Hey guys, just a quick update, the end is coming very soon, I think only 2 or 3 chapters are left! It seems like just awhile ago this sotry was abandoned at the side of the road like Lizzie and I were at birth. But now it's almost complete. And BTW Lizzie and I LOVE Rousseau!...and fire...
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest
Chapter 12
Fool Raft's A-Burning
"Look at them, working hard at building their precious fool raft," Lizzie stated as she glared to where Michael was bundling together pieces of bamboo. "They think they're so great with their raft. I bet they sail and then just float out there for a week or so until they go crazy and come back for crazy revenge."
"Little harsh against the raft aren't we?" Abby questioned.
Lizzie shrugged and started constructing a sandcastle, "It was my idea."
"It wasn't your idea, you said it as a joke, and they took you seriously, which is a strike against them."
"Well I deserve a spot on that raft," Lizzie huffed as she knocked down the north tower of her creation, "Michael, Sawyer and Little Jiminy already have a seat, and there's only two more left."
"You really want to go on the raft?" Abby questioned, noticing her friend's serious tone.
"Yeah, and who else are they gonna take? Locke, the crazy guy who mispronounces Michelangelo, and who has a dog for a sister?" she shook her head in disgust, "I'm like the pick of the litter."
"You mean, you'd just leave me here, just like that, and take off to play Pirates of Craphole Island?" Abby eyes grew wide and glassy.
"No, you can come too."
"You think they're really gonna let both of us go on that raft?" Abby questioned skeptically.
"Well if we were more annoying than, they would want to kick us off the island. So all we have to do is kick up the annoying-ness and we'll be gold," Lizzie explained.
Both girls glanced at each other as evil grins began to grow on their faces.
"We need to go out into the jungle to track down Rousseau," Jack began shoving water into his pack.
"I thought we didn't like crazy French people," Lizzie questioned as she tied her shoes tightly.
"We don't, but she has the battery which Michael needs for his raft," Sayid informed as he sent Shannon a sideways smile.
Abby's face scrunched, "It's a stupid fool raft anyways."
"You guys don't need to come along," Charlie suggested as he remembered walking with the girls to find the cockpit.
"No, we haven't been helping lately," Lizzie divulged, "We don't want to be parasitic like Paris Hilton."
"Plus it'll be major fun. We can have campfires with marshmallows and double entendre games of I Never. But we'll have to bring Sawyer along though, I don't feel comfortable hitting anyone but him," Abby rambled as she followed the group down the beach and into the jungle.
"Are we there yet?" Lizzie questioned as they crossed through the line of trees.
"Are you serious?" Jack deadpanned.
"We just got into the bloody forest," Charlie added.
"Can we stop for a food break?" Abby questioned, "I brought a tuna sub and I don't want the mayonnaise to go bad in this hot weather."
"What?" All three men exclaimed at the same time.
"I'm tired," Lizzie declared as she began to drag her feet through the thick jungle soil.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Abby announced.
"Someone carry me," Lizzie whined.
"It's not number one either, so it's gonna take awhile, and I've been backed up since before the crash" Abby proclaimed as the group fell silent.
"I'm bored," Lizzie shuffled through her purse, "And I forgot the radio in our clubhouse. Charlie start singing."
"There's no bloody way I'm singing again," he argued.
"Hey!" Abby shouted her voice suddenly filled with glee, "Look a trap!"
"Abby don't move," Jack ushered.
Before he even finished his sentence, Abby ran through the five consecutive traps, which all released piles of sharpened sticks tied together.
"Oh my God!" Lizzie cried when she met her friend at the end of the traps, "That was freaking awesome! Why didn't we think of these!?"
"I know!" Abby exclaimed as she held one of the balls, "Spiky balls of doom. It's so simple!"
"Are you guys daft?" Charlie questioned as the three men ran up to meet them, "Running in front of large spiky objects."
"That was very dangerous girls," Sayid voiced.
Both girls broke out into a fit of laughter, leaving the others to stare at them blankly. When Abby finally managed to catch her breath she stated, "You guys look like the Three Stooges!"
"Wait a minute," Sayid examined the area around him, "This place is familiar," he added.
"Is that where you gut hung upside down for a month?" Lizzie questioned as they found a piece of rope on the ground.
"Yes," Sayid nodded as he picked up the piece of rope, "I believe we should split up, we can cover more ground that way."
"Oh I call the spiky ball of doom way," Lizzie shouted as she raised her hand.
"Guys, this is very dangerous," Jack began on one of his speeches, "You need to look out for each other out there, there are other traps set, and Rousseau doesn't like trespassers. You need to go quietly and quickly and try not to provoke any unwanted attention."
