A/N: Why hullo there… It's been awhile…
Chapter 13: Fits of Embarrassment
There was but a glimmer of light around him when James awoke. The thin tendril of moonlight spilled across the floor in ribbons and crept up his chest and over his face. He sat up, the chill of the air nipping at his naked back. He felt around the floor for his glasses, slipped them on, and blinked out towards the slit of a window before him. He could see snow was drifting down, translucent baubles sinking quietly down like beautiful fairy lights. Against the inky night sky, they were all the more luminous under the glow of the half moon.
He stretched languidly, roaring out a yawn, but then shrank in on himself when he felt his flexing stir the sleeping boy beside him. James shifted cautiously onto his side and could just barely make out the shadowed form of Severus. He smiled softly when he heard the Slytherin settle back into deep sleep and almost laughed when Severus let out a snore. Then his smiled waned, and he could not look away, could not lift his eyes from the boy who slept so soundly.
As he watched, something arose in his chest. It grew with each steady rise of Severus' chest and with each gentle fall, and as it grew, he knew that it was a bittersweet anguish. He reached out and cautiously brushed back the fringe that fell unto Severus' face. He only dared to do it because the boy was sleeping too deeply to protest. Severus would have never let James touch him like this if he were awake, but he was currently sleeping—sleeping quite contentedly, James noted. James wanted to believe that was because on some level… Severus actually trusted him. Otherwise, he was certain the boy wouldn't have slept at all. His chest tightened at the thought.
He hovered over Severus, leaning in closer and closer. The gentle rush of sleeping breaths sounded within his ear. He inched closer still. He could see that perfect spot on Severus' exposed neck pulsating steadily, evenly. He moved in further, and was so close he needed to support his tilting. He braced himself above Severus, each one of his hands flat on the floor beside Severus' sleeping visage. Severus moved then, exhaling a sudden shot of breath that somewhat startled James, but he settled into his position once more. James watched and curled his fingers inward, raking them across the stone floor.
He wanted to wake Severus up. He wanted to touch the boy again… all over.
But he shouldn't.
Not when Severus was sleeping so peacefully—and what a sight it was to behold. In fact, the wonderment of it stayed James' twitching fingers.
Besides, this was all so… filled with potential.
This moment where Severus, who was usually so withdrawn and shut in, was now open to James—was exposed and bare and his alone—it meant something. Severus could be here every night… with James. Severus could give himself to James in every sense, and James would wantonly, eagerly, greedily take all of it. There was potential that these occurrences, these moments of youthful, licentious happenstance, would build upon themselves until they became a fortress of actuality. Then he wouldn't have to doubt the validity of their being together because these consistencies would be all the truth he needed.
So he looked down at Severus unabashedly, thankful in a way the sleeping boy could never understand, and he was content to bask in the potential he felt. They would do this again… will be with each other again, and that meant more moments of Severus' trust would be gifted to James. The Gryffindor could not help but inhale sharply at the prospect.
Then Severus let out another slight snort, alleviating the heaviness of James' musings who, with a soft smile, decided to let the boy sleep a little longer… at least until the sun would break over them both.
When James returned to the common room of his Gryffindor tower, he felt a little stiff and sluggish. He and Severus had stayed slumbering together for quite sometime, well past what James had intended. Before the sun arose, James had been lulled back to sleep once more by the hypnotic, unyielding snores of the Slytherin. The only reason they had both awoken was because the stone tiles beneath them had warmed uncomfortably from the absorption of the sun's heat. Sweating was definitely a wake up call. Of course, James was also slightly bitter as once again, the Slytherin had abandoned James with out so much as a, "Good morning!" (or to be more accurate, "Good afternoon"). Not that Severus would ever greet him in a manner so… un-Severus-like. He was just hoping this would not become a habit of the boy's as they should at least acknowledge one another after a night such a theirs. James was not wrong in thinking this, was he?
As he emerged from the portrait hole, he spied a familiar face.
"I feel like I haven't seen you in days," Remus said upon James' sudden appearance. The bespectacled Gryffindor yawned fiercely, waving dismissively at his friend as he plopped down in a chair around the fireplace.
"That's because you haven't, really," he added with a small grin, slouching back in the chair and closing his eyes. After sleeping for a full nine hours, it was amazing he still felt tired. Or was it because he had so much sleep that his body relished in the laziness? Ah Merlin… he was too tired to care.
"I mean, holidays have been over for three days and yet… you're nowhere to be found," Remus added, closing his book with a telling thud—telling in that Remus was now going to devote his full attention towards James.
"What are you going on about, Moony? 'Course you've seen me—we have the same classes don't we?" he countered, shuffling in his chair for a better position.
"Yes, but it's not like we interact all that much," Remus replied.
"I can't help that you're such a nebbish fellow. I have to leave you alone for classes, or you'll just get annoyed with me," James huffed. "I'm not as studious as you." Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head exasperatedly as he flipped open his book once more. James smiled. Why is so easy for him to annoy everybody?
"Still though…" Remus began, "I think this is the most I've talked to you in awhile…" Remus had said it so quietly that James peeked over at him curiously. Like a cliché, part of the boy's face was consumed by a book, but James still saw those brows of his scrunched together worrisomely. James sighed. He supposed Remus missed Sirius more than he was letting on, and seeing as how James had been dedicating much of his free time to a certain surly fellow, there was little doubt that Remus was feeling quite… isolated.
"Sorry, mate… I hadn't realized that—" but before he could finish his proper apology, Remus abruptly stood.
