Chapter Fourteen
N
Audrey doesn't talk as she's driving and I'm content to simply watch her out of the corner of my eye. She drums her fingers against the steering wheel whenever she's not trying to tuck her loose hair behind her ears, although the wind always immediately pulls it free again. The weak moonlight casts a pale glow over her skin.
However in the darkness I can see that her cheeks get darker the longer we're driving, the wind bringing out a pink flush on her face. After we've been on the highway for about an hour she starts shivering.
And then, of course, the rain starts.
It begins just as the city appears on the horizon, a steady drizzle that is blown in through the empty windscreen. By the time we get into the city it's a full on downpour, soaking through our clothes and hair. The weather doesn't bother me but Audrey's shivering picks up until her teeth start chattering.
"Okay, I'm freezing," she finally says when we reach the far edge of the city and are driving toward the surrounding residential area. "I've got to get in out of the rain." She drives for a while longer until we pull into a little cul-de-sac and she parks the truck in the drive of a modest colonial style house. "This is one of the last neighbourhoods that we emptied. There might still be some supplies inside."
Audrey and I head up onto the front porch and I'm just stepping out of the rain when Audrey slaps a palm against the door in frustration. "It's locked. We'll have to try another one."
"I g-got it," I say, stepping around her. Turning sideways, I throw my shoulder into the door. The lock pops and the door swings open, slamming against the wall.
"Wow," Audrey says as she follows me inside. "That's kinda impressive." She shuts the door behind us, blocking out the storm, and then immediately begins searching through the house. At the kitchen table she makes a noise of triumph and then a bright, florescent light floods the room. Audrey comes back carrying a portable lantern which she sets on the coffee table. "Oh wow," she says eagerly and picks up a clunky square thing. She points it at me and presses a button, producing a bright flash that makes me stagger backward in alarm.
"Wh-what?" I ask, trying to rub the spots out of my vision.
"I haven't seen one of these since junior high," she says. She grabs the little square of paper that came out of the front and shakes it. "One of the other kids at the orphanage had one. It's a camera. Polaroid. See." She holds out the square and I glance down at it curiously. It's an image that it takes me a minute to recognise.
"Me," I say, my head cocking to the side in surprise.
"Exactly," she says with a smile. She drops the photograph on the table and then offers the camera out to me. "Here, take one of me."
I turn the camera around and awkwardly find the button. Putting the lens up to my eye, I point the camera at Audrey. She tilts her head and flashes a soft smile right as I press the button. The flash is dazzling in the dimly lit room. I eagerly grab the picture as it comes out of the front of the camera and watch in fascination as the image of Audrey's smile slowly forms on the dark plastic.
Audrey comes up beside me to glance at the photo and she laughs. "Oh geez, well I never was very photogenic," she says dismissively. She wanders off, snapping photos of random objects around the house. I stare down at the picture of her for a minute longer. She's got curled tendrils of hair hanging down over her forehead and her smile is quirked up further on one side. I don't care what she thinks, I think it's beautiful. When she's not looking, I tuck the photo into the pocket of my jacket.
"Oh good, there's some food in here," Audrey says from the kitchen. I can hear her carving open a food tin but there are so many interesting things to look at in this house. Trinkets on the mantle, family photos on the walls, a shelf of books above a cracked television set. While I wander around, picking up things at random and examining them, I keep an eye on Audrey. She's sitting on the kitchen table with her legs folded up under her, scooping cold beans from a tin with a slightly too large spoon.
I'm flipping through a flimsy book full of glossy photos of people with too-tanned skin and too-shiny clothes when she finishes and clears her throat. "Found a magazine, huh?" she asks in amusement. "Never figured you for the gossip rag type."
"St-trange peop-ple," I say, scrutinising the face of a woman who seems to have painted her face on with sparkly colours. It looks - fake. Not fresh and alive the way Audrey looks.
"You've got that right," she agrees. "Well I'm going to get some sleep. Night." She climbs halfway up the stairs to the next floor but then stops before I can reply. After she hovers in place for a minute she comes back down and meets my gaze across the room, her cheeks a pleasantly pink colour. "Actually, you can stay up here, if you want. On the floor. I just - these empty houses freak me out. I don't wanna be alone."
I nod without even thinking about it. The truth is, I've gotten used to spending my nights watching Audrey sleep. It's comforting and in the morning I almost feel relaxed, like I'm the one who slept. I drop the magazine unceremoniously on the floor and follow Audrey's retreating figure up the stairs. The hall is short and branches into three doors - one to a room with a pair of small beds, one to a bathroom, and another to a larger room with a big square bed in the middle.
Audrey goes into the third room and immediately climbs onto the bed, kicking off her shoes with a squelching noise. I come in behind her but a noise from outside makes me pause. A crunching, like something heavy on gravel. It couldn't be a Boney, they aren't heavy enough to make a sound like that. A second later a light passes over the window of the bedroom.
"Get down!" Audrey hisses and I drop into a crouch, squinting at the curtained window in confusion. Audrey slips out of the bed and tiptoes to the window. She nudges aside the edge of the curtain and peers out into the street. Curious, I shuffle awkwardly over to her and lean in over her shoulder to see.
