(Card attached from florist)

Danny,

I wanted to gift you this orchid as a token of my gratitude. Thank you so much for your assistance with Mrs. Maslaney's file. I know it was difficult and monopolized a lot of your time. I'm still not entirely sure that your goal isn't to take over all of my patients and slowly phase me out of the medical community…but it was really generous of you to agree to help with little (for you) complaint. Despite our differences, I do respect your opinion.

I had the florist include detailed instructions on proper orchid care for your convenience. It's so pretty, Danny, so please try not to let it die.

Regards,
Mindy

(Post-It left on Mindy's desk)

Thanks for the flower.
You're not a horrible doctor to work with.
And I am trying to poach your patients.
But only the ones with the best insurance.

- D

I'll try not to kill it.

(1/4)What the hell, Danny? 1) A Post-It?!
You could have at least texted...and I know
you have my number, you totally butt-dialed
me last week during lunch. BTW, that deli
is going to effing kill you one day. 2) A

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:22 p.m.

(2/4)flower is what you pick off of the side
of the road, like a poor person. I gave you a double
stem Kaleidoscope orchid, which is a favorite of
Robert De Niro's wife and super expensive.
3)Once again, one of your half-assed compliments was

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:22 p.m.

(3/4)overshadowed by your weird obsession with
me and my career. You would make the worst villain ever,
spilling all the details of your evil plan like that. 4) Stealing
my patients back would be a breeze. I'd just be like "Hi!
I smile sometimes and won't rant endlessly about the

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:22 p.m.

(4/4) confusing nature of iPads" and they'll flock back.
And seriously, the instructions seem easy enough to follow,
so...it's sooo pretty and kinda masculine. Don't let it die,
Danny. Just, like, make a real effort.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:22 p.m.

What is (4/4)confusing supposed to mean? I won't let
it die. I'm in the business of keeping things alive.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 3, 12:34 p.m.

OMG, Danny.
Scroll up and read the whole thing. Why
must I explain this to you?

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:37 p.m

Oh. You wouldn't have to explain if you didn't text a book.
And you know my deli went out of business last week.
Maybe don't bring it up every day.
All I would have to do to keep your patients is remind them
I'm the superior doctor. Who the hell cares about iPads?

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 3, 12:39 p.m.

Uh, you should care about them since that's pretty much
all we're going to be using in a matter of, like, two years.
OK I'm sending you a link to this Buzzfeed article, "32
Ways the iPad Will Eventually Replace Everything,
Including Your Loved Ones." Then you'll get it.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 3, 12:44 p.m.

Thanks for the link. I'm not sure I agree with it, but it
was an interesting article. What kind of site is that? Is
it real news? Because it looks like just a bunch of weird
lists. And no machine will replace a human. That's
stupid. Even for the internet.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 3, 1:03 p.m.

Danny, telling me that costume "stinks" does nothing
to help me! Can you at least offer me a better
suggestion? I'm supposed to go to this sick party with
Josh TONIGHT. I have to look hot! HELP! SOS!

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 1:23 p.m.

This is a holiday for children so I'm not sure why you care.
But if you don't want to look stupid then find a better costume.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 1:25 p.m.

Go as a slutty nurse or something if you want to look hot.
Hell. Go as a slutty anything.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 1:25 p.m.

There's going to be a million slutty nurses at this thing.
And you can't tell me to go as a slutty "anything" when
you just crapped on my slutty mail woman idea. I tried
to go as a slutty crayon, by Morgan misunderstood
"cleavage hole" as "breast holes." I'll let you fill in the rest.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 1:29 p.m.

And I don't really care about the stupid holiday itself. I care
because I really want to impress Josh. He's got a phone full
of "Caitlins" he could choose from. I just don't want to look
like an idiot.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 1:30 p.m.

Wait! Sexy Bill O'Reilly? Is that something?

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 1:31 p.m.

"Breast holes"? I don't think *I* would be the one
filling in the rest...

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 1:31 p.m.

