Hope everyone enjoys… It's more of a reconciliation chapter than anything… and not between Snape and him… In fact… I'm sure this chapter will just annoy most! Sorry!

Chapter 9: The Aftermath

Severus had left some time ago, wordlessly and without a second look back. James, though, had just sat there, staring out into the passage that stretched far before him, unblinkingly. The only thing he felt then was the cool draft of the corridor brush against his heated and sweat-coated skin, and he was grateful he felt nothing more than that.

He just wished his mind could be numb, too, because he didn't want to see Severus any more, not when Severus had walked away. But there he was, still lingering in his mind, the boy's body contorting to meet James' every wish and will. James sank further against the wall and wondered as he envisioned Severus if this is what apostasy was.

Time wasn't passing for him as he sat in the darkened hall. It was just an instantaneous transition from one moment to the next- one moment of him and Severus together to the next of breaking away. One moment of sitting in darkness to leaving his night post for morning… for a new day. His limbs were stiff as he walked, his back and thighs sore and aching, and the tendons of his calves tingled as the blood rushed back to his legs.

Then he felt again.

He stumbled into the wall and grazed his arm and shoulder. He tried to hold onto the wall for support, to keep himself upright, but there was nothing there to grasp onto. He slid against the wall and sank down onto his knees as every sensation came rushing over him again, swarming across his entirety. It burned like a fire and bit as his skin with icy teeth. It crawled atop him, slashed at him, pounded upon him, and railed inside him.

It left him breathless and weak and… insufficient. Incomplete.

He clutched at his chest because that's where it tore at him most deeply. The darkness was eating at him, feasting upon him until it would leave a gap, a gap of where his truest self should be- the part that had been unsoiled and uncorrupted for so long now. The one place he had left, his final sanctum.

But Severus had taken it.

Now James was rotting from the inside out, decaying until there was nothing good of him anymore.

He laid his forehead up against the grainy walls, his glasses pushed askew, and he concentrated on steadying his erratic breath. His chest was heaving, laboring against the darkness that was running amok, and he wondered when he'd be allowed to feel normal again. He wondered if Severus felt normal anymore.

He closed his eyes again.

And why did the Slytherin have to be so vivid behind his lids just then?

He smiled to himself, but it was a pitiable thing—a gruesome malformation of what a smile should be. James had never been so reckless in all his life. He'd find it comical if he wasn't so unsettled inside. And how was that Severus had been able to just leave him here? Seemingly unaffected, untouched… unchanged?

He steadied himself back to full height and trudged the rest of the distance from this very far away corridor and back to the Gryffindor tower. It probably took him much longer than it should have, but what did he care? As long as Filch or Peeves weren't around, he was in no rush. He wondered what time it was when he awoke the Fat lady and mumbled the password. Most likely very late by her replying yawn and reproachful stare, but as he climbed through the portrait hole and felt the picture slam close behind him, he found that he didn't care much about anything at the moment. He crossed the common room where the lingering smell of smoke from the put out fire filled the room, and he heaved himself up the stairs and opened the door to his dorm.

There were no lights on, say but for the thin strands of moonlight that peeked through the partly opened drapes, and James found that his eyes had adjusted rather well to the dark halls of Hogwarts so that he could navigate his way through the very familiar room with great ease. He knew where to step so the rhubbish that was strewn across the floor would not trip him. He knew how to ease his way onto his bed at just the right spot so that the mattress did not protest too loudly. He certainly didn't have to light any lumos charm so find the table to put his removed glasses upon. He did all these things, stealthily and with great care, so as not to wake those sleeping around him, and still he heard a soft creaking.

"James?"

And he closed his eyes and told himself to not feel too embittered by this. Afterall, Remus only ever tried to look after his mates.

"Yeah... it's me," he said quietly, evenly. There was a pause, and he allowed himself to hope that his friend had fallen back asleep-that his friend's call to him had only been a reflex brought upon by the wolf's instincts inside him-but he dashed such wishful thinking when he sensed Remus moving in his bed. And he tried to calm his riling blood when he heard Remus moving his off said bed and making his gentle way over to him. Remus couldn't be blamed for this-James knew that-but still...

