This has the most James/Snape interaction to date! Yay!
Chapter 5: A Forced Set of Circumstances
"We have to do this before I leave, you know," Sirius whispered to him as they settled into their seats for Potions class. James curbed his annoyance. Ever since James had told Sirius about his brilliant plan, this had become an everyday occurrence.
"I know that, Sirius, and like I've told you (a million times), it can't happen unless he agrees to it. And besides—" James stopped short because Slughorn had just sauntered in. Usually, the teacher was much later than this.
"Alright class! Hurry up, hurry up! Take your seats!" his teacher announced, setting a stack of books down atop his desk. "We're going to be doing something slightly different today," he hummed, in highly good spirits. The class groaned collectively in response. What a professor meant by 'slightly different' was actually 'torturous and unnecessary change that is sure to utterly annoy you younglings.'
"Besides what?" Sirius hounded, head dipped low.
"The full moon isn't for another seventeen days. We'll have to wait anyway," James finished. Sirius huffed. Skilled as he and James were, they had yet to perfect the control of time… at all, really.
"Yeah… a day before I'm to leave for Christmas break. That's cutting it short," he said, miffed. James rolled his eyes.
"I can't magically make it a full moon whenever I want, you know, that'd just be cruel to Moony," James chided, but he was grinning slightly as he did, if only to make Sirius let up. It had it's intended effect.
"Whatever… seventeen days it is then…" he agreed, grinning, too.
"I've noticed something about my classes that I find somewhat disheartening," Slughorn announced, shuffling about his desk in a hurried manner. Sirius and James exchanged looks of slight disbelief, for what could a conniving Slytherin truly find disheartening? Weren't they coldblooded?
"For the past two months, and truly all up through these years at Hogwarts, I've been a rather complacent teacher. Subsequently, I have allowed my students to accept a rather complacent disposition. No more though, I'm afraid!" He turned to face the class sternly. "I've noticed that many of my students do not improve in their skill set. No change happens at all, in fact. Everyone is making the same grades they've earned since the first year. That is worrisome, and I have come to the conclusion that it is because none of you truly interact with anyone other than who you normally interact with."
James couldn't help but wonder where this little lecture was leading.
"So I've decided that from here on out, I'll be assigning your partners. Randomly, of course," Slughorn said, striding over behind his desk and pulling out a rather nice (and expensive looking) bowler hat. "I've put all your names in here and will pair up the partners by calling out whichever name I pick out of here," and he gave the hat a slight shake.
James wasn't too bothered by this. Even though he only really ever partnered up with Sirius, he was confident in his good luck to not be stuck with any loathsome Slytherin. He blithely glanced over at the other side of the room where the silver-and-green-clad lot were looking all hoity-toity about this new set of circumstances.
Slughorn began pulling names from the hat and announcing the pairs. James was a little pissed when Sirius was paired with Remus (seemed Sirius had better luck than him) because it meant that James was down two preferred candidates. Lily was then partnered up with a brutish Slytherin whose name James didn't know nor care to know, and then even Peter was partnered up with Lily's friend, Nora. The list of people James wanted to work with were now down to those he could tolerate, but as Slughorn read on, it was becoming abundantly clear where this was all heading.
James and Snape's names were the last to be read.
Sirius looked about ready to laugh his head off when he caught sight of James' reaction. His friend was sorely misguided, though. James was beyond irritation at this forced arrangement—beyond disappointment and disbelief. He was actually panicking. Sirius just thought James was putting on a show for his friend.
This was not the case.
"Remember your disinfecting charms, okay mate? I don't want to come back here and find you reeking of mediocrity," Sirius laughed. James forced a smile on his face. It felt tight.
"Alright! Go ahead and get into your pairs, we'll get right into our lesson!" Slughorn said, looking rather pleased with himself. James thought that this was the most idiotic scheme ever concocted. Forcing such opposing houses like Gryffindor and Slytherin into confined spaces was already moronic, but forcing them to work together? Well… that was just down right fucking stupid.
