Title: I want it all.
Summary: -
Authors Note: Thanks for the feedback? I love you all c: Thanks for the spelling\grammar help! I'm sorry about that, sometimes I get confused and write it like that ( all the time tbh ] but yeah, I'll cross my fingers and hope I remember. As to the chosen one ( or something similar that someone reviewed as a guest ] Alison doesn't truly love Toby but she wants what she can't have. More will be revealed in flashbacks! This is a long author's note most of mine are but Alison and Toby are ten in the flashback.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
You make everything seem hazy
Love comes with such a cost
She picks up the picture frame, lets her fingers dance across the glass the picture is encased in.
Five faces smile up at her, a chubby Hanna wearing a bright pink dress that looked awful on her. Emily in shorts and a t-shirt, her face smiling up at the camera. Spencer looking polished as always, blazer and beret in place, a grumpy frown on her face. Aria wearing a black dress of tulle, grinning up at the camera. And then there's Alison, her, a smirk on place on her face, that yellow shirt covering her chest.
And then it's lying on the floor in a puddle of broken glass.
And red is staining her fingers.
She wipes the blood onto her skirt, not phased in the slightest.
And then she's pulling out her treasure chest and digging for that photo.
The one that shows Ezra and her together.
She plans to burn it, to destroy any evidence of it for good.
Aria's been a wreck and Alison's barely even seen her, the blonde doesn't want to hurt the brunette further.
Not after everything she's been through. Once upon a time she would of destroyed her friend but she knows what it's like to be destroyed until you're just a former shell of who you used to be.
She remembers the day that she met him, Ezra.
He looked different to what he did now but the same.
(Alison swayed her hips, flicked her hair back and pressed her lips against Ezra Fitzgerald's. She had met him earlier that night via Wilden. She pulled back and let out a intoxicated sounding giggle flow from her lips. Her head fell on his shoulder, his hands stroking the blonde waves. "Do you love me?" She asks in a drunken whisper, she'd lost count of how many bottles of vodka she had drained. It was more than she'd ever had before, Alison didn't get drunk. "Maybe," Ezra replies cryptically, a teasing smile on his face. She decides that she likes him, they spend the rest of the summer together. Partying, drinking, kissing. CeCe never even met him, to the other blonde he was known as the 'beach hottie.')
She found the photo, holding it up like a trophy above her head.
The blonde searched for a lighter, flicked it on and neared it towards the edge of the photo.
The photo caught on fire, red and orange blazing around the room.
Alison's eyes focused solely on the flames and nothing else.
Her mind focused on the fact that this photo would never be viewed again.
And then she was running to the bathroom and throwing it in the sink, filling the sink up with water. What was she thinking? Did she want to set the house on fire? She had had enough near death experiences for one life time, thank you very much.
And it comes crashing down on her once again.
That night.
She had finally figured everything out.
She had thought that she knew everything; who this 'A' person was, how to stop them.
She thought it would finally give Toby and her their chance.
But she remembers riding off with Ian, Toby's sweater wrapped around her body.
"Ali?" Spencer's voice breaks her out of her thoughts.
The thoughts that flood her mind every single moment of every single day.
Most of the time.
"Hey Spence," Alison replies, a bit of her confidence coming back.
And it's slowing coming back, her. Everything that made Alison DiLaurentis Alison DiLaurentis.
Spencer hand slips from off of the door and rests at her side, her eyes looking over the blonde's room. Something was different, but something was the same. It was comforting, a relief, to know that even though Alison had been gone not everything had to change. Alison has moved onto her bed, her legs dangling off of the edge.
Nervously, Spencer sits next to her. The two of them had barely talked.
"How have you been?" Spencer asks, Alison shrugs her shoulders, her fingers nervously picking at invisible fluff on her skirt.
And Spencer notices.
Something's different about Alison.
Something's been off about her since the day she rolled back into Rosewood, dark shades on and a cocky smirk on her face.
And it's almost as if she's not Alison.
"Tell me more about Courtney?" Spencer prompts, the brunette has a bad feeling about this whole Courtney business. Has from day one but she was just so happy to have Alison back, and Ali looked so happy. And-
"Why?" Alison retorts, crossing her arms across her chest.
A birth mark stands out on her left wrist, tiny, a brown little splotch.
