No Better Loss (Than to Lose Myself in You)
Three days after her chance encounter with a certain eccentric scientist, Dr. Delphine Cormier found herself back at the makeshift medical clinic in Mbandaka where she had worked the last six months. The capital of DRC's Equateur province lay several hundred kilometers northeast of Kinshasa along the Congo River. Even after all that time, the transition from Kinshasa, with its paved thoroughfares and high rise buildings, to the dusty dirt roads and poverty of Mbandaka still jarred the doctor and made her heart ache.
It would be so much easier if she could just stop feeling, like her mentor from the West Bank had told her. Don't get emotionally involved, he had said. It's the only way to survive out here.
Lord knows Delphine had tried, but she never could turn off her heart completely. Even if it was killing her. She could, however, do the next best thing.
Freeze her emotions and forget, if only for a little while
In the heat of the packed clinic, Delphine could lose herself in treating the sick and the injured. She eased their suffering, while ignoring hers. Offered comfort and gave them hope, even when it seemed she had none of her own. There, she could forget about the horrors she had seen, all the hurt and suffering and inequality. Forget about heartbreaks she had endured, restless nights, haunted dreams. Numb herself against phantom pains that seared along old scars.
The only things that mattered were the people who needed her, right then and there.
But in the quiet moments - when she carved out time to enjoy a cigarette or when she finally collapsed, exhausted, onto the empty bed in her assigned quarters - it all came flooding back. The heavy shadow of her failures-of those she had been unable to save-enveloped her. That never-ending cycle had repeated for so long that it had become second nature to her.
But now things had changed.
Now when Delphine least expected it, her thoughts drifted to Cosima, with her easygoing grin and bright laugh, her clever wit and kind brown eyes. The blonde doctor would smile as she recalled how the bespectacled American had butchered the French language-something that normally incensed Delphine to no end. But Cosima had been so sincere in her effort that Delphine couldn't help but feel charmed-a feeling quite foreign to her these past few years.
Delphine had taken to repeatedly checking her satellite phone for any messages or missed calls - discreetly, or so she had thought. Her well-meaning, but ultimately nosey colleagues had picked up on her new behavior almost instantly.
"Has he called yet?" One of the other doctors, Ava, asked in their native French tongue during their lunch break. Delphine had first met Ava Berman years ago in Jerusalem when they both were volunteering with the Red Crescent. Ava had been one of her only friends there, had seen the toll the work was taking on Delphine, and had remained by her side even after her world was upended.
"Has who called yet?" Delphine asked.
The two women sat outside the clinic against a tall Manilkara tree, its long finger-like green leaves providing some welcome shade against the blazing mid-day sun.
"Your mystery guy," the dark-haired physician replied before stuffing balls of rice and fish into her mouth.
"There is no mystery guy," Delphine maintained, not bothering to correct her friend's gender assumption. She couldn't really explain why, but she wanted to keep Cosima to herself.
"Stop being coy, Delphine," Ava continued as she chewed. "Everyone knows you were out all night with him in Kinshasa." She swallowed. "And you never do that, not since the West Bank anyway. So spill."
Delphine took a bite of her own food and made a mental note to kill Valerie Nadeau, the gossipy nurse who just happened to be her hotel roommate in Kinshasa. Make it look like an accident.
"There's nothing to tell."
"You know, it drove Grenier mad when he found out." Ava grinned slyly. "Or was that your plan all along?"
"Don't be crazy." The blonde doctor inwardly groaned. Dr. Antoine Grenier had once asked her out to dinner and she had accepted. They had kissed, against her better judgment. It was nice. But just nice. She now regretted her decision. "Antoine and I are colleagues, friends. Nothing more."
"If you say so."
Delphine quickly finished her lunch and stood, dusting dirt from the back of her khaki pants. "I have to get back," she told Ava.
"Yeah, yeah," Ava waved her off.
She was about to turn and leave when the brunette suddenly grabbed her wrist. "Delphine, look, I just want you to be happy. We all do. You know that, right?"
The blonde felt herself soften toward her old friend, giving her a small smile of gratitude. "I know."
I'd be happier, Delphine thought as she re-entered the clinic, if I could just hear from Cosima.
She knew it was ridiculous to think that way, like she was some smitten school girl. It was completely irrational, completely illogical. She had spent all of three hours with Cosima. She barely knew her. And yet… she couldn't help but feel that they shared a connection that night, a spark. Something that drew them together, beyond reason, beyond common sense.
