different, huh?"

Wallace looks thoughtful. "Well, see, that's the thing. It actually wasn't. Veronica was a girl, but she sure never acted like any of the girls I grew up with. You know how she was - didn't spend a crazy amount of time on how she looked. Aggressive. Not scared of anything. Good with cars and electronics, wouldn't be caught dead watching Lifetime, more balls than men twice her size and age. And don't get me wrong, I dug that about her. It made being best friends with her easy."

Logan grins. "Yeah, it didn't do much for my ego to know that my girlfriend was more butch than me."

Wallace snorts. "And for a girl, damn, she never wanted to talk about her feelings. I swear to god, the frat guys I met in college were more emotionally aware than Veronica ever was. And I'm saying this as someone who cares about her a lot. I've known her a long time and I've never met anyone as brave as she is, or as determined, but I've also never met anyone so… closed off."

"Yeah."

"And when I went to Africa, it was like… I don't know, man. Everyone just let me in. I mean, these people – the families that I worked with – they had had the most awful things happen to them. Painful things. Humiliating things, even. They had every reason in the world to be private and to keep things to themselves. And I was a stranger; they didn't know jack about me. All they knew was that I was there to try and help, and they opened up to me."

Wallace shifts his weight onto the opposite foot restlessly, crossing his arms over his chest. "And when I came back to Neptune? Hell, I'm not an idiot. I knew she'd had a rough year. But she straight-up wouldn't talk about it. I don't know whether she was pissed at me for leaving her or if it was just Veronica being herself."

Wallace shakes his head in frustration. "But still - what does that say, you know? If I knew more about the lives of complete strangers than I did about my supposed best friend? And then, you know what really pissed me off?"

Logan shrugs. "No."

"She didn't want to hear about my time in Africa, either. I mean, that shit really changed me. But she just didn't want to listen to it. Too much for her, I guess."

"So you what – just gave up on her?" asks Logan angrily. "Is that yet another lesson you picked up in Africa? When people are too damaged to talk about what's bothering them, you just up and bail?"

"Logan, don't."

It's not Wallace's voice. Logan turns to see Mac, who has just stepped out of the doorway. "I told Mr. Mars I'd come check on you. I think he's going over Veronica's MRI charts."

"I didn't hear you," says Logan lamely.

"Yeah," says Mac. "I think you may have been a little busy yelling at Wallace – who doesn't deserve your wrath, by the way. He's never stopped being friends with Veronica. They still hang out; they're just not as close as they used to be. And if you're honest with yourself, you know why that is."

Logan can't bring himself to talk about this anymore. "So what - did he send you to make sure I wasn't beating up on poor Wallace?"

Mac shakes her head. "No, he knew you wouldn't do that. He does want to know if you'll help, though. We can't do this without you, Logan."

Logan feels a hundred years old. He just wants to lie down and sleep for the next ten years at least.

"I still can't help feeling," he says finally, "that it's really selfish of you to ask this of me. Isn't there some way around it? Do I really need to be here tomorrow? Can't my 'grandmother die' unexpectedly or something?"

Wallace shakes his head. "Piz's 'grandmother died unexpectedly' – I had to say something. She still thinks he's following her around like a puppy dog. He's actually working at a radio station in Vancouver."

"And Parker's with her parents in Colorado."

Logan frowns. "Actually, I think she's still in California."

Mac sighs. "No, I mean she's 'with her parents in Colorado.' Thus explaining her absence to Veronica. Parker's still around and I could probably convince her to show, but I just thought – with you around especially – it would make things more awkward."

"Plus," continues Wallace, "we figure the fewer people who know the truth, the better. Makes things less complicated."

"And anyway," says Mac, narrowing her eyes at Logan, "even if your grandmother – or whoever – really had died, you still would never have left Veronica's side and Veronica knows it. I know the way you are with each other."

"The way we were," corrects Logan. "Things change."

Mac looks unconvinced, but she doesn't press the issue. "Anyway," she says, "will you come back and see her tomorrow?"