He just wanted to be left alone.

"What happened earlier?" And James shifted unto his other side, the side where Remus had come to stand next to his bed. Remus was only doing what he did best, he tried to tell himself; he was only looking after his mates.

"Nothing, really..." he lied, his mind trying to function as images of Severus came rushing back.

"You sure about that? You seemed awfully... worked up," Remus said delicately. James resisted the urge to snort. Worked up was an understatement. Perhaps when things cleared up, he should go get himself examined to see if there was some new and more disastrous strain of were-ism that he had caught. James had certainly felt as though something had possessed him earlier...

Of course that's what he told himself as he shifted into a sitting position to better regard Remus, but he knew better-will always know better.

"Don't worry about it-I just... had a falling out with someone with whom I needed to... make amends with," James said quietly, and he ignored the gentle surge of his heart at the truth the words really meant. He kept it as vague as possible, hoping Remus would fill in the rest with something he could agree to without further explanation.

"You mean Lily?" Remus ventured, and that was exactly what James had been counting on. He nodded, and Remus gave a knowing smile-or what he believed to be a knowing smile-and James did not correct it. He smiled back tersely and hoped Remus was done with him. "I hope you asked her out good and proper, James. You certainly lack gentlemanly qualities," his friends snickered before he returned back to his own bed. And James watched his faint silhouette blend all the more with the shadows around until Remus was tucked contentedly back under his covers. His friend would never know how true his last joking jab had been. He did lack gentlemanly qualities, or else he wouldn't have just jumped...

But he squelched the thought and fell asleep.

He awoke the next day to bright and blaring sunlight. At first he panicked, thinking he had overslept, but one glance at the clock and at the trio of still sleeping forms around him told him he was actually up earlier than was healthy. He contemplated knocking himself out again with a Slumber Curse, but one clamorous snort from Peter blew that idea away, and he labored himself out of the comforts of his bed. He lumbered over to the adjacent loo, a change of clothes in tow, and fixed himself up as best he could without actually showering. That was probably very gross of him, considering last night and all, but though he certainly had enough time to bathe, he didn't want to. It wasn't because he was being sickeningly sentimental about last night, wanting to keep whatever lingering smell of Severus there was left on him, he just simply didn't feel like. And besides, if he did shower just then, it was likely he'd be through just as the others would be waking, and he'd like to avoid that awkwardness at all cost.

Finishing the last of primping spells a man was allowed to perform, he tiptoed out of the loo and out the dorm. To his relief, the commons were also abandoned of any early risers. Thank Merlin he lived in the Gryffindor House where very few found it necessary to be a follower of the cliché early to bed, early to rise. He slipped out of the tower.

As he walked within the deserted halls of Hogwarts, he couldn't help but thinking that maybe… he should have just stayed in bed for the day. He's skipped classes before, so what was skipping a whole day going to do? Truly, though, his mistake wasn't getting up from bed—it wasn't even waking up early. It wasn't not washing away last night like an act of ablution, and it wasn't even leaving Gryffindor tower. No, his mistake was in going to the one place he knew Severus would be so early in the day… James didn't think he had ever frequented the library as much as he had the last couple of weeks than he had in all his life.

The whole of the room seemed empty say but for Madam Pince who worked quietly back behind her desk. James found that he rather liked the idea of it being just him and Severus within a room so vast (he could easily disregard the taciturn librarian). He supposed that the thought should alarm him, considering what had transpired between them last night, but... it didn't. More than that... dare he think... dare he feel that he wanted it... again? He strode passed the towering shelves, the myriad books, the empty tables, and navigated back to the corner, to Severus' place of seclusion. Then only one shelf separated him from the studious and quiet Slytherin, and he paused for just one moment, just to fix his hair (no big deal there)—and to straightened his jumper (it was bunching oddly)—and to not appear anything less than composed though his heart was speeding (and that he could chalk up to the brisk walk here)—and then he stepped round the corner and—

James frowned.

