TENDER IS THE NIGHT
Chapter 8
by Stands With A Fic - Camima
Did you see S3 promo? And Andy and Provenza's promo ''Sharon-Sharon-Sharon-Sharon''? OMG Shandy is in the air! Thanks everyone for your encouragement! My utmost gratitude to my Beta CmemLovr!
Andy walked down the corridor leading to Sharon's apartment, hands in his pockets, chin down and lips pursed, attempting to determine how he was going to apologize to her and gain her forgiveness. He could think of nothing more than saying 'I'm so sorry' but it wouldn't be enough. Shaking his head in frustration, he just couldn't seem to find the right words to express himself adequately to her. He stood motionless before her door. Then, taking a deep breath, he half-pursed his lips before releasing it and raising his fisted hand to knock on her door.
Before he could, however, he heard Sharon's voice urgently saying, "Please hurry up, honey! Or I'm going to be late!" Andy's heart and hand stopped. He felt as though he were frozen in place as his stomach twisted. Seven o'clock in the morning and she was still entertaining her guest? Had she entertained her guest, the professional Judge all night?! Suddenly, Andy's good, peace-seeking intentions fled in the face of his rage. He couldn't bear it - what was he doing there? He had to leave – now!
The door whisked open and Sharon jolted away from it in surprise, exclaiming, "Andy?!" She stopped, and drew herself up, looking at Andy with rounded eyes over the rim of glasses that had slid down her nose slightly with her sudden movement. For a beat, she forgot that she had been angry with him, but as she remembered, her eyes narrowed with irritation and her face stiffened.
"Hey-Hi," Andy started, his inner voice congratulating him sarcastically for such a stellar opening, then awkwardly smiled at her, eyes on the knot of her blouse, feeling ridiculous. What could he say?
"What brings you here, Lieutenant?" The Captain's façade had returned.
"The desire to talk to you, Captain." It became clear to Andy that this would be a conversation of ranks rather than friends, and a hint of surrender glinted in his eyes. After what appeared to be a never-ending silence, Sharon replied, "Then you'll have to do so in my office, as that is where I'm currently headed." She gave him a cool stare as if to say, 'Well? What did you expect?' Andy internally scolded himself, glad at least that she was talking to him.
"Sharon, please..." her eyes narrowed slightly, nostrils flaring.
"Rusty! Honey, you've got to hurry up if you want me to drop you off at the airport! It's getting late!" Her voice had risen, and her head jerked in his direction quickly, her hair whipping behind her. Andy was puzzled by this, and was unsure of whether he should expect peace (finally) or another shock.
"Rusty?"
The teenager appeared in the doorway and replied "Hey Andy, what's up?"
"Hey Rusty, how are you? It's good to see you, kid." Andy patted Rusty's back as he entered the corridor with his bag, nodding as Sharon pulled the door behind her and turned to lock it. Following them closely, Sharon hurried them down the corridor, practically on tip-toes with frustration. Andy couldn't help being amused at the sight of her. At the same time, his heart melted slightly at the sight of her tender gaze, constantly watching her son, who had not yet mastered the frantic and graceful movements for which she was renowned. Rusty sped up to keep her pace and Andy followed suit.
"I came back for a couple of days. Last night, Judge Levine came for dinner and Sharon introduced us. He's a real divorce guru – anything to do with inheritance matters and -" Rusty paused, watching Andy's gaze linger on Sharon's lower back, his eyebrows raised. Rusty's eyes rounded as he stopped in his tracks, stunned, and tried to repress the grin that had begun to surface. Much to Andy's delight, Rusty's sudden lack of movement caused Sharon to stop too. Rolling her eyes, she reached back to him, grabbed the handle of his bag and half-pushed him to continue.
"Ru-sty," she huffed, her movements mirroring the irritation in her voice. Turning, Sharon continued to walk in front of them at a hurried pace, and Andy's eyes followed each of her movements.
"…and that's why Judge Levine danced naked on the table singing Don't Judge Me," Rusty concluded with a mischievous grin as he waited for Andy's reaction. None came, however.
