Thank you my two gentle and loyal reviewers. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be writing this story because I'm dilusional, but because I knw you read it, at least there's a concrete reason to keep writing. I'm on chapter 13 now.

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 9

Drug Induced Psycho Quests

"Have you seen Boone, I haven't seen him all day," Lizzie's eyes scanned the beach, but there was no sign of her crush.

"I have a better 'have you seen'," Abby pointed to Sayid approaching Shannon with a box, "They're totally doing it now you know."

"Ewww, really?" Lizzie questioned, her nose scrunching.

"Yeah, which I don't even understand, I was the one who translated everything, I was the one who knew the song, I was the one who actually did speak French, and I don't get anything," Abby complained.

"You want Sayid?" Lizzie's eyebrow shot up. "After he's been with Shannon? Think of all the STD's that are going to spread across the beach. It'll be an epidemic."

"No, but I could've used shoes. It's not like I don't wear shoes. I like to look nice sometimes too, I'm a woman too!" she yelled the last part and nearby birds flew away from the trees.

"At least you didn't spend all yesterday in the jungle with Locke staring at a metal door," Lizzie muttered, "We stared at it like all day, I don't know if he was trying to Vulcan mind-meld with it or what, but it was a bloody waste of time."

"Everyone on this island is an idiot," Abby announced.

"Including us?"

"Especially us, and out of us, especially you," Abby enlightened.

"Hey, you're the leader, therefore you have to be the bigger idiot," Lizzie argued.

Abby grunted, "You should start annoying other people."

"So this is what you do all day?" questioned Abby as she watched Sun poke another hole into the ground with a stick, "It's very, primitive."

Sun smiled pleasantly and continued to dig around in the dirt.

"So did you read a whole lot of Martha Stewart, or is your dad a farmer or something? My sister's ex-boyfriend was a farmer. Hey, did you ever own a John Deere tractor? Because I've heard about them, and I really don't see what's so special about a certain brand of tractor. I've only ridden on one once, and it wasn't really a tractor, it was a lawn mower, and it didn't last long because I drove it through the back wall of a garage, not ours thank God, but still," Abby rambled as she mimicked Sun movement for movement.

Sun's smile stayed plastered to her face until Jack and Kate could be heard approaching, then a quick expression of relief passed over her features.

"This is amazing Kate," Jack commented as he took in the five foot long garden, "How did you do this."

"You think she could do this?" Abby expressed, "She can't even put down that stupid toy plane long enough to change her clothes. She's starting to smell."

"That's because last time I did, you and your friend stole it and hid it for three days until Jack made you give it back," Kate reminded, her face darkened.

"Oh yeah," Abby smiled nostalgically, "I mean, cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. At some age you've got to get rid of the security blanket, Linus," Abby turned her attention back to the dirt.

"Hey where is Lizzie anyways?" Jack questioned, "She hasn't tried to add food coloring to the water supply yet."

"I don't know where she is, we had a fight and I stomped off. She's probably out looking for her precious Boone, because I'm not a woman who deserves shoes!" Abby shouted as she threw down the seeds she hand in her hand and ran off into the jungle.

"Staring at this hatch is beginning to give me a leg cramp," Lizzie announced, ending the silence that enveloped the three of them. "And it's making me hungry."

"Locke what are you making?" Boone asked as he watched the older man mix together a strange pink liquid.

"Is it Pepto Bismol?" Lizzie jumped up from her spot, "Or drugs? Because either way I want some."

Locke chuckled, "It's not for now, it's for later."

"Later?" Lizzie whined, "Why can't now be later, I want it now."

"You have to be patient, Elizabeth," Locke reminded, "Good things come to those who wait."

"Did you just call me Elizabeth? Because that is not cool. Do I call you Jonathon? No, I call you Locke! Do you call Boone, Baboon? No you call him Boone," Lizzie shouted.

"Baboon?" Boone questioned.

