Chapter 3: Perverts and Potions

"So, Old Man, this is Bob, he's teaching me magic," I said back at my apartment, holding up the now inhabited skull for him to see. "Bob, this is the Hokage, he's the boss of the town."

"Hey, how's it going?" Bob said. Bob glanced towards me. "Kid, I thought we were going ixnay on the agic-may."

"What?" I asked. Bob had forgotten to teach me Pig Latin, a mistake that was quickly rectified.

"We weren't going to tell anyone about the magic," Bob explained.

"But I want to be a wizard like Harry!" I protested.

"I have no problem with Naruto being a wizard," the Old Man said. "And we'll keep it between the four of us: me, Naruto, you, and my ANBU."

"Fair enough," said Bob.

"We were wondering what you were," the Old Man stated as he slipped into a chair at my table.

"I'm an intellect spirit," Bob replied before going into exactly what that entailed.

"So you have no intention of harming Naruto or Konoha," the Hokage asked after listening to the explanation.

"Well, not as long as the kid doesn't," Bob replied. "If I'm picked up by someone who doesn't like Konoha, then I work for them."

"No loyalty?"

"Not in my nature," Bob said with what I learned was his equivalent of a shrug. "Loyalty is something for humans and dogs. I exist for knowledge. Who I work for doesn't matter, although I do tend to prefer certain masters to others. I'm a reflection of who I work for."

"How interesting," the Old Man mused. "Now could you give me a quick rundown of exactly what a wizard can do?"

The brief explanation of wizardry had wheels turning in the Old Man's head.

"Thank you, Bob," he said. "We'll talk again."

He got up and started towards the door before pausing to look down at me.

"I've thought about what you were saying, Naruto," he said. "About becoming a wizard?"

I looked up eagerly.

"Well, even Wizards need to attend the Academy," the Hokage told me. I cheered for joy, not realizing how boring the Academy could be at times.

The Academy was boring.

Not just a little, I mean mind-numbingly, brain-meltingly boring.

There were all these kids who wanted to be Ninjas, so they all showed up and they all tried doing what they were doing, which was basically sucking up to the teachers. After the first week of "this is how you call up your chakra" I was about ready to go find a Mummy to hit again. While he wouldn't go flying as hard or as far as the last time, it would still feel satisfying. About the only thing that kept me interested was the history lessons. Bob said that "those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it" so he told me to pay attention to History and to the girls. I wasn't too sure why he said that second part back then, but it sure paid off in the end.

As for History, Bob made sure I wasn't about to make the same mistakes that others did. Did you know history is filled with complete and total douchebags? I'm serious, from Madara Uchiha to Hanzo the Salamander, the vast majority of people the Hokage's have dealt with have been total douchebags. So I paid attention so I wouldn't make the same mistakes as the douchebags of the past. Granted I made plenty of my own mistakes, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from others' examples.

But aside from that and a few other things like geography and sealing, the Academy was a snooze fest. I mean, why learn how to make a little illusion of yourself when you can make an illusion off a big friggan dragon or something? Well, the first time I did that (using something Bob calls "Veils;" I'm not too good at them, but I can pull one off for a quick distraction) the other students were terrified and the instructors weren't too pleased, although I could tell one with a scar across his nose found it funny and was trying not to laugh. Iruka's a good guy.

Now, when it came to Chakra manipulation, Bob said that magic and chakra were basically two names for the same beast. Or rather, that's what we thought at first. Chakra's a blending of mental and physical energies. People are made up of three things: the spirit, which is where the mind resides; the body, which is where physical energy comes from; and the soul, which is a whole nother story. Ninjas, with their hand wigglies, use both physical and mental energy simultaneously. As a Wizard, Bob taught me how to use the two independent of each other. Luckily for me, Chakra control exercises worked well for me as well.

If there's one thing I've got a problem with, it's control. Sure, I've got access to the great and terrible powers of the universe, but it's a whole lot easier for me to blow up a mountain than it is for me to hit a little dinky target a few meters away. Of course, I could probably hit the dinky target a few meters away so long as it was in front of the mountain I'm blowing up, but that doesn't always count. So yeah, control, not my strong suit. So I worked at it. You would not believe how damn friggan hard it is to make a leaf float in my palm. Sure, I could make one fly through the air at mach 5, but have one hover? Not so much. That proved to be my biggest problem.