There's three large vehicles in the street outside the house, surrounded by at least a dozen humans with very big guns. They are driving slowly, inching along, and they are flashing bright lights over each of the houses. Even I can tell they're looking for something.
"It's Vince," Audrey says in surprise. "There, in that front car." I look at the man in question; he's big and broad shouldered, with a mass of curly hair the colour of steel. There's a shotgun across his lap and he looks tired and tense as he squints around in the darkness. "He would've killed you," Audrey breathes and I feel her hand close around my wrist almost protectively. She turns to look up at me and her blue eyes are wide and - scared? "He would've shot you right in the head and you'd just be gone. Like, really gone."
And that's when the importance of this moment really occurs to me. Because she could go out there. She could've turned and run outside, and it would've been an easy trip home for her with an armed guard and the man who takes care of her. She could've left. But she didn't. She's still here, clutching my wrist, looking concerned for me. She is still here, with me.
What does that mean?
We stay standing at the window until the convoy has disappeared from sight. Then Audrey lets out a relieved breath and she slips around me to jump back onto the bed, drawing the blankets up to her shoulders. There's no extra blankets to make a nest for myself so I just stretch out on the floor. I lay on my back, folding my hands on my stomach and turning my head to the side to watch Audrey.
She's shivering still, the vibrating blankets around her making her features blur. Her cheeks are red but beneath them she looks pale and drawn. I want to ask her if there's anything I can do to help, but it's not like I can warm her up or anything. I don't exactly have body heat to share.
"Ugh, I've got to get out of these clothes. They are soaking still," Audrey says irritably, shoving the blankets off. My eyes widen and she smirks. "Oh don't give me that look." She sits up and turns her back, and then she's pulling her shirt up over her head.
I can't stop staring as inches of milky white skin are revealed, divided horizontally by the gray band of her bra. There's a brown spot high on her left collarbone shaped like a leaf. She stands up and shimmies out of her wet jeans - underneath she's wearing a pair of faded lavender underwear - and my eyes are about ready to fall out of my head. Because holy shit, the woman that I lo- the one that makes me feel is standing there in just her underclothes and my god is she even more beautiful than I ever imagined.
Audrey turns to climb back into the bed and I immediately flick my gaze to the ceiling again, not wanting her to know I was staring. "Hm, that's better," she says as she snuggles down beneath the thick blanket again.
I keep my eyes upward, my mind racing with the events of the last hour. She had a chance to leave, a chance to go home to her family and friends tonight, but she stayed. Why?
I want to believe it is for me; that perhaps she sees something in me worth sticking around for. That maybe - just maybe - she's gotten fond of me. And once again, just like the first moment I saw her in that hospital supply room, I feel that burning, electric hope.
"Hey N." I tilt my head and look up at her, huddled in the mass of dingy blankets. "You have to eat people, but you didn't eat me. You've saved me, like a ton of times now. Why me?"
And isn't that the question that I just can't seem to answer. I would love to know what it is about her that's so special but I just don't. All I know is that I'm drawn to her. That I would rather be ripped apart at the seams by Boneys than hurt her. That I would die all over again to keep her safe.
"It must be so hard for you," Audrey says and that gets my attention again. "Being stuck in there. I know you're more than this and I see you trying all the time. And I think that's what people do, they try to be better than they are. Even when they suck at it. But you, you just try so much harder than anyone I know." She props her head up on her elbow and stares me down. "You're a good person, N."
I close my eyes, overwhelmed with guilt. I'm a good person? Me, the one who eats peoples' brains for a living? Who kidnapped her and dragged her into the most dangerous possible place for a human? Who has been nothing but selfish for the last few days, putting her at risk because of my own curiosity? Who killed her boyfriend?
My hand drifts into my pocket and I close my fist around the strange pendant I took from around his neck. I can't live with it anymore. I can't live with the guilt. "It was me," I admit quietly.
"What was?" Audrey asks.
In response, I reach up and set the necklace on the little table beside the bed. I see Audrey's eyes widen as she sees it. She grabs the necklace and runs it through her fingers, and I watch the barriers come down behind her eyes. She curls in on herself, her expression closing off. "I mean, I guess I knew."
"You d-did?" I ask and I try not to let my relief show because I can't shake the feeling that there's more to it.
"Yeah," she says. "I guess I just hoped you didn't." She bites her lip and then rolls over, turning her back on me and tugging the blanket up over her shoulders so all I can see is the back of her head.
"Audrey. Audrey, I'm s-so sorry," I say, something causing my voice to stick in my throat. She doesn't respond. "Audrey." I watch the curls along the back of her head, hoping for some indication of her forgiveness, but she stays facing the wall. After a few minutes I give up and lay back down, staring up at the ceiling but not really seeing it.
Maybe she just needs time, like before. I stretch my legs and it seems to take a great deal more effort than usual to move them. My eyelids feel heavy as well, drooping so that the top half of my vision is blacked out. There's a strange, heavy pull in the back of my mind that makes it hard to think and focus. It's almost like I'm tired, but that's impossible. The dead don't sleep.
That's my last thought before I drift off.