Chapter Twenty

NATHAN

Of all of the things in life that I've wanted to experience, getting a makeover is not one of them. I try to point out that I made it this far looking the way I do, that I managed to get from the secret entrance to their house without getting caught, but they're hearing nothing of it.

"We're going right into the heart of the city," Audrey says. "There are a lot more people there than around the edges where you were. The guards pay more attention. We've got to be more careful. Please, Nathan."

And damn it all if I won't do anything in the world just to hear her say my name again. I thought it sounded great just to hear it at all, to know that it's mine, but hearing it off her tongue? There's nothing in the world that sounds as good as that.

So I grudgingly nod and Audrey immediately starts making plans. While she gets dressed and sets up the makeup supplies, she has Duke escort me into the bathroom at the end of the hall for a shower. "So you don't remember anything about your life before you died?" he asks curiously after helping me out of my jacket.

I'm busying trying to untangle myself from my shirt so I simply shake my head. When I finally get the bloodstained henley and the dingy tee beneath it off, I toss them on the floor almost proudly. A flash of dark colour catches my attention and I look down at my bare forearm. The one not mangled by scars has a tattoo inked into the skin, one I've never noticed before. Not a surprise really, it's not like I've ever gotten my shirt off before.

The tattoo is solidly black, just below the inner curve of my elbow. It shows a circular maze and four little figures standing at each of the compass points. I have no idea what it means but it sends a strange chill through me as I run a finger over the design.

"Hey I know that symbol," Duke says abruptly. He grabs my wrist and turns my arm so he can see the tattoo better. "It's a local thing, a bunch of the guys around here have it. Vince has it too, and Dwight."

"Wh-what does't mean?" I ask, hope surging in my chest. A clue, a hint of something about myself. Who I was Before.

"It's some group thing," Duke explains. "It all fell apart long before I got here, but as best I can remember from what Vince said, it was the sign of a group who came together to help people when this whole apocalypse thing started. Cops and firemen and army guys. They all banded together and then would go out in raids, hunting for survivors and getting them back to Haven safely. Half the people here are only alive because of those guys."

"I was one," I say in awe, touching the tattoo again. Was that the kind of person I was Before? A defender. I risked my life to save people. Clearly it didn't end well for me - and the whole eating people thing has probably tipped the scales on me more - but the knowledge that maybe I did some good Before helps the guilty ache in my chest.

"Audrey did say you've got a thing for protecting people," Duke says with a shrug. "Makes sense, I suppose. Maybe that bit of you hung over from before you died." I can't stop the smile that creeps over my face at the thought.

To my embarrassment, my clumsy zombie fingers can't work the button of my jeans or the tangled knots in my shoelaces, so Duke has to help me finish undressing. Five minutes and some really uncomfortable moments later, I'm standing naked in the bathroom while Duke turns on the shower. He straightens up and glances at me, and a sardonic grin twists up his lips. "Well look at that, Pinocchio, you are a real boy."

If I could blush, I would be. Instead I narrow my eyes and growl low in my throat. Duke chuckles and lifts his hands in a sign of surrender. "Okay, right, don't tease the Corpse, I get it," he says, shaking his head. "Just don't bite me, yeah?"

The comment came out jokingly, almost flippant, and I tilt my head as I scrutinise him. The reality strikes me and if I breathed it would've knocked the air out of me. "You t-trust me," I say. "To not b-bite you."

"I trust Audrey," he corrects idly. "She says you're a tame Corpse, I believe her." He plunges his hands into the pockets of his pyjama pants. "Now get in the shower before all the warm water's gone."

Turning my back on him, I climb into the shower and let the just-shy-of-hot water roll down my chest. I watch in interest as the dark blood and dirt are washed away, coiling down until they turn into dingy puddles in the water at my feet. I can barely feel the pressure of the water streams striking my skin and can't help but wonder how good it would feel if I had the nervous system of a Living.

Duke is standing guard on the other side of the blue curtain and I can hear him shifting his weight from one bare foot to the other. "So Nathan, this thing with you and Audrey," he starts and my stomach twitches awkwardly.

"Do th-this now?" I ask incredulously.

Duke laughs. "Yeah, not the greatest moment but it's probably the only chance to talk alone that we've got," he says. I can hear the scritch noise of him rubbing at his beard anxiously. "Look, I still think the idea of there being anything between a human and a Corpse is insane, but Audrey's never been one to follow the rules of normal and I can already tell that neither are you. It's just - she's all the family I've got in this world. She's my best friend. And I can tell you care about her. Thinking I'd lost her almost killed me. I just want to know that you're going to keep her safe. Can you promise that you'll do whatever it takes to protect her?"

