Chapter 10
"Why is she here Johnny?" I asked, kneeling at her side.
"I don't know."
"How do you not know?" I started to yell.
Johnny put a hand over my mouth and said quietly, "I don't know. I really don't know. I just found her down here a few days ago."
I pushed his hand away, "and you didn't tell me?"
"I couldn't."
"Why not?" I ask.
"Because they'll kill her…and me," he said, clasping to the ground then held his knees to his chest.
"Not if you get help fast enough," I told him, sitting next to him.
"I'm going to help her escape," he told me, "and then….I'll take the blame."
"You can't do that," Ocean chocked out.
Her voice was no longer soft, quiet, and sweet. It was rough, raspy, and low.
"Yes I can. I have to get you away from here," he scooted towards her so he was now sitting in front of her, "I'm sorry."
"Johnny," I got his attention, "what did you do?"
Johnny looks at, then at Ocean, "I'll be back."
Johnny pulls me up and we sneak outside.
"What did you do?" I repeated.
I don't know what happened. I was shocked, too shocked to know what happened. Johnny just broke down as we were walking back to my house or the lot, we were just walking.
He broke down in tears, going in a fetal position sobbing. I kneeled down beside him, "it's okay. What did you do? I won't tell anyone, not even the gang."
"That's the thing, Ray I didn't do anything. I let it happen," he choked out.
I sat down, and did the only thing that came to my mind, hugging him. He cried, like he had no control over his feelings.
But sometimes, we really don't.
Don't we?
I rubbed his back, and whispered in his ear, "Were getting her out of there."
"When?"
"Tonight."
"How?" he leans back looking in my eyes.
"Were going to sneak her out we just need a distraction," I told him.
"I'll be the distraction, if it leads up to that we need one."
"Okay."
We sneak back down stairs, I help her get up, and we have her use our shoulders as support for her. We make it outside and actually escape, but Johnny won't let me take her to the house, so we take her to the lot.
Sitting her down on the car seat, we try to figure out where to take her.
"Take me to my house," she says, "my foster mom will take care of me."
"Okay," I tell her.
She tells us the direction and we take her there, she was right her foster mom was going to take care of her. She told us she'll call to tell us when she's ready for visitors.
So we left. We were quiet during the walk. It was cold, I was shaking, and so was Johnny. But not because he was cold.
He was terrified.
His hands and legs were shaking, because he was so scared. I knew why. It was because of his parents. He was scared of their threat of killing them. But to be honest…I highly doubted they would kill them, just beat him.
I told him he's free to come back with me, but he told me no, because the gang will know that something is wrong, and will make him tell them. So I walked alone.
When I got home I realized I been gone for hours. I told Darry I just got distracted by the stars and the things around me, and I told him I was tired I wanted to go to bed, he let me.
I was off the hook!
The next morning a burnt smell. Soda must be cooking, I thought. I went down stairs to find Steve, Soda, Dally, Darry, and Dally in the kitchen. They were all talking but they were whispering.
"What's going on?" I asked.
They all look at me, "Something's up with Johnny."
"Yeah probably," I mumble.
"What do you mean? Do you know something we don't?" Dally asked.
"No," I say quietly.
"You do."
"No I don't, Dal," I protest.
"Yeah you do. What do you know," he pressured me.
"Nothing," I said.
"Tell us, come on," Soda begs.
"Come on tell us," Two-bit says.
"Come on," Dally says.
I break. I tell them everything. They all have the same looks on their face, shock, and angry. Then I turn around, once I'm done to leave.
My heart drops as I see Johnny standing there. I could see his wounds much clearly now. The scratches looked worse in light, and the bruise was bigger and more seen.
He looks at me, hatred shown in his face for a spit second, then it turns to angry, and I could see his eyes getting watery. Then he takes off out the door before I could say a word.
Days go by and we don't see Johnny at all not even at school. I feel like I just lost another loved one. It felt like I just lost my brothers all over again.
I get that lump in my throat every time I think about Johnny. I'm now miserable, I feel so bad. He probably would never forgive me.
He trusted me.
I failed him.
I hated that feeling, that I now felt almost every day. The gang see my pain, but they can't fix it. Not even Scar or Ciara.
Only one person can fix my pain.
