July 2009

Kate clicked through her emails, deleting them as she went; two days out of the office made for a lot of mundanity to filter through first thing each Monday morning.

Calendar notice. All firm briefing. She clicked accept.

Library newsletter. She clicked delete.

Partner update. She scanned through the dot points, marking it as read.

Calendar notice. Meeting with Human Resources at nine o'clock. She clicked accept, frowning as she looked at the clock on the corner of her screen. Eight forty-five. That gave her fifteen minutes until… what? She stared at the words on the screen.

Meeting.

Human Resources.

Nine o'clock.

This could only mean one thing.

"In this economic climate…" The drone of the Human Resources Manager's voice barely permeated. She'd always liked Maggie. Was this what an out of body experience felt like? "…we're making cuts right throughout the firm, at every level." Kate nodded, an automatic response as she fixed her gaze on the painting behind Maggie. "We'd hoped to avoid these kinds of measures, but…" Another nod. Was she supposed to say something? "…I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go."

Kate blinked, trying to pull herself together. "When do I finish?' she managed.

Maggie tilted her head, the look of sympathy genuine. "Today, Kate. Head back to your office now, clean out your things."

"And, uh-" Today. Okay. "What about severance pay?"

"We'll pay out all the vacation days you're owed, and you have four weeks of pay on top of that." Maggie stood, reaching out to take Kate's hand, and she shook it automatically. "I'm sorry, Kate. I really am."

"I know," Kate said, forcing the words out.

Unemployment.

What now?

"They can't do that!"

"They can!"

"I'll get you a lawyer," Rick insisted, and she shook her head.

"I am a lawyer. I read it all through. They can do it, and they did."

"But-"

Kate shook her head. "No, Rick. You can't fix this. I don't want you to. I-" She hesitated, biting her thumb nail as she found the words she needed. "You've told me over and over I shouldn't be a lawyer. And while there's a part of me that wants to print out a dozen resumes and line up interviews and prove to myself that I was meant for this... I can't."

"I never meant to say that, Kate," he said, shame in his voice. "I should never have told you that you shouldn't be a lawyer."

"When I packed up my personal things, do you know what I realized? I had a couple of pictures of Ramona on the wall. And I had a winter jacket in the closet, and a pair of shoes in a desk drawer. And that was… it. Those four walls weren't my life. I'm not sure what's next, but when I put those things into the box they gave me, let them escort me downstairs with the others from my floor, you know what I realized? That's not my life. When I handed back my blackberry I felt the way I felt when I signed the divorce papers. Free."

"Really?"

"Really." She slipped her hand into his, staring at him from across the table, butterflies in her stomach. "I don't know what I'm going to do… but I'm going to start by enjoying the summer."

He leaned his head back against the booth, his thumb tracing circles across her palm. Hand holding. They might have been in a holding pattern, but it didn't suck. Except for when the light caress of a single fingertip skirted up her arm, or when the patterns on her wrist became a catalyst to wanting to dash from the cafe - or park, or whichever public place in which they'd found themselves - and hail a cab. That was when she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in Rick's arms, in his bedroom, for hours.

Slowly.

She exhaled, pulling her hand from his, and standing.

You're not there yet.

"I have to go. I… I'll call you, soon. I promise. Okay?"

He nodded, standing up too and pulling her to him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Okay," he agreed, and she twisted, letting her lips brush against his before turning and leaving.

She stared at the phone in her hand, the contact list dancing before her eyes. She had to do this. Make the effort. If she was going to untangle her life, one step at a time, her father had to be a part of it. She sighed, using a shaky fingertip to dial, before pressing the phone up to her ear.

"Hi, Katie."

"Hey, Dad."

"It's nice to hear from you," he said. His voice was clear, his pronunciation even, and she dared to smile. Was he really sober?

"Yeah… it's been too long," she agreed, and she heard him heave out a heavy breath on the other end of the line.

"Are things okay with you, Katie? I got your email, and I wanted to call, but-"

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You told me not to call you, and I figured, well, I don't really have the right to ignore you. But I wanted-"

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I shouldn't have said that. Told you not to call. I just- I wanted to work it through on my own, and-" Kate hung her head, tears prickling at her eyes. Don't shut him out. He loved her, she knew that. Emailing him to tell him she was getting divorced… not her finest moment. "And I was scared. I knew- I know you're going through a lot. And I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Nothing you've ever done has ever disappointed me, Katie," he assured her, and she sank down onto the sofa, tears flowing freely now.

"Well… I wanted to tell you this, and not through email. I, uh- I lost my job." She swallowed. Until now she'd been fine. Walking from the office building for the last time? She'd been fine. Telling Rick? She'd been fine. But now, confronted with her father over the phone? She wasn't fine.

"Oh, Katie. Oh, it's okay," Jim assured her, and she heard in his voice the strength of the father she'd known her whole childhood.