"It's okay, mate… just forget it," he said, smiling softly. "Besides…" and he checked his wristwatch, "I'm the one who's going to abandon you now."
"For what?" James asked, straitening in the chair.
"Not 'for what' but 'for whom'," Remus said, grinning sheepishly. It took James a second to decipher the boy's sudden odd and flustered temperament, but when he did., he gave a wicked grin.
"You sly wolf…"
"Dear Merlin, James… tell me you did not just say that?" Remus said, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"Haha! But it's true, isn't it?" James laughed, hopping off the chair and striding over to his friend. "So… what's her name?" he asked quietly, leaning in and hunching down. Remus had dropped his head, concealing his features behind his light, brown fringe, but James still saw the tinge of red creeping across his cheeks.
"Ma…n…." Remus mumbled.
"Nope, sorry, mate—come again?" James said, breaking into a broader smile.
"I said Marianne!" Remus replied quickly and with a slight volume increase.
"Well, well, well… so the pup becomes an alpha does he?" James said solemnly.
"Oh for the love of—" Remus grumbled. "Stop referring to me with such trite puns," but James could only smile. What a momentous occasion this was, and he patted his friend three times across the back, nodding his head in approval. Marianne was a sixth year Ravenclaw who was quite the looker, what with her pale complexion, pale brown hair, and pale green eyes. But Merlin, did the girl have a mouth on her! Somehow, he found the pairing of Remus and her a bit strange, but maybe the fellow liked that sort of thing? A girl with a strong will? It was a wonder then that he didn't fancy Lily… or did he? Didn't matter, really. What mattered was that good ol' Moony had found himself a girl.
"I know that look James," Remus cut in, "So stop making assumptions, and don't you dare try and meddle," he warned.
"Meddle? Why would I-?"
"Did I say meddle? I'm sorry—what I meant to say was…" but he trailed, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Nope, that's exactly what I meant," he smiled, side-stepping James and heading towards the portrait hole. James turned around and watched as his friend gathered his school bag as well.
"Wait a minute! It's a study date?" he exclaimed, suddenly feeling betrayed. Remus stooped down and collected his bag.
"I told you not make assumptions," he said evenly, but James saw the slight twitch of a smile.
"Uh huh, I bet it's just a cover—an ol' moony bit of trickery," he said conspiratorially.
"You think I'm using this opportunity to further my academics… as a ploy to just further my relationship with her?" Remus asked deadpanned, straightening the bag over his shoulder.
"Of course," James replied matter-of-factly.
"Well then… let's hope she's not as shrewd as you then," and Remus had said it with such little inflection that it took James a rather long second to understand. Then he burst out with laughter. Remus watched him with slight amusement until he checked his watch and realized that he really ought to get going.
"So… maybe I'll see you later," he said, beginning to crawl through the hole.
"Hey, wait, Moony!" James cried, stifling his laughter. Remus, with one leg up in the hole, turned around. James at first said nothing, and could only give his friend a wistful glance, like two friends who had seen many things in their days and could appreciate a meaning within a single glance. But then James had to open his mouth.
"I always knew you were a wolf in sheep's clothing…"
Remus looked stunned for a second, and then he began shaking his head as he continued crawling through the portrait hole. And James could hear his mate's slight muttering.
"I can't—cannot believe—can't even dignify it with a response…" and James waved fondly at his friend's retreating form.
And then it was just him alone in a common room that was usually filled with chattering students. He slumped back into his chair and stared at the ever shifting fire as the flames sparked up and licked at the insides of the hearth. He knew what he'd like to do in this instance, but Severus had already warned him not to bother him. Apparently, the Slytherin would much rather study for some stupid Defense Against the Dark Arts test than enjoy the company of such a good fellow like James. Oh, the injustice of it all...
As he watched the fire, blurred nondescript images taking form in the flames and then blinking out just as quickly, he fell into a kind of stupor. The kind of embarrassing stupor where drool has a nasty habit of slipping out the corner of the mouth. Thankfully, he was quite alone at the moment as he captured one such dangling scoundrel with the sleeve of his jumper. He really should just go to bed if he was this tired, but as he looked over at the staircase leading to the boy's dorm and the distance between it and his chair, he realized he was much to lazy to attempt the venture. So he shuffled further into his spot, adjusting himself so his legs draped across the arm of the chair. He kicked off his shoes in a way that would have made his mother click her tongue disapprovingly at him, but how else were his toes going to feel the warmth of the fire? He crossed his arms over his chest, and smiled at his newfound comfort.
He closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day in his head. As he hadn't really done much, the musing didn't take up much time, but it left him the ability to linger on something, or really, someone. Thinking about Severus was becoming a rather common occurrence, not that James minded. How could he mind when it was his own mind that wanted to be reminded of the boy? James snorted in his shoulder. He was awfully stupid when tired. As he shielded the tip of his nose from the cold under the collar of his jumper, he wondered if he filled Severus' thoughts as much as the boy did his. Remembering that Severus was currently studying, he doubted that the assiduous Slytherin would ever bother with such daydreaming. It was, after all, the reason why James had to so relentlessly bother the boy. If he didn't, he was certain the Slytherin would forget him altogether.
