Chapter Nineteen: Voluptate

Desmond slid out of bed, rolling his shoulders, before reaching for his clothes. Exhaustion plagued his mind, but he was grateful for it. He was too tired to think about what he had just done. Melissa shifted in the sheets and he tensed, glancing back at her in hopes she hadn't awakened. When he realized he was still safe, he hastily dressed and escaped the room. The entire way down the hall towards where the Animus was kept, his senses were invaded with the smell of coconut and the taste of lipstick. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall, trying to sort out his thoughts from his most recent memories. Soft skin brushing against his own. Delicate fingers tangling into his hair. The arch of her back and the liquid smile on her lips...that coy invitation.

Steeling himself, he headed straight to the shower, glad when he bumped into Rebecca along the way.

"Hey." He stopped her. "Do you know where I can find some...clean clothes?"

Pointed in the right direction, Desmond wasted little time acquiring new clothes before barricading himself in the bathroom. Beneath the lukewarm water, his thoughts strayed, but here no one could witness his breakdown.

Casual sex was nothing new to him. Luca and Karim had honestly been nothing more to him, even though he hated to think like this because at the time the emotions tied to the action had been different. The only person he had really had any relationship with had been Heyreddin, but it too had started off as only casual sex: something to scratch the itch he had, to quell the urge. Somehow, it felt different with Melissa and the realization of the reason behind this made him sick.

All past attempts at forging relationships with others had all come with the knowledge he would not be staying. He had known he wouldn't return to them and, though he had felt strongly about them, there had been no commitment because there had been no guarantee he could commit. Luca, Karim, and Heyreddin had all been flings, no matter how many years he had spent with them. It didn't matter. He had known without a doubt he didn't have to commit because he would leave in the end.

Melissa wasn't the same story. He planned to stay alive. He planned to stay in this time and continue to live his life, though now among the ranks of the Assassins. This meant whatever bonds he formed here: they were the only ones that mattered.

His stomach churned inside of him.

Why did he care more about Altair, Ezio, Connor, and the many Assassins of the past more than those here? Granted, he hadn't had the best experience with Lucy, Shaun, Rebecca, and his father. They had all pushed him and pushed him into the Animus. Having these resentful feelings was inevitable, but he had a chance to change that. No one was pushing him into the Animus: he was choosing to go through it. He should be trying to get along with them, make relationships work and last, and not have casual sex with anyone willing to do it.

He hated how much this made him sound promiscuous.

In a way, he wasn't. He was picky, but he had been mostly after men in the past. Things were different now. He understood relationships. He had experience. With the ever looming thought of possible death and failure, he understood why he was more interested in indulging right now, but it wasn't appropriate. It wasn't right. He needed these people to like him because these were going to be the people he spent the rest of his life with.

The guilt weighed him down for the rest of the morning.

"Ready, sunshine?" Shaun drawled, brow high on his forehead.

"What's the plan?" Desmond got straight to the point, hoping to return to the Holy Land before Melissa found him.

"We'll send Malik ahead first." Rebecca told them. "I was going over possibilities and it may actually be possible to send him right back to that moment. It seems impossible for a person to exist in the same place at the same time, so..."

"Not impossible." Desmond corrected. "I have done it once before and Kadar just did it, remember? While healing?"

"Oh...right." She shrugged. "Well, we'll send him back anyways and hopefully Altair won't notice the difference."

"Great." Desmond quickly translated this to Malik, who's eyes grew wide.

"So I will look like an idiot in front of the idiot. Fantastic!" Malik crossed his arms, his entire body portraying his frustration.

Desmond leaned in to whisper to Rebecca. "If you value your life, I'd make sure not to land Malik on top of Altair. I'm pretty sure time wouldn't stop him from hunting you down."

"Got it." She stepped over to her station, tenser than she had been.

After saying goodbye to his brother, which was clearly difficult for him, Malik lied down in the Animus and waited impatiently to be transported back to his time while Desmond explained the process.

"This may hurt." Desmond told him as Rebecca stuck the needle under the man's skin.

"Hardly felt it." Malik huffed and Desmond smiled.

"I figured."

"Goodbye, brother." Kadar told him one last time and Malik opened his mouth to reply, but disappeared before he could.

Sighing, Desmond patted the younger Al-Sayf on the back before arranging for the time and place to pick up the Apple.

"After the hunt for the nine?" Shaun clarified. "Are you sure?"

"Altair may not fully trust me, but he would be willing to accompany me or have Malik accompany me to Mt. Sinai with the Apple. I am sure of this. If I am wrong...well, I'll "borrow" it."

"Wonderful." Shaun frowned. "And Kadar?"

"Will stay here." Desmond stated sternly. "Are we ready?"

"As ready as we will ever be." Rebecca nodded.

"Let's go then."