Now, Seals were something the Academy barely touched on. They basically taught us how to write exploding tags and storage Seals. We weren't trained or tested on them, just introduced to the idea and given a brief summary of what other seals could do. I might as well tell you now, that these aren't the kind of seals that go "arf arf," eat fish and balance balls on their noses; no, these were extremely complex arcane formulae that had the potential to do just about anything. Me and Bob being Me and Bob, we latched onto the idea and learned how to make our own. They were essentially the same as your basic summoning circle. Lots of runes and mystical keys to put your will into. I'd later find out that yes, that's exactly where summoning belongs and it's a whole lot easier here than how Bob remembered it. Of course, this time we're summoning critters that expect to be summoned and so they're a lot more agreeable to the process. By the time we were done with the Academy, I could write a sealing scroll in my sleep, scribe an exploding tag with my eyes shut, and do a whole bunch more tricks I picked up.

It wasn't until a few years into the academy that my three favorite aspects of ninja life converged. We were learning of the formation of the village, again, and learning about the so called "great clans" again. We got to the part about the Senju and something caught my attention.

"What?" I said, interrupting Mizuki (another douchebag, but of the more modern variety).

"Stop interrupting, Naruto!" he scolded

"Did you just say my family name?" I asked. And he had. I sat down in my seat amazed. "Holy crap, I'm related to the first and second Hokages. How awesome is that?"

"Troublesome," said the half-sleeping pineapple-head beside me.

"Where are the rest of my family?" I asked.

"Shouldn't you know?" asked one of the civilian born students. I shrugged.

"I'm an orphan. All I've got is the Old Man and Bob and they're not really related to me," I said. Mizuki was getting annoyed with the interruption, but I didn't care. I was too hung up on the Uzumaki being related to the Senju. "What else did the Uzumaki do?"

Shikamaru grumbled about me causing trouble but answered me. "They were known for their Sealing abilities, red hair and incredible vitality."

"With the exception of the hair, we rule," I said.

"They, along with their village, were destroyed in the last war," Shikamaru finished, much to my disappointment.

Ah-and now we're back to me being an orphan. But it explained where I got my talent for sealing and my ability to recover from just about any wound in a few hours. At least I had somewhere to start now when it came to my family. Damn, I'm good.

There were a few things I did not excel in; two in particular that I particularly sucked at, the very opposite of excelling. Taijutsu and the Replacement techniques were those two. Granted, Bob explained that wiggling your fingers around was no different from my, and my predecessor Harry's, tendency to use Latin-esque phrases to get off spells, but I could never get the hang of it. I guess my training with Bob precluded me from being able to excel your basic ninja skills. But taijutsu was different. I sucked at it even if I practiced. And I did practice. Both Bob and the Old Man said it was important to learn, since the First Law is Thou Shalt Not Kill With Magic and the Old Man just didn't want to see me get killed. So I tried, really tried. But that friggan douchebag Sasuke kicked my ass every time.

You might have noticed I use douchebag a lot. Bob used it once to describe some guy name Kemmler that he used to know when we talked about how necromancy was a Bad Thing (yes, bold capital letters folks), and I've been using it ever since. It is awfully appropriate for so many people in Konoha.

Well, while I could sometimes get a few strikes in, I almost always lost in the fights. If it had been an actual battle, I'd have come out on top thanks to my ability to heal and the fact that, according to Bob, I must have been weaned on Energizer Bunnies, whatever those are. But it was always based on points and I always lost. I wasn't even allowed to use my rings since the Old Man said I couldn't use them after the first spars we had in the Academy (Kiba went through a wall). I needed some training, and knew I needed some training. So, I went to the person who could usually tell me where to start.

"Bob," I said.

"Yeah, kid?"

Bob always called me kid until I was about 20, then he started calling me Boss.

"I need to find someone who can teach me taijutsu since I suck at it," I told him. Bob's eyes flashed in his "I'm thinking" way as he pondered my question.

"Okay, two ways we can go about this," he said from his skull. "One, you let me out for the night and I'll find one for you."

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea after last time," I said. Last time I let him out for a night the Konoha population increased severely nine months later and the Old Man wasn't happy when a third of his ninja force was on maternity leave. Yeah, Bob's a perv and not a good role model, but he's the closest thing I've got to a father figure.

"Okay, or two, we use the Map," he said.

