Title: I want it all.
Authors Note: I love you guys all so much! I would love to hit fifty reviews, hint hint. I have an entire flashback chapter planned soon that should answer some questions, I'm debating whether it should be Toby\Alison or Alison\Escaping\Courtney\Death? Did the latter make any sense? If you want to see any certain questions answered though, please drop them in a review or PM me so I can organize them into the fic sooner rather than later depending on how big\important the questions are. Leave what flashback you would want to see for the big flashback chapter, both will happen, but what one do you want to see?
IMPORTANT: You should all follow me at daaisybuchanan at twitter or at least check in on it from time to time for hints\sneak peeks\updates about how everything is going.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
"Toby?" Spencer whispers through the darkness, her hand reaches out in front of her feeling only emptiness. A soft sigh escapes through her lips as she pushes herself up off of Toby's bed, her feet land on the floor with a soft thud. She reaches out her hand to flick on the lamp next to the bed, a soft glow envelops the room.
"Toby?" Spencer says once again, her voice louder this time. She walks towards the door, turning on the main light switch. She shuts her eyes for a second, the brightness taking her by surprise. She opens them carefully, letting her eyes adjust to the new light.
"Spence?" She hears Toby ask curiously, the brunette spins around on her heels.
"Hey," Toby takes one, two, three, four, five, six steps towards her before wrapping his arms around her neck and bringing her closer to his chest. "Why are you up?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's not like I can control when I wake up and all." Spencer replies sharply, stepping away from Toby and crossing her arms across her chest.
"Are you still mad?" Toby asks, his eyes fluttering close softly. He knew the moments the words had slipped out of his mouth they had been a mistake.
"Yes! Of course I'm still mad that you kept the fact that you had feelings for my best friend a secret!" Spencer bites back. She doesn't cry unless she's really upset and when she does cry, she doesn't let anyone see but she can't help feeling the budding tears arise within her eyes.
"Spence," The words are soft, they die on his tongue.
"I think I need to be alone for a little while, to sort through everything." Spencer states, turning her back on Toby. Her hands fumbling for her jeans in the darkness, it had been an impromptu stay at Toby's; after finding out about everything that had gone down between Toby and Alison (or at least she thought it was everything.) she had asked if she could stay the night. She didn't want to go home, where she was across the street from Alison, where her family was watching her like a hawk. She thought they hadn't cared, she had confronted them, broke down around them, cried in front of them about them not caring about her and now? Now they watch her every move, are with her every single moment. As much as it pained her to be around Toby it was better than being at home.
Now she thinks being around her family's watchful eye might be better.
She shoves her legs into her jeans, her arms into her jumper, her feet into her shoes.
To turns back around to face Toby.
Her lips open, trying to form a goodbye before she clamps it shut and flees.
ONE DAY EARLIER.
"I can't believe that you went on a date with my brother!" Alison groans, falling back first onto Aria's bed. Aria's mouth twists into a frown.
"I didn't go on a date," She emphases the word date to make her point, "with Jason." Aria finishes, shooting Alison a pointed look.
"Ooh what's this I hear of dates?" Hanna asks, walking into the room with a bowl of popcorn.
"Aria went out with Jason last night," Alison smirks. Hanna's mouth spits out a few more 'oohs' and 'aahs' and Emily lets out a shaky laugh.
"I've always wondered, is Jason a good kisser?" Hanna suddenly asks, her tone adopting one of seriousness. Aria rolls her eyes and her head faintly nods, yes.
Emily's jaw slackens, eyes going wide before she starts clapping with glee and engulfing Aria into a hug. She knew it, Aria had denied everything but she just knew it.
"Oh my god!" Alison squeals, she had just been teasing Aria but it was all true-
"I'm just messing with you guys," Aria quickly admits, a sly smile taking over her lips.
"So you didn't kiss Jason?" Emily asks, glancing over at Hanna who's lips are twisted downwards in a frown.