Severus wasn't here.

He looked around Severus' little niche as if the Slytherin could somehow manage to hide from him in a space so small, and then he backtracked. He walked the entirety of the library, and once he had cleared each table and section, every nook and cranny, James sighed and admitted to himself that Severus was, indeed, not in the library. So he went to the next likely place—the Great Hall. Upon entering the dining room, there were only a few spattering of students—three at his house's table, two at the Hufflepuff's, and handful at Ravenclaw's, and though Slytherin's had by far the most, as James surveyed them all in turn, not one of them was Severus. He stood there for a minute, looking at the Severus-less table, stupidly staring as if the boy would just magically appear, and only stopped when the Slytherins that were abiding there glared at him ruthlessly. No thanks, he really wasn't in the mood to rattle Slytherin's little nest just then, so he trudged on over to his table and sat down haplessly. An older year by the name of Donna something waved at him enthusiastically from down the way, and James could only manage a nod in response. She looked disappointed by so small a greeting, but James didn't care. After all, it was so early in the morning.

By the end of the day, James was seemingly brassed off with everyone and everything which carried well over into the next day even.

And Remus, the poor chap, was the only one of his mates that was actually trying to amend whatever it was that was tearing them apart, but James wasn't having any of it. Every time the boy tried to approach him on Sirius' issue, what he got was a grunt and a wave of the hand. James was too concerned with another problem.

The damn Slytherin was avoiding him!

James didn't know why he wanted to see-to confront-the Slytherin so badly, but when he was obstructed, outwitted, and foiled from doing so... his frustration had risen to an unhealthy level. There were things he wanted to say to the other, of course, but more than that... More than that he just wanted to... Damn, Severus could not do this to him!

Since last night, a seed had been planted within that darkness that thrived inside of James. And that darkness fostered the growth like it was black soil, and rising up from its depths was a need-a need to seek out this Slytherin. The seed that had split had now sprouted vines and tendrils that were now wrapping themselves around his every bone-his every intent-until all James wanted to do-all he felt he could do- was to pursue the other. But it was impossible to do so!

The prat only ever appeared, and cleverly so, when there was a throng of other Slytherins around him only to then expertly hide away in the one place James could not reach him—the Slytherin commons. The git had even managed to avoid him in Potions, no less! Well, it wasn't really Severus' doing—he hadn't gone and made Slughorn hold a study lesson in class for the test they then took the next day (and all during period!) rendering pairing up moot—but James found a way to blame him anyway. Severus hadn't even looked at him all during those classes, even when James knew the boy could feel the stare he implanted within the Slytherin's back if the nervous twitching was anything to go by. And even after classes let out, James had been thwarted at capturing Severus' attention by Slughorn who called him up twice to congratulate him on his and Severus' remarkable progress with the potion. That miffed James even more who wanted to tell Slughorn that he could have at least called Severus up here with him thereby giving James the opportunity he needed, but it seemed the forces of the universe were working against him. Severus had slipped passed him once again.

Presently, James was hunched over his beloved and vexing map atop his bed, staring down onto it discontentedly, his eyes fixed into an unblinking resolution, but then again, the little dot bearing the name he so avidly watched was not moving either. It wasn't until Remus was standing in front of his bed and repeating his name a fourth time that James blinked the dryness out of his eyes and acknowledged the other. And here it comes again, James thought, rubbing at his left eye. Remus surveyed him calmly before his eyes drifted down to the map gripped tight within James' hands.