"Yeah," she agreed, sniffling and running the back of her hand over her face in an attempt to wipe the tears away.

"Don't cry," he urged her, and she shrugged, more tears starting.

"Anyway." She blinked the tears away. "How have you been?"

"Are you asking me if I've been drinking?"

"No, I-"

"It's okay. You can ask. It's… tough. Really tough. But I'm determined to beat this. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, and two back, but… I'm trying. I'm nearly three months sober."

Kate frowned. "You don't have to… explain yourself. Not to me."

Jim cleared his throat. "I'm not explaining myself. But by telling you, I'm holding myself accountable."

Kate nodded. "Okay. Then I'm glad. Maybe you should get away from the city for a while?" she suggested.

"Yeah. I probably should," he agreed, the words coming slowly. "I've been thinking about going up to the cabin for a while. But Katie? I get lonely. I can't do this alone."

She swallowed. The raw honesty in his voice cut to her core; she hadn't spoken to her father like this - adult to adult - before.

"Have you found somewhere new to live yet?" he asked, and she shook her head, looking around the room. Finding a new place without income was going to be a challenge, and dipping into her savings wasn't something that sat well with her.

"No. Not yet."

"Come up with me," he urged. "Just for a few weeks. Bring Ramona. The cabin- it was in pretty bad shape when I was there over Christmas. It needs painting, badly. We could fix it up."

"Maybe." Could she leave the city for a few weeks? She sucked her cheeks between her teeth, biting down as the real question surfaced. Could she leave Rick for a few weeks? "Maybe," she said again.

He would understand. Time to herself, time to reconnect with her father. Time for Ramona to get to know her grandfather. She'd be able to show her daughter all the special places that had punctuated her childhood summers. She would talk to Rick. They were taking things slowly for a reason. A few weeks apart might hurt, but in the long run? A fresh start, some time out in the countryside? It might be the perfect antidote to the challenges the year had already thrown her.

"When do you want to go?"

Kate pulled up in the overgrown driveway, killing the engine of the car once she was under the shade of the oak next to the shed, behind her father's station wagon.

"Here?" Ramona asked, and she nodded, twisting around to look at her daughter in her car seat.

"We're here," she said. "Want to go see where Grandpa is? I can see his car already." She pointed at the car in front of them.

Ramona nodded, and she took the key from the ignition, tucking it into her pocket and stepping out of the car. She leaned against the door for a moment, staring across the grounds to the cabin. Her dad hadn't been kidding when he'd told her the place needed some work; the driveway was more weeds than gravel, and the garden was overgrown.

Last time she'd been here had been the summer before college; she hadn't realized that those two weeks would be the last time she'd visit for over a decade, hadn't been able to imagine the different circumstances in which she would be returning.

She stared down toward the lake; the boathouse, too, was falling apart, and what had been a deep shade of red was now faded paint, several slats of wood rotted and missing. Still… as she stared, she could almost see herself, running down to the water's edge and leaping off the end of the pier.

"Mommy!" Ramona tapped on the car window and she turned back to her daughter. She opened the door, unstrapping her and helping her down.

"Okay, Sweetie. Let's go in."

"Katie!"

The back door opened, revealing her dad framed in the doorway, and Ramona ran to him. "Grandpa!"

"Hey," she said, watching her daughter jump into his arms. "Hi." He slung an arm around her, pulling her into an awkward embrace while balancing Ramona on a hip.

"How was the drive?"

"Good. A clear run," she said. "We only stopped once, didn't we?"

Ramona nodded.

"Have you been here long?"

"Got in about an hour ago," Jim told her. "I made up the beds already. I- have you been here- since?" He shook his head as he spoke, as if he knew the answer.

"No," she said, her voice low. "Not since- the summer before."

He nodded. "I… have a lot of stuff here," he told her. "I was storing it here. So- it's all a bit crowded. And the third bedroom is- well, you don't want to sleep in there, put it that way. So I have you two in your old room, okay? In the twin beds."

Kate smiled. "That's… fine." Her old room. Her mother might not be here, but life continued; she was here with her daughter.

"Then let's get your stuff from the car, and you can come on in and we'll have some lunch."

"This is a good plan, Kate," her dad said, and she nodded, twisting around in her chair to look at him in the dusk as he cleaned the grill. "I'm… glad you came up."

"Me too," she agreed, her voice lost in the call of the cicadas, the heavy drone of the lake coming alive at night.

He shrugged, putting down the scraper at last, and coming to sit beside her. "I'm glad to have the chance to get to know Ramona. It feels… like a second chance. To spend some time with my granddaughter."

"You- I never wanted to keep her from you, in the city," Kate said, her mouth dry. Even in the day's dying light these were hard conversations.

"I know." Jim smiled. "But- I tried, so many times. To stop. I did. And it… worked. Sometimes. For a little while. But then- when I got your email, telling me you'd split up with Gabe… I knew. I had to be a better father. A better grandfather. You were getting your life on track. I had to do the same."

