THE DAILY SHROOM: EXCLUSIVE UPDATE.
In an exclusive interview with a not-quite-well-known-very-much-at-all author, an apology was made for not releasing more updates of their work in a timely manner. They attributed their slow speed to the ending of their second to last year of high school. Now, they explained, they were well into the summer and hoped to post more frequently. Maybe.
In addition, while the fanfiction known as Twisted Masquerade tries to live up to its expectations, some events cannot be recovered from the events that unfolded over the course of the story.
One of these was the reunion of the Mario Bros. and Lady Timpani and her husband, formerly Count Bleck, Lord Blumiere.
Readers of the first draft of the story criticized this skipping of the scene as laziness. There is no context as to how we got there, they said. The author of the work responded, "I've been putting this off long enough; I'm gonna just pretend some stuff happened. And you all knew about it. Please just roll with it. I'm honestly not feeling the writing bug, so I'm rushing things a bit to get to the good stuff. Sorry guys." A crying emote was requested to be added alongside their quote. We bring you; ;_;
When pressed further about why they refused to simply sit down and write the scene, or the story at a leisurely speed, the author hit the reporter upside the head and yelled, "BECAUSE I'M A LAZY SACK OF GARBAGE OKAY POOR PLANNING + BAD WRITING = LET ME GO PLS."
Letting out a series of labored breaths, they smiled sheepishly and apologized once again for the long wait, but added cheerfully that they wish everyone well and that they continue to enjoy their work.
"No matter how awful the writing is," they said with a tone of bitterness.
On page nine, we chat with well-known Flipside cook Saffron about the hidden dangers of Shroom Shakes. For those wanting to remain on this page, we present another part of the Twisted Masquerade story.
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Because this was just the same as any other ordinary day in the Mushroom Kingdom, ordinary events were fated to occur.
"I AM HERE AND I AM READY TO PARTY."
An outside door crashed down, followed by the panicked screaming of guards. The party in the garden did not cease; the group continued to sit at the circular table, quietly and calmly sipping tea.
The intruder slammed the door out of the way, a triumphant smile on their face, but then paused.
In the center of the room sat Princess Peach, Mario, Luigi, and their two extra guests. The additional two, Blumiere and Timpani, turned around in synchronization, gave the intruder a look, then went back to their teacups.
"Good afternoon, Bowser."
The Koopa King's shoulders slumped. "Er."
Luigi gave a small wave, though his arm shuddered noticeably.
"I was going to, uh...do the thing, you know, with the...kidnapping and a..."
"I apologize, but we're in the middle of lunch right now," Peach said calmly. Bowser shifted from foot to foot.
"Look, I've got the Clown Car all ready and parked outside, can we-?"
The entire table spoke in unison;
"No."
The Koopa looked to be at a loss of what to do, and it was Mario who offered him a seat.
"Are we going to explain how we all got here?" Bowser asked, looking around the table.
"Like, I'm pretty sure that's Count Snazzy over there by the cutie, but -"
He faltered; Blumiere had been shooting him daggers since he uttered "cutie". Swallowing, he quickly took the open chair next to Mario and grabbed a cup of tea.
"We arrived in this dimension this morning," Blumiere explained. "Timpani and I. We've been traveling around, but she insisted we come to visit you." His wife gave an eager nod. "There was a bit of a...intercommunication, but we're certainly glad to be in the company of -"
"DELIVERY!"
Because there were not enough intrusions, a Toad servant rushed in the room, envelopes in hand.
"Hello hello! I know its bad timing because we're under at-ah-aaah-aaAAACK..."
The poor Toad turned a deathly shade of blue, and quickly distributed the envelopes. He handed one to Princess Peach, and one to both red and green brothers.
"Oh look there's even one here for B...Bowser! Hah hah nice, very good, um...sorry about the rest of you," He said, looking at the couple. "No mail for you."
He gave Bowser another look and screeched, then hurried out of the room.
They all turned over the envelopes in their hands; sealed gold wax, and lined in a similar metallic sheen, there was no clue as to who the sender might have been. On the front in neat cursive read out each name;
To the Princess.
To the Brothers.
To the Koopa King.
"It's probably a prissy ball or something," Bowser said. As Peach reached for a knife to open the letter with, he tore into the envelope with none of her grace.
