9

Wishes

She stood in the parking lot, gazing up at the inky sky, if she could just see one…there it was. "Star light, star bright. The first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight,"

"Abby?"

She almost jumped out of her skin, a sure sign she was wound really tight. "Gibbs! How many times? Give a girl some warning."

He could see she was trembling, typically Abby she'd rushed out without her coat, he took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "Better?"

She nodded and looked up at the sky again. "You think wishes come true Gibbs, if we want them bad enough?"

"You're asking the wrong person Abs. Is that what you're doing out here, wishing on a star?"

"Stupid huh? But I've already said so many prayers, and Ducky says they're going to take him off the ventilator, see if he can breathe on his own…I don't want to leave anything to chance so I thought…"

"You'd make a wish; guess there's been a lot of that going on around here the last two days." He put his arm round her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. He guided Abby back inside, back to the place that had become home to them, close to Tim, it was where they all had to be, as for wishes, whether they came true or not, Gibbs had a few of his own…

He wished he could go back to the secure facility in Maryland and kill them all again, the men who had taken his agent, only this time he'd kill them slow, make them suffer, make them pay for leaving Tim to die; because there was no doubt, all the doctors had told them, another hour or two without oxygen, without fluids…best not to go down that path again, instead think of another thing he wanted. He wished Tim could see how everyone was rooting for him, how they'd given up every spare minute they had to be where he was; he'd have seen for himself that he was so much more important than the job.

Abby held his arm as they got closer to the ICU waiting room, and as Gibbs caught sight of Tony pacing back and forth he sighed deeply…he wished he could reach Tony, bring him back from the dark place he was inhabiting right now. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't make him see that without the CPR he administered in the vault, Tim wouldn't have made it to the hospital. All he saw was his friend on a ventilator, unable to breathe unaided, all because he'd caused more damage to Tim's already broken ribs; injuries caused by being kicked several times judging by the bruises on his chest. Ducky had tried to explain to him the side-effects of inhaling KOLOKOL-1, the breathing difficulties many people suffered even when they didn't have other injuries. Tony wasn't having any of it, he knew he'd pressed too hard, in his panic to keep Tim's heart beating he'd hurt him, and he couldn't forgive himself.

Tony stopped his endless pacing only long enough to see it wasn't Ducky back with news, he glanced up at the clock and went back to wearing out a rut in the floor. Throughout the last two days Tony had been quiet, so unlike his normal self that at first Ducky was concerned the thin air in the vault had caused problems with his lungs that he was trying to hide from them. Tony had reassured them he was fine, and then retreated back into his shell, opening up only when he took his turn at Tim's bedside. Through the glass they could see Tony keeping up an endless monologue, determined Tim would know he was there. When it was someone else's turn to sit with Tim, Tony tried to sleep, forced himself to eat and counted the minutes until he could return.

"Hey Tony, how are you doing?" Abby tried to guide him to a chair, he pulled away.

"Still waiting, Ducky said he'd come tell us as soon as Tim's breathing on his own, what if..."

"Tony, what did we talk about? You have to send positive thoughts." Abby linked her arm in his, gave up the idea of getting him to sit down and walked with him. "I try Abs, but every time I go in there, watch the lines going up and down on the monitors…listen to me, always thinking of myself, you love him too…guess we all do."

Sitting on the edge of his chair, waiting as intently as Tony for the door to open Gibbs let out a deep sigh. If he had one more wish to set beside the others it had to do with love, to have the ability to show the deep affection he felt for them. Gibbs had promised himself, when they'd almost lost Tony, he'd vowed to do better, let the others see how much they meant to him, but the habit of almost half a lifetime was hard to break. After Shannon and Kelly he'd hardened his heart, kept the world at arm's length, never wanting to be hurt again the way he'd hurt back then. It was no way to live, letting his work become his life…and now, they were much more than team members, they were family; maybe this time, when Tim was back and they were all together…why wait, he should make a start right now.

"You're right Tony…we're family and we…we shouldn't be afraid to say how we feel."

Tony stopped in his tracks and stared at his boss. "Who are you, and what have you done with Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

"I mean it Tony, we care for each other…" He stumbled over the unfamiliar words and was grateful when Abby threw her arms around him and held on tight. "Oh Gibbs, why do we wait for something bad to happen before we tell each other…Ducky!" She released Gibbs and rushed to Ducky's side; Tony opened his mouth and tried to ask how Tim was doing, but the words wouldn't come.