Logan wants to say no. He really, really does. But for whatever reason, he can't.

"Yeah, fine. I'll be here in the afternoon and – oh, wait. Shit! No. I can't."

"What is it?" asks Mac, looking very alarmed.

"Well, I – sort of already went up to see Veronica." He ignores their accusatory stares.

"I went in before I knew what was wrong, okay?" he says defensively. "And it got crazy weird - she tried to tell me she loved me, and I kind of… freaked out, I guess? I ran out of the room and now she's probably really pissed at me. Shit. Now what the hell do I do?"

Mac groans. "Well, that is both unexpected and unpleasant. Tell you what – I'll show up early tomorrow and try to have a little girl talk with her. I'll run interference as best I can."

"And we'll try to make things easier on you, man. We'll try not to leave you two alone – that way she won't be able to make any moves on you. Trust me, her dad will approve of that plan. He'll help."

Mac and Wallace are looking at him with earnest, half-pleading expressions. Logan can't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" asks Wallace suspiciously. "Sorry," says Logan. "It's just – it's kind of hilarious, isn't it? Logan Echolls: World's Worst Boyfriend. So bad that I can manage to screw up a relationship I'm not even actually in."

Mac smiles. "You're okay, Logan. You really are." She opens the door to the conference room and peers in. She shuts it quietly. "He fell asleep at the table," she tells them. "I don't know when the last time he slept was; I don't think he's been home since she's been here."

"I don't know, either," says Wallace. "I'll go up and say a quick good-bye to Veronica and then I'll come back down and wake him. You two go home. Rest up. You'll need it."

Mac throws her arms around Wallace – then turns toward Logan. Logan extends his hand, but Mac surprises him by drawing him into a quick hug as well.

"Drive safely," she tells them both. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Logan watches her until her brown-and-purple hair whips around the corner and he can't see her anymore.

Wallace does the same, then turns toward the elevator.

"Hey, man," says Logan quickly. "Can you tell Veronica I said"-

Wallace waits patiently.

"-good night?"

He nods. "Yeah, Echolls. I'll tell her. And – uh – about that conversation we had? About me and Veronica?"

Logan grins. "Oh, you mean that conversation we had about your feelings?" Wallace meets his eyes. "Never happened?"

Logan nods in agreement. "Definitely never happened."

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Dick takes one look at Logan and tells him to jump in the shower and get changed –

"-cuz we're going out, dude! You need to forget about that shit at the hospital and party the night away with me. "

Logan is seriously beat, and Dick senses his reluctance.

"Come on, dude – I need a wingman! Don't make me fly solo."

Logan groans. "Dick, you have no idea how intense it was. Veronica"-

"No offense, bro, but I don't wanna hear about it, 'kay? You've always been wrapped around this chick's finger and I don't like what it does to you. Forget her tonight."

It honestly is kind of tempting. And he and Dick rarely party much these days. "Give me ten," he says finally.

Dick high-fives him. "Yay-uh! That's my boy!" Two hours later, Logan and Dick are at a night club on West Washington Street called Bar Dynamite. They've been here for over an hour at this point and Logan still hasn't talked to anyone besides Dick. Logan is currently sitting at their table, absently dipping tortilla strips into the restaurant's (delicious) house guacamole. Dick is out on the floor, flailing his limbs wildly in time with the music; Logan supposes one might charitably call it dancing.

He rolls his eyes as he sees Dick 'bump into' several hot girls – the perfect excuse to either look down a low-cut shirt or (if he's amazingly lucky) make a new 'friend.' He is proud of him for getting out there, though, instead of sitting in his room and drowning his sorrows. He's even prouder of the fact that Dick has ordered only one beer and has been nursing it slowly the whole night – in fact, Logan would be surprised if even two-thirds of the bottle is gone yet.

Logan shifts his eyes to the left, away from Dick. There is a girl at the table across from him, sitting comfortably on her boyfriend's lap. The boyfriend's hand is tracing small circles on her lower back, and she is lightly combing her fingers through his hair as they both talk animatedly to their other friends.