Johnny.
But he hates me now. Won't even come by the house. I think I may be in a depression episode. But I can't tell. I don't care anymore.
I laid down on the couch staring blankly at the TV. I needed to get out, I felt so guilty. I needed to fix this….somehow. I left right then, ignoring everyone's looks. I went for a walk, to calm myself down.
I walked past an empty park, an empty lot, and a full Cade house. I mean clearly, there was loud bangs, and yelling going on inside. That's when I remembered what Johnny told me.
'Because they'll kill her….and me'
And him, I thought. They couldn't kill Ocean anymore, she's safe at her home. But what about Johnny saying,
'I'll take the blame.'
Did he actually take the blame? Would they actually kill him? I was scared. Not for me, though. For him.
"Please be alright,' I whispered as I got closer to the house.
I heard a sharp scream come from inside of the house. It was a terrible scream. A scream of pain, a scream for help. It wasn't a girl scream either, it was a boy's. My heart dropped, and I turned around and sprinted back to the house.
I was sure it was Johnny's scream, I didn't want it to be, but I was pretty sure it was. I almost ran into the door because I didn't open it in time for me to go through it.
I clasped on the ground, the gang staring at me not knowing if they should be helping me or just ignoring me. I was breathing heavy, and hard trying to catch my breath as fast as I can to tell them everything.
"Guys," I said still breathing hard.
"What?" Dally asked.
"….Johnny….his house….now," I took breaths between my words, then went out the door.
They followed, "What are you talking about?" Soda asked.
I sat down on the sidewalk to rest, "….Johnny's house, yelling, need to help, now."
"What are you talking about? There's always yelling he'll be fine," Two-bit said.
I didn't say anything. I didn't know if I should tell them we should check up on him anyways to make sure he was alright. I mean it could be his father screaming. But there was something wrong with that scream.
I got back up, "just forget then."
I went inside and went to my room, clasping on my bed.
I still had that miserable feeling, we haven't seen Johnny in a week now. That's a long time for us, because he comes over at least once every other day.
It worried me even more when he didn't show up another week later.
We were all in the living room hanging out and watching TV. Everyone was there but Ciara, Scar, and Darry. All of a sudden the phone rang.
"I got it," I told them.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Buck? Is that you?" I asked.
"Yeah, um… can I talk to Dallas?"
"Sure thing hold on," I turned towards the gang, "Dally it's for you."
I handed him the phone then sat back down, listening like everyone else to what Dal was saying.
"Hey…who?...What? Why?...Is he hurt?...We'll be over in a few….yeah, bye."
He turned to us and said, "Were going to the hospital. Two-bit start your car."
When Two-bit gave him a confused look, and looked like he was about to ask why Dally quickly added, sternly, "Now."
Two-bit jumped up and ran out the door, it only took him not even 5 minutes to get back and pick us up. Dally made Two-bit scoot in the middle, and told us to hang on. Then he sped off.
We found Buck in the waiting room pacing around. If Buck was nervous or scared, then it had to be bad. Johnny ended up having several broken ribs, a broken arm and wrist, a fractured skull, but hardly any bruises, on his face was just a black eye.
Buck told the doctors that he got in a car accident, so we didn't have to make up a story. We all knew what would happen if we told the truth, well if it is the truth.
We couldn't see him until he was able to get up and move around, the gang and me hated that. It took 2 whole weeks for him to wake up and move around. We got to see his room after those 2 weeks, but he was asleep so we didn't stay long.
His room was different from other peoples'. He had a guitar by his bed, comics, notebooks pencils, movies, and a radio. I guess nurses and doctors got him all those things so he always had something to do.
One day I went to visit him I stopped at his door, and looked inside since his door was open, he was sitting by the window playing the guitar and singing. It was a beautiful song. And he had a very pretty voice. The song went something like this.
"I wanna run, I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside
I wanna reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
I wanna feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building, then burning down love, burning down love
And when I go there, I go there with you, it's all I can do
The city's a flood, and our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind, trampled in dust
I'll show you a place high on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building, then burning down love, burning down love
And when I go there, I go there with you, it's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind, oh, and I see our love
See our love turn to rust
Oh, we're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, when I go there, I go there with you
It's all I can do"
It sounded so familiar I think it was called 'where the streets have no name'. I swear I heard it before. Then I remembered my oldest brother, Brandon sang it at a talent show of his.