"Oh dang," he said, "Fancy shmancy."
The others opened their envelopes; inside was a folded black piece of paper, written on in glittering gold ink.
"An invitation," Luigi read, "To the masquerade. Wear your finest masks as you feast your eyes upon glorious magical entertainment; you will not be disappointed. We hope to see you then!"
"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" Timpani said. "Will you go?"
Peach looked confused.
"I usually hear about these things well in advance..this is unusual.."
"I suppose! I hope you two will be joining me," She said, gesturing to the Mario brothers. They nodded, and Bowser coughed loudly. Peach gave him a look, but said, "You were invited as well, I suppose..."
"HAH! That's awesome; me and my wifey Peach just hanging out!"
"I am not your wife.." Peach muttered.
"I hope you have fun," Timpani said.
As if on cue, a smaller black paper fell out of Mario's envelope. Picking it up, he read;
"Bring friends!"
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"I WANNA GO HOOOOOOME."
Mimi was stomping around a room in Castle Bleck; Dimentio sat at a table behind her, busying himself with something in a box.
"BECAUSE HOME IS VERY NICE, AND IT'S NOT HERE, AND NOT WITH CREEPY JESTEEERRRS!"
"I appreciate your kind words," said jester remarked, "But I'd appreciate a bit of silence."
Mimi stopped stomping for a moment and stared at him. Then she began stomping again, yelling even louder.
"THIS GUY TRIED TO KILL ME AND NOW HE WANTS TO FORCE ME TO HANG OUT, THAT'S TOTALLY NOT HOW YOU GET A GIIIRLFRIIIEND!"
"It most certainly is not," Dimentio said, "and I pity the fool who tries to meet women that way, like a greasy man with a neckbeard and unfortunate taste in hats." He clicked the box closed, and added, "Of course, I hope he doesn't try to kill anyone. That is never fun."
Mimi stopped stomping immediately.
"Thank you."
Dimentio stood and lifted the box off the table. Mimi caught a sliver of fabric poking out the side of the box.
"...What's that?"
"I'm simply trying my hand at costume-making, dear Mimi."
"Your costumes are lame and gross," She said. "Do you wear the same one every single day?"
What she didn't know was that he contained many replicas of the exact same jester garb, but Dimentio wasn't going to bring that fact up. Instead, he said,
"No, no, these are for some friends. There's even one for you." He continued carrying the box out, but paused in the doorway for a reaction.
That caught her attention.
"Me?" She squealed. "You made me an outfit?"
"Only if you promise to wear it for our little occasion."
Silence fell.
"...What occasion?"
Dimentio turned back around and grinned. He tossed the box aside; it landed with a loud thud and popped open. Inside were a multitude of shimmering dresses; ones crafted from velvet and adorned with gems, another made entirely of thin glimmering fabric, one with a lace trim. The inside of the box was labeled "TO DRESSING ROOM THREE."
"Haven't you heard about the little party I'm holding?"
When he was met with silence, he continued.
"I've been planning this for quite some time, and why not just reveal a bit of the magic tonight?"
His high heeled jester's boots clicking on the ground, he walked over to the box and pulled out a sparkling black gown, covered in gold sequins.
"I've always thought you looked best in black," He mused. "Dark and elegant...only one quality which you possess, sadly, but we make do with what we have. ~"
He snapped his fingers, and Mimi felt her legs lock in place. Trying in vain to wiggle them, they remained still as a statue's. She looked up at the jester, her heart beating with sudden panic.
"It's a show that I've been planning for quite a while now," The jester said, and Mimi felt her head pound. Her vision began swimming in front of her; spots of black dotted her vision, the sparkles on the dress reflecting the light and blinding her. "And you are one of my guests of honor!"
Mimi's head slumped forward; she stood, but remained unconscious. The jester let out a mad cackle and snapped his fingers again; her dress was replaced with the glittery black one, fitting tightly around her upper body and flowing into a skirt cut into thin strips. Gently, he lifted her chin and placed a thin black mask over her closed eyes.
"More than that, you're going to be in a starring role."
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THE DAILY SHROOM: ADVERTISEMENTS.
A MAGIC SHOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET, DOORS OPENING TOMORROW NIGHT AT FOUR O'CLOCK.
THE MAGICIAN HOPES YOU WILL ALL BE THERE.