"Yeah whatever," Lizzie muttered, then harshly pushed Abby so she set off the trap again, "You're it."
"You're going down," Abby screamed back at her and both girls took off in the wrong direction hollering loudly at each other.
"Do you think our plan is working?" Abby questioned as she kicked a rock and set off a trap that narrowly missed the girls. Neither one seemed to react to it.
"We'll we're certainly annoying Charlie," Lizzie ducked as many darts began to shoot at her when she walked right over the trip line.
"Hey I have a better idea," Abby brightened at her thought, "What if we kill Jack, then we would be named the leaders of this ragtag group of survivors!"
Lizzie shook her head in disagreement, "It's no good, if Jack died then female, angrier Jack would take over."
"You mean Kate?"
"I really don't care to learn their names," Lizzie informed honestly, "They're all just kindling for the fire to me."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Abby stopped moving and started swinging her arms until she had enough force to jump over the pit of sharpened sticks. "And if we killed Kate, then Locke would lead us and everyone would have head wounds filled with Pepto Bismol, and then Sayid would rule after him. It's never ending."
From between the trees, a barrel of a gun slide out, and pointed at the girls, "Who are you?" a thick accent asked them.
"Sawyer?" Lizzie questioned.
"Oh, you must be the crazy French lady," Abby examined her torn clothes; "I like your gun."
"Hey, if you're French, then have you ever been to the Eiffel Tower?" Lizzie questioned curiously.
"Yeah and do you eat French food? Like French fries?" Abby queried.
"Do you eat frogs?" Lizzie added as she pulled a frog from her purse.
"Did your husband have a mustache and like aged cheeses?"
"Do you like fine wine?"
"Did you own a vineyard?"
"Does Alex mean something specific in French?"
"What exactly Does Ca Plane Por Moi mean?"
They stopped speaking and looked at Rousseau who merely looked back at them.
"Look we're only out here to get a battery, if you can give us a battery, we can go back to camp and continue tainting the water supply with Easter egg dyes and what not," Lizzie offered.
"I do not understand," Rousseau muttered as she lowered her gun.
"Okay," Abby nodded, "Umm, je voudrais un petit peut de double A s'il vous plait."
"I do not understand," the woman pressed as she leaned her gun against a near by tree and approached the girls.
"Umm, we just want a battery, please," Abby stated again.
"Alex?" Rousseau questioned as she reached her hand towards Abby.
"Back off lady," Lizzie shouted, "Don't make me get hostile."
"Alex?" Rousseau spoke again, and this time reached her hand towards Lizzie.
"Alex is Asian?" Abby questioned.
"Screw this," Lizzie exclaimed as she grabbed Rousseau's gun, "Look either give us the battery or go away.
"You two are so much like your father," Rousseau declared with a tear in her eye.
"Just give us the battery lady!"
"You guys got the battery?" Hurley questioned as the two girls walked along the beach.
"Yeah, Rousseau thought we were her daughters. She cooked us a meal and gave us her phone number if we needed anything," Lizzie explained as she reached into her purse and dug out a walkie-talkie that actually worked, "She gave use these too when we told her we liked playing Cops."
"You guys have real walkie-talkies!" Hurley exclaimed, "You've got to give those to Sayid so we can get out of here."
"Are you kidding! These are a gift from mother!" Abby screamed as she shoved hers into the back of her pants.
"You girl's really saved the day," Jack informed with a proud smile. "We never thought that you two were team players but you proved everyone wrong."
"Yeah," Michael agreed, "You've basically just saved us all."
"Damnit!" Lizzie shouted as she stomped angrily away from the camp, "We didn't want them to like us; we wanted them to hate us. And now that love us."
"We've got to do something to sway the vote," Abby mused aloud. Then a cruel smile grew on her face, "And I know just the thing."
"Charlie, what's going on?" Kate questioned as she ran out of the tent.
"It's the raft," Charlie pointed down the beach, "it's on fire and out of control."
They ran down to the beach and frantically began to throw sand on the craft.
Down the beach a few feet, Abby and Lizzie sat cross-legged in the sand, watching the raft burn quietly and smiling deviously at each other.
"They'll never suspect us," Lizzie chuckled, full of glee, "I quit smoking so I don't even have a lighter."
"And if they do come at us, we'll just tell them it was Kate," Abby agreed.
"Who?"
Next Chapter: With death comes life and while Lizzie sits with a critically injured Boone and Jack refuses to leave him, someone else must deliver Claire's baby. Plus references to a drunken Sawyer, so don't miss it.