Chapter 3: To Hell and Back Again

May 12, 2011 AD

If there was a list of places Thor did not want to go, Helhiem was on the top of that list. He was not fond of Hela, no one really was. She was cruel, but as a lady of the dead, what more could be expected of her? But Thor was determined. He was going to get his brother back. No one had stood up for him, no believed a word he said, and every word he said had been true. Thor remembered his first conversation with Loki; right after his brother was jailed. Loki had tried to tell Thor that he'd done nothing, but Thor was thickheaded, and refused to listen to Loki. It was his word against Baldur's and everyone knew who was more truthful. Or so they thought. Thor had to make it up to Loki. Or at least he had to try. He felt a little bad about being so harsh with Sif when she first brought up the idea. It was highly taboo, and probably not even possible and Thor hadn't wanted to deal with the false hope. But 8 days ago, on yet another of Loki's name days passing him by, Thor decided to try. He and his father had scoured the library, and come up with only a few, vague references to this tall tale of bringing the dead back, but it was enough. It was enough to try.

So now Thor rode on Sleipnir, to see Hela, to get his brother back. 368 years and 13 days. That was how long Loki had been gone. It was ages, even for Asgardians. Even just one day with Loki, to tell him how sorry he was, to hold him again, to watch him smile again, to hear him laugh again. This would all be worth it. Thor might even be happy with just speaking to Loki again, but his goal was to get Loki's life restored to him. It would be no easy task, Thor knew, and he wished he had brought help with him, or that perhaps Odin would have come, but it was useless now. Thor dismounted his father's horse and held onto the reins. He stood just in front of the halls of Hela herself. It was a daunting place, large black walls rising from the ashy earth and smoke like fog that made up Helhiem. There was no light here, only dark and darker.

"Stay here, Sleipnir." Thor told the eight legged horse, getting a nod and whinny in response. He had to take Odin's mount, all other horses could not make the journey into and out of Hela's realm. Fingering Mjolnir on his belt, Thor walked forward to the hall of Hela. This whole place was devoid of life, and seemed to suck it from any living thing that dared tread it's ground. Thor felt like he was under water, swimming in the air, as the mist wrapped around his body. Get in, get Loki, get out. Thor repeated the plan over and over in his mind. Keep it simple. Pushing the doors open, Thor stepped into Hela's hall.

"Odinson. What brings you to my humble abode?" She asked calmly, a wicked smile on her features, face covered from the nose up, except for slits where her eyes were. A throne shaped like a pair of wings arched around behind her, giving her a dragon like appearance. She was dressed in nearly all black, except for hints of a deep red, blood like color. She wore a tattered dress, all in holes near the bottom, and her sleeves were threadbare. All in all, she carried an air of malevolence about her, and gloom to match her realm. Thor bristled at her tone, so nonchalant and careless of any other's needs, dripping with sarcasm and callas disillusionment.

"I have come for my brother, Loki." Thor replied curtly, trying to remind Hela of whom she was speaking to. Hela cocked her head slightly, her smile falling a little. She was not pleased with the news, nor did she seem happy with Thor's pride.

"I do not part with my prizes easily, son of Odin. You must give me something in return." Thor's blood boiled, angry that someone though of Loki's soul like a prize to be bought and sold. Loki was a life! His brother's life!

"Loki is not a prize! He is my brother, a prince of Asgard, and Odin's son! I will not stand to buy back my brother!" Thor yelled, but Hela only smiled at him again. Thor's confidence faltered, why was she smiling at him?

"You gave him to me, you and all of Asgard. He is mine now, not yours. I will do with him as I please. If it pleases me to give him to you, then you will have him. If not, you will not. You are at my mercy, son of Odin." Thor knew she was right. He had to obey Hela here, or risk loosing Loki forever, again. He was no going to do that.

"What do you desire?" Thor asked, ready to receive an impossible task, a crushing blow that was just a roundabout and cruel of saying no.

"Simple. I want you to beg." What?! "I want you to beg for Loki's life. If you beg hard enough, I will give him to you. This is my bargain." She wanted him, Thor, the crown prince of Asgard, to beg. Thor didn't know that he could, it was so wrong such an affront to his pride.

His pride.

He'd be dammed if he let his pride get in the way of Loki's chance to live again. "Please, Lady Hela, allow my brother to return with me to Asgard."

"I said beg, Odinson. You are still standing." Hela's voice held an almost sick humor to it, and Thor's ego was writhing in his chest. Damn this woman.