God knows what would have happened if Valerie hadn't called when she did. Would Cosima have kissed her? More importantly, would Delphine have kissed her back? She had never considered bisexuality before, not for herself at least. But she knew sexuality was fluid, a spectrum. And Cosima? Well she was unlike anyone the blonde had ever met. With a shake of her head, Delphine pushed the thoughts aside the moment set foot inside the clinic, again immersing herself in patient care.
But when the chaos of her days died down, she continued to wonder about Cosima. Where was she now? Had she reached her destination? Why hadn't she asked for Cosima's number in the first place?
Three days turned into a week, one week turned into two, and still Delphine hadn't heard from Cosima. Disappointment turned to worry (Did something happen to her? Is she even alive?). Worry morphed into anger (Well, fuck you too, Cosima and your stupid glasses and crazy hair!). And anger finally melted into resignation.
By the end of the third week, she resolved to forget that she had ever met the American scientist. And everything returned to normal.
Delphine arrived at the clinic a little before 7 a.m., still half asleep and nursing a raging hangover from a late night with Ava and Valerie. She just couldn't say no to vodka, apparently, and now had throbbing temples and a queasy stomach to show for it. Nevertheless, she still managed to throw a smile and a Bon Jour to the Mbandaka residents already congregating in the small waiting area.
As she approached the nurse's station, she saw Valerie slumped forward on a desk, sifting through a tiny mountain of medical charts. It made the doctor feel a little better knowing she wasn't the only one in dire straits.
"What's your pleasure, doc?" Valerie asked in French.
"Anything, everything," Delphine said.
"So the usual." The auburn-haired nurse squinted at the files with bloodshot eyes. "We've got an American here this morning. Don't see that every day."
"An American?"
"A scientist, possible ankle sprain. Real messy."
Delphine instantly snapped to attention at the word "scientist."
"Messy?"
"Came in covered in mud." Valerie yawned and stretched her arms out. "Something about catching frogs. I don't know. She spoke too fast. I couldn't follow her English very well."
"Frogs?"
"Yes, frogs," Valerie said. "Is there an echo in here or am I really that hungover?"
"Sorry," Delphine said, shaking her head. Female American scientist working with frogs? It was probably just a coincidence.
The nurse handed the file over. "I already took vitals. Bed five."
Delphine took two steps from the nurse's station and froze when she read the name on the patient's chart: Cosima Niehaus.
Merde.
Her heart started beating in triple time.
"Something wrong, doc?" Valerie asked.
"No." Delphine shook her head and proceeded down a narrow hallway.
As she approached the curtain covering the exam room's entrance, she picked up a pair of voices-a woman and a man-speaking English in hushed tones.
"Dude, do you really have to narc on me to Rachel?"
Delphine's breath hitched in her throat at the sound of Cosima's voice.
"I have my orders," a gravelly voice replied. "She'll want to know about this."
"Yeah, well, she'd also want to know about all the times you moon over Sarah and you don't see me flapping my gums to her about it."
The man scoffed and Delphine-starting to feel guilty for eavesdropping-cleared her throat to announce her presence. She sucked in a deep breath and pulled back the curtain.
Cosima was… quite a sight.
Seated in the middle of an exam table, the scientist indeed looked messy, just as Valerie had described. Nearly every inch of her was covered in wet, dark mud that clung to her black tank top and khaki cargo pants. Her right foot was bare, black boot and sock pulled off. Dried mud, cracked and peeling, caked nearly every inch of exposed skin, up and down her arms, chest, and neck. Only her dreads, twisted up in a bun, seemed to have escaped relatively unscathed. Faint streaks of dirt ran across Cosima's face, which bore a shocked expression that quickly transformed into utter delight.
"Of all the clinics in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine," Cosima said through clenched teeth in a strange sort of American drawl.
Delphine didn't think it was possible, but Cosima might even be stranger sober.
"C'mon!" Cosima said as the silence ticked on. "Bogart? Casablanca? Paul, help a girl out."
The scientist looked toward her companion, a handsome man with close cropped blonde hair, blue eyes, and stubbled jaw. He wore black pants and an olive green shirt, also soiled along his right side, most likely from assisting Cosima.
"Sorry, doctor?" Paul said.
"Cormier."
"You'll have to forgive my friend, Dr. Cormier. She must've hit her head in addition to twisting her ankle."