"You know, if you hadn't blown up on her earlier, she probably wouldn't be hanging around with that Allen fellow again," Remus said suddenly, and James tensed. His mate was, of course, referring to the debacle after Transfiguration earlier in which Lily had approached him, all demure and lovely as usual, and had tried her damnest to get him to notice her, but in her efforts, she had cut off James who had just been about to grab Severus' arm—the Slytherin had stopped to talk to Malfoy—and the other boy had gotten away again. Then after that, it was just a spectacle, really. He wasn't particularly loud, per say, but he had been rather vicious. He thought he remembered telling her go get flattered by someone else who had more time just then. And it did sting him a little to think of that beautiful face scrunching up into sadness, but he hadn't meant it. She had just caught him at the wrong time and most definitely at the wrong moment. His frustration had been building wildly until it had simply snapped free of him. It snapped when his hand had been halted mere inches from Severus, and she had just been caught in the crossfire of it.

James allowed himself to sigh just then, knowing the gesture would be misconstrued as a guilty admittance from Remus who always saw the best in everyone and in everything they did. He had not been staring at Lily's name whose bubble was very closely crammed next to Allen's, but had instead been watching Argus-eyed over one of the Slytherin dorm rooms. But Remus didn't need to know that… And like James had known he would, Remus smiled softly at him and then plopped down next to him making the mattress bounce James slightly. "You know she'll forgive just about anything you do," Remus laughed, and James forced out a terse smile.

"I dunno, mate. I'm sure there are plenty of things I can't be forgiven for," he said quietly, and damn if he wasn't talking about Lily again!

"If she hasn't given up on you yet, after all the stupid stunts you've pulled, then I'm positive she won't now," Remus offered. James looked at him through his periphery, his vision of his friend blurred slightly as his glasses lens did not bend around the side of his face, and he found that he could smile easier when he couldn't distinguish the genuine earnestness his friend looked at him with. He really didn't want to disappoint another person close to him.

"You're too kind to me," James said truthfully, and Remus patted him on the back.

"And don't I bloody well know it," he joked. He hopped off the bed, and James thought he'd be left alone to resume his vigil over the map when Remus turned around. "I know you're probably tired of hearing this from me," he began, and James thought that yes, he rather was, knowing what was coming next, "but there is one other person you need to apologize to. He's leaving tomorrow, in case you've forgotten." But James hadn't. he knew what day it was tomorrow.

"Remus…" James began weakly, but his friend cut him off.

"In all actuality, James, I'm tired, too. I'm tired off being stuck in the middle of it all, all the time, and I don't won't to be forced into choosing a side," Remus stated, and James regarded him thoughtfully. It was very rare indeed when Remus ever took this tone with him.

"You'd choose a side?" James asked. Remus may think he was being pulled in two different directions, but James, for the last couple of weeks, had been very dismissive of all of them and couldn't understand how Remus would have come to this conclusion. James certainly had not been vying for attention, but upon seeing Remus' expression just then, he knew that that wasn't what the other had meant.

"I wouldn't ever do that, but you're forcing me to," he said quietly, and James listened… intently. "You're not talking to him, I know—But by not talking to me either, you're forcing me to loose a friend, too, James, and I gotta say… I don't like it." And Remus looked at him, and James almost forgot how old and wearied his friend could look sometimes. There was guilt there inside of him now, brought upon by only those who were kind, genuinely kind, like Remus. James didn't know what to say. He furrowed his brows, tightened his jaw, and swallowed hard, but he didn't know what to say.

Remus was always really too kind to him.

And then Remus smiled assuredly at him. "Don't worry, James—I know you're too thick to ever really mean any of it," he laughed, and James really did smile then. He threw a pillow at Remus whose reflexes were too sharp too ever be caught too off guard, and he smacked the pillow right into James' face.

"Prat!" James uttered as the soft pillow collided into his face and knocked his glasses askew. Remus shrugged his shoulders. He shifted the pillow down into his lap. "Hey… by the way… when are you going to the uh… Shrieking Shack?" he asked. Remus grinned at him.

"Don't worry, James, like a good little pup I'll return to my crate," Remus said, and James shook his head.

"You are never more morose than when you kid about your lycanthropy," James said. Remus looked unfazed by that, and James supposed that that was just the kind of attitude someone had to adopt when they bore such a heavy curse. And to think that on this night, James had had that dastardly plan in store for Severus… one he'd carry out even without the consent of dear Moony and one that would ultimately make Severus loathe his being more than he must already.