I think longingly of the record player in my house, of all of the songs that I could use to so easily express the sentiment that's lodged in my throat. Well, nothing for it. Time to use my words like a Living person. I swallow hard and then speak to my hands. "I l-love her," I admit and the words leave me like a weight, making my shoulders straighten. Wow it feels good to say that out loud. "I'd die 'gain to k-keep her safe. Long as I l-live, nothing'll hurt her."

I hear Duke push himself up off the wall and he clears his throat. "Good. That's all I ask. Okay, you should be as rinsed off as you're gonna get. I'll go grab a towel and some clean clothes for you. Just a sec."

He comes back a minute later and shuts off the water, and then passes me a towel. I dry myself off as best as I can and then Duke helps me to dress in a set of his clothes. The jeans are a little loose in the hips but the plain white tee-shirt fits well enough. Once we've managed to get my shoes laced again he leads me back into Audrey's bedroom.

Audrey is dressed again and sitting at the desk, the wooden tabletop covered in an array of bottles and tubes and little plastic tubs. She turns around when we come in and grins. "Sit down," she says, gesturing me into the chair she just vacated. I drop down, dreading what's coming, and she gets to work immediately.

There are flesh-coloured pastes that she spreads all across my face, neck, and hands. A red powder she rubs into my cheeks. A black pen is used around my eyes and another on my lashes, and a tube of pale brownish pink that she smears across my lips. It all feels weird and uncomfortable and incredibly fake - like those girls in the magazine - but Audrey seems happy with what she's doing so I don't argue with her.

Let's be honest, when do I ever argue with her? Okay so I do, but it's not like it does any good; she doesn't listen anyway. I can argue all I want but I'll still lose.

While she's working Duke wanders off and he comes back later dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and loose denim shirtsleeves beneath a dark knit jacket. Through plenty of practice, I can see the bulge of the handgun tucked into his waistband. When everyone and their dog is trying to shoot you in the head, you get good at telling who's packing.

"Wow," he says, stopping short in the doorway. "He looks-"

"Too much?" Audrey asks, stepping back and examining me like a painter would a canvas.

"You are a wizard with that makeup," he replies. "If I didn't know better, I'd think he's alive."

Standing up, I walk over to the mirror above Audrey's dresser and stare at the face I can see there. There are so many colours on my face - light tan along my jaw, the faint dark stubble I've always had prickling through, dusty rose on my lips, black on my lashes that draws focus away from the fog in my eyes, bright pink in my cheeks. I lean back and meet the gaze of the mirror.

I look Living.

Turning around, I watch the grin that spreads across Audrey's face. "Great," she says eagerly. "Okay, let's go." Duke nods, Audrey takes my hand, and we all head down the stairs to the door.

AUDREY

Haven is only just beginning to come to life around us as we make our way through the city. Dawn is still about two hours away so only the earliest risers are out, although the streets are still cramped with those who camp in tents along the roads. I can feel eyes fixed on us as we walk toward the centre compound, an old warehouse building that's been converted to the strategic homebase for Haven.

N - Nathan - is a cool, steady presence beside me even though I can feel his nervousness through the way he's gripping my hand so tightly. I don't fail to notice that he seems taller, his shoulders held slightly higher, and his limp is less pronounced as he walks. It's less like he's dragging his leg behind him and more like he's properly using it.

His face also looks radically different beneath the layer of makeup. His skin is an even tone, just a shade lighter than mine, and the dusty rose colour of his lips makes them actually stand out against his skin instead of blending into them. I might've gone a bit overboard with the blush but it does help make him look like he's actually affected by the chilly air. And his eyes - focused, calculating, and active - almost look like they're meant to be blue-gray instead of being hazed over by zombie fog.

"What?" Nathan asks, glancing sideways at me as we draw closer to the front doors of the centre compound.

"Sorry," I say, quickly looking forward again. I can feel a blush creep along my cheeks as I realise I was just caught staring - at a Corpse. Nathan is looking uncomfortable too, so I do the first thing I can think of to make him feel better. "It's just - you look really nice." The corner of Nathan's lips twitches upward and he dips his head shyly.

I look up at the warehouse compound as it looms in front of us and a hint of trepidation sneaks in. "Look, this may not work," I admit quietly. "It's kinda hard to tell how Vince'll react to anything."

Nathan stops us in the middle of the path and turns to face me. His expression is serious, almost stern, as he takes my hands. "No m-matter what, we stay together," he says, lowering his head slightly so he can meet my gaze.

"Of course," I agree.

"We're, changing th-things," he says deliberately. "H-have to stay to-gether. To stay safe. Promise?"

And I realise that he's right. No matter what happens in there, we have to stick together because whatever is going on is centred around us. My normal life here in Haven is over. So I look up into Nathan's eyes and nod. "Promise."

"C'mon you two," Duke says from ahead of us, glancing over his shoulder when he realises we've stopped.

"Coming," I say and then shoot one last look up at Nathan. "Together?"

He threads his fingers through mine and a slow smile steals over his face. "Together."