Chapter Nineteen

AUDREY

I stretch out languidly on my bed, indulging in the beautiful comfort of the ancient spring mattress. It's the little things that you miss when you're away from home. I close my eyes and enjoy the luxury of the bed, my pyjamas, and the low hum of a voice from the middle of the room.

After a few minutes of the beautiful peace, I roll onto my side and squint at the room's only other occupant. Duke is sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed, his legs folded up into the lotus position and his eyes closed as he hums softly. He's meditating again, something he does whenever he's got something on his mind.

"So," I prompt curiously, "tell me about this Jennifer." He had let slip the name earlier and I've been dying of curiosity since. The faint quirk at the corner of his lips is the only indication that he heard me, but he ignores me and continues to meditate. "Oh c'mon, Duke. This is the first time you've shown any interest in a girl since you split with that girl last year. Evie?"

"As you'll recall, I've shown quite a lot of interest in you," Duke points out without opening his eyes.

"I'm being serious," I say although my laugh might negate that statement.

Duke sighs and rolls his eyes, untangling his legs and climbing up to sit on the bed beside me. We both prop our backs against the headboard and stare at our bare feet. "She's something, I'll give you that," he finally says and I can hear his smile without turning to see it. "I don't know what it is about her. I think she's a bit mental, honestly. But I like her."

I smile and lean my head against his shoulder. "I can't wait to meet her," I say and Duke groans. "Shut up. If you're going to start dating a new girl, I have to meet her. Best friend rules."

"Does that mean I get to meet your zombie boyfriend?" Duke teases.

"He's not my boyfriend," I object and elbow him hard in the side.

Duke chuckles. "Me think the lady doth protest too much."

"You're such an idiot," I say but the tone is more affectionate than anything. God I didn't realise just how much I missed this, missed him. After all this time, Duke is my definition of home so much more than the four walls around us. This, bullshitting with him, makes me feel like maybe I'm really home and it's really over.

I try not to acknowledge the pang of loss that hits me along with that thought. What do I have to be sad about? But I know the answer to that immediately. N. I still feel guilty about leaving him the way I did. He deserved better than that, especially after everything he's done for me. Even if I was upset with him - was, because I've gotten over it. He couldn't help it; he didn't know any better. And I should've stayed, at least long enough to tell him that before leaving.

God, what's wrong with me?

"Duke, can I tell you something?"

Duke tilts his head to look down at me. "Stupid question," he retorts. "What is it?"

"This is weird, but don't freak out, okay?" I say, fidgeting with the tie-strings on my pyjama pants. "I think - I think I actually kinda miss him."

At this Duke sits up and turns around so he's facing me, laying his arms on his folded legs. "Really?" he says, eyeing my face with an eyebrow cocked. "Seriously? After all this time of turning me down, you go and fall for a Corpse?" He sighs and shakes his head, but there's a hint of a laugh glittering in his eyes. "Jesus, Auds, you know how to wound a guy."

I grin and bump my knee against his, but I can't stop my mind from racing. What is going on with me? There's no escaping the fact. I miss N. I miss the rapt attention in his doe eyes, the way he focuses on something like it's the most interesting thing on the planet. I miss his trinkets and his fascination with the littlest things. I miss his softness and innocence. I miss the way he made me feel; cherished. Precious.

"Ugh, there is something seriously wrong with me," I say dramatically, slumping back against the headboard again.

Duke laughs. "I could've told you that one."

I comb a hand back through my hair and look up at my best friend wearily. He smiles and pats my knee. "You look exhausted, I'll let you get to sleep," he says, sliding off the bed. He walks across to the door but then hesitates in the frame. Turning back to me, his expression is tender. "I'm really glad you're back, Audrey."

"Me too," I say with a fond smile.

Duke grins and nods. "I'll be next door if you need me," he says and then I see the playful light spark in his eyes again. "Sweet zombie dreams." He slips out and closes the door before the pillow I threw can hit him.

Even with as tired as I am, I can't sleep. I walk around my room, running my fingers over everything on the shelves and enjoying the familiarity of my space. When I stumble across my bag I unpack my things from inside it, setting the cans of food aside. I linger over the battered paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet, thinking fondly of the way that N's eyes had lit as he listened to the story.

And there I am thinking about him again.

I stow the book away on the shelf along with my other books, most of them crappy airplane paperbacks I've scavenged over the last few years. I tuck it in after the last book I read, a vampire romance called Unstake My Heart and then I stick the photo of N in between the pages for safekeeping. Maybe all those supernatural books have gotten to me, if I'm starting to develop a crush on a Corpse.

Clearly I need some fresh air. I walk to the balcony doors and shove them open, grateful for the surge of cool night air that rushes in. I break out in gooseflesh but it feels good so I step out onto the cement pad and lean against the iron railing. All of Haven is stretched out before me, brown and gray, speckled with little glittering lights of patrols and campfires. It's not the most beautiful place, nothing like the colourful bookshop where N lives, but it's home. It's where I belong.

"Audrey."

The hushed shout startles me and I straighten up, leaning over the rail to look down at the source of the voice. It can't be... But there, standing on the little patch of dying grass that serves as our lawn, is a familiar figure in a brown and black jacket and jeans. Even with the hood up I can see those prominent cheekbones and plaintive puppy eyes.

"N, what are you doing here?" I hiss frantically. I immediately look around for any sign of patrols nearby but we're safe for the moment.

"Had to s-see you," N answers, shuffling his feet.

The stupid, sweet Corpse... "It's not safe for you here," I tell him.

From the room beside mine I hear Duke shout, "Audrey, are you okay?"

"Fine," I call back into the room, my anxiety shooting through the roof. Twisting back to N, I continue, "The people here aren't like me. They'll kill you, N."

