June 2009

The finer details were the ones that were going to drive her mad.

The bigger picture wasn't looking so bad. Shared custody was fine. In theory. Moving out was fine. In theory. Living separate lives was fine. In theory. It was each of the finer points that needed work.

Every decision required patience, and every conversation was one she didn't want to have. Kate and Gabe had digressed to emails to organize their day to day lives in an attempt to co-ordinate their schedules - Gabe had checked into a hotel temporarily - but it wasn't ideal. Alternating days to pick up Ramona worked fine as a concept, but whenever Gabe didn't answer his phone it became dicey. Today Kate had gone as far as asking her secretary to email Gabe's secretary to confirm that he was going to collect their daughter.

She had done so with a stony glare that spoke volumes about her distaste for assisting with personal errands.

Patterns were slowly being formed, though. Gabe made it home in time to tuck Ramona in at least once a week if he wasn't tasked with picking her up from daycare, before leaving again. Kate, for her part, fought to be home as early as possible each night, but awkwardness framed each of their interactions.

She swept a hand through her hair, trying - and failing - to refocus on the document in front of her.

Had she really spent years in law school for this? Could she spend another decade of her life looking over contracts and deals and company law as if it meant anything to her?

Her cell lit up with Rick's message, and her mouth curved up of its own accord.

Got time for a coffee?

She reached for it, tapping out her reply.

If you can make your way down here. I can probably spare a half hour. Just.

The reply was automatic.

Now? Because I'm downstairs in the lobby of your building.

She grinned, flipping the phone shut and tossing it into her purse, before standing and striding down the corridor into the elevator well. If the less pleasant aspects of her life were taking on a pattern, so too were the bright spots in her day.

Coffee with Rick was becoming a regular thing, and he'd met her several times when she'd needed nothing more than to duck out of work on her lunch break, the caffeine and conversation with him every bit as vital as the breath of fresh air and release from her office shackles.

Rick stood in the lobby, studying the art beyond the concierge desk, and he spun around at the tap on his shoulder to find Kate behind him, a smile on her face.

"Hey." He grinned as he took her in, pressing a takeaway coffee cup into her hand. "For you."

"You brought me coffee?"

He nodded. "I know your order by now. And if you're pressed for time I want to maximize the opportunity for you to flood your system with caffeine as fast as possible, short of main-lining it."

She laughed, bringing the cup to her lips and sipping. Amazing, how something so simple made her so happy.

"Things okay up there?" he asked with a tilt of his head indicating the top floors of the office building, and she lifted a shoulder in response.

"Fine."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's walk to the park," he suggested, raising an arm to let her precede him out of the revolving door and onto the sidewalk, and she stepped forward, lifting her face as the sun filtered onto her skin.

"How are Roach?" she asked.

"Well… they're fine."

"Have you been keeping your publishers happy?" she teased, and he nodded, sipping his own coffee.

"Yeah. They're happy." They were thrilled. Gina's daily calls were a distant memory; she satisfied herself with the occasional email, and he'd found if he replied within the day she didn't contact him at all with further demands. "Really happy."

"So what aren't you telling me?" she asked, and he swallowed as they reached Battery Park, sitting on a park bench, the harbor visible through the trees.

"They're… well… Roach. They're not exactly the main characters anymore."

They were a footnote, just about.

"And- uh- the new main character is named Nikki,"

He sneaked a glance at her, but her face remained neutral. Of course it was. She had no idea what he was hiding.

Kate Beckett. Nikki Heat.

"Oh yeah?

"Yeah. She's a- a really great character." He trailed off, unable to voice the whole truth. "Better than Derrick Storm," he added.

"Better than Derrick Storm?" her eyes flashed, and he leaned back, eying her.

"What?"

"I love Derrick Storm," she said. "How can she be better than Derrick Storm?"

"Uh- she's more nuanced, for a start. More… passionate. She has a dark past, and a tendency to hide herself, but she's very tenacious. She's cautious, but she's also fearless, you know?"

"She sounds… amazing." The thinly veiled sarcasm was accompanied by an eye-roll and he narrowed his eyes.

"She is," he retorted. "She is amazing. She never gives up, even when she thinks that she's stuck. There's a part of her that always knows there's more, and even if it hurts, she's willing to push, one step at a time."

"One step at a time. I know something about that," Kate agreed, and he grinned, reaching out a hand and brushing hers before pulling back. They still didn't do this. Every touch, every accidental brush held the same feeling of illicit and too-soon as the inadvertent cheek kiss.

Boundaries. He could do boundaries. Without crossing them, that was. But her hand nudged back toward his, and he stared through the trees, unwilling to move or look, lest she shy away. Her hand entangled with his, threading their fingers together, and he chanced a movement, brushing his thumb across hers. Boundaries.

Well, he wouldn't step far over them.

"One step at a time," he agreed, chancing another look at her, and she smiled, meeting his gaze, her lower lip pulled between her teeth.

"What's your next move?" he asked, and she pulled her hand away, bringing her thumb to her mouth.

"I have to move, and… finding a good two bedroom in my neighborhood is proving difficult."

