Chapter 1: For All We Are

May 3, 1643 AD

Loki left a gaping hole in Thor's family, and in Thor. It had been but a few days since Loki's funeral, a tiny thing compared to what it would have been if the circumstances of his death were different. There was no mourning period, no black banners hanging, no feeling of sadness dwelling over the realm, except perhaps the rain storms that had come through Thor's despair. No mourning for a traitor, no sadness for a would-be murderer.

Thor wondered how he had missed the warning signs of this, Baldur and Loki had seemed fine, no jealousy, no tension or strain, his brothers were as they had always been. Then again, Loki was always gifted with deception; everything could have been a lie, a massive lie. But Thor didn't want to believe that, he wanted to trust his brother, he had always trusted Loki, even when people told him not to. Thor didn't want all those people to have been right about his beloved little brother. Thor couldn't remember life without Loki, the pair were closer in age then any other siblings Thor knew of, most of the time children were at least a five years apart in age, if not more, because of Æsir life spans. But not Loki and Thor, they were only 18 months apart in age, just a year and a half, so close they had grown up nearly like twins, despite the fact they could not have been more different. They had been so close, for so long. And now, now the person who had stood beside Thor for everything was just…gone.

And everyone tried to forget him.

That was the most troublesome. Everyone trying to forget him, to leave him behind as time passed agonizingly onward without the second prince of Asgard. It wasn't right, it was horribly, horribly wrong that they could so easily pass him off. Thor wanted to force them to morn, but no one seemed to care about it. They only said that they knew it would happen some day, that Loki had always been jealous of his brothers, that he was never good for anything. Sly little Liesmith. Good for nothing coward. It all made Thor's blood boil. Could they not show him a little respect? He had been the prince after all.

Thor found himself standing alone, where he once would have stood with loyal company. It was a lonely balcony high up on the spire of the palace, one he and Loki had found when they were young, where they would sneak up to when they wanted to get away from the world below, or look out at the city that would one day be Thor's to rule. Thor still expected his brother to come out of the little door and tell him that he expected to find Thor here. They would talk here often, telling each other secrets that no one else knew, where Thor would confide in his brother fears that the world below had no idea the elder prince had. Loki had always been wise beyond his years, and Thor had always listened to and respected the advice his little brother gave, even if he didn't always heed it.

Thor was stuck in denial of what had happened, he was desperate for all to be a dream, a nightmare. Please let it be a terrible nightmare.

The small door creaked open, and Thor's traitor heart leapt in his chest, but Baldur came through the door instead of the brother Thor longed for.

"How did you know to come here?" Thor asked gruffly as Baldur came onto the balcony. He brushed himself off, looking out at the view of the sunset, bathing Asgard in a red glow.

"So this is where you two would vanish to." He sighed. "It's nice. Fandral told me I might find you up here." Fandral. It figured really, he was one of Loki's closest friends. Thor would have to chastise him for telling, this was his and Loki's place, and Baldur did not belong. It felt a little wrong to say that about his only remaining brother, but it was true. There was a place that Loki had taken up in Thor's heart, and he could never expand that to hold Baldur as well, the youngest just didn't fit there. "Father is starting to worry about you."

"And you?"

"Well, I know better than anyone what you and Loki were like, there was never any room for me in-between you two." Baldur grumbled. Thor looked down, a little ashamed.

"For that I am sorry, brother." Thor said. "We did not mean to exclude you."

"Well, Loki made an effort to make me feel welcome with you two, but you, well I guess you have enough to worry about anyway, being crown prince and all." Thor pursed his lips and turned his gaze back to the sky. "I forgive you. Besides, does little good to dwell on it now, right? One of us is gone, we have to stick together as a family, not let what Loki said rip us apart." Thor nodded.

"Loki always told me he would never die for one of his lies." Baldur stiffened slightly, but relaxed quickly, and Thor missed the motion. "But…what he claimed about you, it cannot be true. But neither can I see Loki trying to kill you for no reason. I don't know what to think."