Swallowing his pride, Thor kneeled before Hel, and begged. "I ask you, Hela, queen of the dead, that you might release my brother to me. Please."

"Why should I?" Hela raised her eyebrows. She wasn't going to make this easy in any way, was she? Thor choked on his pride. Loki. You're doing this for Loki. It's worth it, it is worth it.

"Because I'm begging you to do so, please, my lady, hear my request. Honor my plea, Lady Hela." This was as far as Thor would go. He could beg no more. But thankfully, Hela seemed satisfied.

"I suppose that is the best I will get out of a son of Odin. Very well, I will give you your brother back." Thor caught a small loophole. Hela was known for cruelty, and Thor would not pay, or let Loki pay, for missing some trick hidden in her words. Loki had paid for enough of Thor's mistakes.

"For how long? You will not interfere with his life after he returns, correct?" Thor asked. He did not want to have Loki for only a day, or a year, just to have to loose him to Hela again.

"He will be free of me until his time may come. I will not call him back here, you have my word." Hela replied. Thor wasn't sure how much he trusted Hela's word, but it was all he had. "Go get Loki." She told some guards, ghosts perhaps. The spirits left to get Loki. "I must inform you of some things. When you first get him, he will be a corpse. Lifeless until you leave my realm. His spirit should return after you leave. If it does not, I will see what went wrong, and what I can do. Also, I cannot promise you he will be well. Near four centuries he's been with me, Odinson, I have never given back one so old. He will be very weak at first, so you will have to give him some time. Do not rush him, or his body will give up and he will return to my realm."

"Why?" Thor asked, Hela looked at him like he was stupid.

"Why? He's been dead for nearly four hundred years, that's why! I may be the queen of the dead, but it has happened in the past that people have rushed those I return to them, and they come to me. I cannot return anyone a second time." Hel looked away, looking almost upset. "I know you have no affection for me, but each of us have our jobs in life, and mine is here, Odinson. I promise that I have brought no undue harm to your brother in his stay with me. And I can say that because of your actions here, I have much more respect for you than for your father. He would never come to my realm and beg on his knees for any of his sons, I did not expect any less from you."

"If you did not expect me to beg, you wished to keep him, correct?" Thor asked. Hela nodded.

"I wish to keep all I have with me, that is the natural order, Odinson. When people die, so they remain dead for eternity. I must preserve this order. But I told you I would release him to you if you begged, and you did beg." Hela sighed, looking back to Thor. "And if a son of Odin is willing to beg for someone's life, he must love that someone very much, and would do anything to have them back. There are some occasions when even I must have a heart." Thor couldn't help the small smirk that danced across his face at her words. Perhaps Hela wasn't so bad as everyone thought her to be. Perhaps she was simply stuck with a horrid lot in life. At any rate, with Loki as a brother, he might be better off on her good side. Soon, Thor saw Hel's guards returning. "Ah, here he is now." She announced. The spirits were dragging Loki, as he was taller than they, his limp body hanging from their arms that supported his shoulders. "One more thing. When he first wakes, his first and only thoughts will be of his death, and from what I know, it was painful, traumatic. He will not be calm. You will have to calm him, lest he die again." With that warning, Hel waved Thor to pick up his brother, who was laid out on the floor. Thor picked Loki up gingerly, trying to ignore the lifelessness and focus on the fact that he'd soon have his brother back. It shocked him just how light Loki was. Thor had carried his brother before, but he was never this light. He was frail as glass in Thor's arms, like fine china. Loki's head rested against one of Thor's strong arms, and other than the pallor of death, coldness and lack of breath, he looked as though he were in a peaceful sleep. What disturbed Thor most was his brother's clothes, the exact ones he wore the day of his execution, still bearing the hole and stains from the deadly wound. Thor could see a scar there, as if he'd been healed in his time here. He turned to leave, carrying his precious burden with care.