It's not like I went to his talent show I just heard him sing in his bedroom or basement. He sang it amazing. I loved to sit outside his door and listen, since I wasn't allowed in his room, because I would 'bother him'.
I wouldn't really. I liked to annoy him some when we were little but not when we were older, and of course not now. My dad was the one that didn't let me in Brandon's room.
He was the one that thought I would bother him, not Brandon he loved it when he had an audience, and I loved to watch him. I would sometimes play with him. I mean he was the one that taught me the most about instruments. He also gave me singing lessons.
Which didn't work very well, I wouldn't pay attention or I would keep telling him he's wrong about something. So he ended up getting me to just go to choir.
I waited until he was done, set the guitar down, and turn around to notice me. I smiled when he turned around and saw me. He didn't and turned back around. I walked in and pulled a chair next to the one he was sitting in.
"Are you still mad at me?" I asked.
He didn't say anything, and looked down.
"You are aren't you?"
"No."
"You're lying," I told him.
"No I'm not," he said.
"Well I know you are, so I'm sorry, again. I'm very, very, very sorry alright, I feel terrible. I just panicked and told the gang, I didn't mean it, really. What happened anyways why you are here? And why did you pick Buck to go to?"
"I told you they would kill me. They might have not this time but they were close and they probably, most likely will," he said flatly.
"Who?" I asked.
"Who do you think?" he snapped, "my parents."
"They wouldn't kill you Johnny," I told him.
"No Ray, you don't understand they will. They hate me. You should have seen how mad my dad was. It was like I killed someone like his brother or something, that's how he acted," Johnny explained.
"They don't hate you, they just don't know how to say or show that they love you," I said, trying to make him feel better.
I don't think it worked.
He leaned on the window looking out onto the half empty parking lot. It have never really concerned me about Johnny and his parents relationship, I mean is there even a relationship if they don't even talk to each other in full on sentences?!
Johnny seemed concerned about his parents hating him. I think he thought it was true that they really did absolutely hate him. I don't think it is true though, no one can hate there kid or kids, like hate them so much they really want to kill him.
Johnny made it 17 years, if his parents or anyone's parents really hate them then they would kill their kid when they were born or have an abortion.
"They said I should have never been born," Johnny paused, "I think their right."
"No they aren't right, not at all," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Yes they are, Ray. Yes they are, they always are right. When it comes to me they'll right I am worthless, useless, stupid, I just can't do anything right."
"No-"
"I want to be alone."
"Johnny, your-"
"I want to be alone," he repeated not looking at me.
"Johnny your parents don't-"
"Please leave."
I sighed, and got up, "I'll come back to visit-"
"No, I don't want any visitors," Johnny argued.
I sighed and got up, I looked back at Johnny one last time before I walked out the door. He was serious, I could tell. I couldn't tell who he was mad at though, me or his parents.
I walked to the DX and sat down on the bench outside, Soda and Steve came out and drove me home. I was trying to act normal, but it was pretty hard. We got home and ate dinner in the living room with everyone.
Dally left in the middle of dinner saying he wanted to visit Johnny. I wished him good luck and he asked why.
"Because he's not in a good mood. I should know I visited him too, today."
"Whatever," Dally says and walks out the door.
Later on that night when I was in my room getting ready for bed, brushing my hair and putting it up in a braid, Pony walked in. He sat down on my bed waiting for me to finish braiding my hair. I finished and sat down next to him.
"What did you mean when you told Dally, Johnny was in a bad mood?" Pony asked, starting the conversation.
"He pretty much kicked me out of his room, saying he didn't want any more visitors, that he wanted to be alone," I explained.
"Did you say anything to him that he didn't like or hurt him?" he asked.
"No, we talked about his parents, but he was the one that brought it up. Then he started talking about killing himself again, and I told him we loved and needed him, and he just told me to get out, I don't really know what happened," I said.
"Oh," is all Pony could say.
Pony and I both been through the whole killing yourself thing with Johnny. We both had to talk him out of it, and we didn't always tell the gang.
"Is that all you wanted to ask?" I asked him.