Lizzie shrugged, "I just figured Boone was short for Baboon."

"I'm sorry," Locke apologized.

"Or Kate, Katherine. Or Hurley, Hugo. Or Sawyer, James. Or Jack…Jonathon, that's weird. How did they get Jack from Jonathon anyways? What were we talking about? Are the drugs done yet? "

"I was on my way to Bali," Kate stated, "I travel a lot. I was looking forward to exploring the island. Somehow I ended up on a flight to LA, instead. Guess that falls under the category -- be careful what you wish for."

"Jesus, do you ever shut up?" Abby yelled, "You've been talking for the last ninety minutes about nothing, you're supposed to be gardening not entertaining with Kate's magical boring story hour, now enlarged to ninety-minute increments for your listening pleasure. The plants are dying because you're talking them to death!"

"I'm sorry if I'm just trying to keep the spirits up around here," Kate spat defensively.

"Who the hell are you talking to anyways, because I stopped listening as soon as you opened your mouth and Sun doesn't speak English," she reminded coldly, "So basically you're talking to jungle, and if you keep doing that, I can't really blame the monster for coming and eating you."

"Fine," Kate stood up, dusting off her pant legs, "I'll leave."

They watched her disappear through the trees. When they knew she was at a safe distance, Sun turned to Abby, "Thank you very much."

"No problem," pushed her back against a nearby tree, "Talk about a motor mouth."

"I don't know why people keep talking to me, when they think I don't speak English," Sun stated as she covered up the last seed.

"Well in some situations it's good I guess," Abby sighed, "You could be like a fly on the wall, learn everyone's secrets and then blackmail them for your silence, but then everyone would know you can speak English."

Sun wore a pensive smile, "Would you like to learn more Korean?"

"Mallayo," Abby replied.

"Hello?" Lizzie called as she noticed herself tied in the middle of the Jungle to a tree. The last thing she remembered was Locke knocking her out and then tying her to a tree. "Everything makes sense now."

She fidgeted and managed to pull her arms out of the rope, and then her legs, "He's just not trying anymore."

After doing an 'eenie meanie minie moe' she picked a direction and started walking, hoping it was the right way to get back to camp.

"How did you feel?" Locke asked curiously, "How did you feel when she died?"

Boone thought for a second, "I felt relieved."

"There you are!" Lizzie yelled as she stumbled through the tree line and over to Locke, "That was the worst game of hide and seek ever."

"What did you see?" Locke questioned as he placed his hand underneath his chin, excited for a response.

"What do you mean?" Lizzie questioned.

"Locke drugged us and tied us out there so we could have a quest," Boone explained, "I saw Shannon die, what did you see?"

"Oh, I had a fight with Abby," Lizzie answered.

"No, that actually happened," Locke informed.

"Oh, then I guess I saw you hit me and tie me to a tree," she added.

"Nope that happened too."

"Then I guess I traveled through the entire jungle for the last eight hours," she thought aloud.

"Was it uneventful?" Boone asked.

"Pretty much I mean I got distracted once or twice and had to go to the bathroom," she disclosed.

"Huh," Locke mumbled.

"You mean he got to go on a drug induced psycho quest and I didn't get squat?" she yelled, "That sucks; this was a waste of time! You gave him all the good stuff!"

She began stomping away, apparently heading back to the beach, but then quickly turned around, and with a broad smile asked, "Shannon's dead?"

Notes:
Lizzie and I, in almost 7 years of friendship have never had a serious fight.
My sister really did date a farmer
'Cry me a bridge and get over it,' is a common phrase we both say
Lizzie hates being called Elizabeth, and more-so, Bizzy.
Lizzie once told me, 'Boone, like Baboon.'
Mallayo is Korean for, 'I don't understand.' At least I think it is.

Next chapter: Abby and Lizzie rebel when they aren't allowed to help in the Ethan hunt. And someone dies! And someone is mounted. Wacky Fun ensues.