The Map, otherwise known as Little Konoha, was very similar to something he had built with my predecessor, Harry Dresden. It was a scale model map of Konoha and the surrounding area right down to the trees, and since we're the Village Hidden in the Leaves and the First Hokage could make trees practically with a wiggle of his nose, there were a lot of friggan trees around. It also wasn't finished. There were sections I hadn't been able to map yet and there were people who could detect me when I went into it, and these people happened to live in two of the sections I haven't been able to map. The Uchiha and the Hyuuga both had eyes that could see chakra/magic when activated and years of experience have given the most skilled of them almost a second sense as to when to activate their eyes. This had lead to rumors of "chakra ghosts" living in certain districts when they spotted me using my Will to scout around through Little Konoha. Amusing how freaked out they got. The other sections I hadn't finished were Training Ground 44, Danzo's evil lairs and a few other places that I knew had stuff, but I wasn't allowed in.

The use was a little different. It could be used several ways. One allowed me to move my will into the map and explore as if I was watching close by a subject and I could move fast from one section to another. It was great for following people, tailing suspects and the like. I learned a lot about the city that way and it helped me to know exactly what I was missing on my map. That used a lot of power and took a buttload of control, so I couldn't do it for very long since my concentration tended to fail me. The other way was to use a tracer to focus my Will on what I needed to find and use a medium, often a specially treated sand or ore powder, to highlight what I needed. Worked well on people when you have a piece of them or something important to them (hair, prized possession etc...), but I was trying to find someone who I didn't know and I didn't know where they were or have any idea what they looked like. So, either way it was going to take a buttload of concentration and control, two things that are not my strong suit.

So after some consideration I decided to do two things: Let Bob out for the night, and use the second Map method. Bob would go out looking for someone who fit my criteria, while I tried with my ore powder. This wouldn't give me specifics, but would tell me where they were, and then I could send my will into the map and look for them that way.

The ore I used wasn't iron, it was primarily silver with some cobalt in the mix, not stuff you want to breathe in, but a whole lot easier to focus your will into than iron, which actually is best used for binding critters. The basic idea was that I focus my will on what I needed, namely a person to teach me martial arts so I didn't have to keep getting my butt handed to me repeatedly on a silver platter. I then spread the dust over the map where it would pull together in high concentrations where people who best fit the criteria I'm searching for, in this case: teachers and taijutsu.

In hindsight I should have been a little more specific. There were many, many people willing to teach taijutsu to your average academy student. I should have specified people who would be willing to teach me.

Did I mention I wasn't too popular with the general populace of Konoha at the time?

Needless to say, when I tracked most of these people down, they weren't too happy it was me who was asking. Others only taught their clan members the clan style. Three weren't even Konoha citizens, having been diplomats from other nations visiting. Many of the rest were already Jonin Instructors or ANBU trainers and thus were not able to devote any time to an academy student. So, in the end, it came down to three: a creepy guy in a green uni with eyebrows wider than most brooms; a creepy guy with glasses following the Old Man's grandson around; and an old pervert with white hair who spent a fair amount of time giggling as he stared through a telescope at the Konoha waterfall where the women like to bathe or outside a peephole to the women's side of the hotsprings, or, well, just about anywhere there might be nude or scantily clad women in Konoha.

So, being a naïve little kid, I went to the first guy.

"Hey, I need someone to teach me taijutsu," I told him. The man made a fist and screamed "YOSH" at the top of his lungs, causing birds a good distance away to burst into flight in fear.

"You have come to the right place! For I am the Azure Beast of Konoha: Guy Might!" the man said. "We shall begin with a light jog."

It was quickly apparent that our definitions of "light" and "youth" were very, very different, thus with me ending up exhausted in a heap on the forest floor after the 3rd "jog" around Konoha. Yes, ALL of Konoha as in every street, alley, nook and cranny.

"It, uh, seems my, um, youth is not as strong as yours is," I said diplomatically. "Maybe we can train later on when I'm stronger?"

I intended it as an escape line, but Guy seemed to take it as a promise.

"Yosh! We shall sign this pact in sweat! When you are stronger I shall seek you out for a most youthful training session," he said, fire in his eyes and a stern look to his jaw. Just for emphasis, he cracked a walnut with his fingers.

"Uh, sure, right, that sounds great," I said as I started backing out of the training area.

Next I tried the guy who was always trailing after Konohamaru, the Old Man's grandson. That was a complete bust. He ridiculed me, put me down and made fun of me. So I gave him a kick to the balls.