Andy turned to Rusty and asked in a whisper, "Hey, kid. You don't mind taking the stairs, do ya? I have a serious…confidential thing to discuss with Sh- the Captain." Rusty indicated silently that he wouldn't mind, and Andy thanked him profusely before speeding off after Sharon. She would have to listen to him now, without the distraction of a possible hundred interruptions to their privacy. Sharon entered the elevator, immediately followed by Andy who jabbed the down button. Sharon's eyes widened as she looked between Andy and Rusty, who was now waving at her from the entrance to the stairwell. "So," Andy started as Sharon rolled her eyes and flashed him a threatening look, her arms firmly folded and her gaze irate enough to melt metal. Andy smiled slightly, amused by her frown. He remained silent for a while, grinning internally when her side-long gaze reached him, almost encouraging him with its petulance. "Sharon, I know that I'm an idiot and I'm so sorry. Please, please, forgive me." He waited for her to say something but she remained motionless and silent. He steeled himself and tried again, "Sharon," he implored, reaching for her arms. He grabbed them, turning her to face him and smiling tenderly at her awkwardness. Her hair fell gently, conjuring the best images in his mind. "I really need to talk to you," he finished, eyes piercing hers pleadingly. Andy saw the ice in her eyes melt, the irritation and stiffness in her gait fading. Sensing the opportunity, Andy continued, "I'm an asshole - a complete idiot! I was jealous. I didn't have the right to be, but Sharon, I could only think that you -" eagerness showed on her face as she watched him expectantly.
"I?" she asked, her face relaxing into a neutral expression. It was time he told the truth.
"You deserve so much – infinitely – better." He blushed lightly, feeling somewhat shy as he turned his gaze downwards before meeting her sweetly frowning face again. "Sharon, I miss you," he said, his voice a low and raspy whisper.
She smiled gently at him, her brow still furrowed, and cupped his cheek with her palm, "Oh, Andy." She was attempting to stifle her bitter chuckles whilst shaking her head slightly. She had tried to push him away, intending to do so for his own good, making him miserable instead. He wanted to protect her and had missed her friendship and company. She realized that she had distanced herself too much, even if she hadn't done it purposefully. On top of it all, she had missed him too!
"You're not mad?" Andy asked, thoroughly abashed. His eyes widened and his lips parted as she shook her head with a sincere smile.
"You?"
Andy's brows shot up into his hairline as his jaw slackened. Eyes shining brightly, he smiled widely as his head tilted aside, shaking slightly. Pulling her into the warmest and rib-crushing hug Sharon had ever received, Andy placed his chin atop her hair.
Sharon arrived in the murder room from the corridor in front of her office. Slowing to a stop, she turned to her left to bid the rest of the team Good morning. As she halted, she caught Provenza and Tao exchanging meaningful grins.
"Good morning, Captain," Buzz said, clearing his throat. He desperately chewed his lips, but his eyes gave away the grin he was attempting to stifle. Sharon's eyes narrowed as she scanned the squad room, and Amy smiled fondly at her dreamily. She was completely thrown, however, by Julio's intense gaze, a slow grin appearing on his lips.. Sharon hands landed on her hips now, lips parting to speak before deciding that she'd rather not know. Walking away, she raised her brows slightly, her lips pursed.
"Ooooh!" the team heard as she entered her office. Provenza nodded his head with an amazed frown – Julio was almost sick at the sight - whilst Tao and Buzz nodded and grinned and Amy placed her hands against her cheeks in a fond smile. Sharon peered awkwardly out of her office, hair falling gently, watching as everybody pretended that they hadn't heard before disappearing back into her office. Turning to look at the roses that filled her office with their thick perfume, she reached for the single one that had fallen onto her desk. Feeling the eyes of her team on her through the glass partition, she withdrew her hand as though burned and breathed out, hands shoved into her pockets as she made to shut the blinds.