He hadn't quite forgotten that little exchange up on the marble staircase just days ago either…
"Think you can go over there?" came Sirius, trying to force down another fit of laughter. "I don't want him tainting my seat, you know." If ever James wanted to curse his friend…
"What are you talking about? I'm already making him honorary best mate—for when you leave," James said coldly. He wasn't amused, at all, by this situation, and Sirius rubbing it in his face wasn't squelching his bitterness—his anxiety. But at his comment, Sirius' face fell and then grew taut.
"Even joking, that's not funny, James," his friend bit out. James immediately felt like an insensitive bastard, but before he could apologize, Sirius had stood abruptly and left to join Remus who was sitting in the back of the class today.
"Was that a lover's spat?"
James looked up to find Snape standing beside him.
"The truly comedic thing here is that you have to ask," James said, showing no intention of moving Sirius' things to make room for the Slytherin. He would not be relinquishing the upper-hand here.
"You should placate him more," Snape continued, coldly, shoving Sirius' things off to the side before taking a hesitant seat next to James. "Because when he leaves… who will you truly have left?" Snape didn't even look at him when he said this, he was already opening his book and turning to the specified page on the blackboard. James opened his mouth to retaliate when Slughorn interrupted.
"This potion is mighty difficult. It will take a whole month to brew properly. Consequently, get used to your pairing—It won't change again until this project is complete."
"Gods," James sighed irately, dropping his face into his hands. "I thought I had such good luck, too," he mumbled. "And yet… here I am—partnered up with this… this… thing!"
"You have good luck, Potter," Snape said quietly and with something else inflected in his tone that James could not decipher. James peeked at him sourly through his fingers. Why was the git even talking to him? James was just cursing whatever gods there were in the universe. He didn't need the Slytherin butting in on his self-pity. "But my abysmal streak outdoes your serendipity."
James went rigid.
What was that? Just now? In his chest?
Wordlessly, Snape got up and went to retrieve the ingredients they would need. James found he was watching the Slytherin. If James hadn't known any better—if such events took place in the world—he would have thought that Snape had just made… a joke. The Slytherin returned and after laying out their necessary items, he looked to James.
And there it was again.
"What? You couldn't even be bothered to set up the cauldron?" Snape asked caustically. James blinked in confusion which made Snape quirk a brow. "You've done this before, right?" Snape taunted. James, catching himself, relaxed back into his chair.
"I just thought I was doing you a favor, Snivellus," –and there Snape's lip quirked into a snarl at James' most beloved nickname for the git—"Isn't this like the only way you ever feel any sort of accomplishment?" James jeered. Snape sat down.
"Potter, no need to cover your insecurities with insults," Snape quipped back evenly, rolling up his sleeves. James was surprised to find that Snape's arms weren't as spidery as he had anticipated. Pale as fucking hell, though. "I know Slughorn said this potion was difficult, but really, any dunderhead can do this if they follow the instructions. Even you." James tensed in shock. He was almost amused by Snape's banter. Almost. If it had been anyone else, James might have even conceded to defeat because the insult was so straightforward. But this was Snape. James did not want to balk to Snape.
"Oh but I'm actually getting really good at this kitchen magic," James replied. "After all… Lily's an excellent teacher," he said, dropping his voice in volume. Snape visibly tensed. James watched the reaction feeling a sense of fascination. He'd admit that this bout of insult was like going for Snape's jugular, but James rather liked seeing Snape get all worked up over Lily.
No! Not 'liked'—just that it amused him. Snape was ridiculous to ever think that he could share in any kind of relationship with Lily, whether it was friendship or not. James just like reminding the slimy bastard of that fact and noting the resulting look of incensed defeat that would come over the other.
But something astounding happened just then. Something that actually made James Potter shut it once again in front of the Slytherin.
"She should be. She learned it all from me."
What the fuck? What was happening to James that this spineless, speck of a person could continue to get the better of him? It was intolerable. It was inexcusable.
It was worrisome.