Needless to say, he was not too willing to help me after that, but Konohamaru was impressed.

So I was down to one possibility: the hot springs pervert.

I was lucky that he was still in the village, since I later learned that he only came visiting once in a while, even if he did work for the Old Man.

"Hey," I said without introducing myself. "I need someone to teach me to fight."

The middle aged man just giggled into his telescope as he watched the ladies play. So I stepped between them and the end of the telescope. The white haired pervert screamed in surprise as all he could see was one giant blurry blue eye.

"Hey," I said, a bit of a scowl on my young face.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

"I need someone to teach me how to fight," I said again in an exasperated voice.

"I'm busy, brat, go bug someone else," he said waving me off. I was not going to be deterred.

"I just need some help," I said.

"My research is more important."

"Research?" I asked with a Spock-ly raised eyebrow. "Tell you what, unless you teach me, I'll make sure you can't get any research done while you're in the village."

"Yeah, right kid," he said as he vanished. And I'm sure that if I had been a regular academy student, he might have been right, but this guy made the mistake of leaving an orange book and a few hairs that stuck to a shrub from his long hair. I'd gotten pretty good at thaumaturgy, which was the art of making and tracing magical connections with people and objects and while I could do it without a specific piece of the target, having a bit of hair just made it easy. I had hair and I had plenty of trinkets to help me find what I needed. I tied his hair to a silver pendant and said the magic words. The pendant leaned in the direction of the hot springs. It didn't take me too long to find him again. Spotting him, I went over to a payphone. Putting in my coins I called up the front desk of the hotspring.

"Hello, Konoha Hotsprings," a woman said.

"Hi, I'm calling to report a pervert peeping on the women's side," I said. "He's got white hair, and a forehead protector with the symbol for 'oil' on it."

Less than thirty seconds later, a large number of angry women ran out of the hotsprings with wet hair, angry expressions and various forms of weaponry. It was clear they had dressed in a hurry. They then beat the crap out of the old pervert until he replaced himself with a log and escaped. I extended my will into my tracking device and found him over by the 2nd Hokage's pond.

I knew a phone call wouldn't work this time, so I pulled up my will and did the best veil I could. While most veils are intended to hide an object, I wanted to highlight it. So a moment later, the women came running angrily towards the old pervert when they noticed a glowing neon sign of Will pointing down to the man with the words "Pervert Here" in blinking pink letters.

I waved to him as the women attacked. With a glare at me, he replaced himself with a log again and took off once more. This time I found him looking through the window of the women's change room of the Uchiha Police Force. Specifically he was gawking at Sasuke's mom. While she was a very attractive woman, she was also considered one of the most dangerous women in Konoha. Running towards a payphone once more, I called up Police Headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hi, yes, concerned citizen here," I said in a faux gruff voice. "There's a pervert staring at the police chief's wife in the change room. Thought you'd like to know."

Moments later, both of Sasuke's parents were hunting down the old pervert as I waved to him as they passed.

This time I tracked him down to Hokage Tower, specifically hiding in the Old Man's office. I strode in with a grin on my face.

"Hi, Old Man!" I said waving hello.

"You!" the old pervert exclaimed as he pointed at me. "How? How did you always find me?"

"That," I said, wagging a finger at him, "is a secret!"

Xellos, eat your heart out.

The Old Ma Hokage couldn't help but laugh, having heard the story from his wayward student.

"So, tell me Naruto, why were you harassing Jiraiya?" the Old Man asked.

I recognized the name. Jiraiya was one of the Three Great Ninjas, the Sannin, which was short for a much longer name. He was the one who taught the Fourth Hokage and brought Toad Summoning to Konoha.

"Wow, I didn't know one of the sannin was such a pervert," I muttered, much to the Old Man's amusement. I looked back at him and shrugged. "I needed someone to teach me to fight, cuz I suck at it right now."

Looking back at it, Bob's insistence on honest reflection was pretty important. If it hadn't been for him, I probably would have ended up pretty hotheaded and been easily offended. Well, to be honest, I'm still pretty hot headed. Being able to recognize your faults is an important skill.

"Why did you choose Jiraiya?" the Old Man asked. I shrugged again.

"I used the map and looked for people who could teach me," I said before explaining the selection process. The Old Man knew of the map, since he and Bob talked about my skills and progress on a regular basis. "He was the last one on my list."

"Why was I last?" the toad summoner in question asked. He seemed vaguely disappointed by the fact.

