Chapter 4: A Bit of Advice, my Son

June 23, 2011 AD

The halls of Asgard rang once more with a long lost rhythm, the sound of footsteps so long missing from these floors. The steps of the Prince Loki, lighter and quicker than those of his heavier brothers, gliding swiftly over the stone floors almost like he was hovering above them. His steps were a little different than years long past, slower prior days, the lingering effects of such a time spent in Hela's realm, but each day found them stronger than the last.

Loki was glad of his new found, or re-found, freedom, finally able to go around his home again. He had missed it, and he was spending more time out of his room than he had in ages, either in the library, speaking to his mother in her sitting room, with Thor and his friends, or in the gardens with a book. He just had to keep figuring ways of squirming out of going sparring with Thor and his friends, he still didn't feel up to it, and Eir would probably chide him. The chief healer had been watching him and visiting him nearly every day to make sure that he was all right, that his soul was strengthening itself and his body was keeping up. Loki knew he was weak, his magic had always been a good indicator of his strength, and it was all but inaccessible to him, limiting his abilities to only pulling things in and out of limbo, and preforming a few parlor tricks, maybe a guise or two.

Loki pushed the door in front of him open slowly, slipping into a room he knew well. The king's library, off limits to all but the royal family. Thor and Loki used to come into this room as children, their father telling them stories of wars gone by, of their grandfather's war with the dark elves, or sometimes Thor would push hard enough that he would tell of the war with the frost giants. Those times were always followed by Odin talking with Loki, making sure that his second, adopted son knew he was loved, that he was no monster. Loki had secretly loved those days, because it let him speak to his father without Thor yelling about war and glory every two seconds. As time went on, Thor had spent less time in there, but Loki never seemed to leave, even though he had read every book in the small library at least twice.

"Loki, it is good to see you." Odin's voice was wearier than Loki recalled, it had been since he first heard it. He lied to Thor when he said he saw no difference in their father, he could see the burden on Odin's shoulders, plain as day. His father was old, nearing the end of an effective rule. It made sense that he planned to crown Thor, his time as king was nearly up.

Loki smiled at his father slightly, pulling a book off the self and sitting down in front of the fire, flipping through the book he placed on the ground. He felt like a child again, sitting before his father's fire and reading some ancient tome while Odin watched him carefully. That was why he had come to the room, he wanted to feel young for a little while, think back to a time when life was simpler.

Odin watched his son sit, cross-legged on the hearth of his fire, reading one of the many old books in his library. His mind took him back to what had been one of the most frightening moments of his life, one of the moments that sent bolts of fear through him, and made his heart hurt every time it came to mind.

Memory: 911 AD

Loki was young still, but he'd learned of who he was. They had told him, once he was old enough to understand what it meant, and why he couldn't tell. Odin watched absentmindedly as his older son ran out of the room, swinging his wooden sword around, declaring he was going to slay frost giants.

"Father?" Loki's voice was small, shaky. Odin looked to his son, finding worry and pain in the sweet green eyes he so loved. What could be wrong? "Do you hate me father?" Odin's one eye widened suddenly. Where had Loki gotten that idea? He'd just been telling the boys a story about…oh. It was a story about the war with the frost giants, with Loki's birth father.

How could he have been so foolish?

"No, Loki. You are my son, I love you my child." Odin said, trying to push every drop of love and affection he could into his voice.

"But, my father-"

"Laufey is not your father, Loki. He gave up the right to call you his child when he left you. Loki, my son, I do not hate you. I was foolish to tell that story with you…" Odin trailed off.

"It's nothing. Thor is always telling his friends and me about how he'll kill all the frost giants when he grows up. I think he would kill me if he knew." Loki scratched his hair, trying to pass off the words that had struck such fear into his heart as if they were nothing, but he couldn't hide his pain from his father. Odin shifted out of his large chair, sitting next to his younger son, draping a strong around the thin shoulders.

"Loki, my son, look at me." Loki rubbed one of his eyes, looking up into his father's clear blue eye. "Never doubt that I love you." He whispered, voice holding none of the kingly boom the people of Asgard knew well, instead it was soft and comforting. Loki leaned into his father's chest, crying softly.

"They would all hate me…" He sobbed. "Everyone, even more than they already do."

"Then they are fools, Loki. Every one of them, to hate such a treasure as you." Odin tucked the boy's head under his chin, holding him close, wishing so much that he could take away the horrors his youngest son faced so early in life. Part of him thought in the back of his mind that he should not have told the boy, but he pushed the thoughts away. It was better for Loki to know, and to know that he could always come to his mother and father with every trouble and care or fear he had. "Thor I was stuck with, Loki. You I chose. You are a treasure, an amazing young mage and incredible scholar and you are brilliant, my boy. You do know that don't you?" Loki nodded into his father's chest. "Thor loves you, Loki. He's just young and reckless."

