Love makes you smile, even that just for a second. And in just a second aswell it can all fade into nothing.

Your heart is ripped out from you, yet you keep living like a zombie. A meer corp just wondering around, with nowhere to go, falling into pieces, waiting for everything to end.

***At the Apartment***

Mary Margaret slowly closed the door as Emma silently sat on the couch, like she did all the way home, "Emma you know you can talk to me, don't you?" explained M. Margaret but Emma just answered with more cold silence. "Come on Emma, we're friends you can talk to me… Something happened between you and… Graham. I understand if you feel that silent is what you need right now, but people need to share because one day, somehow, you won't be able to contain all the pain… It will be far worst, you can cope with it in silent, its okay, but after, you should talk with someone. Maybe Archie, you know… Since you won't talk to me, Archie he… he'll never judge you. Neither will I but, maybe … Emma, this isn't easy for me either, I really want to help you but I just don't know how…" said Mary Margaret disparagingly, she didn't know how deal with all that. She couldn't remember of anyone dying, ever… Emma laughed, surprised, like she had just heard the craziest, thing ever, the biggest idiotic and impossible thing ever. "I'm not a crazy lunatic. I don't need professional help you know…" Emma answered still trying to hide her laugh.

"I'm fine… I had a tinny crush on man who died, a person that was close to me died. A person who I am used to seeing every day died. I'm devastated, the death of a close person to me means something, you know? I'm still trying to digest it. Damn it happened an hour ago! The fact that I might feel something for him and yet he's dead, is my amazing luck with man! As simple as that! Nothing happened between us, he was ill and only that." Emma explained every time angrier and louder, "HERE" Emma shouted "Here's what happened, he died Mary Margaret, and I'm sad. Just because I'm not jabbering about my feelings like you do, doesn't mean I need help! Stop trying to be a holly saint, helping everyone around! First you send my son after me, then get me out of jail, ask me to move in and now you want me to share?! And for what?!" Emma asked furious, "Well here's me sharing! I'm fine, you are the one who feel in love with a man in a coma, and then I was the one who told you to walk away because he had a wife! Not so goody goody after all, han? You are the one who loves to help, and believes in true love, yet you actually thought of being a man's mistress! You were the one that after a one night stand, gave your number to Doctor Whale, who previously was a complete jerk to you!" Emma yelled at Mary Margaret and then walked out of the apartment slamming the door, so hard that Mary Margaret actually feared for the wood weakened ceiling above her head.

Silent invaded the room once more and Mary Margaret just kept staring the doorway, frozen, thinking of everything Emma told her. She never wanted to help people just to be knowen for it; she just felt it was the right thing to do… But what about David Nolan, was Emma right? But she couldn't think, she was... shocked .The only thing MARY Margaret knew was that she had this feeling in her guts that kept calling her to help Emma, to comfort her, even protect her, she knew Emma was in danger.

After slamming the door Emma went down the stairs slowly, yet determined, walking loudly but yet, nowhere to go. Emma just knew she wanted out, out of everywhere, everyone. Her car, her lonely car was her direction, and then the plan was to drive. Drive towards nothing and no one, into the woods going round and round with her car, maybe until forever or just until the gas ran out. Yes, it seemed like a good idea.

So Emma took off with her car, going nowhere and everywhere. Driving, just driving; thinking in everything and everyone or maybe only Graham. It was harsh to admit she had feelings for him, he was dead. Dead, that word just made it all so sad. Emma parked the car on the roadside and left for a walk in the woods.

"He's dead, he really is dead." she thought, Emma still felt that tomorrow morning he'd be taking his lunch at Granny's an smiling like he only knew. Emma swallowed hard and kept walking towards nowhere.