He smiled into the fabric of his jumper, knowing that wasn't exactly true. Severus had probably been aware of James just as long as James had been of the Slytherin, since that very first train ride into Hogsmeade, in fact. On that day and within a scarlet train, he had arrived at Hogwarts for the first time. During the ride, James had sat with his mate, Sirius, beside him. And who had been sitting across from him but a very sullen, redheaded girl. The girl had been crying, not that James had cared at the time. It wasn't until a small, skittish boy had slid open the door to his compartment and had gone on about Slytherin to that crying girl did James' interest pique. He remembered the stupid (and now fulfilled) declaration he had made about being sorted into Gryffindor. He remembered how Sirius had promised to follow suit. He remembered how unsettled the boy had seemed by James' boisterous (if not also antagonistic) claims. He remembered the boy's retreating form as the redheaded girl had grabbed and all but dragged him with her. He remembered thinking he would definitely never be friends with someone so Slytherin-ish.
And he guessed that remained true to this day.
For he and Severus were not friends. No, definitely not friends.
He blearily opened one eye and then the other, his eyes adjusting to the brightness of the flames before him. He wondered if only Severus had not mentioned the word 'Slytherin' that day would things have transpired differently? Then he scoffed at his own laughable thought. Severus had been sorted into Slytherin, after all, and the lines had been drawn oh-so long ago between the two houses. Slytherins and Gryffindors simply did not fraternize. Did an old feud between two founders really influence relations between students now? If he was of Severus' studious ilk, he might have been able to dedicate some thoughts to why such a cataclysmic rift existed between the two houses to this day, but he wasn't. Instead, he shifted onto his side, realized he could not sustain comfort in a cramped position, and so returned to his previous repose.
Realizing his coziness was now lost, he sat up. He gathered his shoes by the laces, throwing them across his back, and headed towards the dorm and his ever inviting bed. As he trudged up the steps and in his tiredness, he miscalculated a step and ungracefully stumbled down, sliding awkwardly down the steps he had managed to walk up correctly. Cursing his embarrassing stupidity, the laces and consequently his shoes now around his neck and annoyingly choking him, he staggered to all fours. Before he could stand fully, a small, portly figure came whizzing into the common room from the portrait hole. Not knowing why he did so, James peeked around the stone banister of the winding staircase and through the door leading to the common room. There he spied a rather frenzied Peter Pettigrew. The boy looked about him nervously then down to his hands which, James noticed, were clasping a piece of parchment rather tightly.
"No… it can't be… it's coming all… all happening too fast…" the boy muttered frantically. James straightened, furrowing his brows in confusion. He had never seen Wormtail so… so… distressed. Come to think of it, as of late, the boy had been rather unemotional—very quiet and unnoticeable, really. He went to classes when James and Remus went; he ate when James and Remus ate; he was there the few times James and Remus had found time to hang out with one another—Or had he been there? James tilted his head in further perplexity. He then sifted through his recollections, trying to discern if Wormtail had truly been present as of late when he came to the shocking revelation that no—the boy had not been there. The boy had been rather absent, in fact. But that didn't make any sense. Wormtail never did anything on his own; it was always in the company (or in the shadows) of the three other Marauders.
James came round the stairs and into the common room. Peter, still anguishing over the parchment, did not notice James' presence. James watched with intense curiosity having never been exposed to such an uncharacteristic display of turmoil. The only times he ever witnessed Wormtail worry were over doing schoolwork assignments incorrectly or getting in trouble with the teachers… or when he wasn't getting enough attention from the others. Realizing Wormtail would likely never notice him in such a state, James cleared his throat.
"You alright there, mate?" he asked. Wormtail jolted and hastily shoved the parchment inside his left pocket.
"James!" he cried. "Huh—how long you been there?" he asked, trying to tuck the still visible corners of the parchment down further.
"Not that long," James said evenly, careful to keep his face blank and his eyes away from that curious piece of parchment. "Just heard you talking to yourself and thought you might like someone to talk at instead, so you don't look quite so mad, yeah?" James joked. Peter attempted a smile, but it turned into a kind of nervous grimace.
"I didn't say anything," Peter replied hastily, looking off to the side. James furrowed his brows and pursed his lips in disbelief. This is why the boy could never be trusted to speak if ever one of the Marauders' pranks went awry. The boy simply could not lie.
"Suppose I'm hearing things, then?" James asked sarcastically, and he jerked his head back ever so slightly, certain he did not just witness Peter's expression darken into something of animosity. Now that would have been utterly uncharacteristic of the boy. James, not seeing the expression anymore, decided to chalk it up to a trick of the firelight's. "I didn't hear anything in particular, just your voice," James offered by way of escape, and Peter took it.
"Oh well, I guess I did say something…" he replied, and James watched as the boy fumbled together some excuse. "I just remembered about the DADA test. I completely forgot all about it. That's all," Peter said hurriedly, and James did he best to ignore that he knew the other was lying.
"Blimey, that is coming up, isn't it," James cried in mocked worry, but the trick worked. Peter relaxed. And this is why they always relied on James when one of the Marauders' tricks failed. James could lie. "I was just heading up," he said, gesturing with his thumb to the stairs behind him. "You?" He watched as Peter's nervous gaze shifted from James to the staircase and then off to the side to nowhere in particular.
"Uh, actually I just remembered I should probably head to the library to get some studying in," he said fumbling with the outside of his left pocket.
"Suit yourself," James smiled easily, choosing not to mention that curfew would be in place in less than an hour. No matter. If the boy wanted some secrets of his own, he could have them. It was the least James could offer seeing as how his own were piling inside him. He watched as Peter, without another word, turned and scrambled back out through the portrait hole. How curious, he thought, but he decided he'd investigate further tomorrow. Right now, he very much wanted to crawl into bed to think about someone else, a certain someone else who was most certainly not thinking about James.