Mercifully Ducky didn't waste time. "He's off the ventilator and breathing on his own, we still have to guard against infection of course, however Doctor Bailey expects Timothy to make a full recovery."

Tony could see Ducky's lips were still moving but he couldn't hear anything past the roaring in his ears…full recovery, Tim was going to make it, he hadn't killed him…"Tony, sit, breathe slow." He dropped onto a chair, slowly becoming aware that they were staring at him, real concern in their eyes and Gibbs was holding his arm. "Take it easy Tony."

"I'm…okay…just…Ducky, he's really going to be…?"

"I told you Timothy wouldn't give up, we simply had to give him the time he needed to regain his strength. Tony, do you want to go to him? He's not awake as yet, but it shouldn't be long before he's back with us."

Tony jumped to his feet and took a few steps toward the door, he hesitated for a moment and turned back with a question on his lips. "What if he blames me? I made it worse."

"Nonsense Tony, you saved his life."

Ducky watched him go and turned to the others with a broad smile. "It took somewhat longer than I had hoped, but we are going to be together again." He sat beside Abby and she slipped her hand in his. "I was so scared Ducky, but you, you always knew he'd be okay."

If only she knew, Ducky hadn't been certain at all; for long hours he had feared Tim wouldn't pull through, that his injuries allied to the effects of inhaling the gas, let alone the dehydration and mild hypothermia from his incarceration would be too much for his system to deal with. Ducky had prayed for Tim's recovery, and also prayed that he would never again have to see someone he cared for lying on his autopsy table; he was certain he couldn't deal with that, not again.

"I had my moments Abigail."

"Guess we all did Duck; Tim's had a rough road; we have to be sure we're ready to help him the rest of the way." Gibbs picked up Abby's coat. "We should all go home, Tony won't leave him tonight, let's get some rest and we can take over tomorrow."

Tony sat in the familiar chair beside Tim's bed, checking the monitors as he always did; Tim still seemed way too pale, but without the ventilator he looked more like he should, Tony's hands were shaking as he straightened the already pristine sheet.

"You look better Tim…maybe if you try real hard you could open your eyes…no? Okay, no hurry, take all the time you need, I can do the talking." He leaned closer, resting his hand lightly on Tim's arm. "Just you remember I'm not done with you about that stunt you pulled back in the vault, you scared me Tim, we have to talk about it, when you wake up, when you're stronger…" Tony shivered a little as he remembered the last minutes they'd spent locked in there, he'd already been feeling powerless as Tim's breathing became increasingly laboured and his moments of clarity became fewer. Then came the terrible moment when Tim summoned up all his remaining strength, ripped the oxygen mask from his face and tried to hand it to Tony.

"Your lungs…bad…take this…I…don't need…now…"

The mask had dropped from his limp fingers…Tony felt his heart racing as he relived the frantic minutes when he'd pumped Tim's chest, frightened beyond measure that his efforts would be in vain. He didn't see or hear the EMTs arrive, he felt them lift his hands and take over. From that moment his life had revolved around the hospital and most especially this room, he knew he couldn't stay here every minute, the others wanted to spend time with Tim too, and he did his best not to resent the hours he had to spend anywhere but here.

"I was…you were so still and…cold, I thought…couldn't think straight, should have remembered CPR classes, broken ribs…I didn't know and I…man, I wish I hadn't hurt you so bad. I didn't want to lose you. Can't do this without you; we work you and me, don't know why, but we do." He had to keep talking, show Tim he wasn't alone, never alone. "Rosalind sends her love, she's called a few times, asks how you are, how I am…she's better than I deserve I know, and she said I was to remind you about our double-date, when Delilah gets home."

"S…sounds…good."

"Tim! You're awake." Tony leapt up from the chair and tried to contain his excitement, stay calm, let him come round in his own time. "Take it easy, you've been real sick."

Tim's brow furrowed as he struggled back into the conscious world, blinking against the unfamiliar lights. "Hospital…?"

"Yeah, two days now."

"So…long? Don't 'member...wait…vault…cold…couldn't breathe…" He struggled to get a better look at Tony. "You okay...?"