"Yeah," Pony said standing up.
"We should do this more often," I commented.
"What?"
"Talk more. Just me and you. We need to catch up, I mean we don't talk that much anymore, we kind of ignore each other," I said.
"Well, we could go to a movie together, maybe tomorrow if you want," Pony suggested.
"That sounds great. About a Paul Newman, The color of money?" I asked, hearing about the movie at school, and hearing that it's good.
"Sure."
"Great, night, love you!" I tell him.
"Night, love ya!"
He shuts the door behind him and I change into shorts and a tank top. I lay down in bed, and stare at the ceiling after I turn off the light. My mind races with thoughts of Johnny, and just plain life.
I couldn't fall asleep for nothing, so I sat back up in bed, turned on the light, and grabbed my guitar. Singing always helped me get my mind off things.
I started to sing, 'The Silence' by Alexandra Burke,
"You lift me up*
And knock me down
I'm never sure just what to feel when you're around
I speak my heart
But don't know why
Cause you don't never really say what's on you mind
It's like
I'm walking on broken glass
I wanna know but I don't wanna ask
So say you love me
Or say you need me
Don't let the silence
Do the talking
Just say you want me
Or you don't need me
Don't let the silence
Do the talking
It's killing me
(love in silence)
It's killing me
(love in silence)
It's killing me
(love in silence)
You let me in
But then sometimes
Your empty eyes just make me feel so cold inside
When I'm with you
It's like rolling dice
Don't know where or how you're gonna make me cry
So say you love me
Or say you need me
Don't let the silence
Do the talking
Just say you want me
Or you don't need me
Don't let the silence
Do the talking
It's killing me
(love in silence)
It's killing me, yeah
(love in silence)
Wooooo
(love in silence)
It's like
I'm (I'm) walking on (walking on) broken glass
I wanna know but I don't wanna ask
'Cause once you say it
You can't take it back
And this the end and please just fake it fast
So say you love me
Or say you need me
Don't let the silence (ooohhhh)
Do the talking
Just say you want me (say you want me)
Or you don't need me (but you don't want me)
Don't let the silence
Do the talking
Wooooooh
(love in silence)
You lift me up
And knock me down
I'm never sure just what to feel when you're around"
I focused on the lyrics and made sure I got every lyric right, and that I sang them clearly. Before I could start thinking again, I started to play my guitar to the beat in 'I miss you' by Avril Lavinge,
"Na na*
Na na na na na,"
Even though I was singing to get my mind off things, I couldn't help it, but think of Johnny.
"I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad,"
I missed Johnny, I missed the old him. Where I could talk to him, and he would listen, and understand. I didn't forget the first time I met him, he wouldn't even talk to me. Look at us now.
"I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh,"
Those lyrics reminded me of today in the hospital, with Johnny.
"Na na
Na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh,"
Today was the day Johnny slipped away from me. It was now like we had to start all over again, where he rarely talked to me. I wanted to see him again, and kiss him again. I started to remember Johnny and how he changed from the day we met.
"I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by,"
I finally woke up to reality, but he didn't, not yet. I couldn't take it, why couldn't he see that his parents were hurting him. Those words I told Johnny that the gang I loved him, wasn't fake. I did love him with all my heart.
"Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back,"
He needs to wake up, and realize what kind of mess he's in. If he doesn't we will lose him, he'll be gone, not just for a week but forever.
"The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same,"
It won't be the same without him. Why can't he realize that?
"Oh
Na na
Na na na na na
I miss you."
I sat my guitar down by my bed. My throat was now dry from all the singing. I made it to the kitchen, and in the living room Soda, Steve, and Two-bit were still up.
I passed them, and got myself a glass of water. Taking the water to my room I stopped by the living room and said good night.
"You have a pretty voice," Soda commented, smiling.
"You guys heard me?" I asked.
"Yep, you're really good," he said.
"Thanks, but stop ears dropping," I laughed.
"We weren't, we just over heard," Two-bit said.
"Uh-huh, sure," I laughed, and went back to my room to go to sleep.
Author's note: I don't know if anyone is still reading this but if not then I will just stop updating. So please DM me or Review to tell me that there is still people out there reading this story! PLEASE R&R!