Cosima playfully gave him the middle finger before turning her attention back to Delphine.
"Seriously though, I thought I'd never see you again! I mighta sorta dropped my phone in the Congo." Cosima's hands twisted and whipped through the air as she spoke. "I wish I had an eidetic memory, but I don't, so I had no way of calling you because I didn't remember your number."
Cosima seemed to grow more flustered the longer she continued to ramble and Delphine remained quiet. She was so cute. Still, she wasn't above letting the scientist squirm for a few more minutes.
"I apologize," Delphine said, deliberately leaving her expression neutral. "Have we met before?"
The scientist's face fell and Delphine very nearly caved right then and there.
"Cosima." The brunette touched her chest. "From the hotel? In Kinshasa?"
"Cosima from the hotel in Kinshasa." Delphine scrunched up brow, as if searching for a memory. "Did we meet at the bar?"
The brunette looked downright crestfallen. "Uh, no, the roof?"
"You were on the roof?" Paul cut in gruffly.
Cosima muttered what sounded like, "Still the premises, narc," causing Paul to sigh.
"Of course I remember you, Cosima." Delphine smiled and the scientist visibly brightened. "But I had to make sure you were really you and not a clone."
"Ahhh haha." Cosima's eyes slid briefly, almost nervously, to Paul. Delphine didn't know quite what to make of it. "You remember that?"
"Clone." Paul repeated, crossing his arms.
"Weed, man." The scientist grinned sheepishly. "Makes you say the wackiest shit."
"I'll say," Delphine said. "Your friend has quite the imagination, um, Mr…?"
"Dierden. But please, call me Paul."
They shook hands just as his phone started ringing. Paul pulled it out of his pocket and checked the number. "I have to take this." He looked at Cosima. "You gonna be okay?"
"Of course not," she deadpanned. "How will I ever manage without you?"
Paul merely raised an eyebrow at the scientist before excusing himself.
"So." Delphine stood in front of the scientist. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Ah yeah, so, those African tree frogs? You may or may not know, but they're nocturnal. It was my turn to check the traps this morning. Dark rainforest, slippery footing. Don't need a doctorate to figure out the rest."
Delphine took Cosima's right foot in her hands and gingerly inspected the ankle, taking note of the purple bruising and swelling along the fibula.
"I told them I'd be fine, but Paul insisted I get it checked out." Cosima rolled her eyes. "Guess I'm lucky you guys were the closest medical facility to where we're stationed."
"Did you hear or feel anything pop or snap when you injured yourself?"
"No I don't think so." The scientist hissed in pain when Delphine gently flexed her foot.
"Sorry." Delphine winced in sympathy. "Any pain here?" She placed one hand along
Cosima's calf, rested the other above her knee and, and bent her leg gently.
The scientist shook her head.
"Okay." Delphine stood up. "The good news is it doesn't look broken. Bad news, you definitely sprained it."
"Great."
"You'll need to stay off the ankle for a bit, which means no chasing frogs in the middle of the night, I'm afraid," the doctor said. "I'll have one of the nurses bring some ice and ibuprofen, have you elevate your foot, see if we can bring down the swelling. I'm not sure if we have any ankle braces, but if not, I can at least wrap it for you and splint it. It's a mild sprain, but I'd still recommend some type of assistive walking device."
"Assistive… you mean like a cane or something?" Cosima grimaced. "Dude no, I'd never live that one down."
Delphine crossed her arms at the scientist. "We also have crutches. You're free to do as you wish, of course, but you'll only wind up back here if you exacerbate your injury."
Cosima tilted her head to the side, considering her options. "I guess if I got to see you again," she said slowly, "that might be a price I'd be willing to pay."
Delphine felt heat in her cheeks. "You don't need an injury to see me."
Cosima grinned, eyes twinkling behind her black-rimmed frames. "Good to know."
The blonde cleared her throat. "Do you have a change of clothes? We have extra scrubs, if you'd like."
"Yeah that'd be great."
"Okay, I'll check back in with you in a bit. Try to stay out of trouble."
It took about an hour or so of rounds until Delphine made her way back to Cosima. The scientist had since shed her soiled clothing and scrubbed the muck off most of her body. She now wore a clean pair of blue medical scrubs-about three sizes too large—that adorably tented her slender frame. Lying flat on her back with her leg raised, Cosima chatted animatedly with Valerie, who was giggling like a schoolgirl at whatever tale the brunette was spinning.