"No!" Aria quickly exclaims, eyes falling to the floor. "You know I still love Ezra, after everything."
An awkward silence envelops the room, they've all tried to dodge the Ezra subject as much as possible. They've tried to act as if the fact didn't even exist, another pointless rumor sprouting from Mona's mouth, only to be spread around their exclusive group.
"Do you, do you wanna talk about it?" Emily asks finally breaking the silence. Aria's eyes travel around the room, yes, yes, yes, is screaming in her head. She's not usually like this, burying her problems so deep inside her chest until she explodes - wait, no that's exactly who she is.
"Hey," Spencer's voice enters the room, her body following her soon afterwards. Aria forgets about any idea of telling the girls anything, sharing her thoughts.
"Hey!" Hanna beams, excitement laced through her voice as she greets Spencer.
Spencer flops down onto Aria's bed next to Alison. It's been exactly one week since they had gone in search of answers. It's been exactly one week since they had found nothing. It's been exactly one week since Spencer had given up, maybe Alison had just changed while she was away. Maybe she wanted to keep what happened a secret for a reason. She doesn't want to stop searching for answers but maybe she should.
"Spencer, can you please tell Aria that it's okay if she likes our brother. She doesn't seem to be listening to anybody else," Alison's voice breathes out, reaching Spencer's ears. Spencer sits up, looking straight out Aria, who has a light pink blush spreading across her cheek.
"You like Jason?" Spencer spits out, surprised.
Aria shakes her head furiously, only now starting to get a little pissed off that everyone is jumping to the conclusion that she likes Jason. The two of them are friends, that's all, but then again she did sort of like him.
"A little?" She weakly replies, her eyes darting to the floor in shame. She still loves Ezra through everything, she needs to learn to stop moving on so quickly after break ups.
"Oh my god! See?" Hanna shouts excitedly, she wants Aria to be happy. She wants Aria to move on.
"So does that mean you did go on a date with Jason?" Emily asks, frowning slightly. Aria lets out a soft groan escape her lips in frustration, it wasn't a date. She wishes that they would all stop jumping to that conclusion.
"No! We went to see a movie, that's all. It wasn't a date." Aria states hoping to put the matter away once and for all. "What took you so long Spence?" Aria asks, changing the subject. Everybody had arrived a lot early than Spencer had.
"I was with Toby," Spencer explains. Nobody notices how Alison's eyes narrow. It's been exactly one week since Alison had lost Toby for good. It's been exactly one week since she's started planning Spencer's death. It's been exactly one week since her life has fallen apart. She shouldn't be this worked up over a guy. Guys got worked up over her, not the other way round.
"Aria. When you go and see a movie with a guy it's a date. That's just like logic," Hanna explains, steering the conversation back into Aria and Jason land. Alison's grateful, it will take her mind off of the fact that Toby doesn't love her, doesn't even like her like that, doesn't want to be with her. It'll take her mind off of the fact that he loves Spencer. That he wants Spencer, of all people, he wants Spencer.
"Hanna, if you went to see a movie with Toby would that make it a date?" Aria asks her. Hanna lets out a sigh, Aria just doesn't understand.
"It means it's a date if both of you are single. Plus, why would I go see a movie with Toby? No offence Spence but uh, I wouldn't ever go see a movie with Toby." Hanna points out, shaking her head. Toby? Why Toby? Couldn't Aria think of someone, anyone, better for her to go see a movie with?
"You're unbelievable," Aria mutters, grabbing a handful of popcorn out of the bowl sitting next to Hanna.
"I'm sensing that Aria doesn't really want to talk about this anymore guys," Spencer throws out, Aria shooting her a thankful smile, "So what movie should we watch?"
"It's late," Spencer yawns, pulling herself up into a standing position off of Aria's bed. She reaches down and picks up the jumper she had previously dumped on the floor half way through Clueless.
"You're not staying?" Aria asks, a yawn following her words afterwards. Spencer shakes her head, slipping on the jacket.