"Do you want me to make a few calls? I mean, I know some people, and I've got a guy-"

"You've got a guy?"

"I've got a guy," he continued over her laughter, "who owes me a favor and he might have a few ideas."

"Hold off," she said. "I just- it can wait."

"But-"

"One step at a time," she reminded him, and he nodded.

"Okay."

She leaned back, her eyes closing as she drained the last of the coffee from her cup, and he swallowed. She was so sex- No! He wasn't having those thoughts. He wasn't!

"So what do you have on for the rest of the day, now you've done your duty and rescued me - temporarily - from the paperwork all over my desk?"

"I-" Rick was interrupted by the chirp of his cell phone, and he pulled it from his pocket, grinning when he saw the display. Precinct. "Castle!"

He saw Kate roll her eyes at his greeting and he made a face at her as he listened to the details.

"I'll be right there," he told Ryan, ending the call with a flourish, and turning to her. "I have a case!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It's nearby, actually. A few buildings up from yours."

"What happened?"

"Young lawyer found dead in a boardroom." He nodded, chuckling. "He probably died of boredom in the boardroom."

"Hey." She frowned at him, and he shrugged.

"Sorry."

"Sounds interesting though." Was that a note of wistfulness in her voice?

"Yeah. They usually are, even when they're not, you know?"

"Well coming with you sounds better than the murder waiting for me back at my desk," she joked, and he grinned.

"Dying of boredom there too, are you, Beckett?"

Her eyes flashed as he voiced her last name, but she shook her head, a look of longing coming over her. "I guess… this isn't what I imagined for my life, that's for sure."

"What did you imagine?" he asked.

Dangerous territory. They'd ventured onto this path the day they'd met, with disastrous results.

Then again, more than two months later, they were enjoying a coffee in the early summer sunshine. Not such an irreparable disaster after all.

"I did think about becoming a cop," she confessed. "For about five minutes. Before they caught the guy who killed my mom."

He grinned. "I can see that. Detective Beckett, running a scene. Come with me," he urged. "Get a taste for what they do!"

"I don't think they'd appreciate a lawyer turning up at a crime scene," she retorted, standing, and he stood with her, taking the empty cup from her hands and tossing it into the trash can with his.

"But you're a corporate lawyer!"

"That could be worse, if the victim is from a rival firm."

"Yeah, maybe."

They fell into step together, walking back toward the offices beyond the park.

"But you should follow your dreams," he added, unable to resist, and she shot him a dark look.

"And what? Be a cop? Please."

"Well. Why not?"

"I went to Stuyvesant, and then Stanford and NYU," she started.

"So?"

"So… I was pre-law. I was always going to be a lawyer. I did a semester abroad-"

"Paris?"

"No." She shook her head. "Kiev."

"Kiev? And you're trying to tell me you're destined for a boring life as a lawyer?"

"What's wrong with Kiev?"

"Nothing's wrong with Kiev. And nothing's wrong with being a lawyer. And I'm sure you're a good lawyer. I really am. But, Kate, ordinary girls go to Paris on their semester abroad. Or… I don't know. London. Canada. And there's nothing wrong with Paris, or with London or Canada, but…"

"But what?"

"But Kiev's something different. You're different. And even if you're a good lawyer? If you followed your dreams? You'd be a great cop. The best."

Kate whirled around, her eyes flashing. "Listen. Castle. This is not one of your books. I'm not one of your characters. And you don't get to make up a plot that suits you just because my real life is too boring for you. I may work long hours, I may have a shitty job, but I am doing the right thing. We can't all write bestsellers in our spare time and raise our kids without the help of daycare."

"I-"

She held up her hand, shaking her head, her eyes red, tears threatening, and he took a step back. "Rick. When my mom was killed, I wanted to be a cop. I did. I was so angry, and it meant everything to me. Everything. And then they caught the guy. I was nineteen years old, and I was left without a fight, without a crusade. So I stopped looking for trouble, and went back to my life. Except… it wasn't my life anymore. My mom wasn't there, and my dad-" She shook her head. "I have spent every second since then trying to stay afloat. And you've sailed into my life, and I swear- if you pull me and my daughter under-"

"Kate-"

She shook her head. "I have to go, Rick." He watched as she turned and swept down the street, walking faster than should be possible in the sky high heels that she wore, and he swore under his breath as she disappeared into the crowd.

"I'm sorry," he called after her, but she was gone.

Kate's anger evaporated almost as soon as she was back in her building, the oppressive atmosphere of her firm filling her instead with a sense of dismay.

"If you've got capacity, I need you to look at this advice," one of the senior associates told her, following her into her office, and she looked at the paperwork he slammed down on her desk, closing her eyes for a second.

"Sure," she agreed, swallowing. She guessed that the 'if you've got capacity' wasn't so much a question as a roundabout way to phrase the fact that as far as he was concerned, she had capacity.

What was it Rick had said? That she should follow her dreams? Whatever they'd been, this wasn't it.

Today's saving grace was the fact that not only was it Gabe's turn to collect Ramona, but he'd emailed her to let her know he'd actually done so, and Kate flicked her computer off, grateful that she had time to make things right.