But Spencer doesn't know how she missed it before.
And it's like every single inch of blood is drained from Spencer's body.
It all adds up; everything.
"That's an interesting birthmark Ali. I don't remember you ever having it before," The words are out of Spencer's mouth before she can stop them. They float in the air, creating a distance between the two girls. She wants to snatch them up with her dainty fingers and delicately push them back into her mouth, swallowing them whole without a second thought.
Alison's eyes snap up to meet Spencer's, her right hand darting out to cover up the 'birthmark' on her wrist.
"It's not a birthmark," Alison hisses.
And it's all so wrong, because once upon a time Alison would of rolled her eyes, or shrugged her shoulders, or come up with some remark about it. One that was sure to make Spencer feel like crap.
But.
Here she was covering it up and hissing things like she was scared.
It turns out if you're a victim once, you're a victim for life.
At least for the unstoppable Alison DiLaurentis.
And somehow it almost serves the blonde right. She had ruined everything for everyone, dead, alive, hiding. She did nothing but make everyone fall awful about themselves, she was in control of them, they were her chess pieces. They were her victims and now she was someone's victim and the girls were A's victim, Alison had already been A's victim once though.
"What is it Ali?" Spencer's voice is soft, sweet. Like a sugar cube dissolving on your tongue. Or honey running through your fingers, slipping past the ruby red ring that adorns your finger. It's like tracing a finger around the petals of a rose, soft, silky, smooth.
Spencer's never been the easiest one to trust. The two of them fought the most and now the brunette was with the one boy Alison had ever truly loved. The boy that Alison wanted back after neglecting him and ignoring him and using him like he was her puppet. Yet, there was something about the words and Spencer's voice that Alison found comfort in.
Alison's fingers flicked the ruby red ring once, twice, thrice.
"If I tell you, you have to promise that you won't tell a single soul." Alison states, her walls breaking down around her. The layer of heavy armor she had worn since an infant falling to pieces, "And that you won't hate me forever." She adds in a quieter voice, tears prickling in her eyes. To tell or not to tell? She honestly didn't want Spencer to hate her and the girls, it seemed like they would side with Spencer. Not her. She's been away far too long and when she was around she had made their life a living hell.
And A, that bitch was causing them hell because of her.
"I swear."
And Alison parts open her mouth, reading to embark on a mission that would be sure to cause her hell.
OCTOBER 12TH 2OO5
"Toby!" Alison exclaims, throwing her arms around her friend's neck. It's been forever since she's seen him. Or it feels like it's been forever since she's seen him. His arms wrap around her awkwardly as he rests his head against her shoulder for a second.
"Hey Ali." He greets, a small smile gracing his lips. Alison rolls her eyes at his awkwardness and brushes it off, she still loves him. Even if she does have cooler friends now. Her small hand grabs his as she drags him over to her bedroom.
"How are you?" He asks her as he looks around her bedroom. She shrugs her shoulders as she flops down onto the floor, good, bad, okay? Did it matter how she had been?
"I've missed you." She states, causing a light blush to creep across Toby's cheeks.
He loves her.
He's always loved her.
He'll always love her.
She loves him.
She's always loved him.
She'll always love him.
"I've missed you as well. You're my best friend Ali." His fingers pick up a card that's lying on her desk, he opens it up, 'Happy Birthday Alison!' written clearly on the card. He shuts it close and throws it back on her desk going to sit beside her.
"How was your holiday?" Alison asks softly.
That's right, he had been gone.
On holiday.
With his family.
Where his mum and dad fought every. single. day.
"It was different. It's weird being back." He states as he leans back against Alison's bed. He had been gone for two years, two entire years. The last time he had seen Alison he had been eight years old.
"It was weird without you here," The words escape through Alison's mouth as her phone beeps. She greedily grabs it and turns it on to see a text from Jason. Toby's mouth has formed a small 'O' shape at the sight of the phone. No matter how much begging and pleading he had done his parents wouldn't allow him to have one.
"You're lucky," Toby mutters under his breath. Alison doesn't even hear, off in her own little world. With a sigh she places the phone back carefully where she had gotten it, a little space in between her bed and drawers. She puts a finger to her lips and whispers a small 'ssh'.
