I wasn't surprised when I barely slept through the night. How the hell was I supposed to sleep? Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Gaston staring back at me. I would jump out of my skin and wake up in a cold sweat, often kicking the sheets off of me. Adam would wake up whenever I did, reach for me, and hold me until I fell asleep.
It was 8:00 when I realized there just was no point of trying to go back to sleep. I looked over to the man sleeping next to me. He was scruffy, as he hadn't shaven for a couple of days. His strong chest rose heavily with each breath…every so often a small snore would be heard. I didn't have the heart to wake him. He had dealt with me so much during the night and he really needed to sleep. Instead, I took my eyes and looked over at the window, where rain was dripping down the side. It seemed as though the sounds in the room were magnified…the dripping from the leaky sink…Cogsworth never got around to fixing that…the creaks from the floor down the hall…the heavy breathing of my love next to me…the pounding of my chest…
I thought things were going so well. We were only 6 months away from the wedding. Everyone had been working so hard to bring this wedding together and make it special. And now…I wasn't even sure if Adam would want to marry me. And who would? I wasn't pure anymore. I couldn't let him have the one gift that every groom deserved to get from his wife.
A feeling of self-blame swept over me and a chill traveled from my shoulders down through my spine. How could I let this happen? I could have fought harder. I should have fought not just for me, but for Adam. For us. I should have fought to save myself. I should have kicked harder. I closed my eyes and imagined a world in which I managed to get away…to escape…or kill Gaston myself.
No. I couldn't think of that. I would never want to hurt anyone…not even the man who harmed me so tragically.
I hated how I felt. I hated my brown eyes that I wished I could build a dam for because the tears just would not stop. I hated how shaky I felt. I hated how needy I was becoming. And how little sleep Adam got because of me. When was the last time in my life that I needed anyone to save me? I couldn't think of a time. I couldn't think of a time when I needed to be the rescued one. I often was the one people called upon to rescue them. I was the one who took my father's place. I hated asking for help. I hated admitting that I was hurting. How could I let this happen? In that moment, all I could do was beat myself up. I hated thinking that my whole life had just changed because of a stupid decision to run away from a fight with my fiancé. If I had never run…if I hadn't been so stubborn about things, this would have never happened. Instead, I had to run away from him like a child and sulk in the garden. And in turn, give up everything. I hated myself.
And I hated thinking about a life without Adam.
I looked at him sleeping next to me again, and thought so much about how far we had come. How much…how much I hated him in the beginning. How he was the enemy. No. He wasn't the enemy anymore. Gaston was. The man who once went after Adam because he thought he was a monster ended up being the biggest monster at all.
And then I realized that in that moment, Gaston wasn't even the enemy.
I was the enemy.
I was quickly becoming my own enemy.
Hey guys! So here's chapter four. It's not overly exciting, but I promise that exciting things are coming, and this chapter is kind of important to really understand what's going through Belle's head. I wanted to delve deeper into feelings and I think that's important to do every now and again.
Pleaseeee take the time to review and let me know what you thought of the chapter, the story so far, and let me know what I can improve on, and also give me ideas to add onto the plot! All suggestions I will take into serious consideration! I haven't gotten a single review yet and want to make my story as good as it can be!
Thanks so much for reading :) Hopefully chapter five will be up within the next couple of days!