When he awoke the next day, he was all alone. It was becoming a familiar sight. He smashed his hand around the top of his bedside table looking for his glasses. Once he had sufficiently knocked them off the table and had sent them scuttling across the floor, thereby giving him the excuse to get out of bed (it's what he told himself, anyway), he decided it really was time to start the day. He groggily shuffled across the floor, his socks against the smooth floor causing him to slide here and there, before he plopped beside another bed and groped around for his glasses. Hooking his finger under the bridge of his glasses, he fished them out from under the bed and put them on. Using the bed for stability, he heaved himself off the floor. When he stood, he realized just whose bed he was beside.
He looked down at the empty space before him. Not even an imprint of Sirius was left. He wondered then how Sirius was managing at Drumstrang, and then he berated himself for not having considered Sirius' wellbeing since the boy departed. How could James say he was Sirius' best mate when he couldn't even be bothered to do that much?
Really, though, how could he proclaim such a thing when his relations with another boy would be the very thing his best mate would not accept of James?
He straightened the pillows because, of course, they were askew, and as he patted them into their proper place, Remus walked in. James stopped, and Remus stopped in the doorway. The two boys just looked at each other in silence.
"Listen… James…" Remus broke in nervously, as if he had stumbled in on something his eyes should not have witnessed. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind." And James blinked in confusion.
"Mind what?" he asked. Remus looked at him pointedly.
"If you slept in his bed, mate. We all know you miss him," and he smiled fondly. "I'm sure if you snuggle with the blankets real tight, you can still smell him, eh?" And Remus wriggled around sniffing the air as if he were trapped in blankets of his own. James gritted his teeth and flung one of those perfectly placed pillows at Remus. The prefect sidestepped it nonchalantly. Damn Moony and his werewolf reflexives. "Now, now," Remus chided as he walked over to the loo. James plopped on Sirius' bed (because it was still Sirius', no matter if the boy was there or not) and grumbled a really clever comeback that Remus did not hear. That or James uttered absolutely nothing in particular but wanted to believe himself clever.
James picked at a run in the covers when he heard the rustling of discarded clothing. "What are you doing, Moony?" he shouted.
"What do you think I'm doing?" came Remus. James rolled his eyes.
"Why are you changing clothes?" he asked, more specifically. Remus came out of the loo in just his trousers before walking over to his side of the dorm and searching for a clean top to wear.
"Peter… just up and…" James ducked as Remus sent some article of clothing flying passed James' right ear, "… spilled his entire breakfast all over me." When Remus had found the shirt and coordinating jumper he wanted, he threw them on. "Apparently he thinks I'm incapable of feeding myself, though…" and he gestured to his trousers, "I daresay he missed." He rummaged around for a clean pair of pants before snatching up a pair and heading back to the loo.
"What happened?" James asked, his curiosity resurging from Peter's display of odd behavior last night. Remus reemerged and just shrugged.
"I honestly don't know. He said it was Peeves but nobody around us saw the friar, so…" and Remus trailed off. James nodded his head like it meant something, and he touched his lips in thought.
"He has been out of sorts lately, hasn't he?" James asked. Not because he was looking for Remus' agreement but because he truly didn't know. He hadn't really paid much heed to the boy as of late.
"I suppose, but haven't we all been a little… different lately?" Remus said, sitting atop his own bed. "It hasn't really been the same since…" and he pointedly looked at the empty spot next to James. James looked at it, too, though he knew nothing was beside him.
"Yeah, mate, I know." They sat in silence for a bit before Remus stood back up.
"I'll just let you have that moment I robbed from you. You let me know when you're done," Remus offered sweetly, and because Hogwarts saw fit to bestow its student with two pillows, James hurled the remaining pillow across the room. This one did his target, and Remus let out an affected cry of hurt as he rubbed at his back.
"Merlin, James… such a temper," but then he smiled, and James rolled his eyes.
"Wait, let me find something heavier," James offered as he turned his head this way and that, searching for said object.
"While you look, I'm going to go finish up my breakfast," and then Remus slipped out before James could properly retort. Damn Moony. It's only because the lad was used to waking up early that he had the upper hand. If ever he stayed up late like James (no matter it was James who had gone to sleep rather early yesterday), then the boy would not be so well equipped to… Wait.
And James tore off after Remus.
"Remy! Wait up, Remy!" James shouted, storming down the steps.
"You know I hate that name, James," Remus replied in that oh-so-tired and exasperated tone, but he waited at the bottom of the steps nonetheless. James, when he caught up to him, made a show of breathing heavy, as if he had just run a marathon. "Merlin, you're annoying," Remus said after shaking his head disapprovingly. James smiled.
"You're getting awfully brazen with me," James grinned. "But I suppose every parent should expect this rebellious attitude eventually," James added, mirroring Remus' early gesture by shaking his head. "And you used to be so well behaved." Remus stared at James dumbfounded before shaking off his confusion.
"What are you going on about?" and Remus started walking away. James followed after him. He thought he heard someone whistle, but he wasn't really paying attention.
"I stayed up all night, ready to tuck you in, but you broke curfew," James whined, dabbing the corners of his eyes as if to catch tears. "
"Wha—I didn't…" and then Remus tilted his head in thought. Then he must have stumbled upon what James was getting at because he suddenly shoved James with his shoulder. James, laughing, staggered into Elise, a fourth year who was passing them by. When James gave his apologies, the girl eyed him up and down as if he were covered in nasty boils before she left with a hoity spin. "Why can't you ever just be direct?" Remus asked when James caught up to him again. "You could have just simply asked me how my date with Marianne went."
