I've worked a LOT on this story. I have up to chapter 10 written and ready to go. And for all you lovers of The Locke Problem, the second half is about halfway done, so expect it within a week or so
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest
Chapter 6
Gonna Give You All My Love…In The Backseat
"It's so boring here," Lizzie muttered as her finger flicked at the large wad of key chains adorning her purse. "Nothing exciting ever happens. I mean sure there's a monster, and I'm sure people are gonna die, but right now it's boring."
"I know!" Abby agreed with a moan, "When am I gonna see blood? I mean the last time I did was when Boone got a nosebleed and threw that fit because he thought he was going to die."
"You leave him out of this, it's not his fault his sexy nose is sensitive to the harsh island life," Lizzie defended.
Abby looked to her left, and found survivors lying on beach blankets conversing and relaxing, when she turned her head to the right, the exact same thing greeted her, "What harsh island life. Face it, it's Spring Break all year round! We just need Carson Daily or Ashley Angel and some stupid music that has the lyrics, 'I'm gonna give you all my love in the backseat'"
Lizzie shook her head, "Water's too cold to swim today."
"What? Are you having a conversation with yourself again?" Abby questioned, "Because I think we missed a line there."
"Look, the only person stupid enough to go swimming was Sawyer, and now he's coming out to bug Kate," she paused and then giggled, "Sawyer's coming out"
Abby sighed, "If only the ocean was somehow a metaphor for a closet."
"Here he comes," a few seconds passed, "Wow his trunks must be down really low if..."
There was an awkward silence as both girls realized where exactly Sawyer's trunks were.
"Oh my God!" Abby screamed as she jumped up from the blanket, "Oh my God I'm blind! I'm blind!"
"It's burned into my brain!" Lizzie screamed as she scrambled to her feet and began to run on spot, "It's all I see, it's like when you look at a light too long and then you close your eyes and you can see the outline of it!"
"You had sunglasses on!" Abby shrieked, "You had protection, I got it full force, I'm gonna get eye cancer, I'll have cancer of the eye caused by Sawyer's lack of trunks!"
"We have to get out of here," Lizzie screamed, "Staying here is like staying at the scene of a crime."
"Let's tell Jack, maybe he can make it mandatory for Sawyer to wear spandex under all of his clothing in case of a wardrobe mishap," Abby suggested as she picked up her blanket and along with Lizzie fled into the jungle like a bat out of hell.
"This is serious," Jack informed with a stiff nod, "We need to get Shannon those inhalers."
"Jack!" Abby yelled as she ran into the cave area huffing for breath.
"Shannon's getting worse, Jack," Boone said nervously, "She's having a hard time breathing."
"Jack!" Lizzie cried as she kicked up dust with her feet upon entering the camp, "Jack it's scary!"
"I know," Jack agreed as he fell into a pensive thought, "There has to be someway we can get her inhalers."
"What?" questioned Abby and Lizzie at the exact same time.
"Shannon," Boone said sadly as he pointed to his sister who was falling into another coughing fit.
"Is she still coughing?" Abby questioned with a raised eyebrow, "Because she did that all night and I have trouble sleeping as it is…"
"Don't worry about her Boone," Lizzie blew off the situation.
"But she's my sister," he argued.
"I'll be your sister," Lizzie volunteered.
"I have no time to touch onwhat's wrong with that right now," Abby pushed Lizzie aside and stepped up to Jack, "There's a huge problem."
"Yeah, Shannon really needs her inhalers," Jack agreed.
"What inhalers?! Man, those things make you look so dorky," Lizzie stated from where she sat next to Boone.
"I know," Abby nodded, "My sister got one and from then on I just called her Milhouse."
"Sawyer has what we need," Jack grunted.
"Ugh," Lizzie moaned.
"We almost went three minutes without thinking about it," Abby muttered as her nose scrunched in disgust.
"How can I not think about it, It's like gouged into the inside of my eyelids," she cried, "Boone I need you to go skinny dipping, it's a matter of life and death."