How things had shifted so drastically in just a few short days…

James put his pillow back into place and then edged off the bed. "Say, Moony? Do…uh… do you know where Sirius is right now?" James asked tentatively. Remus looked at him, almost as if in shock because rarely did any of Remus' wise and true words ever sink into his seemingly impenetrable skull, but when the surprise wore off, he grinned.

"You have the map, you know," and James frowned feeling kind of stupid just then, "but he's off on the Quidditch pitch."

"Why's he there?" James asked as he began rummaging through his sprawling mess to find a thicker cloak.

"I dunno, mate… suppose he's taken one of the school brooms for a ride," Remus said as he amusedly watched his friend dart here and there.

"Why doesn't he just borrow mine?" and he got down on all fours to search under his bed.

"Well he wouldn't would he, if he thought you two weren't speaking," Remus explained, and when James looked up at him, his friend was nonchalantly pointing to a spot over by the corner behind Peter's bed.

"Thanks, Remy…" he said as he went to fetch his discarded cloak and meaning it more for his friend's compassion rather than locating his cloak.

"Don't mention it," he said as James threw the cloak over him and fastened it into place. "No really, I mean it— Don't mention it," and James was at the door, blinking at him confusedly. "I hate the name Remy."

And James burst into laughing and went to go find Sirius.

It took a long while until Sirius came back down again, but James waited patiently. Sirius looped above in lazy circles, and James knew that his friend only did that when he wanted to think about things; otherwise, he'd be zipping back and forth so fast he'd only be a black blur up against the darkening sky. And then his friend touched back down. At first, he didn't notice James or else he was sure his friend wouldn't have… adjusted himself so unabashedly just then. James scratched at his nose and looked off to the side, and Sirius, once he had caught sight of James straightened.

"What do you want?" he asked tersely as he walked passed him. James sighed and turned around to follow behind Sirius.

"Look, I just want to—Uh…will you just hold up for a second?" James called, and Sirius sped up. James rolled his eyes and broke into a slight run until he whirled in front of Sirius and blocked his path. "You can't really ask the question and then not stick around for the answer."

"Sure I can," Sirius bit back, and James resisted the need to snarl. Since when did he snarl anyway?

"I just want to tell you that…" and he exhaled heavily and rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, "—I won't be going home for the holidays." Sirius looked at him as if he had bogies all over his face, expression contorted into shock and confusion and disgust.

"Well isn't that bloody nice for you," he spat. James realized then that he may need to elaborate.

"Look, I know you're… angry at me—I get that, and I get that I don't even know what I did or said to make you mad at me and because of that I can't really properly apologize—It wouldn't mean anything to you otherwise, right?—But I will say this to you. I'm staying here for the holidays." Again Sirius looked miffed that James had decided to waste his time by telling him something so mundane and stupid. James would not falter though. This was too important. He inhaled again and faced his friend unflinchingly.

"I'm doing it because when you decide that living with your family is loads more awful than simply being angry with me—when you decide that and run away… you'll know where to find me."

And that was it- no more embellishment, no more words to drive the point home- because he wouldn't dishonor Sirius by making a spectacle of it. His mate would understand, understand the words' simplicity and would believe them. And then James turned and left because he knew that his mate would not say anything just then. In fact, James resolved himself to thinking that until Sirius rejoined him at this school again, he wouldn't hear him for a long while.

The next day was a sad affair…

—Not for many of the students, though who were all but rejoicing at the reprieve from school, but just for a collected group of four boys. Sirius still wasn't on speaking terms with James, but that didn't stop the brash Gryffindor from seeing his mates off. Remus was going back home, so was Peter, and Sirius…

All of them were rather quiet.