Despite the horrifying reality of the situation he's currently in, he can't help wondering what things would have been like if he and Veronica had stayed together. When they had been together three years ago, their relationship had consisted mostly of wild love-making and lots of Chinese take-out. Would they ever have done "normal-couple" things like this? Would they have gone out to bars? Restaurants? Would they have gone dancing? Gone to the movies with friends?

Looking back on it, it's obvious to Logan that Veronica had actively tried to keep him separate from every other aspect of her life. She had hated it whenever he tried to become involved in her detective work. She had never encouraged him to become friends with either Mac or Wallace. She certainly didn't want him to be involved in her family life, as had been made abundantly clear to him at that laughably awful dinner with Keith.

He had thought at the time that she was ashamed of him, but now he isn't so sure. This is Veronica after all. She likes everything in her life to be compartmentalized just so.

In fact, Veronica-

"Hey, Logan," says Dick, loudly interrupting Logan's pity-party. "I have a very special lady-friend I'd like you to meet. This is… uh… well, why don't you introduce yourself? That's, like, the new feminine thing to do or whatever, right?"

"I think you mean feminist," says the girl, sounding annoyed.

"Uh… yeah. Totally. No one's more feminist than me. Right, bro?" he says, winking at Logan.

Logan bites his lip to keep from laughing. He finally takes a good look at the girl. She's cute. Tall. Red-haired. And very… familiar?

It hits him suddenly. The intern!

She is smiling nervously at him. Then she flicks her gaze furtively in Dick's direction and back at Logan, her expression very clearly spelling out: Save me, please!

Always willing to rescue a cute damsel-in-distress, Logan obliges. "Yeah, believe it or not, Dick, we're actually old friends. Mind if I steal her for awhile?"

Dick throws Logan a disgusted look. "Way to cockblock me, dude."

The intern bristles. "Sorry to disappoint you, but that wouldn't have been happening, anyway."Dick laughs and taps her on the nose before heading back to the dance floor. "Playing hard to get, huh? That's okay – I'll just check back in with you later."

Logan and the intern exchange smiles at Dick's extreme over-confidence.

"So," he says, raising his eyebrows at the girl who has now seated herself at his table in the space across from him. "We meet again."

"Small world," she replies with a grin, helping herself to his guacamole. "And hey – that's some friend you have."

"Who, Dick?" asks Logan, pretending to take offense.

"Oh, God – is that really his name?"

"Yes. And as a bonus, it pretty much tells you all you need to know about his personality. At least around hot girls." He shrugs. "Sometimes people's names just suit them."

She laughs. "As a red-head named Ariel, I guess I can confirm that."

"Awww… like the little mermaid? Let me guess – you were on your high school swim team."

"I'll do you one better. I was captain of my college's synchronized swimming team."

"Have I mentioned that I'd love to be a part of your world?"

Ariel playfully tosses a balled-up napkin at him. "Yeah - you and every guy who's used that stupid line on me since the sixth grade."

Logan grins as he dodges the napkin. "Has it ever worked?"

Ariel raises her eyebrows. "I don't know, Logan. What do you think?"

"I think that as a sixth-grader you probably thought it was the most romantic thing you'd ever heard."

She laughs. "You've got me there. But all it got Timmy Brasca was a box of conversation hearts on Valentine's Day – and a phone call that was basically him saying 'Hello?' and me getting cold feet and hanging up."

"Maybe he should have asked to kiss the girl."

Ariel sighs with mock regret. "Guess he was just a poor unfortunate soul."

Logan narrows his eyes. "Yeah, and while we're on the subject of poor unfortunate souls – you must have had a real laugh at my expense the other day."

For a few seconds, her face registers shock. She then surprises Logan by crossing her arms over her chest defensively and looking squarely at him, her expression matching his glare-for-glare. "Did I look like I was laughing?"

"Well, no, but"-

"I wasn't going to say anything, but since you bring it up? I got into a lot of trouble over that. Especially since Celebrity Magazine followed you to the hospital this evening. My editor was pissed that I hadn't done some more digging and realized that you and Veronica were obviously still important to each other. I got demoted to errand-girl - and I'm lucky I didn't get fired!"