As soon as Cosima spotted Delphine, however, the scientist gave her another one of her broad grins that the doctor was beginning to realize was a trademark of her effusive charm. She wondered if Cosima used that smile on everyone, her gaze sliding to Valerie. The thought made her jaw clench involuntarily.
"There you are!" Cosima exclaimed. "Thought you forgot about me."
"Somehow, I do not think that would be possible."The words were out before the doctor could stop herself. Delphine didn't know why she seemingly had no filter around Cosima, her every thought flying freely out of her mouth. That first night they met, she had blamed it on the marijuana and the vodka. Now, she had no excuse.
"Cosima tells me you two met in Kinshasa the last time we were in town," Valerie spoke up in English—for the scientist's benefit.
"That's right," Delphine said. No use in denying it.
She knew the red-haired nurse had already put two-and-two together. Judging by the amused glint in Valerie's green eyes, Delphine knew that the clinic's entire staff would know this new tidbit of information by lunchtime, if not earlier.
"I was committing first-degree murder on my French," Cosima chimed in, oblivious to the unspoken conversation between the doctor and the nurse. "Valerie here's been kind enough to tutor me."
"Oh really? Let's hear some."
"Je parle français, mais pas bien."
Cosima's accent was slightly better, but not by much, still all blunt syllables and hard consonants. Valerie and Delphine both laughed at her attempt.
"Better keep practicing." Valerie winked at the scientist. "I'd better get back on the floor. It was nice meeting you, Cosima. Don't be a stranger."
Cosima gave a little wave at the departing nurse.
"All right," Delphine said. "Let's wrap that ankle and get you out of here."
Cosima swung her legs off the side of the bed and sat up. Delphine squatted down and examined the ankle one last time, pleased that the swelling was less pronounced.
"I've been thinking," Cosima said as Delphine began to expertly wind a bandage around Cosima's foot, heel, and ankle. "It's good you never went into research."
"Why is that?"
"You've got, like, killer hands."
Delphine stilled and her eyes shot up. Even though she knew Cosima meant to praise her, she must have looked bewildered because the scientist backtracked instantly.
"Oh shit, I didn't mean it like that." Cosima waved both hands apologetically. "Probably not the best compliment to give a doctor. I just meant, you're really gentle. You have what my mom would call a healer's hands. Would've been wasted locked up in a lab somewhere."
"Your mom… is she a doctor too?" Delphine smiled and resumed her task.
"Yeah, mostly focused on holistic medicine. Really into the whole emotional and spiritual aspects of healing or whatever."
"You don't believe in it?"
"I wouldn't say that exactly. I know there are a shit-ton of things as of yet unexplained by science. But I guess I take more after my dad. He's a chem professor. His philosophy is more, 'show, don't tell.'" Cosima shrugged. "I sometimes wonder how he and my mom ever got along. But seriously, though, you just seem really good at what you do."
"That is very kind of you, but I think a lot of people could bandage a sprained ankle as well as or better than me."
"Don't sell yourself short, Dr. Cormier. I might have taken a peek at you with the other patients. I'm sure it's not just me who feels this way."
"Thank you," Delphine said softly, feeling embarrassed. She had received gratitude before, but hearing Cosima's compliment made her heart swell. She tried not to wonder why, and instead focused on strapping a brace around Cosima's ankle.
"Voulez-vous aller déjeuner avec moi?"
The question, spoken with a near perfect accent, caught Delphine off guard. There was no one else in the exam room. It actually did come from Cosima.
"Been practicing that one all morning." The scientist smiled shyly, in stark contrast to her usual outgoing confidence. "So would you? Like to have lunch with me?"
"I don't normally go out with patients." Delphine stood, placing her hands in the pockets of her white medical coat. She tried for stern, but couldn't stop the corner of her lips from turning up slightly.
"Then I guess it's a good thing I'll be discharged soon, isn't it?" Cosima gripped the sides of the mattress and gave her that grin. "So whaddya say, doc?"
Before Delphine could respond, someone lightly coughed behind her. She turned and found Paul standing by the exam room curtain.
"Ugh you again," Cosima rolled her eyes at the newcomer.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we need to return to camp," Paul said. "You have a teleconference scheduled."
"With who?"
Paul tilted his head at her, like she should know better.