James hung back from the crowd of students as they all crammed themselves into horseless carriage after horseless carriage. Sirius was hovering just outside one of them which Remus and Peter had already claimed, and James caught the other looking at him quickly from time to time. He'd smile then if he didn't think it make Sirius even more angry with him. Sirius then straightened and looked over at James resolutely. He opened his mouth, and James waited patiently. Then Sirius closed it back, eyes slanting into anger once more, before he shook his head and turned towards the carriage. He put one foot up on the folding step and grappled at the brace to pull himself up and in. He lifted himself and then paused, and still James waited. Again Sirius looked at him before again shaking his head, his shoulder length hair swaying slightly, and then he disappeared into the carriage.

And that was it, James supposed.

He wouldn't get all dramatic and think along the lines of this whole departure being an end to all things… even though he did, and he forced himself to wait longer still, at least until the carriages drifted from view. Then Hagrid was on the scene and standing by the foremost carriage. If James didn't know better, he'd swear that Hagrid was talking to and petting the air, but even that would be a tad bit too mad even for Hagrid. And then James watch as Hagrid slapped at the empty space and then the first carriage advanced. The procession was slow to start, and so the back most carriages (like the one housing his mates) were unmoving for a while longer, but still James would wait. And then Sirius was leaping out of the carriage and making his disgruntled way over to James. James tensed in spite of himself because perhaps Sirius was going to punch him for being a right arse the last couple of weeks, and in that case, like a noble Gryffindor, he would have to take his bitter medicine. He braced himself—Sirius certainly did look incensed—and just as his friend was upon him, James balled his hands into fists in preparation for the blow—Sirius' hand was coming up—And he shut his eyes because Merlin knows when one didn't see it coming it hurt far less—And then…

Nothing.

James opened one eye cautiously, and there Sirius was before him, hand extended, straight and resolute. James relaxed and opened both eyes fully. He smiled then, too, if only because this gesture was a tad bit dramatic on Sirius' part (only James normally did things like this).

"You're an absolute arse, James Potter, but I…" and Sirius couldn't say the rest. James closed his eyes for just an instant, and then he reached out and clasped the offered hand. He knew what Sirius was going to say—what he wanted to say—but pride as a man would never let either one of them say something so cloy as to how they really felt.

"I know," he said simply. "Me, too." Sirius' jaw tightened, as did his grasp, and they looked at each other for awhile longer, possibly looking like a right pair to anyone else that watched, but James didn't care. This was affirmation that though he and Sirius were fighting… they were still family.

They were still brothers.

Then Sirius let go once Remus called out gently for him, his head poking out of the slowly moving carriage, and James' own hand fell limply to his side as Sirius turned around, dashed after the carriage, and nimbly hopped back into it. Remus was smiling at him, and even at his distance, James could see the gratefulness upon its slightly scratched features. He felt bad about that, too, because he was sure no one else had stayed up with Remus last night. But like all other times, Remus forgave him this thoughtlessness as well. He waved at him, and James waved back. And then his mates were gone.

He stood there for a bit longer until it was becoming too ridiculous even for him, and then he turned around.

It was after he had made his way back to Hogwarts as the lone traveler—after he had come to threshold of the castle— that he sensed so familiar a presence. He walked passed the grand doorway and treading across the foyer was none other than Severus. James grinned because no doubt, the boy believed that James, just like all other times, had gone back home for the holidays. So Severus thought he was safe, huh? It took everything he had not to step up to other, but he couldn't… not yet. There were still a small gaggle students left, and he didn't think that making a scene outside the Great Hall was practical.

So he'd wait once more.

He was getting rather good at it, in fact.

Better yet, he'd thought he'd play the tactician and so rushed through and up the castle to his dorm where he fetched his beloved cloak and map. As long as Severus didn't return to the Slytherin commons once he was done with eating, then James was sure he could catch him. Of course, with his cloak in tow, he may just do that too, if Severus gave him no other option. As he threw the cloak on and scrambled out of the portrait hole and ghosted back down to the Great Hall, a most pleasing thought came to mind, one that he felt his lips stretching out to smile from. With his cloak, James was really quite undetectable, and he might as well make this waiting game fun. At least... fun for him.

A/N: And I know I'm going to have just so much fun with the next chapter!