Andy entered the murder room smiling, bidding the rest of the team a good day. The team stared at his in astonishment, and Provenza's jaw dropped at the sight of Andy in a truly good mood. Carrying two coffees, Andy strode into the Captain's office, entering after he heard her muffled 'Come in!'. Provenza rolled his eyes at the sound of Andy's ''Sharon'' -in reply, the rest of his words mercifully muted by the door he kicked shut behind him.
"Hey! What's happened in here?" he asked, wrinkling his nose at the overwhelming scent of the flowers that scattered her office floor, giving the room the appearance of having been struck by a cheesy tornado. "Andy." Sharon's face mirrored her emotional confusion at the sight of the flowers, and was almost shy of Andy's reaction to seeing them, fearful that he would grow jealous once more yet sorry for him.
"Jeez Sharon, how can you breathe in here?"
Sharon watched his reaction to the sea of flowers her secret admirer had sent her. Sure, he was using sarcasm, but he seemed to be taking it well and had showed no change in mood.
"Well...I think it's incredibly romantic and lovely," she said with a smile, uncertain if it was truly a pleasant gesture and astonished that anyone could send her such a gift.
"Really?" Andy continued his charade, "One more second in here and you'll faint!"
"Well, if I didn't at the stunning sight, I doubt the perfume will cause me to," she said, amused by Andy's boyish tactics as he approached her with open palms, his brow furrowed. Sharon sat at the edge of her desk, legs outstretched and crossed, arms gently folded. "If I do faint, however, I will make sure you catch me as I fall," she continued, her voice sultry. Andy's eyes lit up at Sharon's words. He felt deeply grateful –thrilled almost.
"Well, you've got it right, there," he said his voice low and raspy thick with emotion, "I will always be there for you, Sharon – always," he half-whispered, eyes intensely piercing hers. Her heart skipped a beat as she searched his glazed eyes, touched by the intensity of the emotions reflected in his gaze. He saw her lips part slightly and he watched her throat bob as she swallowed. She reached for his temple, her hand tangling in his short hair. As he drew nearer, she saw him swallow and his hands landed on her waist as his cheekbone landed on her forehead. His hands slid onto her back, entwining gently, "Sharon," he murmured, jaw against her temple and his hands rubbing between her shoulder blades, "I really miss you."
He pulled away to look into her eyes as she gently commanded, "Tonight. Dinner at my place." Her gaze was tender as she punctuated each word with a strike to his chest with her fingertip. There was no way he would dare to disobey such an order. Sharon felt reassured by the thought of sharing Andy's company, but was unsure of what to make of her feelings, and thus decided to ignore it. They both needed and wanted to enjoy the other's company without complications.
"Aye-aye, Captain," Andy joked as he entered Sharon's apartment carrying a huge brown bag and holding a Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc in one of his hands. Sharon giggled, happy to see him in a cheerful mood, and stepped aside to let him come in. Andy moved around her apartment confidently and she recalled the weeks he had spent there, smiling lightly. He looked at her winked and said, "Hey, what do you think you're doing? Don't think that I'll just let you stand there watching me!" Wiggling his eyebrows, he caused her to giggle helplessly, chest leaning forward slightly and hands on her hips. She followed him to the kitchen as he placed the bag onto the counter then turned to open her fridge to place the wine on the shelf. As Andy took off his coat Sharon watched him closely and, noticing this, he winked at her once more. Lips curled, Sharon grinned unashamedly as he winked at her again. She took his coat from him and put it on the back of a chair and, following suit, Andy removed his jacket and placed it on top of his coat. Grinning flirtatiously at Sharon, he loosened his tie before discarding it atop his jacket. Then, unbuttoning his waistcoat, he continued to flick open the buttons on his cuffs, roll up the sleeves, and unfasten the top buttons of his shirt. Hand darting into his bag, he reached in and pulled out a purple apron, La Trattoria, L.A. C.A. emblazoned in white writing, and the words Let me whet your appetite scrawled all over his chest and belly. Flapping it open, he pulled it over his head, grinning at Sharon's muffled giggles as she fastened it from behind. When she returned to face him, Andy smiled at her sincerely, spinning once to give her the full view before asking, "What do you think, Captain?"