"Where's the fun in that?" James asked as Remus began crawling through the portrait hole.
"You're never any fun," he heard Remus say.
"There you go mouthing off to me again," he grinned, intent on following behind Remus. And then he thought he heard someone let out a 'Whoo-hoo!' As James emerged from behind the portrait, Remus just stood there, once again shaking his head. James put his arms on his hips in a show of parental annoyance. He opened his mouth, but then Remus held up his hand.
"Just so you know, I can't take anything you say seriously at this point," and then he looked down. James looked too, and then he scrunched in on himself, covering his lower half with his hands and arms.
"I suppose it was too much for you to mention I was missing my trousers!" James accused, backing up towards the portrait. Good show! he heard the fat lady giggle. He felt his face grow warm. Remus shrugged.
"I just thought you didn't care, so why should I?" he smiled kindly. If James wasn't busy shielding his indecently exposed underpants, he'd smack his friend. If Moony could be called such a thing. "James, really, stop standing there and go put on a pair already. I'm hungry," Remus chided.
"I don't care if you starve," James said impetuously, though he was already crawling back through the portrait hole. He stepped into the common room, inciting several whistles, whoops, and howls. Animals, the lot of them. "Yes, yes!" James cried, stomping up the stairs to his dorm. "My legs are very shapely, thank you!"
After dressing like a proper person did, he set off for the Great Hall. He smiled when he saw that Remus had waited for him at the end of the seventh floor corridor.
"You have a warped sense of politeness, you know that, Moony?" he grinned falling into step beside his mate. Remus grinned.
"And you have a weird sense of propriety." They laughed and chatted along the way. Apparently, Remus' night with Marianne really had turned into a study date (and James felt somewhat vindicated by that), so Remus was going for a second attempt tonight.
"How dogged of you," James laughed as they entered the Great Hall. Immediately, his eyes shifted to the Slytherin table, and he could not deny that little quiver her felt inside his chest when he spied Severus. Much to his ire, he also noticed that Malfoy prat talking to Severus. Severus, much to James' delight, looked just as annoyed as James felt watching the snobbish, blond Slytherin. Just then Severus looked up and over. Reflexively, James smiled just barely, but Severus diverted his eyes just as quickly so that James couldn't be sure if he had caught the Slytherin's eye or not.
"Looks like Peter already left," he heard Remus say as he sat down next to the prefect.
"What?" James said, breaking focus from the Slytherin table. Why was Malfoy talking so close to Severus?
"I said Peter isn't here," Remus repeated, stacking his plate full of food. James, feeling his stomach gurgle, followed suit.
"Well, Potter… As I live and breathe," came a voice diagonally from James. James peered over the forkful of food he was about to cram in his mouth, and smiled. "How kind of you to grace us with your presence," the boy continued.
"Hullo, William," James greeted before he enclosed his mouth over his forkful.
"I better see you at practice tomorrow. You missed the last one," William reprimanded. James, if his cheeks were not so stuffed with food, would have reminded the Gryffindor captain that he can't just make impromptu practices and expect everyone to show up. He hoped he had conveyed all this with a telling look, but when William only continued to eye James warily, James knew his attempt was unsuccessful.
"You look ridiculous," Remus said, so James turned his puffy cheeked expression onto his friend. But Remus paid him no mind as he cleared his own plate.
"Tomorrow, Potter," William said by way of leaving, and James waved him off indifferently.
James then looked over to the Slytherin table, his mouth still stuffed. This time Severus looked at James, only he looked slightly taken aback, and even from a distance, James could see the Slytherin's brows furrow together quizzically. What? Was there something on his face?
"Hurry up, mate. Classes are starting up soon," Remus said as he wiped his mouth. James swallowed his food without much chewing, a stupid mistake as he then began coughing from wayward bits of food lodging in his throat. "I swear I can't take you anywhere," Remus sighed, resting his head on an upturned hand as he watched James choke. After James had managed to save his life (with no help from Moony), he furtively glanced over at the Slytherin table. Even through his watered eyes, he thought he detected a slight upturn in Severus' lips.
Again, his chest quivered.
Realizing Remus was growing impatient (the cheeky lad), James hurried up, careful to chew his food. Then it was off to potions.
As the initial potion project of Slughorn's had concluded, James and Severus' partnership had been dissolved. James only hoped, as he sat next to Remus, that the odds would be repeated for the next assignment, and it had nothing to do with the perfect marks he and Severus had received from their potions professor. James nodded as Peter sat down on Remus' other side, but the boy did not look over at him. James felt his mouth draw tight in confusion. However, he was effectively distracted when Severus walked in.
And again, it was reflexive. He smiled.
But either the Slytherin had also not seen James, or he was ignoring him. James supposed that was for the best. After all, a Gryffindor and Slytherin exchanging pleasant expressions would be something very disconcerting, indeed. Not to mention if they stemmed from two reputed enemies like James and Severus. He was about to mention something to Remus when he noticed Lily looking at him. He stilled, and she smiled at him warmly. He gave a smile of his own, but it didn't feel quite right. He also felt Severus look over at him. Of all times the Slytherin chooses to acknowledge James!
But he turned around like nothing had happened.
And perhaps nothing had, as Lily, too, turned back around, but James felt as if he had just done something wrong.