An afternoon staring at contracts had given her plenty of time to think about how she'd reacted to Rick earlier, and her cheeks flushed warm in shame.

He hadn't meant anything by it.

And it certainly wasn't his fault if years and years of choosing the status quo was having consequences for her now.

She stalked down the hallway to the elevator, making her way to the street and hailing a cab.

He was right.

She didn't want to be ordinary.

"Homicide's on the fourth floor," the desk clerk directed her, pointing at the elevator, and Kate nodded her thanks as she slipped the visitor's badge around her neck, her steps slow and cautious now that the gravity of her decision was hitting her.

What was she doing, showing up here uninvited?

Not uninvited. Just… unexpected.

Right. An offhand comment suggesting she join him at the murder scene was not an invitation to just show up at the Twelfth Precinct, no matter the unanticipated burst of passion - over-sharing - that had followed.

"Can I help you?" A uniform approached her as she stepped off the elevator, and she nodded.

"I was, uh, looking for Richard Castle? I believe he consults here?"

"He sure does." The uniform looked around. "Not sure where he's got to, but he usually helps Detectives Esposito and Ryan." The names were familiar from Rick's stories, and Kate nodded as he pointed across the bustling room. She blinked, taking it all in. Seven o'clock at night in a law firm found many lawyers still in their offices, but theirs was a more subdued environment. Here, though, the desks were all in the open, and much as she'd always despised the concept of open-plan, it didn't look distracting.

It looked collegial. Inspiring. Like there was room to work together instead of seeing colleagues as competitors to be disposed of on one's way to the top.

Kate walked across the room, stopping in front of the desk she'd been pointed to, her eyes falling on the nameplate. Detective Esposito. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"I'm looking for Richard Castle. Is he… here?"

"Yeah, he's in there." He jerked a thumb in the direction of what looked like a break room, as his eyes widened.

"Are you Kate?"

She swallowed. He'd been talking about her? "He… mentioned me?"

Detective Esposito chuckled, standing and offering his hand. "Javier Esposito. And yeah. Hasn't shut up about you all afternoon. Keeps going on about how you're never going to talk to him again." He shook his head.

"Kate Beckett." She took his hand, shaking and craning her neck again to see into the room.

"Come on. I'll take you in."

Kate nodded, sure that being walked into the break room was for the detective's benefit, not hers.

"Yo. Castle. You got a visitor."

She watched as Rick turned around, his jaw dropping.

"They really do call you Castle here," she said, raising her eyebrows at Detective Esposito's smirk.

"I- uh- Kate?"

"I'll leave you to it, Bro,"

Detective Esposito closed the door after him and she stepped forward. "Hey."

"Hey…"

"I'm sorry about today," she said. "I didn't mean to-"

"No. It's my fault. I pushed. Again. I'm sorry."

He took a step toward her, running a hand through his hair, and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth, biting down on her smile, and looking around. "This the break room?"

"Yeah." He indicated to the coffee machine. "I'd make you a cup but this stuff is disgusting."

"It's probably a bit late for caffeine," she said, and he frowned, looking at his wristwatch.

"Shouldn't you be home? Putting Ramona to bed?"

She shook her head. "Gabe's got her. He's good to stay until I get there, I told him I'd be late, so I've got a minute."

"Oh. Okay. Good."

"Maybe since I'm here you can show me around," she suggested, looking out at the open space and smiling as she caught Detective Esposito's eye; he dropped his gaze in a show of indifference.

"Sure."

He opened the door, ushering her out. "So this is the bull pen. You met Esposito, and Ryan's taken off already. This, though-" he pointed at a white board. "This is where it's at. The murder board."

"Oh yeah?" He pulled a chair over for her, and she sat down in it, staring at the board as he leaned against the closest desk.

"So we have our vic, in the middle, and a time frame- and look. On this side, we have persons of interest, and on this side, a suspect-"

"I can see that," she interrupted, and from a few feet away, Esposito smirked, coughing as he attempted to hide his laughter and she glanced over at him. Which one was he again? Detective Ochoa.

"So we've interviewed two suspects already." Rick shot Esposito a dark look when he opened his mouth to interrupt. "We think we'll have it wrapped up in the morning, just waiting on a couple of warrants."

"And then you can go back to writing?" she teased.

"Unless I have other plans." He wiggled his eyebrows. "If you're free tomorrow night, maybe you could come round to my place for dinner?"

She blinked. That was left-field. Until now they'd steered well clear of this kind of thing, skirting the boundaries between friendship and anything more by limiting themselves to the occasional coffee date and a steady barrage of text messages. But dinner sounded great, and she'd been the catalyst in changing up their routine by coming here in the first place. She should accept his invitation. "I don't know. I have Ramona, and-"

"She can come too," he said. "I mean, I have Alexis, and, well- she'll be there."

"Are you sure? Because you've probably forgotten, but kids eat early."

"It's not a problem," he assured her. "I can even cook something she'll eat, I swear."

"She's not a fussy eater," she said.

"Great, then it's settled."

Kate kept her gaze fixed on the murder board in front of her, as she struggled to keep her voice even. "Then we'll come over around six."

A/N: Kylie and Jamie, once again, my gratitude. x