"They can't know where I keep it," She explains with a small shrug, flopping onto her back upon her bed. Toby grins at Alison, she hadn't really changed at all.
And it wasn't awkward.
He thought it would be but it wasn't. It was just like old times, the two of them hanging out. Except that they were older and they hadn't seen each other in forever.
"Have any new friends?" Toby asks nervously. He hopes she says no, he hates it when she has new friends. He never has new friends, it always just been her and then she'll go off without him. It's always just been them. She smiles at him and nods her head eagerly.
"Heaps!" She exclaims excitedly.
And he swears his heart breaks.
Because it can't go back to how it was.
Back to just the two of them.
She's always been dragged away from him before but she's never had heaps of new friends. One or two at the most. He hates that she's his only friend, the only person he has ever been able to rely on.
"Do you wanna meet them? We can all go to the park together or something." Alison suggests, she's only ever been this sweet to him.
She's only ever been the real Alison in front of him. Apparently she's been the devil since she was in diapers.
But.
With him she's just Alison.
And she thinks that they act too grown up for ten year old's. She swings her feet to the ground and pulls Toby up by his arms.
PRESENT.
The sound of Spencer's phone beeping interrupts any conversation about to begin. Spencer shoots her best friend an apologetic smile before digging around in her phone to pull it out and silence it. Instead she sees Toby's name on the screen, a message underneath it. She opens the message up, the smile that had once been on her face drops off completely.
I have a lead on my mum. Could you meet me at the loft now, please? - Toby.
"I have to go Alison," Spencer manages to get out, and she feels awful but this is the first time they'd gotten close to finding out what had really happened to Toby's mother. Alison could wait, Toby couldn't.
And Spencer wonders when she became the girl that chose her boyfriend over her best friends.
"Oh," Alison emits, "It's fine." She finishes, a stone cold mask replacing her face once again. She's sort of relieved, she won't have to go through that horrific tale all over again.
But a part of her was looking forward to finally telling the truth.
To sharing secrets.
Because secrets, they keep friends close.
Even if the secrets she was about to spill would of destroyed her friendship with Spencer.
And then Spencer is gone.
Leaving Alison all by her lonesome self.
And the blonde wonders when Spencer started putting boyfriends before her best friends.
She hadn't missed the Toby that had appeared on Spencer's screen.
And she could tell you in detail how much it broke her heart, the fact that her Toby was with Spencer. Not with her. The fact that her Spencer was off with Toby. Not with her. She decides to hate the relationship the two of them have even more, she starts to wonder how it even started.
Alison decides she's better off not knowing, she doesn't want to go down that route. She'll end up in self destruction, destroying everything she's ever loved and she's changing. She's growing up, how could she not? After all, she's been to hell and back and back again.
Spencer stands outside Toby's left, her knuckles poised above his door. The door flies open before Spencer has time to knock, revealing a distraught looking Toby. Her arms wrap around his body, enclosing him in a tight embrace.
His arms wound around around her body, his head falling onto her shoulder. Spencer pulls away slightly, her fingers lifting up Toby's chin. Her lips press against his softly, lightly.
She pulls away from him, shutting the door behind her lightly. Her eyes spot papers and files scattered about on the coffee table, she heads straight towards it. She swoops up the nearest piece of paper in sight, her eyes going over the words. She lets her eyes flutter close, this was the file that Toby had gotten in exchange for the R.V. The only file the two of them had had for months, she knows every word off by heart.
"What did you find out?" Spencer asks curiously, she feels Toby sit down beside her. She feels his fingers intertwine with her own, she feels his breath on her ear as he leans in close.
"She was murdered." He states, her eyes snap open and she wish she hadn't opened them. Tears are welled up in Toby's eyes and his face is broken, he looks lost, confused and, and Spencer can't handle it. Her arms wrap around him in an embrace, a soft kiss being pressed to his cheek.
"How, how do you know this?" She asks him. Toby takes in a deep breath, preparing to tell Spencer what he had found out.
A\N: I have been so busy but I'm more free now. I had more spoby planned for this chapter but fate hates me and I forgot to save it and my laptop went dead and I lost the file. So I had to rewrite the bottom half, sorry to leave you hanging but I needed to update this. Cos' it hasn't been updated in forever.