"Better than I have been in days. I…we were real worried Tim, when you were taken…" He saw a spasm of fear in Tim's eyes and hurried to reassure him. "Bishop's fine, she's been here, waiting with us, feels like she's getting to be a real part of the team, blamed herself for not helping you, wished she'd done more…sound familiar?"

"Second…guessing…" Tim gave a tired smile. "It's good to…be back…knew you'd find me…thank…"

"Hey! No thanking us, it's what we do for each other, just wish we'd got to you sooner." Tony heard the door open and knew it was time for him to leave. "Looks like the doc's here Tim. I'll wait outside."

"You…you'll come back?"

"Try keeping me away, I've been talking to myself for forty-eight hours, you don't think I'm leaving now you can finally hear me?"

"Look forward…to it…Tony, thank you, all of you…for not…giving up…means everything…" His eyes started to close and Tony hurried out, allowing the doctor to check on Tim and giving himself time to regain his composure. Tim was home, he was going to be fine, his friend, his brother…Tony leaned against the wall as the pent-up emotions of the last few days were released, the tears flowed unchecked down his cheeks, and his body shook…

"Let it out Tony, I'm here, hold on to me." The sweetest voice he knew washed over him like a soothing balm. "Rosalind, how did you know?"

"I called to check on Tim, the nurse told me they'd taken him off the ventilator, I know how hard it's been for you, waiting…I love you Tony, when you hurt I feel it too."

"Don't know why…he's going to be okay, why am I crying now?" Her arms were round him, holding him in an embrace he'd never forget, she'd come to give of herself, expecting nothing in return.

"You were scared you might lose him, having him back…must be overwhelming."

"I…he looked so sick, and all I could think of was all the times I never told him how much he means to me, I was wishing I could go back, put it all right…tell him."

She smiled as she wiped the tears from his cheeks. "He knows Tony, you don't have to say it, he already knows."

Tony took her hands in his and kissed them. "Doesn't hurt to say it out loud, we shouldn't keep things inside. Rosalind, if I don't tell you every day, please remember what I'm telling you now, I love you."

The door opened and Doctor Bailey stepped into the corridor. "Good news Tony, his SATs are good, mental acuity excellent considering what he's been through; we'll keep him in the ICU tonight and transfer him to a general ward tomorrow. He'll most likely sleep the rest of the night, you should go home, get some sleep in your own bed."

"I'm good, if it's okay I'd rather stay one more night."

"Of course, he's a lucky man, not everyone has such good friends." The busy doctor headed on his way and Tony reluctantly let go of Rosalind, he hadn't spent any time with her, or Hal since Tim was taken and he couldn't ignore the pang of guilt he felt at leaving her alone again. She kissed him and ushered him toward Tim's room. "Go to him, we'll be waiting when you're ready."

Tony sat down in his customary place, only this time without the customary twisting in is gut that had come every time he'd watched Tim's struggle to stay alive. For the first time since he got the call telling him Tim was missing Tony relaxed, he leaned back in the chair and settled to watch over his friend.

He woke with a start, his mouth dry, his neck stiff; he wasn't meant to sleep, he was supposed to be watching. In the half-light he saw Tim, eyes open, a tired smile on his face. "Hey Tony…"

"You're getting sneaky McSnoozy, the doc said you'd sleep all night."

"Been sleeping…long time…you look beat, go home Tony…I'm good."

"Maybe, but I want to be sure…Tim, I see now why you needed help after…when I was shot. I didn't understand what it means to be the one watching, waiting…"

"Rips your…heart out."

Tony nodded. "Never want to go through that again."

"Me either…without you…I wouldn't be…whole." Tim studied Tony's face carefully, waiting for the trademark grin and smart comeback, instead he was shocked to see Tony's eyes brimming with tears.

"I feel the same way Tim, sitting here, wondering if you'd wake up, if we'd ever work together again…"

Tim reached out his hand and Tony grasped it like a lifeline. "You don't…get rid of me…so easy. Won't be long…things will be…back to normal."

"I like the sound of that."

"Me too…" Tim's eyes closed and his breathing deepened, but he didn't let go of Tony's hand.

"You're doing great Tim, no more sleep for me tonight; hold on to me, I've got your six, always."

This arc will be completed in the next chapter.