Snape took James stunned silence as a sign of victory. The bastard smirked at him. James head was reeling and spinning too fast for him to collect his thoughts. In all his confusion, anger, and surprise, what he, instead of his usual brandished wit, got out was, "You're lying." That is not what James had wanted to say.
Or was it?
Snape smirked that conniving smirk that the Slytherins seemed so quick to employ all the time. "Why would I lie about that? We used to have regular tutoring sessions. Why do you think potion's is her favorite subject?" Snape answered, looking pleased with himself as he set to dicing the belladonna. James' heart was picking up in speed… and force.
"Tutoring sessions?" he said. Snape didn't even look at him.
"Potter, if you don't at least do something, I'm going to take full credit for this potion. And you shouldn't want that," Snape replied, pouring water into the cauldron.
"Why not? And why did you just sidestep me? It's because you're lying right? Poor Snivelly. Don't worry, I find your skewed sense of reality much more entertaining than this little fantasy of yours," James said back, feeling all the concerning sensations quieting a little.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Potter," Snape said dismissively. That did not satisfy James in the least. He leaned in close.
"She's just feeling sorry for you, you know." He leaned back and smiled at Snape, the kind of smile that was so effortless and meant nothing. Snape's brows raised for just a moment, and he was bobbing his head slightly, almost imperceptibly.
"And why does it bother you?" Snape asked, as he went to strip bark off the small bundle of oak twigs.
"Heh, please Snivellus. I have to defend the fair maiden from any beast, you know— be it troll, ghost, or… snake," James said. "But her heart is so kind that it can even confuse you for someone worth caring about."
"Potter, I mean it. Do something. Can't you multitask?" Snape cut. James smiled again. Snape was getting agitated. Then stasis was returning at last.
James set to work because like hell he was about to let Snape get all the credit. He read over the potion's passage and was amazed at how many steps there were—the damn thing spanned across three pages! He pulled out a small handful of dragon claws and began grinding them up in his mortar. When it reached the consistency he was looking for, James set it aside to start on dicing the sneezewort.
He was actually working pretty diligently, and he wondered if it was because he wasn't paired up with the usually bored Sirius. Not that James would admit that to Slughorn or anything. It was just a thought.
Confident the plant was diced small enough, he went to dump it into the cauldron before one pale arm blocked his movement.
"I wouldn't just yet," Snape said, not looking at him, but trying to pound the stripped oak twigs with one hand.
"Oh come on, Snape. It's right here in the book that after the belladonna, you add the sneezewort," James explained exasperatedly.
"I've made this before. It's much better if you wait until after the oak is added. I'm almost done," Snape replied back, in earnest. James, because he'd never be spoken to by the Slytherin so casually, put the bowl of sneezewort back down. Was Snape so into this that he couldn't even muster up his usual venom? James eyed him suspiciously.
"Don't give me that look, Potter," Snape spat. Ah, there it was. "I wouldn't sabotage my own project. Not even for you." James watched as he pulverized the last bit of oak and then dumped it into the cauldron. The liquid gave a small puff before turning a deep green.
"Now?" James asked.
"Yeah… then stir it three times counter-clockwise," Snape said, getting distracted again.
"Why? The book says to do it four times clockwise," James asked, but he did it the way Snape said anyway.
"Books can be outdated, Potter. Stirring it three times doesn't over mix the ingredients so that their potency is kept a little longer. And it's better counter-clockwise because that's the natural magical pull for the oak."
"How can you tell?" James asked, peering into the cauldron like it was going to answer him. Snape held up a remaining small twig of the oak.
"If you look closely enough, you can see how the bark forms around the tissue of a tree," Snape explained. James leaned in close to look at the branch. "And depending on that, you'd know it's magical pull."
"Magical pull, huh?" James said skeptically, getting closer to the branch as if he'd be able to see such magic.
"Almost everything has a magical pull…"
"I don't get it. It's just looks like vertical scales," James said. He straightened when Snape pulled back his hand quickly.