"You alright?" Remus asked, but before James could assure his friend, Slughorn bustled in. Class commenced, and sure enough,a new project was put forth. Slughorn retrieved his bowler hat and proceeded to call out the partners. James did his best to not stare at Severus as he attempted to will the fates into actualizing their partnership once more. Again, James was not as lucky as he once believed himself to be. Severus was paired with a Gryffindor girl by the name of Anna. The git didn't even have the decency to look upset about it either.
"James?"
The Slytherin just calmly gathered his things and joined Anna who, it was obvious, was making no attempts to move to where Severus had been sitting.
"Hullo?"
Fine, then. Severus can try his hand instructing the vapid girl… because she was vapid, no matter if she was in James' house or not. James didn't care. He didn't.
"James!"
James snapped out of his ire and looked up. Nora, one of Lily's best mates, was watching him concernedly.
"Didn't you hear me?" she asked as she took Remus' now abandoned seat.
"Sure I did. I acknowledged you, didn't I?" James said, clearing his spot of his bag and books.
"After I called your name several times," she retorted, miffed. James rolled his eyes. He never really got on with Nora all that well. He always found her to be rather… un-approving of all that he and his Marauder mates did. Lily could at least appreciate most of what he and his mates accomplished—prank-wise, but Nora? No, not Nora. He looked at her critically. To think Sirius fancied her at one time. Though as he looked her over, he supposed she was rather pretty—in that typical 'small, straight features and blue eyes' kind of way. "What?" she voiced, catching his staring.
"Sorry," he said, looking away, and he kicked his bag away from him like it was in his way.
"Something wrong?" she pressed, but as James was opening his mouth, he noticed Severus stand.
"Not at all," he said dismissively as he, too, stood. He walked up behind Severus who was collecting his and his partner's needed ingredients.
"It's a right shame, isn't it?" he said because he could not contain himself. Severus gave the barest show of acknowledgment. James persevered. "I know you'll miss me," he added, dropping his voice. At this, Severus stilled the hand that was reaching for a phial of flobberworm mucous.
"Don't you think it's the other way around, Potter?" he taunted, but James had to conceal a grin. He didn't realize how much he had missed Severus' peculiar brand of banter. No matter it had only been less than a day.
"Don't ascribe your disappointment onto me," James quipped as he reached over near the boy to grab the phial Severus had not yet claimed. "It's very unbecoming," and he thought he saw that upturned hook in the Slytherin's lips again, but it was gone before he could truly tell. Severus then left to join Anna after lading his arms full with jars and phials.
James returned with his own horde of ingredients and then not-so-gracefully spilled them out in front of Nora. None of the contents escaped their confines, so it was fine. Nora didn't have to look so affronted. The rest of class continued on rather calmly, that was until Peter and his Slytherin partner messed up their potion. Their cauldron erupted in purple flames, and thick clouds billowed overhead. Slughorn immediately dissipated the purple overcast with a spell before sending the two to the infirmary. James didn't see any injuries, but he supposed Slughorn was just taking extra precaution. However, before the two left, James thought he saw them exchange looks. Then he remembered that Slytherins and Gryffindors did not exchange any looks that were short of loathing.
He and Severus can be the only exception.
After the incident, the class settled back into its quiet procession. Then it was time to hand over their cauldrons so Slughorn could put them all under a freezing charm. It looked like this was one of the potions that was going to span a few classes. Brilliant. As Nora made no move to clean up their space, even though James had been the very epitome of chivalry by bringing the ingredients in the first place, so rather than argue about it, he took it upon himself to tidy up their collective mess. He returned the unused supplies and almost smiled once more when he sensed Severus behind him. He was about to say something when Slughorn rudely interrupted.
"My lads, I just wanted to congratulate you two for that last project," he praised in earnest. "Tops marks!" he announced loudly and clapping. James gave a thin smile as several students looked over at the odd duo and brimming professor. "I knew my plan would succeed," Slughorn went on to say, like the act of reaching into a hat and reading names could compare to what he and Severus had accomplished. Severus just continued to stacked the jars and phials from his arms back into their cupboard as Slughorn preceded to compliment his own cleverness some more. How much longer could James withstand the urge to roll his eyes? It was a very trying test. "Like I said, well done, lads," but James noticed that the Head of Slytherin had only been looking at James. That didn't feel right either.
"Se—Snape did most of the work," James admitted. And something stilled. Actually everyone nearby stilled; Severus the most rigid of them all. The Slytherin looked shocked, in fact, and also a little slighted? Those around them looked on in bewilderment. Had James just complimented a Slytherin? And not just any Slytherin, but Snape? Slughorn, also taken aback, cleared his throat after collecting his sensibilities again, and complimented them both once more, this time looking at Severus as well. James, because he could not rectify the situation, just kept his face blank. Merlin, now he was employing a Slytherin tactic? After Slughorn left and everybody, after a couple more befuddled stares, returned to their cleaning, Severus narrowed his eyes at James. James remained expressionless because he didn't know what would happen if he didn't. Severus said nothing and then left James standing there, but James could not help noticing something enigmatic pass over the other boy's features. If James didn't know better…
But he squelched the thought and gathered his things before meeting up with Remus in the back of the class and who had not heard the exchange between James, Severus, and Slughorn. James slips easily into conversation with Remus as they headed to Herbology, all the while James eyes followed the bobbing head of Severus up ahead.
What had the Slytherin's expression meant?
"What? Was it really that big of a deal?" James demanded.
He and the Slytherin were locked up in Severus' makeshift potions lab as it seemed to be the only safe place where their shouting voices would not be so easily overheard.
