Daniel and Mindy kindly request the favor of your reply by August 28, 2015.
M_
_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _ # OF GUESTS)
_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
Miss Amy DeGraff_
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
Danny and Mindy,
Thank you so much for the lovely invitation! We may have met under very strange circumstances (Chloe Silverado is still a pretty incredible alias!), but the love I saw in Danny's eyes that night stuck with me for a very long time...and may have been the source for some of my more unrealistic expectations in men, but whatever! WEDDING! YAY!
Seeing you two fall more and more in love over the years has been inspiring. I can't wait to share your day with you. And I'm hoping that bringing Barry along will inspire him to get on the ball get a ring on this finger. Any encouragement you two can provide would be appreciated.
Congrats and thanks again,
Amy
Mr. Tom McDougall _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
Margo and I would be honored to attend. (If you could please make as little reference to our past relationship or my first marriage as possible that would be great. In return, I'll refrain for making a toast.)
Mr. Jason Richmond_
_X_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
Hey, Mindy...
I got your e-mail. The Independent doesn't really write about things like local weddings...even if you insist that yours and Danny's will be "glam as shit." For what it's worth, I don't doubt that it will be! I'm guessing that's the reason you extended an invite. If you truly want me to go, let me know.
It's good to see that Danny has excellent taste in both sushi and women.
All the best,
Jason
Mr. Samuel Kleinfeld_
_X_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
Man, Mindy, seeing all of your wedding posts on Facebook is a little trippy! After all these years and even after hanging out with you not even two years ago, I still see the young girl I met at camp… not in the pervert sense. I feel the need to stress that. It's just an observation on how crazy time is.
It's really cool to see you so happy. I'm stationed in Germany, as you know, and getting leave is pretty tough, so I don't see me being able to make it. I am, however, going to note your not-so-subtle encouragement for all invited guests to send a gift, "regardless of attendance." You're still a ballsy one, Lahiri. I couldn't be prouder.
The few minutes I spent around Danny he just seemed intensely patriotic (not a bad thing!), but in most of the pictures I see you post of you two now, he's smiling like he just won the lottery. In a way, he did.
Best wishes and hope to see you soon,
Sam
Ms. Alex Freitag _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
My "best friend" and my ex are getting married and you really think it's a good idea to invite me to the wedding?! How dare you?!
Just kidding. Of course I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world. It's not every day you see the two most unlikely people commit to love and cherish each other forever. Well, and them actually mean it. You guys are so happy together . . . . and honestly it's super weird. It's also pretty great, so congratulations.
(I'm attempting to make it work long enough with the should-be-exotic-yet-surprisingly-boring Marcelo until the wedding. If I snap during another monologue about the evils of non-domestic fruit and break up with him (or kill him) and have to come stag, I fully expect to eat and drink his portion. The plus-one stands regardless.)
M_ Clifford Gilbert, Esq._
_X_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
The both of you have to know how wildly inappropriate it is to invite me to this, right? I find it very hard to believe that the audacity of this escaped not one, but TWO supposedly well-educated, successful doctors.
No. No, I will not be attending your fucking wedding.
Mr. & Mrs. Jamie Dawes _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _3?_ # OF GUESTS)
Mindy and Danny,
Lucy and I are thrilled to come to your wedding. Our only wish is that we could say we had as much to do with your happiness as you two had with ours! How serendipitous would that be?!
Is this a child-friendly event? Gretchen enjoys weddings and we're in between child care providers at the moment. Also, the insert mentioned a sushi bar and Lucy was wondering if there will be cooked rolls available? We're expecting a boy! Goodness, we owe you so much!
See you soon,
Jamie and Lucy
Mr. Charlie Lang_
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
Mindy - I'm happy to see that you guys worked things out. I'm also glad to see a taser on your gift registry.
Danny - I ran a background check on you and only found one infraction, but looking at the details of the incident - I get it. Anybody wearing a Mellencamp shirt at a Springsteen show is looking for a fist to the face. Still, I'm keeping an eye on you, friend. And congratulations.
Officer Handsome and Mad
M_ Casey_Peerson_
_X__ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
WHADDUP, GURL!