"Right." Cosima grimaced.
"Some other time then," Delphine said, doing her best to ignore the disappointment sinking in her stomach.
"Totally."
The doctor helped pull the scientist to her feet. She wobbled a bit and her hand shot out to grip Delphine's arm, steadying herself. The blonde in turn grasped the other woman's forearms. She resisted the urge to smooth her thumbs along the nautilus shell and dandelion fluff tattooed onto Cosima's soft, warm skin.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah." Cosima placed some of her weight on her injured ankle. "It's not as bad as earlier."
"That's good," Delphine realized she was still holding Cosima and quickly released her. "It's a fairly mild sprain, but I still recommend the crutches, at least for the next week or two."
"Duly noted, doc," Cosima said in such a way that made Delphine question her sincerity in following her medical advice. "À la prochaine."
The next time turned out to be a few days later. Delphine's heart practically leapt from her chest the minute she saw Cosima hobble back into the clinic, Paul again in tow but without crutches (much to the doctor's chagrin). After giving the scientist a small lecture about the probability of aggravating her injury, which an unconcerned Cosima waved off, Delphine brought Cosima to a tiny, family-run Congolese restaurant near the clinic for lunch. They shared a simple meal of peanut soup and fufu. Delphine demonstrated how to eat the doughy cassava-based staple by pinching a piece, forming it into a round ball, and dipping into the soup.
"This is amazing," Cosima exclaimed after her first bite. "Totally owns the rations we have at the camp."
"Are you sure you we shouldn't invite your friend to join us?"
"Who, Paul? Nah. He has business he needs to take care of in town or something. I'll save some for him though."
Cosima took in a particularly large mouthful of fufu, causing some of the soup to dribble down her chin. "Oh man, I bet that's attractive." She quickly swiped her mouth with a napkin.
"If only you were wearing your pajamas, I would hardly be able to contain myself."
The scientist laughed and flicked her off good-naturedly. Delphine noticed that Cosima still had a bit of soup near the corner of her lips.
"You, uh, you missed spot." Delphine pointed to the side of her own mouth, resisting the urge to reach out and help Cosima. The doctor's eyes were glued to Cosima's lips as the brunette's tongue darted out and licked away the remaining drop.
"Did I get it?"
Delphine's gaze snapped back up to Cosima's playful brown eyes. "You got it." She licked her lips and swallowed against an increasingly parched throat, taking a sip of water to hide the blush that was most likely staining her cheeks. "So, you were going to tell me about your dissertation."
"Oh right. Epigenetic influence on clone cells."
"Clones again." Delphine smiled, shaking her head. "Are you being serious this time?"
"Totally, totally serious."
"Okay. So what is it with you and clones? What drew you to that subject area?"
A strange sort of expression that Delphine couldn't quite read passed over Cosima's face before the scientist shrugged and pinched off another piece of fufu.
"I've always been interested in the whole nature versus nurture question. And what better way would there be to study gene expression than through genetic identicals?"
"It's definitely a riveting subject." Delphine nodded in agreement. "What types of clone cells did you research?"
"Mostly amphibians, some bacteria, a few insects."
"You know what would have been fascinating?"
"What?"
"An epigenetic study on human clones." Cosima fumbled the ball of cassava into her soup. "Moral and ethical issues aside," Delphine continued, oblivious, "can you imagine what it'd be like if scientists actually managed to clone us?"
"That'd… that'd be something all right," Cosima said as she fished the fufu out with her thumb and forefinger, glancing up to make eye contact with the doctor. "Like, what if there were a dozen versions of me out there?"
Delphine leaned back in her chair, unconsciously sucking her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm not sure the world could handle more than one of you."
The brunette chuckled nervously. It was a curious reaction.
"Tell me more," Delphine said.
And so Cosima did.
Over the next few weeks, Cosima dropped by frequently, sometimes as often as every other day, trading stories with Delphine over lunch. Cosima's visits, short as they were, quickly became the highlight of Delphine's day. They never discussed their evening in Kinshasa or their near kiss. Delphine didn't know whether she felt relieved or disappointed.
Sometimes Cosima brought other scientists, sometimes not (the most notable was a cute genetic sequencing tech named Scott Smith, who goofily grinned whenever Delphine, or any other female really, spoke to him). The one constant was Paul, who mostly kept to himself, scanning the streets and the frequent passersby - looking for what, Delphine had no clue. Wherever Cosima went, Paul was never far off, trailing like a ghost.