"You should not have to ask that, Potter," Severus replied. Apparently, the only shouting voice was that of James' as the Slytherin was ostensibly calm. James huffed indignantly, his arms crossed over his chest defensively as he leaned against the wall.
"I don't see why it would be," he continued. Severus regarded him coldly, and James straightened. It had been awhile since he had encountered the Slytherin's cutting stare.
"You know why," Severus said quietly, but James, petulant as he was, would not be dismissed.
"Why?" James continued stubbornly.
"Don't be such a child, Potter," Severus bit back as he braced his weight atop his workstation.
"I'm not the one being childish here. Besides, it was true, wasn't it?" James snapped, stepping out from the wall's support. "Would you have rather I took the praise though Slughorn didn't seem to be including you in it?"
"What do I care?" Severus said indifferently though James knew better. How many times had Severus looked on with pride after Slughorn had acknowledged the boy's good work? James didn't know why he was pressing the matter so much; he knew why Severus was reacting this way well enough. Or did he?
"Explain it to me, Severus."
It appeared the Slytherin meant to ignore the Gryffindor, but then he looked briefly in James' direction. "You just can't, Potter." And at that, James smiled softly.
"How inelegant," he said softly, walking over to stand next to Severus. "Come on, you keep telling me I'm a dunderhead, so you have to tell me explicitly. Or else, I may just do it again," he teased. Severus turned his face away from James which the Gryffindor did not appreciate in the least. Severus began rearranging the supplies and tools on his workbench mindlessly. "Severus?" and when the boy did not reply, James inched closer. "Severus," and he leaned down to better see Severus' face when the Slytherin, with his elbow, gently shoved James back. But James grabbed the boy's arm to anchor himself, and still Severus would not look at him. Hmm…
"Would you rather I torment you in class instead, Severus?" James cooed. He hoped to at least incite some reaction in the boy, even if it would be anger, but James didn't even feel the other tense under his grasp.
"Isn't that all you ever do?" Severus replied evenly. James tilted his head.
"It really is a shame I'm not your partner anymore," he said, switching tactics.
"It is…" came Severus, and James felt his heart palpitate. "For you, at least. A real shame," Severus added as he reclaimed his arm. "Enjoy your remedial marks, Potter," he jabbed. James snorted.
"I did well enough on my own today," James countered.
"But you weren't alone," Severus supplied.
"I practically was. You think Nora lifted a delicate finger to assist today?" Again, James snorted.
"Remarkable. Perhaps now you'll understand how I felt being saddled with your ineptitude," Severus sneered as he continued his mindless task.
"I'm not inept, Severus," James scoffed as his eyes followed Severus' hands moving this way and that across the table. "I just lack your artistry." What was Severus trying to accomplish here, James thought as he watched Severus move the same jar for the third time. As he tried to figure it out, he realized that Severus had stopped, the Slytherin's thin, long fingers hovering over a bowl of bulbadox powder. James furrowed his brows. Touching bulbadox powder caused the skin to break out in nasty boils. "Severus?" and James smiled. "Come on, what are you doing?" he laughed lightly as he took Severus' hand in his own and guided it away from the hazardous substance. "Hope you weren't planning on throwing that at me," James jokingly accused, but still the Slytherin remained unresponsive. James began to worry. "Severus?" He forced the boy around who brought his arms up quick, blocking his face. "What…? What did you think I was going to—?" but James stopped. Between the gap in Severus' arms, he saw the Slytherins' face contorted into something he thought he would never see—never thought the Slytherin even really capable of.
And James' breathing quickened and his heart pounded sonorously inside him.
Creeping along the edges of Severus' features, James spied a tinge of red.
Oh Merlin, it couldn't be…
"Severus?" James managed to croak out, losing his grasp on reality. That expression—it was—Merlin!
"Don't look at me, Potter. Just leave me alone," Severus caustically demanded. Like hell James would oblige at this point. He stepped closer and wrapped his fingers around each of Severus' arms.
"I won't look at you, just lower your arms," James coaxed.
"Liar," Severus spat, trying to turn around, but James, being slightly taller (and apparently stronger or more brutish) pinned the boy where he stood, right between James and the table.
"Severus, this is silly," he whispered, his heart thrumming loudly within his ears. A warmth broke over his own face as he watched Severus protest against him, and it crept along his neck and chest and torso and lower still…
But Severus was not to be cajoled.
"Fine," and James used his strength to separate Severus' arms, prying them apart and down.
And then Severus was exposed to James fully, and oh what an expression.
"Dear Merlin," he breathed out as he looked upon Severus' face. That Severus could display such intense embarrassment! "All this… from one, little compliment," James whispered in awe, more to himself.
"Don't flatter yourself, Potter!" Severus attempted once more to break free form James' hold, but it was to no avail. James was not letting the boy go.
"Severus… I…" but words were failing fast. The longer he stared at the boy, the more that need grew, the need that uncoiled from deep within and spiraled up in tendrils that, through bindings with his very bones, coerced him to move closer—to wrap his fingers around Severus' arms more—to shift his leg in between Severus' and push upward slightly causing the Slytherin's breath to hitch…
It told him to close the gap separating them completely.
He brought his lips to the side of Severus cheek, and hovered them along until he landed on Severus' ear.
"This is your fault, you know," James whispered, and he bit down slightly. The actions he took now were the consequences of Severus' discomposure. If the boy did not want James to react… then the Slytherin should not have reacted.
"That's right, Potter. Blame me. You always do…" Severus breathed, voice dropping in volume and tone. James pulled back to look at the boy once more. Severus' head was dropped slightly with his eyes downcast, but that lovely shade of red still lingered.