"It's the thickness of the fissures that matter, but that varies from tree to tree," Snape said, returning back to his ingredients.
"How could you have possible figured that out?" James asked. Truly, though he'd never say it—not to Snape and not to himself—James was impressed. It was a smidgen of a realization, one that James could deftly fling away.
"Trial and error…"
"Did you teach Lily all this, too?" James asked before he could stop himself. Snape actually almost dropped the bowl along with the lacewings into the cauldron.
"That's a bit much for anyone," Snape answered, simply.
"But you retain it all, right?" What the fuck was he doing? Why was he vomiting up this crap? He furiously set to cutting up his rat spleen.
"I guess…" Snape said slowly, as if he was walking into some sort of trap. If anything, the trap was being laid for James.
James decided he'd just better spell his mouth shut. He didn't, but the thought made him shut it for a bit anyway. They continued to work in silence again, unlike much of the rest of the class. James noted that the pairings consisting of a Gryffindor and Slytherin were not making much progress. Already two people had to be sent to the hospital wing when one potion suddenly erupted purple fire and burned off half the hair on one Slytherin boy's head while it burned the tips of his Gryffindor partner's fingers. James wondered at the fact that his and Snape's potion was coming along at all.
"Excellent work, my boys!" Slughorn said, beaming down into their cauldron.
"Thank you, sir," Snape mumbled, and James was stunned to see a slight tinge creep across the Slytherin's face. Was Snape…?
"Of course, I'd expect nothing less from you two. This is likely going to turn out to be the best in the class, if I may be so presumptuous!" Slughorn chuckled, clapping Snape on the back of the shoulder, almost causing the smaller boy to drop his ingredients. Then he was off to inspect the other potions. Snape was fidgeting slightly, as if… embarrassed?
He'd never seen such a reaction from the Slytherin. And he had noticed that while making this potion— while James had flipped back and forth between pages, had stopped countless times to read, had double checked with the extra information on the black board, had Snape stop him a few more times to do things differently—Not during all that time had Snape looked away from his work, nor had he paused in his movements. There was such fluidity to him…
James felt that sensation in him quiver, and he found he couldn't stop himself once again.
"You don't even look at your book," he rushed out suddenly, startling Snape. "You have all these potions memorized?" he asked, a bit too intently for his liking. Someone kill James where he stood, now. Snape was actually coiling away from James and eyeing his book as if it were about to betray him again… like the last time James got his hands on it. Why else would James mention it just then, right?
James' knife was being awfully loud as he slammed it down on the cutting board over and over again. His heart was pounding just as loudly…
"Only the ones I've done before," Snape said, straightening, as if bracing himself for whatever James was planning. But James wasn't planning anything! Why was he asking about this shit? Why was he even talking to his most hated enemy like this? Why the fuck should he care? Snape, the paranoid twat that he was, was thinking the same thing.
"Why are you asking me all this, Potter." James, trying to convey nothing but boredom, shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm killing time. Shouldn't you be appreciative or something," James said, scrapping the diced spleen off the cutting board and plopping the bloodied bits into the darkening liquid.
"Whatever you're planning, you should just stop now," Snape said tersely, his black eyes boring into James.
James swallowed hard.
"Class is almost over, Snivelly. I don't have much time for anything," James said back, turning away from the blackness of Snape's eyes. "Besides, if I mess with you now, then I'd ruin my chances for a good mark. Think what you will of me, but I do pride myself on having top marks," James explained, trying to steady his breathing. Why was Snape still staring at him? "Plus, I've angered my one only other accomplice, so…"
"Because that's something that stops you?" Snape asked bitterly. James smiled at him, feeling that sensation uncurl further inside his belly.
"He does understand my brand of humor, that one," James said, through his teeth. Snape's jaw tightened, and he dumped his own ingredients into the cauldron. The potion bubbled forcefully for four seconds and abruptly turned a sickening yellow.