"No reason, just were," I said. "So, when do we start training?"

"Why would I train a brat like you?" the white haired pervert demanded.

"Because you'll never get any research in until you do," I replied with a cheeky smile.

"Why did you pass up the others?" the Old Man asked.

"Well, green spandex man was the only other real possibility and I want to learn how not to die, rather than die from training," I replied. "Guy is scary."

The Hokage was trying hard not to laugh out loud at how well I got his student trapped. He nodded to his student with a sly grin. "Jiraiya, why don't you give him some pointers? Just enough to pass the exam."

"I was just hoping for enough to not have my ass handed to me, but that'll work," I commented.

Jiraiya, the great toad summoner, renowned for his prowess as a ninja, gave his sensei a poor-me-puppy-dog look, but agreed.

"Whoohoo!" I said, throwing my arms up in the air. Then I paused, remembering other things that had happened. I looked up at the Old Man with a sheepish look. "Is this a bad time to tell you that I had to let Bob out to help me with this?"

The Old Man looked at me with a tired expression, making him seem older than his years. He pressed a button on his desk. "Miss Haruka? Would you please prefill twenty-wait!-make that fifty maternity leave slips? I think we're going to need them."

I could go into specifics of how my training went, but it's not that big a deal. At first I sucked. Then I didn't suck quite as much. Then I sucked even less. Then I was average. Then I was slightly above average for my age and size. Then I was halfway decent. And that's when the old pervert had to leave town.

I don't know if you've had experience with this particular brand of torture, but it's not fun and games. It involves getting punched, kicked, elbowed, headbutted, kneed and all other sorts of unpleasant activities until it takes a little longer for you to get punched, kicked, elbowed, headbutted, kneed or any of the other options. Then you start the process over again. Everybody who counted said I was getting better, but when you're sparring against someone who went head to head, with his teammates of course, against Hanzo the Salamander, you tend to feel the beat down fairly quickly. Luckily, I'm a quick healer.

All while this was going on Bob was teaching me about how to make potions. You see, Potions are more than just mixing a few ingredients together. You need a certain mindset for each one to reinforce your will into the liquid, do your little voodoo that you do so well, and try to make sure you keep things in check. Bob is good when it comes to helping me along, but when I started to show some ability at this, he stopped helping on those I was practicing unless he got something out of it.

"Nope," said Bob. He had the tone of someone who was obstinately crossing their arms and refusing to meet you in the eye.

"Why not?" I asked.

"If we're going to do this, you need to give me my jollies," Bob replied.

"I'm not letting you out," I said. "The Old Man was NOT please about last time I let you out."

He really wasn't. That was twice I put a large number of his ninjas out of commission, although in general Kunoichi do get scarier if they've got spawn to protect.

"Alright, alright," he said from his skull. "All I want is-"

"And I'm not going to try to buy you another Icha Icha!" I said. Having tried this before at Bob's behest, I can honestly say there are reasons for age restrictions on certain items. Very Good Reasons.

"Let's make a lust potion," Bob said.

"What does lust mean?"

Hey, give me a break, I was seven.

Bob paused as if thinking up the right words to get his wants and needs. "It, ah, helps encourage certain behavior. The old pervert might like it, you can give it to him to try. Yeah, we'll give it to him for, uh, seduction missions. Right, that's it."

Once again, I was seven, and Bob was the closest thing I had to a father figure at the time and therefore I trusted him implicitly on most subjects. Scary, isn't it? It should be noted that Konoha doesn't do seduction missions anymore for the very simple reason that they don't work. It's so much easier to slip someone inside an organization and/or turn an insider to our cause that the relatively poor information gathered from pillow talk was considered a waste of effort. Really only Mist and Waterfall are known for seduction missions these days. For the rest of the shinobi nations the practice has been largely abandoned. But getting back to the story, we made a lust potion.

The ingredients weren't quite up to par. We had instead of high quality booze, an open, positively ancient bottle of cooking sake scavenged from a dumpster; instead of perfume, we used the petals of a dandylion and a few other weed blossoms growing around the base of the apartment building; instead of shredded lace we used some old wrappings from some kunoichi's outfit (which we later learned was a discarded piece of the Old Man's teammate's old outfit that hadn't been worn in 40 years); I didn't have dark chocolate, so we used cheap chocolate-flavor syrup, which coincidentally contained no actual chocolate; incandescent light instead of candlelight; I tried for a satisfied sigh, but got a depressed sounding one instead; I don't have a lot of cash, so I didn't use much and only tossed a couple of coins from Gama-Chan in the pot; and the only good ingredient was the ashes of the Masked Pervert's copy of Icha Icha Paradise. Don't ask me how I got that because I have been sworn to secrecy and Kakashi will probably hang me from my toenails if I tell how I did it at seven years old.

