Man, sorry I haven't updated, I've been trying to but FF forbidded it for the last 3 days. This story is almost complete, at least season one of it is. Lizzie and I got together so we could write the final chapter in agreement. It's incredibly long and hilarious while at the same time making no sense. And there's many many chapter breaks but it makes for good reading.

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 10

Stranger Danger

"A man threatens to kill one of us unless we bring him Claire, and what, we just wait for that to happen? We tracked him once before, we can track him again." Jack's voice was confident. He and some of the others stood off from the camp, discussing what they should do.

"So she came back?" Lizzie questioned as she rummaged through her purse and pulled out a funnel.

"Yeah, Boone and Locke were on this amazing hunt-quest to find Vincent and they found Claire instead," Abby explained as offered the package she held to Lizzie. "She has no memory. Well no recent memory at least. When I tried to tell her she was really Shannon and that Shannon had stolen her life she got mad at me and threw a couple of things."

Lizzie reached inside and pulled out one of the rubber objects, "Locke's hunt-quests are over rated anyways; they're just walking in the jungle for eight hours."

"Well now Jack wants to go and basically attack Ethan when he attacks us," Abby held the funnel at the mouth of the balloon. "He's trying to get volunteers to go with him."

Lizzie shook her head as she held the bottom of the balloon; water began to inflate it, "Why does anyone still volunteer?"

Abby shrugged, "Guilt, gallantry, plus you get guns."

Lizzie threw down the balloon, "What are we waiting for?!"

"I'm not putting guns in untrained hands," Jack said again, "it's to dangerous this isn't laser tag, this is the real thing."

"We're playing real tag?" Lizzie questioned, "I thought we were hunting some guy and getting guns."

"You two kids ain't getting any guns," Sawyer chuckled.

"You're too inexperienced," Locke added with a nod of agreement.

"We went to a public school," Abby declared, "That's like spending a year in the 'Nam."

"This is serious," Jack shook his head, "Scott had his neck, his arms and legs, in fact most of the bones in his body were broken. These aren't things for young girls to see."

"Wasn't that a fatality in Mortal Kombat?" Lizzie questioned.

"I don't think so," Abby furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "I think you're thinking of the robot, he slams you around and then you get smushed into his body and he spits out chunks of you like a meat grinder."

"No I'm talking about the blind guy; he folds you up like a lawn chair, with the blood and stuff," Lizzie clarified.

"Oh yeah."

"Look it doesn't matter," Jack interrupted their train of thought, "Because you're not coming, it's too dangerous."

"Oh yeah, well look who you let go," Lizzie exclaimed as she pointed to the group.

"Yeah you give a gun to crazy jungle man Locke, no offense. Sawyer who missed shooting that marshal guy at point blank range, and Kate the reason why the guns are here in the first place." Abby rambled, "And when have you ever even used a gun? You're a spinal surgeon, what do you use them to operate on people?"

"Plus using the very pregnant girl as bait isn't a good idea," Lizzie added, "I know from experience."

"Yeah you should definitely use Shannon, at least if she dies you can fall back on the 'no one liking her' reason," Abby suggested

"Look if you two want to help, why don't you make sure that the people around the camp are safe, you know keep up the moral," Locke suggested.

"We're not cheerleaders," Lizzie spat.

"Come on," Abby tugged on Lizzie's sleeve, "Let's just go, apparently cheerleaders can't save the world."

The rain fell in sheets, as Claire slowly climbed over the rocky terrain. She knew that Jack and the other's were incognito nearby, but still her heart raced.

Behind her, a branch cracked and by the time she swung around, the reason was standing no less than three feet away.

Abby and Lizzie stood side by side looking at Claire, "Jesus, is your little laser tag thing still going on?"

"What are you doing here?" Claire questioned angrily, "You need to get out of here now."

"Well sorry," Lizzie answered, "We just got bored and decided to go out into the jungle to see if there were any things we hadn't discovered yet. We didn't know that planning a trap for Ethan took a million years. Honestly is it an all day event?"

"Why are you all standing around with guns anyways?" Abby questioned, "Someone's gonna get hurt."

"Get out of here," Jack shouted from where he was hunched under some shrubs, "You guys are jeopardizing the mission."

"This is a mission now?" Lizzie questioned.

"Well we all have guns," Abby enlightened.

"Wrong," Sawyer smirked, "We've got guns, you don't have squat."

"God you're an idiot," Lizzie muttered as she reached into her waistband and pulled out a nine millimeter. Abby pulled one from behind her.

"Where did you guys get the guns?" Jack questioned as he moved out of his hiding position.

"Lizzie's purse, she has everything," Abby held up the large bag.

"Yeah, and if we loose our guns, I still have the knives Locke gave us," pulling out a knife she handed it to Abby.

"I didn't give you any knives," Locke grumbled.

"I'll cut you," Abby threatened as she pointed the knife towards the older man.

"Help!" Claire screamed as the group turned and saw Ethan slowly dragging her away into the woods.

"Shoot her!" Lizzie screamed and together the girls aimed their guns at Claire. But before either could pull the trigger, gunshots rang through the stillness of the forest.

"Kate shot her!" Abby screamed as they raced to see what damage had been done.

"I wasn't anywhere near her," Kate replied angrily.

Abby and Lizzie stopped dead in their tracks as they found Ethan's lifeless body lying on the ground, a pool of red growing beneath him. Charlie stood a few feet away, in the same stance, with a look of shock on his face.

"Ethan, my sweet prince!" Abby screamed as she fell to her knees beside his body.

"Abs, let it go, he's a glorious angel now, up in heaven stealing babies from Saints," Lizzie comforted.

"I won't have it," Abby yelled as she held her gun and started firing bullets up into the air.

"Are you crazy?" Sawyer yelled as the girl began to run around like Yosemite Sam.

"Abby stop," Jack ordered as he pounced on her and knocked her to the ground.

"Jack's mounting Abby!" Lizzie screamed as she ran over and started hitting him with her purse, "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"

Next Chapter: Abby and Lizzie accompany Sawyer on a boar hunt and play an interesting game of I Never. But not before playing Cops with Hurley.