"Don't worry, Potter. You're much more conniving than you give yourself credit for." James turned to Snape, but the Slytherin had already gathered their ingredients and was returning them back to the cupboards. Deciding to ignore Snape's comment, James levitated the cauldron over to the side room where everyone else was placing theirs. He wondered, before returning to his table, if he and Snape—Well if everyone had to make frequent trips back to this class to watch out for their potion. He asked Snape this. Snape looked at him like he was an idiot. He was certainly feeling like an idiot today.
"Slughorn's going to put a freezing charm on them," Snape said slowly, as he gathered his things. James made an 'ah! I see!' expression before Snape, after one last confused and wary glance, stalked away. James tidied up his own things and then stuffed them into his bag being careful not to watch as Snape left.
"Seriously, mate, what was all that about?" came Remus suddenly as he stopped behind him. James looked over at his shoulder; he saw Sirius leave without him.
"What do you mean?" James asked distantly.
"I mean, during the whole class you were… talking to him." Remus put cautiously.
"I wasn't talking to him. I was bating him," James lied, as he straightened.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why? It's what we do."
"Sure, but… why?" Remus asked as he trailed behind James.
"Moony, cut the crap. You know why…" and James sped off hotly, but not before he heard Remus mumble, "but I don't know why." James seethed. What? Had Remus been watching him or something? And why didn't Sirius wait up for him? Was he really so peeved about James' underhanded comment that he had just left without saying anything? Sirius should know that James wouldn't actually replace him with… with…
"James, wait up!" someone called behind him as one thin arm wrapped around his own and pulled him back.
"What, Evans?" James demanded. Lily's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but she shook it off quickly.
"I was just wondering how class was for you today?" she asked, smiling slightly.
"I don't get it… It was fine—as far as Slughorn's classes are concerned," James replied, adjusting the strap on his shoulder. He needed to get to next class. Lily wasn't going to make him late for another class again, so he could just get detention… again, just so he'd accidentally meet that Slytherin again…
"James? James!"
"What?" James asked. Lily was looking at him weird. Why though?
"It's nothing… forget it," she said, stepping around him. She was about to leave when a trail of her hair brushed against his hand still on his strap. So… he reacted.
"Wait!" and he grabbed her arm, much like she had his just a second ago. "What did you want to ask me?"
"James… we should get to class…" she said softly. Was he crazy or was she… blushing?
"No! Ask me what you were going to ask me!" His chest was heaving. Was he really breathing so hard? She looked down at the floor, and James felt her tensing under his touch.
"It's no big deal… I was just wondering if later—Because you and your mates do it all the time—So you may not want to—but I thought that maybe—"
"Come on, Lily—Ask me."
"Take me to Hogsmeade later?" she rushed out. Her face… it was so red… "I just thought we could sneak out later—go to the Three Broomsticks," and her voice quieted—James almost had a hard time hearing her, his heart was beating so loud. "Just us."
… 'just us…'
"Yes! I mean… yeah—Sure," he beamed. She looked at him tentatively, like he was about to say that he was kidding, but James was smiling to much to form any words at the moment.
"Brilliant! Alright then… See you later, James!" and with a slight twirl, she headed to class, but not before she turned around one more time, and smiled so sweetly at him. He waved at her like an idiot.
Excellent! So he had a date—With Lily! James sauntered down the hall, not caring to rush to class. If he got detention for this, then… Well, it'd be bloody worth it for a date with Lily.
"Come on, Padfoot! You can't still be mad at me?"
James was standing at the end of Sirius' four-poster bed, trying his hardest to get the attention of the bed's occupant. Sirius eyed him like he was poison.
"Sirius?"
"Why were you talking with Snivellus during class?" Sirius asked sharply. James reeled.
"Not you, too…" he mumbled, rubbing at his temple tiredly. Sirius glared at him.
"You know, mate, you've been acting all weird lately," Sirius accused, straightening his bed. Probably to better glare at James.
"Me? You're the one that's been in a right state—"
"With good reason!"
"I'm not acting any different than I normally do!" James said, hotly. When in truth, he felt there was validity to Sirius' claim. He had been feeling out of sorts lately…
"Yeah, you are!"