"Ah, well, you look very…professional," she replied, clearly amused. Andy's jaw dropped dramatically in mock disappointment and he rolled his eyes as he said, "Come on, professional? And…?" he gestured towards her, encouraging her to say more.
"Umm..." she pretended to think deeply, her eyes narrow, "and..." she said in a soft voice, "good-looking?" She ended on a sultry note.
Andy frowned, "Is that a question? You don't seem convinced," he said with a shake of his head.
She pretended to frown, giggling madly with a hand on his arm, "Sorry! Sorry, Andy!"
"Yeah, sure you are," he said sarcastically, watching her amused face and replying with a mock expression of hopelessness. Sharon took a deep quick breath in to stop her giggles, and smiled sweetly at him. Her expression grew suspicious as he drew nearer and said, "I love seeing you like this – hearing you giggle." He shook his head fondly, and she bit her lower lip.
"I love it too. And it's all because of you, Andy." She whispered her voice and gaze sultry. He felt himself melt inside. Looking at her in surprise, she blushed as she realized that this was the first time she had ever expressed her awareness of how good he made her feel. Pursing her lips slightly, she knew that it was only him, and realized that with him she could just be herself. She could be Sharon, not Captain Raydor – she was not mom, friend nor colleague – just Sharon. He cleared his throat, feeling emotions clawing their way up his chest and he reached for her forehead, kissing her gently and smelling her hair.
Pulling away, he asked her lightly, "Are you ready?"
"Oh, I am so ready," she said, her voice a sultry and flirtatious purr.
Andy swallowed and grinned, picking up the eggplants from the brown bag and announcing proudly, "Parmigiana eggplants!"
Sharon rubbed her hands together eagerly, biting her lower lip as she grinned widely.
As they waited for the eggplants to bake Sharon washed the kitchen utensils, her back facing Andy. Setting the table, Andy returned to the fridge to grab the wine he had brought for Sharon.
"Oh no, it's not necessary, Andy. Please, don't bother," she said, her hand up in a pacifying gesture.
"Really? Are you sure, Sharon? I don't mind if you want to -" he said honestly.
"Oh, I know, but it's alright. Thank you, though. I'll just have what you're having if that's -"
"Okay with me? Sure!" he replied, returning the wine to the fridge. When he looked at her again she was drying a knife and Andy could see her smiling cheerfully. He smiled fondly, his arms folded and his shoulder leaning against the fridge door. Sharon tilted her head, and watched him with intrigued eyes and a smile. He looked at her in her blouse with dreamy eyes and he remembered the first time he saw her in that blouse. It was 2011 and she was looking for the mole in Major Crimes – she had created a rumor that she would be retiring to take a position as the Security Chief Inspector for the City Hall in order to do so. She had entered the murder room gracefully, walking over to Chief Johnson with her hips and shoulders winging gently, her long, soft auburn hair cascading above her collarbones. She'd been wearing the blue and green semi-transparent blouse and her black pencil skirt that fell just above the knee. Her steps had been resolute but, as always, indelibly graceful. Turning her jade eyes towards him, she looked at him slightly awkwardly as he grinned at her fondly, pleasantly surprised by her arrival as he unashamedly checked her out. Stunned by his reaction, she had stopped talking completely, and for an impressive instant had seen him smile widely and sincerely at her. Recovering from the shock quickly, she had turned her eyes away once more, summoned by duty.
She was now looking at the knife and she blushed gently, her lips pressed together. Then she looked back at Andy, as if to check up on him but when their eyes met again she turned hers away.
"Hey," he said, responding to her uneasiness, "I can't help but admire you."
Smiling as she looked at him again, she replied, "Oh really? And why would that be?" she swallowed.
"Well…" he said as his mind plied him with an ode to her beauty, tenderness, class, grace and other feminine wiles, "the way you polish your cutlery is so -" he smiled. She turned to meet his eyes, a mock frown spoiled by the smile on her face as her awkwardness faded, unsure of whether she should be flattered or amused.