"I really should get home-"
"Or go meet Toby?" Hanna interrupts, raising her eyebrows before falling into a fit of giggles, waving Spencer away. Hanna's head falls into Emily's lap, blonde hair tumbling everywhere.
"Is she going to be alright?" Spencer mouths to Aria and Alison, the only two people paying attention to her. The two girls share a look, look back at Spencer and shrug their shoulders.
"I'll make sure she is." Emily states, pushing a drunken Hanna off of her lap. She stands up, grabbing Hanna's arm, and pulls her up into a standing position. She steadies her, wrapping her arms around her waist as she leads her towards the door. She stumbles a little and Emily sighs,
"I think she needs to crash here." Emily states. Alison lets out a laugh, nodding her head.
"Yeah," She breathes, rolling her eyes at Hanna. At least when she gets drunk she knows how to act in a civilised manner. Alison's the next one to stand up, walking over towards Spencer. There was no way in hell that if Spencer was going to see Toby that she is now. She would make sure of it, she loops her arm through the brunette's, shooting Aria a smile.
"I should get going as well."
"All of you are going? When I asked you to all come over I expected for you to all stay," Aria fake pouts, a small smile creeping onto her face as she gets up to hug everybody goodbye.
Spencer and Alison are the first to leave, arms locked together. Spencer untangles their arms as they reach their cars out front.
"Bye," Spencer tells Alison, waving her hand at her a little before walking around to her car. She's finding it hard to be around her, the constant thought that she's this Courtney character popping into her mind again and again.
"Spencer, wait. I was thinking maybe I could stay over at yours tonight?" Alison nervously asks. This isn't her, being nervous? God, she blames Courtney. She blames Melissa. She blames everyone that ever held a grudge against her and teamed up to take her down. They've ruined her, made her into some weak shell of who she used to be.
Spencer looks conflicted for a second before she nods her head.
"Sure. I just have to text Toby to let him know I'm not coming over," Toby. So she was going to go see him, she understands how people could want to take her down. She wants to take Spencer down, she wants to murder her in cold blood despite her being her best friend. Toby was hers first, then she Spencer's sister had to fuck everything up and then Spencer herself decided that she liked Toby.
And then there was Toby. She wanted to murder him and make out with him at the same time. Spencer didn't - still doesn't - know about there past, but he, he knew about their past. They had something. They were meant for each other, even if they did have their ups and downs, right? Didn't he know that? Did he not think about what she would be thinking even if she was supposed to be dead? When would she ever approve of Toby and Spencer? He was meant to wait for her. Always. Even if she was dead and now that she's not dead? He's meant to dump Spencer and be with her instead. She hates him for it, she hates him for ruining everything between them but she can't hate him that much. It's impossible when she loves him so much, so it's easier to hate Spencer. Spencer who takes everything away from her. Ian, and now Toby.
"Okay. Do you want to drive your own car there or do you want to take my car?" Spencer asks, breaking Alison out of her thoughts. Alison shrugs her shoulders and walks towards Spencer's car.
"I can pick it up in the morning," Alison remarks, opening up the car door and sliding inside. Spencer's quick to follow Alison's lead. They drive to Spencer's house in complete silence, Spencer's nails tapping against the wheel nervously. She wants to ask Alison what's been going on, what happened that night but she can't bring herself to do it. What if she didn't like the answers? What if Alison wouldn't give them to her? What if Alison got mad? God forbid it, she lost Alison once. She's not about to lose her again even if Alison is an utter bitch but this girl, this person next to her, looked like Alison but she didn't feel like her. Almost as if she wasn't her. No, she's not Courtney.
"Alison," Spencer breathes, finally deciding. She would ask her, suck it up and ask her. "What happened the night somebody tried to kill you?" She parks the car in front of her house, turning her head around to face Alison who's staring intently out of the window.
"Why do you want to know?" Alison asks coldly, sending chills down Spencer's spine. It's like Alison is back, this is the Alison she knows. Alison turns to face her, glaring at her, eyes like daggers. And if looks could kill, she would be eight feet under.
