To: Christina Porter
CC:
BCC:
Re: So you know
Oct 15, 2013 2:28 pm
Christina,
Since you're apparently not going to call me back, I figured I should at least send you this email to let you know I've hired an attorney. His name is Clifford Gilbert, Esq. and he'll be contacting the gallery and your agent.
I may not have it done by the time it opens tonight, but this so called "art show" of yours will be stopped.
- Dan
I remember getting to the gallery and calling the cops.
And I remember leaving with that woman. (Don't ask.)
Everything in the middle is hazy.
To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 16, 2013 8:33 a.m.
What I'm getting at is - do I want to know what happened?
And if there is anyone I need to apologize to
could you please make me a very vague list?
To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 16, 2013 8:34 a.m.
Just in case, so I'm covered: I'm sorry.
Also there's a photo of your breasts on my phone.
Everyone got that, right?
To: Mindy Lahiri
Oct 16, 2013 8:34 a.m.
Yeah, everyone got that picture. Something
tells me you have yet to delete it, you perv.
It made it onto Instagram too, but it trended,
so it's not entirely negative, right?
To: Danny Castellano
Oct 16, 2013 8:41 a.m.
(1/2)As far as apologies go...you were very close to
exposing yourself to everyone in attendance. There
were two men who were vocally upset when you
didn't. They might appreciate an apology. We should
also consider sending an Edible Arrangement to Cliff
To: Danny Castellano
Oct 16, 2013 8:43 a.m.
(2/2)as a practice for continuing to solicit his services
for free. For real, we owe him, like, thousands of
dollars.
To: Danny Castellano
Oct 16, 2013 8:43 a.m.
All in all...I think your behavior last night was justified,
considering the circumstances. I'm sure anyone else in
your position would have reacted similarly. I wouldn't
worry about it. :o)
To: Danny Castellano
Oct 16, 2013 8:45 a.m.
To: Christina Porter
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Re: Why?
Oct 16, 2013 9:59 am
Christina,
Clearly I hurt you. I get it. What I don't understand is how you feel justified in humiliating and literally exposing me in such a public way. Was I really that shitty a husband that you felt the need to do this?
If your intention was to hurt me in the most shameful way then it was a success. Everyone I know was at that show last night. So I guess you got what you wanted. Can you stop it now? Will you please just (Auto-saved as draft10:01AM. Message never sent.)
(Note on top of clipped articles left on Danny's desk)
I thought you might want to take a look at some of the reviews I found in some of newspapers for last night's show, especially the one that was very complimentary of the model "who struck a perfect balance between physical beauty and tortured morality." I also included an online review from a woman who apparently took great pleasure in your photos...and talked about her appreciation of each photo in very explicit detail. Almost uncomfortably explicit.
Also...avoid the Post and Daily Journal, if you can. I'll be happy to fill you in on any important news throughout the day.
To: Christina Porter
CC:
BCC:
Re: Never
Oct 16, 2013 3:01 pm
Christina,
I should have never given you a second chance. That's on me. I thought I still loved you. I even thought that just because I wasn't still angry that it made you cheating on me, in our bed, somehow okay. Like if I could get over it then it didn't matter anymore. Like it never happened. I should have realized you haven't changed. You still have no problem screwing me over.
Wasn't fucking my colleague - again, in my bed - enough for you? You didn't even have the guts to be there for my public humiliation. I would've pegged you for a lot of things, Christina. Like being a vindictive bitch. But I never would have thought you were a coward.
My attorney is getting an injunction. Your "art" is getting shut down.
I regret that I ever trusted you again. And I don't love you. (Auto-saved as draft3:07PM. Message never sent.)
October 16, 2013
Christina,
You should know that there have been only two instances in my life where rage has driven me to the point of actually hand-writing a letter. The first was to the ABC network for the untimely cancellation of GCB, which left its most loyal fanbase with an unresolved cliffhanger. This would be the second time, for you, Christina, have given me a lot to be livid about.
Considering recent events, I really don't appreciate being used by you as a tool to reenter Danny's life, only for you to humiliate him repeatedly. For once, I actually intended on minding my own business and abstaining from involvement in Danny's romantic life (because, admittedly, it has always been a weird point of interest for me). I was well on my way to achieving that until you followed me like a psychopath and begged me to essentially be your wingwoman. I agreed not for you, but for Danny, hoping that this would be an opportunity for him to find the closure he's needed for years and possibly stumble upon some shred of happiness. By handing me that letter, you made a tacit agreement to use the opportunity to make amends and begin earning him. Yes, Christina, Danny Castellano is a man to be earned, not just acquired, then emotionally abused the moment you get upset.
At first I found the idea of an art exhibit featuring tasteful nudes of Danny "I Don't Want My Life Tracked by the Instagrams and Whatnot" Castellano fairly amusing. More than that, I thought it was high time for a showdown between you two to end your pettiness once and for all. It wasn't until we got there and I saw the pain and betrayal in his eyes as he fielded the millionth question regarding his scrotum when I realized just how incredibly messed up all of it was. I'm sure it took a lot of love, respect, and above all, TRUST in order for a man like Danny to pose for those pictures for you and I know he would have never agreed to do those in a million years had he thought there was even a glimmer of a possibility of you sharing them with anyone, let alone a gallery full of people. And for you to not even BE THERE had to be the most cowardly thing I could ever imagine. Who the hell do you think you are?! If you insist on dragging a good man's image through the mud, the least you could do is be there to supervise your mess.
Trust me, I can understand how getting dumped might upset you…and I do believe that there was a time when you truly loved him, so that could color your reaction to how things ended. But you know how you're supposed to deal with break-ups? You deal like every other normal woman: you drown yourself in a few bottles of wine, cry along to some Amy Winehouse, talk about how small his penis is to all of your friends, then Facebook stalk him for a few months. You do all that on repeat until you find the strength to put on some eyeliner and anonymously grind on a random guy or two in a club. You don't make it your personal mission to make his life unlivable, just because he had the courage to end things before the BOTH of you found yourselves stuck in an unhappy, fruitless marriage. And you can't convince me that you were happy dragging him to sex therapy week after week and sitting through marathons of History Channel documentaries.
I guess after everything I've witnessed over the past couple of months, I have only one question: you have now trashed his personal property during an unnecessarily public display at his place of business (I'm guessing the suggestion of replacing his laptop would be too much to ask of you, by the way), slept with his colleague in his bed (how about new bed sheets?), and made some very private photos available for the entire city to gawk at and ridicule. How long and how often do you plan on humiliating him before you just fuck off for good and allow him to find his happiness?
Signed,
Dr. Mindy Lahiri
P.S. – Paul Leotard is rumored to be the carrier of a yet-to-be-classified string of Chlamydia. No, I will not refer you to a specialist, you awful bitch.
P.P.S. - GET ME THE HELL OFF OF THAT GALLERY'S STUPID E-MAIL LIST! It's only been a few days since the exhibit and I've received no less the seven e-mails. Tell your friends to stop harassing me! God, I hate artists!