The oven dinged as Andy lit the candles on the table. Sharon moaned at the delicious aroma emanating from the oven, causing Andy to light up inside. He watched her bend over to grasp the tray, her shapely bottom pointed in his direction, and he swallowed and tried to seem disinterested by the sight of it.
"Now this smell is what you want to fill a room, not those awful flowers in your office," Andy said with a cheeky grin. Sharon jerked up from her position, turning to berate him with narrowed eyes.
Folding her arms, she approached him dangerously, "Lieutenant, I will not allow you to insult my flowers in that manner," she said as he continued to gaze at her lightly pursed lips. She poked him square in the chest with her forefinger, and he placed his hand on her waist.
"So, you really appreciated them, even if they were anonymous?"
"Of course I did, Lieutenant, they were lovely! And of course, it is nice to be the receptor of pleasant packages for a change," she said, suspicious of his odd behavior – a combination of uncertainty about his motives and genuine relief that she had appreciated the flowers.
"Well, yeah, I can see what you mean, Captain, but…you don't know who sent them," he said, his tone teasing.
"Actually," she countered, "I have a feeling that you're going to help me solve this case, Lieutenant," she said with a grin.
"Oh, well, anything for my Captain," he said mock-thoughtfully as he pursed his lips. "We should probably go over the evidence, then. Flowers but no card, so we don't know where they came from but were obviously addressed to you with the aim of winning your heart…" She nodded her head as he spoke, ticking off the 'evidence' on his fingers as he mentioned it. "Well, Captain, has anyone driven you mad lately? Behaved idiotically? Has anyone done anything that would warrant such an apology?" he asked with a slight pout. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"You?" she asked with a bewildered smile. He grinned openly as she spoke, "Oh Andy, that was so sweet of you!"
"Yeah, and something about it being lovely…"
"Oh, well, yes."
"And romantic…"
"Oh."
"Sharon, you said it."
"Well, yes, I guess I did."
"Sharon, there's nothing wrong with it," he said tenderly, "I meant for it to be a romantic, sweet gesture, what's wrong with that?" he asked, eager to understand.
"Andy," she started, releasing a breath, "there's nothing wrong with your intentions, but…your feelings -" she hesitated.
"Sharon, you're officially divorced now and we're so good together – we're friends, we like spending time together, and I feel amazing when I'm with you – only when I'm with you. I know you care about me as I do you, so, what's wrong?"
"Andy, stop. Please."
"What? Why? Please tell me why. What would be so wrong about taking a chance with me?"
"Oh, wh- taking a chance? Andy, what are you talking about? You want me to take a chance with you?" her voice began to rise as she became more uneasy, "I'm your Captain, Andy! There's so many ways that risking this, together, could impact our relationship, the balance of the whole team and, not to mention, the quality of our work! How could you possibly ignore the consequences?!"
"Seriously, Sharon? Come on! Give me some credit! We're not teenagers, okay?" he fired, then took a deep (hopefully) calmative breath. He wanted to understand and listen to what she thought too – he didn't want to push her away – to scare or hurt her. "Sharon," he continued in a low calm voice, "I respect you and I don't wanna push you into anything you don't want, but please, I need to understand. Is the fact that you are my Captain the only reason you don't want our relationship to progress?"
"Andy, this is a huge thing! It's a major change that could destroy everything we already have. Like you said, we're not teenagers anymore Andy, we have to think about consequences."
"Well, that's fine for you, but you don't know what I have in my life. You don't know how I feel about you, not really. The fact that I can't stop thinking about you? That shows me that I'm ready to take this risk. I miss you every moment that you aren't with me, and I cherish every moment you are, Sharon!" His gaze pierced through hers, voice thick with emotion and a tinge of desperation.
"Andy, please stop," she said, her voice breaking. He stopped and watched as she shivered delicately, his heart aching at the sight of her and at the thought that everything between them – friendship and all – might be over. He dreaded the thought of having to work with her every day and having to repress his feelings – to pretend that everything was alright when it wasn't.