This Josh guy sounds like a prick. But he did choose to take
you so I wouldn't worry about any Caitlins.
No. Sexy Bill O'Reilly is in no way ever a thing. Why would
you even think that?If you're feeling political hows about
sexy Rachel Maddow?

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 1:33 p.m.

Okay, if I wasn't in crisis mode I would outline
just what makes you a pig in GREAT detail,
starting with your implication of me filling in
ANYTHING.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 2:19 p.m.

And Josh isn't a prick...not entirely, at least.
He's not more of a prick than anyone else, I guess.
And while Rachel Maddow is pretty sexy already, I feel
with the wig I'd end up looking more like you.
Danny Castellano in fishnets, basically. Picture it. :)

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 2:21 p.m.

God. Okay. Don't ruin Maddow for me.
You're right. You could never pull off that look.
I pictured it. And personally I think I've got the legs
for fishnets.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 2:46 p.m.

(1/2)You should know that I'm saving your last text
forever and always. Danny Castellano thinks
he's "got the legs for fishnets." I didn't ask for
blackmail material, but I'm so grateful to get
it. :-D Also, I've decided to go the funny route. Let

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 2:49 p.m.

(2/2) the other girls squeeze into body suits and
Spanx. I'm going to be cute AND smart, just
like in everyday life. Thanks for the help, Legs.
:-P

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 2:49 p.m.

Sorry. I was with my notary *public.
You're welcome for the blackmail material.
Though I don't know how that's going to work.
Anyone with eyes can see it's the truth.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 5:03 p.m.

So what'd you pick?
Smart and funny?

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 9:14 p.m.

Oh yeah! I meant to text you! Check me out!
Can you guess who I am? I can send you
the theme song if you need a hint. :) Don't
make fun of my messy room!

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 9:16 p.m.

Hillary Clinton?

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 9:17 p.m.

Wait. Theme song? Murphy Brown.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 9:17 p.m.

...Goddamn you, Danny.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 9:18 p.m.

I'm motherfucking Diane Chambers! From Cheers?
I totally nailed the collegiate chic with the
undercurrent of sexiness! Anyone else would have
gotten it instantly.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 9:19 p.m.

(1/2)Collegiate chic with an undercurrent of sexiness?
You're describing Murphy Brown. Are you unclear
who you're dressed as? Because I got that mass text
you just sent to everybody and your date is obviously
going as that painter/repair guy. Who's it? Elton? This

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 9:31 p.m.

(2/2) is a weird thing to lie about, Mindy. Even for you.

To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 31, 9:31 p.m.

You're the worst. We look amazing and everyone agrees.
Next Halloween I get to pick out your costume. I'll give you
some hints: make sure those legs are fishnet-ready and learn
the Time Warp.

To: Danny Castellano
Oct 31, 9:38 p.m.

To: Daniel Castellano
CC:
BCC:
Re: Mindy Lahiri Sent You a Special Election Day eCard by JibJab!
Nov 6, 2012 10:06 a.m.

DANNY!

Don't bother lecturing me on how you need no reminding of your patriotic duties, I just had to send you this HILARIOUS card! Look at you dancing while Obama plays the bass! And if Romney actually knew how to play the drums and rap like that, he'd have this election in the bag, hands down. Also, Gwen is hosting this big Thanksgiving dinner with a ton of people. Please come! I adore her family, but I have no desire to endure them by myself. Bring those sweet dance moves (just in case we've got to liven things up...because they are hella boring. But the food will be pretty great)! -Mindy

Click here to view your card.

Happy Election Day,
Your Friends at JibJab, Inc.

PRIVACY
JibJab, Inc. honors your privacy. Click here for our Privacy Policy

TERMS OF USE
By accessing your card you agree that we have no liability. If you do not know the sender or do not wish to view your card, please disregard this e-mail.

(Post-It left on Mindy's desk)

Whatever website that was made my computer crash when I clicked the link.
You should be more careful. I did get your message. Thanks for the invite.
I've already got plans for Thanksgiving. Hope you don't get too bored.

(Post-It #2 left on Mindy desk later that day)

I sent a strongly worded email to those JibJab people
after I got my laptop working again. Let me know if it
messed up your computer and I'll send another one.