"Goodbye, Lady Hel." Thor spoke, and then left. Sleipnir was waiting exactly where Thor left him, and the crown prince sat Loki's limp form in front of himself on the horse, holding Loki's chest tightly so he did not jostle too much or fall. He tried to ignore Loki's head rolling back into his shoulder. Riding swiftly but smoothly, Thor came headed to where he had been dropped. It was a haunting ride, all of Thor's worst and happiest dreams coming into the same moment like some kind of nightmarish fulfillment of a wish. All these years and this was all he wanted, this frail man in his arms. Now he was here, all Thor had to do was bring him home, just bring his brother home. So simple a task, yet so much leaning on it. Thor wondered, somewhere at the back of his mind, whether Loki would be the same, if Loki would be himself, or if his time here would have changed him, harmed him. Thor wondered if Loki would ever forgive them for what they had done to him. Thor knew he'd have trouble forgiving them, he had trouble forgiving his father now, and he wasn't even the one directly affected. Would Loki forgive Thor for not standing up for him, not believing him? Thor didn't know what he would do if his brother hated him. He would understand, certainly, and he would be happy that Loki was simply alive but it would be hard to be so far removed if Loki now despised him. Thor prayed that wasn't the case, Loki had always been a forgiving person, perhaps he could find it within his heart to forgive their unforgivable acts.

Sleipnir halted, though he was gentle on his own, as if minding the precious cargo of the man who had found him as an abandoned foal and taken care of him since then. The eight-legged horse was no child of Loki, the prince had no children, contrary to Midgardian belief, but he had cared for and trained Sleipnir when he was young. There was no better horse in Asgard. Thor looked down, unsure why his mount had stopped, but a glance down told him why. They had reached the Bifrost site, the burned earth beneath them twisting in black knotted patterns altering all who crossed that Asgardians were here. Thor looked up to the sky, and let out a mighty yell to the sky.

Thor was going home, and so was Loki.

Heimdal pulled his sword form the center of the Bifrost slowly, still surprised at the sight of the long lost prince Loki leaning on his brother's chest. Thor had his arms wrapped tightly around Loki's chest, making him look even smaller and frailer than usual. He swung himself off Sleipnir and laid his brother out on the floor, checking him over for any sign of life. He found nothing, Loki was still as stone and pale as snow, his skin tinged gray in the light of Bifrost observatory. Thor pulled his brother into his arms again, cradling his body on his knees.

"I see you were successful in your quest." Heimdal's deep voice stated. Thor hopped he didn't see the begging. Anything but the begging.

"I have not succeeded until Loki breathes again, and still he does not." Thor looked at his brother in despair. Please, Loki, come back to us. To me, to father, to mother. Please! Nothing. Thor held his little brother's head in his massive palm gently; like he was made of glass and one wrong move could shatter everything. He looked at Heimdal and just as he did so…

Loki gasped, air returning to him after so long. His green eyes snapped open, full of fear and aguish. He continued to gasp for air and choke, as if he'd forgotten how to breathe, looking frantic, and writhed out of Thor's arms, scrambling backwards as if trying and failing to stand. Thor was a bit dumbfounded, shocked at what he saw, but Hela's words echoed in his mind, and he snapped to action, reaching out for his brother.

"Loki, Loki calm down." Loki didn't seem to hear, his breath becoming even more ragged and strained. "Please calm down brother, you will hurt yourself." Thor tried to grab his shoulders, but Loki started to scrabble at his chest, in the area the arrow had hit him. Thor could see a terror in his eyes that seemed so out of place, in comparison to the stoicism of his last moments. "Loki!" Thor yelled, making his brother jump, trying desperately to snap him back into reality. But it worked, and Loki's eyes dropped into focus, gazing at Thor.

"Thor?" He asked in a soft voice, still breathing heavily. "What, how? Why are you here? What's going on?" He was so confused. Hela's realm didn't look like this. This was the Bifrost.

"It's ok, Loki. We brought you back. Hela returned you to me. You are in Asgard." Thor answered. Loki's eyes got even wider.

"You mean, I'm, I'm alive?" He asked. He already knew the answer. He could feel the rise and fall of his own chest, how his heart beat again, how he could think clearly again, how he could feel again. Thor didn't get to answer, Loki all but jumped at him, wrapping him in the embrace Thor had missed so very much. Thor returned it warmly, but much more gently than he used to, careful of his brother's weakness. Loki's frame shook with emotion; Thor could feel tears on his shoulder. Loki was crying.

"It's alright brother, you're home, you're alive." Loki shuddered again, and all he knew that was Thor was speaking, not what he was saying. The initial shock was wearing off, the last clear thoughts he'd had were of his mother, holding him. Now the world was fading again, not like dying, no. He was just so very tired. Thor was talking too much.

"Thor." He spoke as loud as he could manage, barely above a whisper.

"Yes?" Thor sounded so happy. That made Loki glad.