"I know," he says unconcernedly. And no, my heart doesn't leap at that. Not at all. Just like I'm not in denial. "H-had to see you."

My bedroom door opens and panic explodes in my chest. "Seriously, Audrey, are you okay? Are you talking to yourself?" Before I can gesture for N to hide or something, Duke steps out onto the balcony behind me. His gaze follows mine and his eyes widen almost comically as he staggers into the wall. "Christ, is that-?" He turns to me questioningly. "Is that him?"

"Yeah, that's him," I admit weakly, because what else can I do at this point?

Duke leans to look over the railing again and down on the lawn N flashes him a scared, tentative smile. "Hey," Duke replies, waving shortly.

"I've got to get him inside," I say. There's nothing stopping me now, not now that Duke knows. We're the only ones in the house to see anything. I shoulder passed Duke and run down the stairs to the front door. When I open it N is standing on the front step, looking nervous. "Hi," I say, at a loss for words.

"Hi," he parrots, his gray-blue eyes fixed on mine intently even as he dips his head uncertainly and rubs at the back of his neck. The move is so characteristic, so specifically him, that everything I've been wrestling with all night comes surging back to the surface. I stand on my toes and throw my arms around his neck, and it only takes a second before he returns the embrace, his arms wrapped so tightly across my back that my toes leave the ground for a moment.

"I'm sorry," I say into the curve of his neck.

"Me too," he says, setting me down on my feet again although he doesn't release me. I have no room to talk because my arms are still wrapped around his neck tight enough I'd probably choke him if he needed to breathe. It's weird, but hugging him feels good. Right. I'm smaller than him, but I seem to fit against him, curled in the protective shelter of his gangly arms. I nuzzle my head against his collarbone, feeling the comfortable coolness of his skin beneath the thin tee-shirt.

"Weird, you feel warmer than I remember," I say, finally taking a step back to look up at him. He used to be cooler, chilled like stones in winter, a sort of secondhand cold. He's still not a normal body temperature, but now the cool feels nice, like the other side of the pillow on a summer night.

A light glinting off the building opposite jars me back from my musings and I grab N's arm. "That's the patrols. C'mon, get inside." I drag him into the house by the arm, shutting the door securely behind us. I look up at N, standing awkwardly in the foyer of the house, and I can't help but smile at how out-of-place he looks. "You're lucky Vince got called out on some emergency. You'll be safe here tonight."

I take N's hand and lead him up the stairs and into my bedroom, where Duke is hovering in the doorway looking anxious. I usher N to the two-seater in the corner of my room and then, to break the ice, I say, "N, this is Duke. Duke, this is-"

"Na-than," N interrupts me.

I start, glancing up at him, and he's almost smiling again. "Nathan? Did you remember your name?"

N shakes his head. "Gr."

"Gr knew it?" I ask and this time he nods. "So did he know you before you were a Corpse then? How do you think he knew you?"

"D-don't, know," N - Nathan - says, but I notice that he grips his forearm, the one mangled with scars, almost defensively.

"Wow, N, you have a name," I say in awe, squeezing his hand excitedly. "Nathan."

Duke pulls the desk chair over in front of us and straddles it backwards, folding his arms over the back. "This is unreal," he says, cocking his head to the side and staring at Nathan. "I mean he's pale but he's not really gray. And he doesn't even smell dead."

"N - I mean Nathan. Wow that's going to take some getting used to," I say. It's captivating, watching the way his eyes light up when I say his name. "Nathan, what are you doing here?"

"C-came to show," he says. "Show everyone w-we can change."

My heart plummets and I close both of my hands around one of his. "Oh Nathan, no one's going to believe that," I say sadly. I can understand because I've seen it happen, but the others? "They'll shoot you long before you get a chance to say anything. It's a miracle you made it here without getting killed."

"Wait," Duke says, holding up a hand. "Did he say 'we?'"

"L-lots of us," Nathan says insistently. "Ch-changing. Dr-reaming."

I exchange amazed looks with Duke. "We've got to tell Vince," I say.

"Oh please, Audrey," Duke says sarcastically.

"No, I'm serious," I say. "This is a big deal. He can be reasonable, we can make him listen."

"Vince hasn't been reasonable in years. Not since Dave died," Duke says. "Dave was the one who listened. Vince is the one who shot his brother in the face the very second he showed signs of turning, remember?"

Nathan looks momentarily frightened and I squeeze his hand reassuringly even as I have to agree with Duke. Losing Dave really did unhinge Vince a little, but it's the only shot we've got. "We have to try," I say. I glance at Nathan and frown. He may not look like a normal Corpse, but he is still clearly not one of us. "But we've got to find a way to get him through the city without getting too much attention. Just pulling up his hood isn't going to help in the city centre, not with so many people. "

"I've got an idea," Duke chips in. "Just a sec." He stands up and leaves the room, and through the thin walls I can hear him rummaging around in his room. He comes back a few minutes later with a little cloth bag and hands it to me. Curious, I open it. The bottom is littered with various types of makeup, from half-empty bottles of foundation to assorted lipsticks and eyeshadows. "I've been gathering this stuff on salvage raids," Duke explained. "I was saving it to be your birthday present but this seems as good a reason to give it early as any."

"This could work," I say excitedly, lifting out a little circular container of blush and holding it up. "Some foundation and a bit of blush, maybe some lipstick. Just enough to put some colour back in your face."

Nathan's eyes widen in alarm and to my amusement he shakes his head. "No m-makeup," he says.

"Yeah, definitely yeah," I respond. I stand up and offer a hand out to him. "C'mon, Nathan, time for a zombie makeover."