"How so?"
"Like today for instance!"
"Not making his book talk dirty does not mean I've been off!"
"But talking to him like he's one of your house mates does!"
"Uh, guys? You're kind of loud…" Remus called, peering over his book. James turned to glare at him at which he quickly dove behind his book again. James and Sirius had these rumbles from time to time, and though Remus was one of his mates, too, he didn't need to always get in the middle of it. In the moments of quiet where James was trying to remember what he was going to yell at Sirius, he felt some of his irritation wane slightly.
"Look… I promised I'd meet with Lily, so—"
"What?" Sirius almost leapt out of his bed, but he had somehow managed to wrap himself partially in his covers and so stumbled to a crawl over his bed instead.
"What do you mean what? I said I'm going—"
"No, I heard you," Sirius interjected. James looked around the room like he'd just missed something.
"Am I not supposed to go on a date with Lily or something?" James snorted, looking at Sirius like he was crazy. James expected a retort, but what he got instead was one final hard stare before Sirius freed his leg from the covers roughly and stormed out of the room, slamming the door on his way out. James stared after him disbelievingly.
"Can you believe that prat?" James exclaimed, gesturing to the door. Remus cautioned a peek over his studies. "What's gotten into him?" Remus smiled tensely.
"You know what's gotten into him," he said softly. James opened his mouth to argue, but closed it back slowly.
"Whatever… I'm gonna go meet up with Lily," and he swiped his jumper off his bed. "See ya." He walked the steps from the dorm down to the common room. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, and that was just fine with him. The jerk could go sulk in Moaning Myrtle's loo for all he cared. He stopped by the portrait hole where Lily, already waiting for him, smiled at him warmly.
And he wondered why his heart did not skip.
"You seem kind of distracted," Lily said after sipping some of her warm butterbeer. James, whose head was resting on one upturned hand, glanced at her briefly.
"It's not a big deal, but Sirius is mad at me for something," James sighed. Lily nodded her head as if she understood.
"I heard about… his situation," she said delicately. James closed his eyes; they felt kind of weary. "You have to understand how he feels," she said softly. James looked at her, hard.
"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? Sirius is like my brother! Him leaving affects me, too, ya know!" James said defensively. Lily leaned back.
"I know that—"
"Then why'd you say that just now?" James interrupted. Lily looked downward and into her foaming beverage, then at her clasped hands before her, then to the couple that were cozying up to one another next to them.
"It's not like you're always the most… sensitive person," she whispered, as if she didn't want to be heard, but James had heard her. He snorted derisively. What a riot.
"Sure I am. After all," and he smiled at her. By her reaction, it was nothing short of cruel. "—I heard about you're and Allen's little… tryst. And have you seen me reacting badly?" Lily looked horrified and ashamed. She should be. "So that whole party thing—You not wanting to be around him because he was annoying—You were just done with him right?" Lily's hands were shaking, and James smiled sweetly.
"Don't worry, Lily. That's a trait of yours I've understood for awhile now."
"What do you mean?" she asked not looking at him. He propped his chin on his hand and studied her. He wished he could see her eyes. How was he supposed to know if this regret was genuine or not?
"When did you meet Snape?" he asked her simply. Her head shot up, and she looked at him confusedly.
"What?" she asked, thinking she must have heard James wrong. Why would he be asking about the person he single handedly hated most in the world?
"You and Snape were friends before you got to this school, right? When'd you meet him?" he asked, eyes half lidded as if already bored, but he wasn't. James was being very attentive. She ran a finger over the handle of her glass tankard, stalling. James could see her working through whatever emotions were going through her mind right then and there. Was she figuring out how to best appease him in this moment? Was she trying to find the right words that describe her relationship with the Slytherin that wouldn't call forth the jealousy that it normally did? Because James knew that she knew he was very often jealous.
"I don't understand why you want to know this. Did he say something to you during Potions?" she asked, and as she did, she already looked accosted, as if already blaming her afore friend. James felt that feeling again stirring deep below inside him.