"I am very tired."

"Oh, yes! Of course. Can you walk?" Loki shook his head. He then felt Thor lifting him off the ground, and beginning to walk. "I suppose I'll have to carry you then." Loki didn't really answer. He was fighting to stay awake. He could hear people, but did not know what they were saying. Eventually, he gave up trying, and let himself fall into a light form of sleep in Thor's arms.

Thor carried Loki all the way to his own room, though it was a longer route than usual, having to avoid prying eyes that should not see him. The few servants they trusted the slightest bit with the knowledge of what was going on had cleaned it for him, brought back all that they could, replacing the items lost with others, filling the empty bookshelves with tomes from the library, mother putting the many old journals back where she had found them. It now looked much like it had nearly 400 years ago, when it's occupant still inhabited it. By the time Thor reached his room and set Loki out on the bed, but Loki was still awake, though just barely. He'd mumbled a few things on the way there, but Thor couldn't make any of it out, he seemed to weak to do anything. Thor drew back sadly, letting Loki settle, though he hardly moved. The green eyes cracked open when he felt the bed beneath him, scanning his room sluggishly. Finally they slid to Thor, and quickly registered the sadness there.

"Thor…" Loki whispered, clawing back awake. He had to know what was troubling his brother. He patted the bed feebly, trying to tell his brother to come, getting the volume to speak to him as far away as he stood was too hard. Thor got the message, sitting on the bed next to his brother. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong brother." Thor replied, but Loki shook his head weakly, he knew the look in Thor's eyes, something was troubling him.

"You…are worried, brother. Why?" Loki's voice was rough and nearly inaudible, Thor had to strain to hear each word. He sighed, looking into the foggy green eyes he had missed so much. Weakness seemed to bleed from Loki, there was no strength in his form. Thor reached a hand toward Loki, but paused.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asked, eyes closed as he looked away, dreading Loki's answer. Something grabbed his hand, and Thor slowly moved his eyes toward it, seeing familiar pale fingers wrapped around his own.

"You are already forgiven, brother." Loki sighed. "You all are."

"But…"

"No." Loki said, his voice carrying force despite its quietness. "I forgive you…hold nothing against you…please…forgive yourself." Thor nodded and Loki smiled slightly. Thor didn't look so troubled now, he could let sleep take him. Sweet sleep.

Thor sat there, watching his brother for a few moments, holding his hand gently as he gazed at the rise and fall of Loki's chest, reminding himself that this was in fact real, that he wasn't dreaming, that he had not gone mad. The year before, when Sif told him of the old legend, he had never dared to hope that he would see his brother again. And yet now here he was, and he hadn't changed at all.

"Thor?" It was his mother, standing in the doorway her eyes shining with tears. "Is he…"

"He's sleeping." Thor said, turning back to his brother. "He was very tired." Frigga smiled slightly and glided into the room. "I spoke to him, a little."

"What about?"

"He forgives us mother." Thor told her, grinning at her. It was a huge weight off his shoulders. "He hasn't changed." Frigga smiled, pulling Loki's desk chair over to sit next to the large bed.

"Neither have his clothes." She chuckled slightly, and took hold of the hand Thor was holding. Gold shimmered over Loki's body and his bloodied clothes vanished, changing to a light green tunic and loose black pants, something to sleep in. Loki stirred a little at the change, taking a deep breath, but stayed asleep. "You say he forgives us?"

"He did. Or…no yes, he forgave all of us." Thor smiled at his mother.

"My boy." Frigga smiled. "So willing to forgive." She knew why, when Thor did not. Loki had gathered his forgiving nature so young because otherwise, he would hate all those around him. He'd learned the strength in forgiving people long ago; she did not doubt that he would find it in him to forgive them, even if it hurt.

"Never understood how he could, especially for this. We all betrayed him, how could he ever forgive us?" Thor asked.

"Your brother is a good man, Thor. He knows we love him, he knows that we felt betrayed, and lashed out. He does not want to do the same as us." Frigga said.

"He's a better man than me, then. I don't think I could do the same." Thor mumbled in reply.

"You could find it in you, I hope." Thor raised his eyebrows at his mother, wondering why she would say such a thing. "You can never know what the fates may throw at you, my son. Loki did not, and you do not. It may be unkind, it may be kind." Frigga brushed a piece of hair out of Loki's face, sighing. "My sweet little Loki. You're home, you're home. Fates be kind to you my child, you have earned it."