"Maybe Loki finally went mad." Baldur suggested, earning a stormy glare from Thor. "I know it sounds terrible, but look at how people treated him, like the ground beneath their feet, or worse. And all he ever did was take it courteously, and help the people who hate him. If I were him, I would have snapped long ago."

"But why attack you?"

"People love me. Maybe he got a bit jealous." Thor shook his head.

"I have known Loki my entire life, and I have never once known him to be jealous." Thor replied, shaking his head sadly.

"Loki lies." Baldur said. Thor narrowed his eyes, but perhaps Baldur was right, maybe Loki did lie. It seemed like so much to lie about though, and for so long.

"I cannot…I cannot talk about him, Baldur. I am sorry."

"He'd not coming back, you know." Baldur's voice darkened. "He's gone and never coming back and-"

"Shut up!" Thor yelled in sudden rage. "I have just lost…I have lost my brother…and I…cannot…" Thor's mouth hung open, trying to form words but no breath come out, then he shut his mouth and stormed past Baldur, back inside the palace. Baldur watched him go, turning out to the golden city below once Thor had left him. A small chuckle came out as he did.

Thor was such a sentimental fool, and so blind. Baldur was worried at one point that Loki's last minute truth telling would have gotten Thor to suspect him. Thor loved Loki more than anything else, Baldur never thought Thor would side with him. Well, he hadn't, Thor didn't know what to think, he was so lost and confused about what to do, who to believe. His heart called to believe Loki, but his mind told him to side with Baldur.

Baldur knew this would destroy him, Thor could never survive a world without Loki, without the guidance that the younger brother gave. Thor may subsist in this new, horrid world forced upon him by Baldur's plans, but he could do no more than that. Baldur might not even have to touch Thor; this would slowly consume him until there was nothing left remotely fit to rule, and the eldest Odinson would just crumble away in the absence of his brother. It was perfect; this had gone better than Baldur had ever hoped.

The sentence of death from the All-Father was shocking to everyone, Baldur included. But he couldn't deny his joy at it, it could not have gone better for him, it was like they were playing into his plans. Loki, for all his intelligence, had helped Baldur a number of times, both intentionally and unintentionally. Loki telling that he could never simply kill Thor and hope for the best had guided his actions thus far. He couldn't just kill his family, he had to destroy them, he had to watch the family fracture and burn, forcing it to such an end while looking like he was trying to keep them together. It wouldn't be too hard, Asgard adored him, the youngest and perfect son of Frigga and Odin, a blessing late in the lives of their king and queen.

This was too easy.

A ragged scream ripped through the air, followed by the crashing sound of wood against stone. Servants had learned to ignore the sounds of rage coming from that room, only to wait until it's occupant collected herself and left for the sparring rings, and clean the mess she had left in her wake.

Sif spent her days wrapped in a mind warping fury, unable to understand how this had happened. Her friend…her best friend…a traitor. Loki. Prince Loki of Asgard

"You MONSTER!" She screamed at the sky, or rather her ceiling. "How could you do this to me! How could you do this to your brother! You vile traitor! You…you are worth nothing to me! I cannot believe I…" Sif stopped her rage, looking down as it burned lower, simmering in her chest. She had already yelled at him once, spat her words to him as he sat in that little cell awaiting death.

She would have killed him herself at times, others she just wanted to ask him why he'd done it? He owed her a reason.

Had he been using her all this time, had everything been another lie? It was not a lie for her, she had cared for him. He was her best friend, defending her and watching her back at every turn. Where had that stopped, had that just been a lie? Was everything a lie?

Had she not defended him herself, telling those who mocked him to step in the ring with her if they dared, had she not sent so many fools who called him a coward running with their tails between their legs. How many times had she listened to him as he spoke about what he'd learned, a new spell mastered, or after some time even ones he'd created himself. She could remember the times he'd come to her, eager to show off something without getting chastised for his love of magic. She'd respected his choice to learn it, it was clever of him. He was no match for a large, strong warrior of Asgard, not with his weaker body and smaller stature, he would never be able to fight like the common warrior. So he'd gone to what he excelled at, mage craft.