"Not for everything, Severus," he replied, moving his hands lower until they found Severus'. Severus looked up at him, eyes unreadable, though James thought he saw a haze within them that matched the fog settling over his own focus. He moved Severus' hands onto the boy's trousers, tucking in the boy's thumbs within them. "But you're right… there are some things I'd rather be absolved of…" and he stepped back from the Severus, the Slytherin watching him warily. "If you want what I want right now… take off your own trouser, Severus," James demanded evenly, a feat considering the overwhelming fervor and greed riling within him. Severus' eyes widened almost imperceptibly, his hands still where James had placed them.
And it was probably stupid of James. Every one of their encounters had been sparked by James' own need, and they went all the further because of his persistence. But James needed Severus to initiate, like the time Severus had demanded a kiss from James. James should not continued to force his own longing onto the other boy… Severus should act upon his own hunger.
Then again, it was more likely that Severus would call upon his composure instead—the Slytherin was always vexingly inhibited—and where would that leave James but with another vexing problem. James was almost resigned to the idea that the urge inside him would have to be taken care of by himself when Severus made a noise of annoyance.
"I really hate you, Potter," Severus spat, but the boy undid his button and dropped his trousers, and he looked at James so blatantly—so challengingly—that James' mind dissolved into a puddle of nonsensical want. He crossed the distance between them and kissed Severus fiercely. He raked his fingers within the Slytherin's hair before cupping one hand on the back of Severus' neck, the other resting on the small of the boy's back. He pushed Severus into him further and closer still until their chests and torsos were flushed—until Severus' hardened length pressed up against James'.
"Now this really is all your fault," James smiled against Severus' mouth as his fingers looped around the band of Severus' underpants. He eased them down, lower and lower still—over Severus' length, passed the boys trembling legs and down to the boy's ankles. Once they were removed, James stood and rested his forehead against Severus'. He stayed there and just listened to the boy's frenzied breathing before he lowered himself onto his knees. He looked up at Severus who eyes were half lidded and riddled with the same lust James could feel unfurling inside himself, and then he took the Slytherin within his mouth.
Severus inhaled sharply and grasped the table behind him. James flitted his tongue over the tip, and Severus exhaled. James moved his lips over Severus' entirety, and the Slytherin balked under the pleasure of it. James moved up and along Severus' length, trying his best inspire the sounds and expression he liked best from the boy, each one of his endeavors rewarded. Eventually, Severus wrapped his fingers within James' already tousled hair and guided the Gryffindor back and forth… back and forth. To show that James did not need Severus' assistance, he wrapped his hand around Severus' member, twisting up and down as his tongue lapped about it. Severus squeezed his eyes shut, and James could feel the boy's pleasure building—could feel the pulsations increasing…
… could feel his own pressure begging for release.
With one final jerk of James' hand, the Slytherin shuddered, spilling his bliss, and James felt his own member throb.
Severus, once he regained his natural breathing rhythm, lowered himself until he was level with James. James watched him curiously when Severus left a kiss on James' temple, and he felt his breath hitch from it. Was this some gesture of gratitude? He made to speak when Severus left another kiss on his cheek, and then several along his jaw, and one upon his lips… Each bereft movement of Severus' lips across his face broke James' resolve further and further. James could not even marvel at the very uncharacteristic display because the lust was peaking.
Unable to resists anymore, James undid his own trousers and slipped his hand inside his briefs as Severus pushed his tongue into the Gryffindor's mouth. James was satisfied with touching himself if only Severus continued to kiss him like he was, but then Severus forced James' hand back. James was about to protest when he felt Severus' fingers coil around his length. James grabbed Severus by the sides of his face as his tongue danced around Severus'. Inside his mind, he was begging the Slytherin for more… to continue… to never stop.
The Slytherin mirrored James' earlier movements, spiraling his hand up and down James' length. James felt himself beginning to rock within Severus' hold. The pressure was swirling inside, unbinding itself and seeking liberation. James groaned and tilted his head back.
…and all the while that very familiar, tenebrous voice hummed its approval.
Then Severus' movements stopped suddenly, and James panicked, his pleasure at the threshold of release. He looked over as Severus lowered himself further, and he gasped when the boy's lips enclosed over him.
"Severus—You don't—you don't…" he was trying to tell the boy that he need not reciprocate in such a manner, but it was weak and died on his tongue as cries of ecstasy took over. Strength was failing him, and he had to hoist himself up on his elbows, his lower back against the floor. He watched hazily as Severus' head bobbed up and up… up and down. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if he could ever get enough. Every time he was with Severus… every time they incited such mutual lust… every time James was brought to such overwhelming climaxes…
Could they ever be enough, or was James doomed to forever seek it out?
He knew the answer as Severus wrapped his tongue around James' member and ran it upward.
James felt himself spasm, felt the pleasure rush out of him with such force it wracked his body, and oh yes, how he knew the answer.
After the expulsion of his satisfaction, when he was able to orient himself once more, James ran a hand through Severus' sweat coated hair and smiled, the Slytherin now resting his head on James' torso. He lowered his own head unto the floor and stared up at the ceiling, the smile, small as it was, still in place.
For as long as Severus would give it to James, James would take all that he could get.
A/N: Well… there it is… Don't know if it was worth it after two years… Sorry! But I haven't abandoned this story! I'm just gonna go ahead and blame school for this one. Yup… school's fault. Definitely not laziness on my part… nope…