"Andy, please. You promised – you promised me -" she said, her voice breaking as she pleaded with him. He had promised that he would never do her wrong, and to always be there as her friend.
With a sigh, he said, "Okay, hey – it's alright, don't worry. Come here." Wrapping his arms around her body, he rubbed her back as she cried silently her uneven breaths shaking his body, wishing that he could protect her from her fears and his feelings. Sharon pulled away to look at him, her eyes wet and lips parted at the sight of Andy's tears. Swiping his eyes with his thumbs, he composed himself before apologizing to Sharon, "I'm sorry, Sharon. I've scared and upset you when all I want to do is protect, hold and stand by you. You must understand though, that it is getting harder every day, and the only reason I can see for us to remain as we are is that you don't love me."
Sharon caressed his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair, "Andy, I care for you and your friendship but I can't be more than a friend to you because you are a subordinate officer and I am your direct superior. That is why anything other than friendship is impossible."
Sharon felt sick at the sight of Andy's sadness and hated that she was the cause – her words sounding merciless even to her ears – knowing all the while that she wasn't being completely honest, either. Andy sighed and Sharon feared that he might leave. Swallowing, she said, "Andy, I would still like it very much if you would stay and have dinner with me, but if you don't feel like it, I understand." Her voice remained soft but steady, trying to prepare herself for his departure.
Andy shook his head and her heart sank, "I just need to know that I can speak my mind with you, if I need to."
"Oh, sure, whenever," she smiled tenderly at him, cupping his cheek gently and admiring the fact that he had respected her by showing that he truly loved her.
During dinner, Sharon tried to maintain light conversation and Andy tried to set her mind at ease. She knew how hard it was for him, but resolved not to push him away and to accept his decision to pull away if he needed to. At the thought of the latter, however, Sharon felt herself grow quite upset and scared. He knew how awkward, sorry and uneasy she felt and he just wanted to be strong for her, resolving that whatever the situation, he would not mention his feelings to her again, even if he needed to. Despite her wish for him to be honest. However, the will to remain together regardless of their feelings was mutual. After dinner, Andy felt that it would be better for him to go home and sleep that night, not because he was angry at Sharon, but because he just needed to be home. Despite understanding his intentions, Sharon couldn't help but feel sad. It became increasingly clearer to her as she tried (without success) to get some sleep that it wasn't just Andy she felt bad for. She was sad because he wasn't there with her, even if he did sleep in Rusty's room. Attempting to breathe calmly, she tried to accept this new realization. She had to be honest with herself, even if she couldn't be with him. She was his Captain and he her Lieutenant and a romantic relationship would break the rules. But then, why did she feel so upset? Was it because of him, or because she missed him? She got out of bed and fetched a glass of water that she barely managed to choke down. Barefoot, she stood on her balcony wearing a tint nightgown and no robe. She needed to feel the night air on her body to regain control of her mind and breathing. As far as she was concerned she had always had the control of her life and feelings and was used to having people needing, obeying and relying on her. She had always known how to behave in these circumstances. But now that she was alone – not obeying or even controlling herself anymore – she was upset and slowly surrendering herself to the fact that she needed him and didn't want to lose him. A hard shiver rocked her spine.
Andy didn't bother undressing himself when he returned home, he just sat at the couch, his head reclined and staring at the darkened ceiling, patches of light just visible from the window of his living room. He missed her and regretted leaving, but he felt that he needed to get used to her absence. She didn't want to be with him and he had to accept it. In spite of it all, he couldn't help but feel that Sharon hadn't been completely honest with him. There was more to it. He had noticed the change in the way she looked and smiled at him – in the timbre of her voice. But then, what did that mean? Did he have any chance to win her heart? If so, how? His phone buzzed in his pocket, 'Miss you' read the , there was more. He felt a subtle warmth in his chest. For once, maybe he had to guide her – never pushing but just…guiding. He knew that he wouldn't fall asleep, though his inner voice tried to convince him otherwise. He replied, 'Miss you too.'