And words. Always with the words. Sif had known Loki was fully capable of defending himself with only his words, and that at times she probably did him no favors by defending him, making him look weaker perhaps for needing the protection of a woman. But he'd let her go about it anyway, he never seemed to mind. Sif wondered now if he had minded.

"You really were a coward." Sif hissed. "How did I not see?" Her mind wandered back to the only words Loki had spoken to her in reply to her angry tirade at him while he rotted in that cell.

"I'm sorry."

"But you're not sorry, are you?" Sif whispered, looking around what remained of her room. "You destroyed everything, and you're not sorry."

Thor pushed the door to Loki's room open slowly, then all but shoved it open, seeing people inside. They were guards, collecting things, Loki's things, shoving them in bags and taking them away.

"What is going on? What are you doing?" Thor boomed, grabbing one of the guards by the arm. The man looked terrified, and Thor tried to calm his sudden rage, he did not mean to harm them. "What are you doing in here?"

"The King ordered us to clear out the prince's chambers, Prince Thor." The other guard in the room replied. Thor frowned, his father had ordered this done? Why, for what purpose? "He told us to dispose of the contents of your brother's rooms." Thor set his jaw, trying to shove the boiling anger down.

"Stop." Thor said. "Leave Loki's things be."

"We cannot, your father ordered us to stop for no one, not even you." The first guard said, voice trembling, terrified to deny the crown prince.

"Then take what you have and leave." Thor growled. The guards didn't move, and Thor's rage could be held back no longer. "GET OUT!" He bellowed, thunder crashing outside and the guards grabbed what they had and ran. They took many things already; so much of what Thor knew of Loki's room was gone. The bookshelves were empty, the desk cleared of and the open drawers devoid of their contents. The bow that Loki had made for himself long ago, always resting next to his desk, missing from it's place, the one his father gave him lost as well. All of his weapons were gone, even the knives that Loki loved so much, the set Thor had given him so long ago for his name day was no longer there.

Was even Loki's own father trying to erase his memory, wash it out like a bad taste in his mouth? Was that all Loki was now, a sour memory? Was Thor's brother, his beloved, amazing, clever, quick-witted, devoted brother nothing more than a memory waiting to fade?

Thor moved through the room, into the bedchamber, finding it equally cleared of contents, equally thorough in being swept of memories. Thor traced a hand across the wooden end of Loki's bed, walking past it slowly, memories of coming here to nag or ask questions bubbling up in his mind, so clear that he could almost see the pair of them. Loki perched on his dark green sheets, reading a book as Thor swung a wooden sword around, Loki pretending to be their father and swearing Thor into becoming king, the pair wrestling on the floor, Thor flying into this very room in the middle of the night, grabbing Loki's shoulders and shaking him awake frantically to tell him their mother had gone into labor. Memories of the many times Loki was ill as a child, stuck in his bed, unable to leave his room. Thor would stay there, unwilling to go out no matter how many times Loki urged him to, he would not leave his brother. Thor closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the images in his mind. He just wanted Loki back, was that too much to ask?

He spotted something, resting on the side of Loki's bed, resting there as if dropped carelessly when he was going to sleep. Thor couldn't help the small smile when he saw what it was, Loki's helmet. He'd always hated that golden horned thing with a passion Thor did not fully understand. The last time Thor had seen him wearing it was…a council meeting, late at night that all of the brothers had gone too. It had been no more than a month ago, not long at all. Thor recalled how exhausted Loki had been by the end of it, not even bothering to come with Thor when he invited him to go to a tavern. He must have slept in his armor… small wonder he was so irritated the next day. Thor tried to laugh at the memory of Loki being so upset and biting that morning, but instead he began to weep. He took a hold of the helm, wrapping it tightly in his arms as he sank to the floor. He wanted to scream, let the heavens know of his agony, but no sound came out, his mouth left agape in a silent cry of anguish.

Outside, the raging thunderstorm turned to a thunder-less downpour.

The god of thunder had no anger left, only pain. Only loss.

On a balcony on the spire of the palace, Baldur laughed in the rain. "You lose!" He yelled to the sky. "You lose Loki! You lose!"