"My sister could die!" he shouted angrily.
"Pfft," Abby blew a raspberry, "She'll be fine."
"Just breathe through your damn nose," Lizzie yelled, "God I knew you were blonde and a Paris Hilton look alike, but I didn't know you were Paris Hilton."
"That's a good idea," Jack agreed, "breathe through your nose."
As everyone began to crowd around Shannon again Abby turned back to Lizzie, "Come on, they're obviously not going to help us."
"We're going in the wrong direction," Abby spat, "We've passed this place before."
"Oh really?" Lizzie stopped walking, her hands on her hips, "Alright Mrs. I-Know-Everything, how do you know that?"
"Because my damn foot print is right here!" Abby screamed as her foot fit perfectly into the mold on the ground.
"Oh," Lizzie exclaimed, "Well maybe…" A faint sound of voices came from behind her.
"That's Jack," Abby brightened up, "And Sayid which means we're not lost anymore!"
Both girls began to run frantically to the sound of familiar voices and were almost to them when they both fell face first into the ground.
"What the shit!" Abby screamed as she rolled over and away from the obstacle that had tripped her.
"What the hell is this doing in the middle of the jungle!?" Lizzie yelled angrily as she kicked the thick, black cable with her running shoe, "It's not supposed to be here is it, Abs?"
"No," Abby shook her head as she stood up and glared daggers at the cable.
"Then why is it here!"
"Wait!" Abby grabbed hold of her best friend forearm, "Listen," there was a small pause of silence, "Someone was just tortured."
"No!" Lizzie cried, "We missed it!"
"Forget about the cable, I want to see the blood!"
They commenced running again, and within only a few minutes, found the clearing where Jack and Sayid stood.
Abby ran over grunting and grabbed a water bottle from Jack's open bag, and guzzled the liquid as Lizzie grabbed Sayid and began to dance happily.
"What's going on?" Jack questioned.
"We got lost," Abby informed as she threw the empty water bottle down on the ground and embraced Jack, "But we found you and now we're not lost anymore."
"It was horrible," Lizzie exclaimed, "terrifying even, we didn't know where we were, we were out there alone for days! We thought we were gonna die!"
"I saw you at the caves fifteen minutes ago," Jack informed as he pried Abby away from him.
"I saw you in the jungle less than three minutes ago as I walked here," Sayid reminded, "I asked if you were lost and needed help."
"It's all lies!" Lizzie yelled defiantly, with her hands clamped over her ears.
"Now you want to help us because you know you wouldn't have to do anything. You guys are just lazy," Abby spat, and with that both girls began to walk away from them.
"Don't go that way!" Jack declared.
"La la la!" Lizzie stuck her fingers in her ears and began to sing aloud, "We can't hear you."
"Eww, Lizzie I just thought of it again," Abby stuck out her tongue and squinted her eyes.
"We'll get over the trauma someday," Lizzie said as she put a reassuring hand on Abby's shoulder, "One day we'll wake up and…"
Both girls stopped suddenly as they came to a clearing with Sawyer tied to a tree. Kate sat crouched before him; the two were locked in a passionate kiss.
"Sweet Jesus!" Lizzie screamed as she spun around and turned her head towards the ground.
"Oh whore!" Abby yelled as she whipped of her glasses and threw them into the trees, "This is the worst day ever!"
Just a few fun facts:
Lizzie has everything imaginable in her purse, which is adorned with over 50 key chains
"I'm blind, I'm blind" is what we really screamed the first time we saw the beginning of Confidence Man. I said that when I had kids and they were bad I was going to make them watch the beginning of the episode.
My sister really does have an inhaler and I do call her Milhouse
The song played about the backseat is from Gwen Stephani
"Oh Whore" is my expression for anytime I screw up, or see anything surprising, or when I get angry
Remember the way the characters Abby and Lizzie are written they are 100 accurate!