So, I mixed it all together, adding things when Bob told me to. The result was something with the consistency of a slightly thick drink with the look and texture of Coke. The soda not the drug; I might as well specify that now. We took out an old, empty sake bottle we found which happened to be one of the most expensive labels. The damn thing costs about two thousand ryo a bottle. I was ready to go to class for the day, having not slept a wink between making the potion and practicing to stay alive the next time I fought the old pervert.

We all went outside to practice our shuriken throws about 10 in the morning. Little did we know that one of the assistant instructors (a brand spanking new chunin just promoted in the winter exam) was going through our bags and taking interest in what we had. We student had thought that it was one of us who was stealing our sodas and snacks (Choji having lead the investigation into this as he considered himself to be the most offended by the thefts), but damn. He chugged down what he thought was very expensive booze. Well, it wasn't. Not at all.

It just so happened that this was also the same day that the Fire Lord and his wife were visiting Konoha. They went to your usual tourist spots. Konoha is, by the way, I think the only ninja village with an active tourism economy outside of the Chunin Exams. They went to see the mountain, the viewing stations, the great trees that the First Hokage built, the memorial to those ninja lost in battle, the Hokage tower and the Konoha Ninja (and Wizard) Academy.

Well, the Fire Lord and his wife were being escorted by a certain wife of a certain clan leader who just happened to be the Head of the Military Police in Konoha. Yes, Mikoto Uchiha herself was their escort (not that kind of escort) around the village and she was dressed to the nines in a brand new kimono that complimented, but did not overstate, the Fire Lord and his wife's attire.

Now, inside the Academy, this chunin, his name was Mizuki or some such, (it's been so long I can't really remember, and he wasn't around for very long, regardless), this Chunin has just chugged a whole bottle of substandard lust/love potion in what appeared to be a very expensive bottle of booze. In walked Mikoto, the Fire Lord and his wife. Suddenly all three were being groped, dry humped and kissed by a blind and quite possibly insane assistant chunin instructor. Well, let's just say that Mikoto is one of the few women in that clan to make it up to Jonin in the last war and Tora the Cat is nothing compared to his owner. We little students were throwing shards of metal as this guy was chucked through a concrete wall, through our training ground, getting hit by all of us at least once, across the other side, followed by Sasuke's mom, who ran across our flying kunai and shuriken like they were solid ground only to pounce on the unfortunate thief like a hawk diving on an unsuspecting rabbit. A moment later, the Fire Lord's Wife was there, beating his head in with what looked like wooden training post. It should be noted that the Fire Lord's Wife is a rather large and round woman, and not normally interested in physical pursuits.

"Damn," Kiba said. "My Mom would have just set the dogs on him."

"My mother would have just cut him up and served him at the table," said Choji.

"My mother would have just used her assistants to drain every bit of chakra from his body then allow them to gorge themselves on his bodily fluids," Said Shino.

"My mother would have-" Shikamaru cut himself off. "Well, it's too troublesome to say how much worse off that guy'd have been if he'd groped my Mom."

There's a reason that the Nara women can motivate the men of the clan: they are very, very scary. So scary in fact, that Jiraiya won't peep on them, no matter how beautiful. He's perverted, not suicidal.

As for the girls, most of them were staring at Mikoto Uchiha with stars in their eyes. I think that's when most of the girls realize that Sasuke's mother figure was a serious ninja and that fan girls weren't his thing. I think we produced more high skilled and ambitious kunoichi in our year than the five before it and the five after it because of that little show.

After the assailant was non-responsive, Mikoto Uchiha stood up, daintily brushed herself off, straightened her clothes, turned to the Fire Lord and Lady and bowed politely.

"Now, after that interruption, if you would mind following me, we can continue our tour," she said.

This is a big reason I don't make love potions for people anymore, no matter how much Bob insists. This is what happened to a guy who used one and that's not even counting the blindness and impotence side effects of the potion. I don't want to know what would happen if they found out I made it.

Once again, I don't own Naruto and I don't own the Dresden Files.