"I know." Loki whispered, sniffling slightly. Odin lifted his son's head so their eyes locked together, emerald green meeting sky blue.

"Never, ever doubt that I love you."

June 23, 2011 AD

"Never doubt." Loki's voice cut into Odin's retrospect, making the All-Father look up and over to his son, who was still reading. "You told me that so many times. Never doubt. Forgive me, but I have been doubting lately." Loki turned, his green eyes locking onto his father, filled with confusion and hurt and betrayal, just like the day Odin had sentenced his son to death. Odin did not want to have this conversation, and got out of his chair. "So that is it then? You are done with me, have I caused you enough trouble and now you want to cast me away? Are my doubts of your care well founded, All-Father?" Odin paused at the door, then opened it and walked away. Loki let out a sigh, flipping his book closed with a flash of anger, throwing his body backwards onto the marble floor. His anger turned to sadness almost instantly, and the second prince of Asgard wept on the floor of his father's library once more, but this time he was utterly alone.

Odin's heart broke a little more with each step away from the small library, all he could see in his mind was the little child he had sworn so many times to protect and so many times he had failed. Odin had turned his back on his beloved son, he could barely comprehend that he had done such a horrible thing to the child he so treasured. How could he have ever thought it right to destroy that wonder of a child, what sort of father was he? How blind was he that he did not see the honesty in Loki's eyes, the plea of his father to listen, and please father you have to believe me! Odin shut his eyes as Loki's plea rang in his mind once more. How had he thought that precious child had given himself over to Jotun savagery? When had he started to believe the lies and rumors about his own son who he knew so well, believe that Loki, who had confided in Odin fears and secrets that only a father would know, was a liar and a fiend? When had the wise Odin All-Father turned into an old fool?

He did not know when and he did not know how, but he knew that his actions were beyond forgiveness, and he dare not ask such a thing of his son. He loved Loki, he always would and he had been blind, and he had mourned. Oh how he had mourned. But it was no matter now, the ties were cut, never to be repaired. He would not fill himself with false hope, his family was broken apart, and it was his fault. It was Odin's fault.

June 25, 2011 AD

It was two days later when Loki and his father saw each other again. Loki was desperate, he wanted his father back, he wanted the man who he had loved with all his heart, mind and soul back. But somehow, his father was lost to him, aloof and stone faced in the presence of his second son and Loki was lost as to why. He didn't understand, what had he done? Did his father hate him for destroying the family, did he know that Loki had caused the fracture, was he upset that Loki had never told him of Baldur's treachery before it was too late, was it something else? Did he still want Loki dead?

All these thoughts were swimming in Loki's mind as he waited to speak to his father. Usually, Odin would put a pause to things so that he could speak to his sons should they wish to, but not now. It was just a little matter, and Loki really had to speak to his father, but he'd gotten a stern look once already so he was holding back and holding his tongue. Couldn't they talk just a little faster?

"Loki, you wished to talk to me?" Odin asked, making Loki look up at the people still surrounding his father. The council. Wonderful.

"I was hoping to speak with you alone, father." Loki said carefully, looking to the council. At least the palace had gotten somewhat used to his presence, and no longer looked like they'd seen a ghost every time they passed him in the hall.

"Anything you wish to address with me the council can know of as well." Odin replied coldly, and Loki felt like cursing. But he held back, setting his jaw.

"Not really." Loki tried to get his father to understand, but it only resulted in Odin dismissing the council while sending Loki a slightly annoyed look. Well it was better than nothing. "Thank you father." Loki said, still standing at the bottom of the steps. Usually he would have gone up to the top of the steps and stood directly in front of his father's throne, but not today, not with his father treating him like some kind of disease.

"What is it that you want?" In other word, spit it out before I loose my patience. Loki thought bitterly. Oh wonderful, now it's going both ways.

"I wanted to talk about Thor." Loki said, not really wanting to grate on his father's mood with any silver coated words. Odin narrowed his eye, scrutinizing Loki.

"What about Thor?"

"I don't think…he's not ready to be king father." Odin did not seem pleased with Loki's words.

"And you think you would do better than he?" Loki raised his hands quickly, taking a step back.

"No! No, you misunderstand me, I do not want the throne. Believe me, when the time comes, it is all Thor's, just as it always has been. You were always rather clear on that fact father, trust me. I am merely pointing out the fact that Thor is still arrogant, reckless, and frankly, foolish." Loki said, making sure that his father did not think he had any desire to take the throne from his brother, because he really didn't.

"The time has come for Thor to be king, Loki. Regardless of what you think of his readiness, Thor will be crowned at weeks end. I suggest that if you find his skills lacking, you should try to hone them before some disaster comes about due to them." Loki flinched a bit at his father's harsh and final tone, and he understood that there was no more to be discussed.

"Yes, All-Father. I am sorry for wasting your time." Loki bowed carefully and left the room, head swimming once more. He found the question he had in his youth, after he learned from his parents who he was, returning once more. Do you hate me, father?