Her curiosity got the better of her during one of their meals.
"Why doesn't he ever join us?" she asked. "Aren't you friends?"
"Sort of," Cosima answered slowly, reluctantly. "He's more like, um, personal security for... for the team."
"How can he be protecting your team when he's always with you?" Delphine raised an eyebrow. "You must be pretty important to have your own body guard."
"Nah, DYAD's just a little overprotective of its, uh, assets," Cosima was going for nonchalant, but Delphine could tell that the scientist was becoming uncomfortable. Her normally bright smile wasn't quite reaching her eyes.
"I guess I cannot say that surprises me."
"What's that?"
"That you're invaluable." Delphine couldn't stop herself from reaching out, covering Cosima's hand, and giving it a light squeeze. Her heart fluttered when Cosima turned her hand over and squeezed back.
Whenever Delphine couldn't leave the clinic right away, Cosima made a habit of befriending the rest of the staff and the patients, practicing her French, making people laugh. She was a ball of energy, brightening everyone's day.
One afternoon, she showed up to the clinic and began passing out bunches and bunches of flowers. Petals in various hues of orange, yellow, pink, purple blossomed from blade-like stalks.
"Found a patch of these out in the rainforest this morning," the scientist grinned. "I've been told that these are gladioli, from the latin gladius, which means…"
"Sword," Delphine finished. "Sword lilies. They're beautiful. Thank you."
From a nearby seat in the waiting room, an elderly patient spoke up in Lingala, addressing the doctor with a smile. Although Delphine wasn't fluent in the language, she had absorbed enough over the last few months to understand a few words.
"Do you know what she's saying?" Cosima said.
"A little bit."
"How many languages do you speak anyway?"
"Only French and English really. A bit of Arabic, Hebrew. Some Lingala."
"Oh is that all?" Cosima shook her head in mock disgust. "Slacker."
Delphine laughed and turned her attention back to the patient. "She says the flowers symbolize strength and, um, integrity, I think."
"Perfect for you then." Cosima cleared her throat and waved her hands to encompass the entire clinic. "I mean all of you. Obvs."
The older woman continued to speak, dark eyes twinkling in delight even as she made stabbing motions to her chest.
"What's that all about?" Cosima asked as she handed a bouquet of deep red blooms to Delphine.
"She says…" Delphine suppressed a slight shiver as her fingers lightly brushed Cosima's. "She says you can give the flowers to tell someone that… that your heart has been pierced by… by passion."
"Oh." Cosima blushed to the roots of her dreads and rubbed the back of her neck. "That's, uh, that's… interesting. Learn something new every day."
The scientist said no more and continued to give out flowers. It wasn't until much later, after Cosima had returned to her research camp, that Delphine noticed that hers were the only ones in shades of crimson.
As the days went on, it seemed as if nearly everyone looked forward to Cosima, most especially the children. The brunette began setting up simple science experiments for them. One time, she managed to get her hands on some baking soda and vinegar and cobbled together rudimentary "volcanoes" using empty glass bottles and clumps of mud.
From one of the clinic's windows, Delphine watched Cosima excitedly wave her hands in the air as she explained, in an adorable mix of English and broken French, the chemical reaction between sodium bicarbonate and diluted acetic acid to create carbon dioxide. Cosima helped the children pour the vinegar into the volcanoes, and the resulting foamy eruptions caused squeals of delight to fill the air.
"So cute." Ava appeared out of nowhere and stood next to Delphine, who abruptly tore her eyes from Cosima and looked down to study the charts clutched in her hands.
"They are," she murmured in assent.
"Why didn't you tell us she was the mystery man from Kinshasa?"
"It didn't seem important." Delphine shrugged. "And you all were perfectly happy to make assumptions."
"Hmm." Ava was silent for a beat. "Interesting."
"What?" Delphine glanced back at the other doctor, who seemed to be studying her.
"Nothing. It's just… you seem different lately."
"Do I?"
"Yes." Ava gave her a knowing smile before walking away. "Whatever's changed, it's a good thing"
Delphine took one last look out the window. As if sensing the doctor's gaze, Cosima looked up and saw her. She grinned broadly and waved. Cosima practically smiled at everyone she met. But there was something about the way Cosima smiled at only Delphine, with such soft affection in her eyes. It made her knees weak.
And something melted inside her.