"You know that he'd never say anything bad about you, Lily, but by your reaction, I'm beginning to think that you have done something regrettable," he smiled at her. Her mouth fell open a little, as if wishing the right words would come forth on their own volition, and James wondered why this was so hard for her.
"I met him when I was little. He lived in the same neighborhood as me—he… sensed that there was something similar about him and me," she began, her voice a slight tremble.
"He was the first person to tell you that you had the gift of magic," James surmised, and he was only glad that he sounded as indifferent as he did though his heart was thrumming— with what, he did not know. Lily looked up at him and nodded.
"Yes, and after that, he always came by. It was… nice—knowing—having someone else that could do the same fantastical things that you could. My sister, she didn't understand. I think she was jealous that I could magic and not her—" Lily glanced up at James who was rolling his hand lazily, the gesture telling her to move along past this part. It wasn't interesting him. She narrowed her eyes while her mouth grew taut, but she didn't say anything to this. "Anyway, I don't know what else you're looking for. We were friends, we came to Hogwarts, and now we're not such good friends—"
"But you are still friends?" James asked, peering over at her through his spectacles.
"I don't know what you could call it…" she answered with a sigh.
"Not good enough, Lils. I want to know," he pressed.
"Why though? You don't even like him! In fact, you hate him!" Lily exclaimed heatedly and rather loudly, drawing the attention of the few people that encased their table.
"But you didn't always. What changed?" he continued, ignoring her slight tremble of anger. She bit her bottom lip in contemplation. Why was she having to fish around for an answer. Shouldn't her response be, 'You know why. Because he's a creepy, dark-arts loving Slytherin.' ? That should have been her answer, but instead, he got:
"Because we're just too different," she admitted softly, and something flashed over her features. Something that softened them for just a moment—something that James could not identify properly.
"But… you still… care about him?" James ventured, hoping it was a shot in the dark that missed the target completely. But she smiled, and this James understood to be wistfulness.
"Sure… like you would anyone that you first cared about outside of your family," she said, and James felt that feeling in him curling in on itself, as if wanting to shrink away from such admittances.
"Cared about? Lily… did… were you… You're not still in l—" but James couldn't finish the sentence, the question, that hammered in his head and gut. He noticed he was standing slightly. Lily watched him curiously.
"I don't understand…" she said, those little brows of hers coming close together in scrutiny. "This? This is what's bothering you?" she seethed out, and James was stunned by her tone. He'd never heard it like this before. "You find out about me and Allen—which by the way! Nothing really happened—and your reaction is calm, but you're going to get all worked up over Snape? When him and me haven't even talked since second year-!"
"Don't lie to me! I know you've been hanging out with him!" James shouted.
"Did he tell you that?" she demanded, her tiny shoulders raising up in her tenseness.
"I saw you two! Three weeks ago!"
"That-That wasn't anything!" she said, standing now, too. By now, their confrontation had garnered the attention of all the bars attendants.
"I never said it was truly something—just that you're obviously lying about seeing him. And why's that? Are you ashamed of your little spook?" James asked sweetly. Lily closed her eyes tight, turning her head to the side. James had never seen Lily so worked up before. And for what? Snape?
And it twisted inside him.
"I. Am. Not!" she spat slowly, forcefully. "But every time—every time I hang around him, you—Your mates—You all—Just won't leave him alone…" she trailed weakly. James straightened.
"You think I mess with him because of you?" James asked, leaning forward, resting his hands on the table.
"Don't you?" she asked, and this time, it was she who smiled sweetly at him. Again James straightened and studied her thoughtfully. It was true that James never liked seeing Lily around Snape—she was his and Snape couldn't take her from him.
…like James had from Snape.
And it churned within him.