"You haven't been yourself lately Ali." Spencer states bravely, head high, shoulders back.
"What do you mean 'I haven't been myself lately'?" Alison snaps back, air quotation marks going up for 'I haven't been myself lately' with an eye roll following the words.
"Are you even Alison? Or are you Courtney?" Spencer accuses, placing a hand on the car doors handle preparing to flee if needed. Alison's eyes narrow as she conjures up the perfect comeback inside of her head.
"Am I Courtney? Are you serious? You don't know anything about Courtney!" Alison screeches, okay not the most perfect comeback. Loosing her calm, not okay.
"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. The old Alison wouldn't of lost her cool, she would still be collected, manipulative." Spencer shoots back.
Alison has to admit, she has a point. She hasn't acted like herself of late. Still, why would Spencer accuse her of being Courtney? A girl she's never met before, a girl she knows barely anything about except for the fact that she's Alison's twin sister.
"Don't you think maybe I've just changed? Maybe I've just become a better person?" Alison retorts, she has to clamp her mouth shut from spilling all the secrets about Toby and her. She's so close to using them as ammo, so close to throwing things that Spencer knows nothing about in her face.
"You're not capable of changing Alison. You've always been, and always will be, a bitch. So why would you change now?" Spencer says, calm, cool, collected. Like the old Alison would be, except unlike the old Alison she isn't able to make goosebumps appear on someones arm. Alison tells herself to count to ten, not to let the words affect her. The words aren't Spencer like. And surprisingly they cut deep. Alison's always prided herself on being a bitch, being able to knock people down, making people fear her. Now she's the one fearing everybody else.
"Maybe the experiences have changed me. The experiences that your sister put me through, helped put me through." Alison tells her quietly before exiting the car and slamming the door shut behind her. She's walking towards her house as fast as she can, at one point she kicks her heels off, picks them up and runs towards the house. Spencer slumps back in her seat, she doesn't want to go inside. She doesn't want to face her family. She takes her phone out of the pocket of her jeans and sends Toby a quick text that she's coming over.
"Hey? Is everything alright, I thought Alison was staying over?" Toby asks Spencer as he answers the door.
"Something happened." Spencer states quietly walking inside and sitting down on the couch, eyes glossed over.
"What happened?" Toby asks cautiously. She didn't tell her did she? Alison didn't tell her about their "past". Did they even have a past? Best friends forever, broken promises and long forgotten friendships? A secret kiss or two? Old feelings never to be brought up again. His hearts beating fast, he won't put it past her and Spencer looks heartbroken and she's ignoring him, oh god, she knows.
"It meant nothing. Spencer, it was a long time ago that I was in love with her-" By this time Spencer's turned around, confusion written as clear as day on her face. Oh no, oh god, he's mad the stupidest mistake. She didn't even know.
"In love with who?" Spencer asks, he can tell when it dawns upon her. When her face changes, when the words 'oh god,' slip through her mouth, when she can't look at him in the face.
He shouldn't of said it. He shouldn't of jumped to conclusions this fast. He just didn't want to lose Spencer and it was totally possible that Alison had spilled the beans. Right
"You used to love Alison?" Spencer bursts out laughing, the whole idea is absurd to her. Of course he loved Alison, who didn't love Alison? Everyone loved Alison but she suspected there was more behind it than some stupid school boy crush, a dream about dating the infamous Alison DiLaurentis.
"Do you want me to explain?" Toby asks. Spencer nods her head, of course she wants him to explain. Why wouldn't she want him to explain?
A\N: Sorry for the long Author's Note at the start and the long long long wait! And the cliffhanger. I couldn't write it right now and I wanted to publish this. I found it so hard to write this chapter but this took me what three hours? I sat down and finally wrote it! Yes. Also go follow daaisybuchanan on twitter. I post little snippets and updates sometimes, or just check it out time to time but a follow would be nice. I'll follow you back if you ask me to!