June 28, 2011 AD

"Thor is getting coronated tomorrow." Sif said, looking over at Loki. The younger prince hardly replied, beyond a monosyllabic grunt there was no answer. "You're not worried, or jealous, or anything?" Loki looked up from his work, sighing. Sif could never know the real reasons behind his lack of desire for the throne, no one but his mother and father knew. They were in his confidence, or he was on theirs, on the matter, and the rest of Asgard would never know.

"No, Sif. I am not at all jealous of Thor's ascending the throne. It is a troublesome job I am fully willing to let him have." Loki replied.

"And you're not worried?" Sif repeated. "Because I recall you always being very worried about Thor becoming king."

"That was three hundred years ago, Sif. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has changed a bit since then. The mere fact that I am here because he begged for my life proves that." Loki countered.

"Thor will always do anything for you, you know that." Sif replied curtly. Loki frowned. "Oh don't deny it. You're his whole world, he loves you more than life itself." Loki laughed, shaking his head, Sif laughing with him.

"Thor is a wonderful idiot, and I love him." Loki smiled, sitting back in his chair. "But Sif, his is going to be king, and he's going to be king by midday tomorrow. Whether I think he can be king or not is immaterial. It's whether our father thinks he is ready that matters."

"You really believe that?"

"Are you asking me this because you do not think he is ready and you want me to agree you so you can vindicate yourself?" Loki asked, regarding Sif with a scrutinizing look. Sif, for her part, looked aghast at the accusation.

"I have known Thor was going to be a good king since I met him!" She exclaimed, getting a nod from Loki.

"So have I, but do you think he is ready?" Sif paused, thinking for a moment. She leaned backwards on Loki's desk, looking out at the golden walls of the younger prince's room.

"No." She looked down to Loki. "He's not." Loki smiled and nodded.

"Then you and I agree. But, we cannot change the events of tomorrow, so we must try to continue to help Thor to be the best king that he can." Loki told her. "And, on a better note, it is good to know that there is someone else in Asgard with a good head on her shoulders." Sif smiled broadly at Loki's complement, pushing herself off the desk.

"I don't think anyone could ask for a better brother than you, Loki." Loki rolled his eyes and went back to his book. "Don't roll your eyes. It's true. You have already sacrificed everything for Thor once, and even when you do not think he is ready to become king, you tell him that he will do well. You stand by him all the time, Thor couldn't ask for more." Loki sighed, turning to face her once more.

"Does cleaning up after him constantly, keeping him from trouble, telling he's doing well when he is not, supporting him in all he does even when it is foolish count as being a good brother?" He asked, words coming out harsher than he meant for them too.

"No, it doesn't. But that's not what you've done. Yes, you clean up his messes, and you try to keep him from trouble, but you aren't blind to his faults. You are always trying to help him grow to a better man, Loki. Don't think I have not seen it, that your friends have not seen it, for we have. We respect you for it, you are our level head, you tell us when we are going too far, becoming too reckless. You keep us honest, point out our failings when others will not. While Thor has always sought to be the best warrior, you have ever tried to be a good man, and you are a good man, you must know that." Sif smiled gently down at her friend. "We are lost without you Loki, you are our guide."

"I doubt you are lost without me, Sif." Loki replied, then turned his green eyes back to her, soft smile gracing his face. "But I thank you."

"Thor is lost without you." Loki chuckled and shook his head, rubbing his eyes.

"Did you come in here with some other purpose then to inform my of the well known fact that Thor will be coronated tomorrow?" He asked.

"I have something to show you." Loki raised an eyebrow, but both went up when a familiar flash of gold flitted around her hand, leaving behind a small knife. He smiled broadly.

"You actually learned a little magic." He smiled, taking the dagger from her gently, turning the blade around in his fingers.

"You say that as if you are shocked."

"Well I rather am. I didn't expect you to bother." Loki countered. Sif pouted a little, crossing her arms.

"It's not so good as yours, but I think it's a fine little trick." Sif smiled, plucking her knife from his hand and whisking it back into limbo. "And quite useful. Now I'm always armed."

"Indeed you are. You're quite good at that, a quick learner." Sif raised an eyebrow. "Well, faster than most. I think I might have to keep you very far away from my spell books, it won't help my reputation if you start using magic." Sif laughed and pushed the younger prince on the shoulder.

"You don't have to worry, I will leave your arts to you." Sif smirked, sliding closer to the door. "Don't stay cooped up in here all day, Thor may go mad if he can't talk to you." Loki chuckled to himself as Sif closed his door. The younger prince sighed and leaned back in his chair. His conversation with his father a few days past had done very little to calm his nerves about the up coming ceremony and the new king, it seemed he could not do anything to soothe them. He was backed into a corner with no way out, and he had to do what he could to control the fallout. Why did it seem he was always put in this position?

You are now at the official halfway mark! Congrats, you made it, and so have I!