I hope you and Danny both accept my heartfelt congratulations. The date clashes with an entrepreneurial conference I have in Japan, so I won't be able to make it. I'm sending you both a pair of kicks from our newest line, though! They're pretty hot. I probably don't need to tell you this, Mindy, but yours will be colorful with low functionality, just how you like 'em. Danny, you're getting a pair of our top-of-the-line stabilizing running shoes, recently endorsed by 2 Chainz himself. I hope you dig it.
I'm stoked for you both. Again, congratulations.
Casey
Casey Peerson
CC:
BCC:
RE: My other wedding gift...
June 4, 2015 1:41 a.m.
Mindy,
I wanted to tell you something important, but I didn't think it would be appropriate to include on the RSVP. I'm still sending you both those shoes, but I wanted to give you a gift that was specifically for you.
Do you remember one of the first nights I ever spent at your apartment? We were lying in your bed and we had just finished watching one of your movies. I want to say it was My Best Friend's Wedding, but all I remember was Julia Roberts being ridiculous, so it could have literally been any movie she's ever been in. I digress. We talked for a while about some of our past relationships and early adolescent heartbreaks. I remember how adorable you looked, your eyes all wide while you talked about these old boyfriends as if you were talking about characters in a movie about your life. I was grateful to not have quite as many tales of love lost, but I envied your ability to captivate with any story. I thought I had skills at the pulpit, but I remember thinking I could learn a thing or two from you.
Anyway, you mentioned something that night that remained with me for a while: "I just really want for someone to think of me as 'the one that got away." At first it seemed kind of selfish to want a man to love you in the present while also wanting a man from your past to pine for you from afar with no hope of any sort of payoff, but I get it now. You just want your worth to be recognized, especially from someone who may not have understood before.
Mindy, I want you to know that you are, and will always be, my "one that got away." I wish I had fought for us a little more. I wish I had found all this focus that I have now while we were together. I really wish I had treated you a little better when I saw you in LA. Then maybe I would have earned a second chance and it would be you and me sending out wedding invitations (for real this time, though).
Going into business for myself has taught me that sometimes I have to be ruthless for the things I want and trust me, if you were marrying any other guy I can't say that I would be above coming back to New York and scheming a way to win you back. Danny, however, seems like a dude that would kill a man with his bare hands in order to protect you, and that's what you deserve. I know when I'm beat. Plus, you look happier with him than you ever did with me, if your Twitter is even half accurate.
So, that's all I wanted to tell you. I don't mean any disrespect to you or your soon-to-be husband. Still, if you have a desire to cuss me out or send Danny to punch me in the face, I wouldn't blame you. I just figured you'd want to know that your worth is definitely recognized by the people whose lives you've affected. Despite my own kind of emo self-pity, I really am happy for you and Danny and I do hope that we can be good friends. If you guys are ever back in the West Coast, please look me up. Let me know how you like the sneakers!
Sincerely,
Casey
Mr. & Mrs. Alan Castellano _
_X_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
Daniel and Mindy,
I so regret that your father and I will be unable to attend your wedding. I have truly been looking forward to meeting you both. Dani can't stop talking about how excited she is to come there and to have been asked to do a reading. She's been practicing that verse for weeks! After the honeymoon and work permitting, you must come back to California for a visit.
Happiest regards,
Tara
Mr. Josh Daniels _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
I knew it! Took you long enough to see it after I pointed it out. You can be so dense. Seriously though, who knows you, babe? We really were a great couple. Corrine and I are back together again. Again. I think that third go in rehab did a lot for her. I do appreciate your forgiveness and us being able to be friends. You deserve to be happy. I wish you the wedding your buddy and my estranged wife ruined. To the point that I'll even try and keep Corrine away from Danny. There's something about weddings that just makes everyone horny, am I right?
Mr. Duncan Deslaurier _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _1_ # OF GUESTS)
It is with joy in my heart I accept the invitation to attend your harmonious union. Would it be okay for me to recite a poem during the ceremony?
Mr. Brendan Deslaurier _
_X_ ACCEPTS WITH GREAT PLEASURE ( _2_ # OF GUESTS)
I'm pleased you are both able to finally rise above any petty jealousies to the point of including me as a guest at your wedding. As you know, until marriage equally is truly embraced in this country it has been my solemn vow to abstain from attending any government sanctioned commitment rituals. If then, as they are historically a sexiest form of servitude and now perpetuate unrealistic and unattainable goals of "happiness" and monogamy. However, I will make an exception for the two of you. More than once I've tried picturing what the ceremony will look like, not to mention the resulting marriage, and I cannot. The mind reels!