"Is that why you're here? Trying to get your position back via a follow-up interview?"

Ariel bristles. "For your information, my girl friends and I come here almost every weekend. And as much as I'm sure you have your reasons for hating the paparazzi, the only thing you know about me is that I could easily have printed a story entitled 'Logan Echolls Suffers Meltdown Over Ex-Girlfriend's Tragic Accident' – complete with video, by the way, since I had a camera on me – and I didn't."

"Well, why the hell didn't you, then?"

"Because I'm not a fucking vulture, okay? And despite what you choose to believe, I really was told that you already knew about it. I mean, it was all over the news for twenty-four hours straight."

She looks pretty damn earnest. And Logan's a fairly good judge of character by now – all part of self-preservation.

"You know what? I actually think I believe you," he tells her.

"You know what? I actually don't care whether you do or not," she informs him icily.

Logan throws up his hands in frustration. "I should get you and Veronica together. Trust me when I say you'd be the very best of friends."

Ariel bites her lip, looking uncertain for the first time. "How is she doing? Is she okay?"

Logan freezes. What can he possibly say? Definitely not the truth. "I, um"-

"No." She cuts him off. "Don't answer that. It might be too tempting for me to keep to myself." But she gives him a wry smile, which makes him think she's probably teasing him.

"I'm sorry you got in trouble," he tells her, by way of a peace-offering.

She shrugs. "To be totally honest, I'm not all that sorry. Don't get me wrong; it's not fun spending all day dropping off your boss' dry-cleaning and getting everyone's lunch orders. And it definitely wasn't fun getting yelled at for twenty minutes straight. But I hated being a glorified stalker, and as you probably noticed, I was pretty terrible at it."

"So why do it?"

"I signed up to do an internship with the fashion department. It's always been my dream to do fashion commentary, and I couldn't believe my luck when I landed the internship; they're insanely competitive. But it became pretty apparent to me that they just shove the interns into whatever slot they need to fill – and then they just dangle the possibility of eventually getting into your department of choice over your head. Thus forcing you to work really hard. For nothing, I might add."

"Dude, that sucks."

She laughs. "It does, a little, yeah. But don't worry about me. I'll be a success one of these days, with or without Star Magazine. And the fact that-"

"Ariel? Girl, where are you? Sandra wants to meet her stupid boy-toy at that club before last call."

Logan and Ariel turn to see a pretty African-American girl in a short silver dress scanning the crowd – but looking in the opposite direction.

Before Logan can say a word, Ariel reaches across and puts one of her hands briefly on top of his. She gives his hand a light squeeze. "Fighting aside, I had a nice time talking to you, Logan. And hey - if for some reason you ever feel like talking about your tormented childhood on national television? Text me and let me know." She flashes him an unnervingly beautiful smile and shoves a napkin in front of him, on which she's written a phone number.

"Hey, wait"- he tries to call out to her, but she's already standing up to leave. He watches her saunter over to her friend, touching her lightly on the shoulder. The other girl turns around.

"Where have you been? Sandra's throwing a fit. And oh my God – guess what? I heard Logan Echolls was here tonight. That guy with the blond hair was bragging about knowing him, but he's totally not on the dance floor. I was forced to check out every guy, you know, for research purposes."

"Logan Echolls?" asks Ariel doubtfully."Even if he is here, which I highly doubt, he's probably out back snorting coke in the alley. You know those Hollywood types." She glances surreptitiously in Logan's direction. Logan rolls his eyes at her and she flashes him an innocent 'who, me?' expression.

The other girl shakes her head. "He always looks so sad whenever they show him on the news. Ever since his dad died. They must have been really close or something."

Or something, thinks Logan wryly.

"Anyway," the girl insists, "I think he seems like he'd be totally sweet."

From this distance, Logan can just barely make out the smile tugging at the corners of Ariel's lips. "You know?" she says finally. "I think you might be right."