And then suddenly, she remembered the moments that shared before he died. With all the anger Emma had completely forgot about them, she repressed into never remembering again. Into never hurting, but somehow she wasn't able to contain them, it was all still too fresh in her memory. But someday it wouldn't be too fresh; it would be old dusting in the back of her memories almost vanishing. One day Emma would forget all that and it would just Graham the man she fancied and was dating the mayor, yes why would she love him, miss him, if he could be with someone like Regina. The details didn't matter she just wanted to forget and forget the pain. She would, she needed too, she wanted.

But right now, as harder as she tried to convince herself otherwise the truth was that she loved him, he made her sparkle, feel alive and now she was as alive as zombie. It was like she died painfully and yet someone was forcing her to keep living and feeling all the pain, in a twisted way! She wasn't dying; she was already dead but was being forced to live. Graham died and took her heart with him, she was living heartless.

Graham wasn't just dead, and she just had a crush on him. They kissed, they shared a moment, she embraced him, she loved… But how could she have loved him, if they didn't even knew each other that well? She couldn't understand, it was an attraction and then, she felt love? How did it happen? She felt so devastated when Graham died; she thought that finally after everything she had been through, that there might be a happy ending wanting for her after all. But there wasn't and she felt that there would never be one for her; everyone would just keep leaving her. Emma kicked a rock as hard as she tried to contain her tears, she just wanted to break something and yell at the world!

Why her, couldn't she just be in one of those happy couples, maybe she just wasn't cut out for love. It was harsh to admitted, but it wasn't the first time that Emma thought of that. She wanted to believe that just like in a movie someone would make her see otherwise, but she knew it wouldn't. There was no one waiting for her, she was just meant to be loveless. Well, there was Henry, he was the only person who didn't give up on her, he actually went after her. Unlike her, she gave up on him, she did like everyone else and it made Emma so mad at herself…

But anyway, she knew that she wasn't made for romance, not like family love had been always with her. Henry was the only one for her, he was her true love and she wanted to feel like it was enough for her but it wasn't. Emma just wanted for once to believe in love, romance, to have someone to hold her that wouldn't disappoint her; someone that would stay… Grandparents for Henry, damn not even that she could give Henry! And she kicked the ground, mad at herself everyone kept giving up on her and it reflected on Henry, he had no father, no grandparents.

It was like the world was cheering for her to be left alone over and over. And Graham, right before they kissed he had a heart attack! Oh far could it go? She loved, they gave in, they were enchanted and then he went away. Graham at least didn't chose to leave her; he had nothing to do with her fortune, yet he's just taken away. She couldn't stay made at him, only miss him, feel him, cry. And on that moment a timid tear went slowly down her face, her face that Graham had just hold hours ago; when he was still warm, breathing right before he died. And after that tear a thousand more shameless tears came down the same road. She just loved Graham so much, and missed him like he was her own heart, well he did took it with him… How could she continue and carry on, her life, if there had only been few hours? It was like at any moment she could vanish and fade into a million tears.

She could be anywhere, thinking of anything that her thought would always go back to him. She loved him, it was as plain as that but it felt far more complicated.

She just wanted to forget that night, it was so degrading to see Graham being take away like that. She had almost forgot about the women in the window, the women she didn't ever wanted to be, the exposed women, overexposed. Maybe love should get out of her life once and for all and since Henry was the only exception...

We could just seat down and ask why until forever but there would never be an answer, an answer that we want. Maybe we don't want the truth, and we only want to hear that what we truly desire is actually true. "Why" is a wonderful question with no answers, or if there are any, they're bitter and can kill us with the reality of it's nature. Reality it's our inner demon that hades us, the one that we don't allow ourselves to see, because we're too afraid of facing the truth. Our mirror, our reality is a shameful place that disappoints us every time we look though it.

How will Emma shut herself down from love? And *SPOILER ALERT* this might be starting to become an AU, how would you feel about it?

Thank you for all the feedback! Keep reviewing it's very helpful to know your opinion and any critic you might have. Because I want to improve it as best I can.

Also, I'm still looking for a cover image, because the one that I'm currently using is just temporary. So if interested please send me a private message.