Ms. Christina Porter _
_X_ DECLINES WITH SINCERE REGRET
Congratulations. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.
Danny,
Thank you for including me in the wedding invitations. I don't believe that you actually want me there, and I'm positive Mindy doesn't, but it was a nice gesture. It makes things more final too, doesn't it? It makes a clear statement about your current relationship. Either that you're so over me that it wouldn't be weird for me to attend. Or that you're still harboring enough unresolved anger that you want to throw your happiness in my face in the hopes of hurting me. I hope for your sake it's the former. Either way, message received.
Are you happy? I never hear anything from you, not that I expect to. I guess even without having been remarried our relationship always ends in attorneys, huh?
I do hope that you are happy. You never were with me. Maybe at first, but never for long. I always thought it was because you just weren't that kind of person. That you put on a good show of being happy and normal, but that the uptight man with the ever-present dark cloud was just who you were deep down. For the most part that never bothered me. I pictured an artist's soul in you. That was at least something I could relate to.
Honestly, not that you asked, I don't see how it works between you two. Mindy's too much like you. Not in any obvious ways of course, but from what I know of her, Mindy is obstinate, wildly opinionated, and fiercely loyal. I have never been berated more thoroughly than I was by her in that letter she sent me. Those are the character traits that are so like you. It's a wonder to me how you're not at loggerheads all the time.
Since I'm being honest here, despite not being able to fathom how your relationship works, I always suspected there was something there. It was a relief when she left the country and no surprise you threw our relationship away the minute she got back. I don't think you realize how much you would talk about her while she was gone.
Pass a message on to my successor if you don't mind: 1) Those rumors were unfounded; I have no strand, yet-to-be-classified or otherwise, of Chlamydia. 2) I did; and you better earn him too. 3) This is me officially fucking off for good.
She'll know what that means. Also, while I am not attending, I did get you a wedding gift. It's the 800 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets from your registry. You don't have to use them, but hopefully at least that will be considered a debt paid.
Danny. I don't know what else to say. I did love you. I hope this woman and this marriage will finally make you happy.
Best regards,
Christina
Min. I just got a passive-aggressive letter from
my ex-wife in with her RSVP. When and why did
you send her a letter?
To: Min
June 30, 2015 3:33 p.m.
What is that walking insane asylum even
talking about?! I never sent her a letter.
To: Dan
June 30, 2015 3:37 p.m.
HOLY SHIT I TOTALLY WROTE HER A LETTER.
To: Dan
June 30, 2015 3:39 p.m.
Babe, don't get upset. I wrote it years ago and it was after the
whole art gallery drama. I only did it because she was so awful
to you and seeing you look so betrayed... I couldn't just NOT
say anything, you get that, right? And she's lucky she only got
a letter! I love you. Are you mad? :-(
To: Dan
June 30, 2015 3:41 p.m.
Even before we were together you cared enough to write an
angry letter to my ex for publicly humiliating me? Of course
I'm not mad.
To: Min
June 30, 2015 3:44 p.m.
It's kinda hot, actually. You being that willing to go to the
mattresses for me. Admit it, you were into me even then.
To: Min
June 30, 2015 3:45
Oh God. Well, I could try to deny it, but would it really matter?
You probably already have it in your head that I was desperately
in love with you back then...and maybe I was. So what? Wanna
do something about it, Dr. Castellano?
To: Dan
June 30, 2015 3:47 p.m.
And speaking of mattresses...I have a little time between surgeries.
Maybe you can stop by the hospital before heading home? We can
test your sound proofing theory in the on-call room. :-)
To: Dan
June 30, 2015 3:49 p.m.
I'll be there no later than 6:00. I'm pretty sure it's sound proof, but
be prepared for a walk of shame. I have no intentions of you being
quiet.
To: Min
June 30, 2015 3:51 p.m.
Oh, and don't change back into your street clothes. I want you in your
scrubs. And your glasses. Leave your glasses on too.
To: Min
June 30, 2015 3:51 p.m.