"Fine! Don't answer!" she fumed as she dug roughly into her pockets. "And what the hell's been wrong with you lately anyway?" she hissed as she slammed the money to cover her tab on the table. "You've been a right git these last weeks, you know. Oh! And thanks for such a lovely evening, Potter!" And with that, she charged out of the Three Broomsticks leaving James to stand there while everyone's disapproving glances were boring into him. He snorted for effect and put forth his own share of the tab before nodding to the barkeep Rosmerta and then the customers. He walked out nonchalantly because James would not show that he was anything less than unaffected.
When in truth…
He hadn't even said the things that he had really wanted to say to her, but then again, like James would ever admit the things he was experiencing just then. Lily had been friends with Snape—for years!—and then all of a sudden he's just not who she was expecting? James found that hard to believe—that Snape was anyone other than who he showed himself to be.
Unlike James…
And Lily saw what in Snape all of sudden that wasn't there before? If she did that to Snape, wouldn't she eventually just… do the same to James? James shook his head as if physically willing such thoughts to disperse.
He trudged out past the outer bounds of Hogsmeade. He ducked down and walked through a gap in the exterior fence and slowly made his way up to a ramshackle thing of a house just a little ways down. It's where he and his mates often hid out at when Moony was in one of his moods or when they just didn't feel like bothering with school.
And James certainly had no desire to see anyone right now.
Because he knew there was no one in this moment that wanted to see him.
James stayed there in the house (recently dubbed the Shrieking Shack), laying down on a beaten mattress left there from so long ago that it was sunken in and torn in places— but what did he care?—until he sensed that it had long since passed nine thirty. He closed his eyes for one last moment to himself and hoped that once he made it back to Hogwarts, everyone would be asleep.
He didn't want to bother with Peter's naivety—certainly not Remus' expectant chiding—And least of all Sirius' anger towards him.
How did things get so fucked up anyway? Him and Sirius were supposed to be kicking it up like fools… before he left. They were supposed to be enacting on their dumbest pranks and their most childish antics. He and Sirius had planned on spending at least one night in the Forbidden Forest to prove who was manlier (not that James would lose, of course), and they were supposed to bribe the House elves to serve all the students bugs and worms and shit (and he'd admit—that one was a bit far-fetched). But now…? With only weeks left until Christmas break?
And hadn't he'd made a mess of things with Lily? James wondered why he could be so cruel to her, and then he remembered how truly spiteful she could get. It was different from James' acts of insensitivity in that hers were usually in reaction to his, but still! That she would dismiss Allen so willfully—that she would abandon her first friend…
…when that friend still held her in the highest regards…
James opened one eye blearily and stared out a dusty window that had been boarded up except for a strip across the middle. It was certainly dark outside. He heaved himself off the quicksand-like mattress and stretched. He stood and scratched his bits indecently before deciding he should really start heading back.
James could never fully display his appreciation towards the castle Hogwarts. It was his sanctum—his source of irritation—and his route to momentary releases of freedom, and the Shrieking Shack was just that.
But James couldn't stay here forever (not that he'd want to), so he made his arduous way back to Hogwarts through the secret door, down the earthen tunnels, up and out under the spelled unmoving Whomping Willow, across the green lawns, past the front gates of the castle, across the entrance hall, and then…
—he diverted towards the Dining Hall.
Something told him to—that if he'd wait just a bit longer…
He didn't know what for, but he obeyed his instincts. He chose his usual seat at the Gryffindor table and faced the outer hall. He had a really good view of the entrance chamber. He laid his elbows on the table and leaned back against the edge of the table, wishing the Hufflepuff table was just a bit closer so he could prop his feet up on something. He felt he may be waiting awhile.
Sure enough, James sensed many a minutes tick by until he was certain that enough time had passed that he was officially being ridiculous. So he stood. Then he walked to the entrance of the Dining Hall, then across the foyer, and then to the edge of the Marble Staircase.
And then he stopped and turned around.
And there, emerging from his lair like a nocturnal vermin, was Severus Snape.
And James heart sped and his blood pumped and his hand twitch and the feeling surged…
…and he smiled.
How perfect, he thought.
A/N: Hmm... Wonder how the next scene will play out…