"Getting a divorce was getting my life on track?" Kate cleared her throat. "That's… not how I saw it. See it."

"Don't you?" He smiled, the low light from the citronella candles casting flickering shadows across his face. "You're… lit up. In a way I haven't seen for years. Even in that email you wrote me- reading between the lines? I could see hope."

"But-"

"But nothing. I… liked Gabe. Or, at least, I never had anything against him."

She opened her mouth to protest - her father had never been overly warm toward Gabe - but he held up his hand to stop her.

"I didn't. I don't. He's… not a bad man. Maybe he's even a good man. But he's never been the right man for you. The way you are now? That's the Katie I used to know. And I'm so glad you and Ramona are up here for the summer."

Kate felt the corner of her mouth tug up as she stared out into the darkness of the garden. How many times had she torn around in the pitch black, chasing fireflies and turning cartwheels while her parents sat up here, talking the evenings away? It wouldn't be too many more years before Ramona's bedtime was relaxed. Maybe one day she'd be sitting here with Rick, watching her daughter run wild.

"What's put that look on your face?" her dad asked, and she shook her head, pushing the images away.

Too soon.

"Nothing," she whispered. "Nothing… yet."

"Castle!" he answered, and she grinned at the joy in his voice.

"Hey. It's… Beckett."

"Hey… Beckett."

"Hi…"

"How are you? Missing the city yet?"

Kate leaned against the cabin, looking over their property, the lake sparkling in the sunlight. "It's been a day, Rick!"

"You could still miss… the city. In a day."

"I could… and maybe, in a way… I do. Miss… the city."

"Mmm-hmm. The city misses you, too, you know."

"Good to know," she managed.

"So how is it up there? Worth the four hour drive?"

Kate padded over to the picnic table they'd eaten at last night, settling into one of the awkward wooden chairs. "So worth it," she said. "It's… nothing like I remember, and it's exactly the same." Her eyes fell on the boathouse again, the rotting wood an eyesore, and she winced. "It needs a lot of work."

"And you and your dad are going to work on it?"

"As much as we can, with Ramona here- it might be slow going." She shrugged. Here it was. "I think… I think it's going to be more than a two or three week trip. We'll probably come down to the city a couple of times, if Gabe wants to see Ramona. But I think we're going to stay the whole summer."

"Oh." The disappointment in his voice was heavy. "I- that's good, Kate. You should do… what you need to do."

"I'll… miss you," she confessed. "But… we're- it's so new. I think some time, some space… it's not a bad thing. And my dad… there's stuff I haven't told you, and, well… we're reconnecting. It's important. I'd like to be in the city. But I need to be here."

"Of course you do," he said. "Of course you should reconnect. But if you come to the city so your ex can see Ramona, you'll tell me, right?"

"Of course."

"So, uh- what kind of work are you doing?"

"Um… we're going to paint and garden. And there's a ton of stuff that's just been sitting here, for years. Furniture, that kind of thing. Pieces that my mom chose. It's all kind of… crammed into one of the bedrooms. I'm going to go through it. Figure out what I can use in the city. The boat shed needs to be repaired… and the kitchen is kind of falling apart, and the bathroom…" She curled her leg beneath her, rolling her eyes. "It was an old kitchen and bathroom when I was here ten years ago. Everything's in pieces… it's a nightmare."

"But…"

"But I love it," she confessed, laughter bursting free. "I love this place, and I should never have waited so long to come back."

"I'm glad."

Rick was quiet, and Kate sat with the phone pressed to her ear, happy to sit in silence a moment.

"So… it sounds like your to-do list is pretty long… I'd better let you get back to it."

"Talk soon?"

"Talk soon," he promised, and she ended the call, standing and stretching before walking back into the cabin.

"Look what I found, Katie!" Jim held up a box of books, and she peered in.

"They're… mine. What are they doing here?"

"I think you packed them up when you moved out of your dorm room?"

"Yeah… that sounds about right." She nodded, reaching into the carton and pulling out a couple. She'd packed so much of herself away when she'd moved in with Gabe.

"There are three more boxes."

"Books? Mommy? We read?"

She reached for Ramona, curling an arm around her. "Uh-huh. We can read. But not these ones. Do you know where you put Alexis' elephant book this morning?"

Ramona nodded, darting amongst the boxes into the bedroom, and she grinned.

"Wow…" Kate looked up at her father. "All my comics. I… never thought I'd see those again."

Jim chuckled. "Comics. And mysteries- do you still read these?" He lifted another box, unstacking the contents onto the floor in front of her, and she sank down, picking through them, her jaw dropping as she flipped through a couple of the hardbacks.

"Rick," Ramona announced as she sat herself down, picture books in hand, pointing at the dustjacket, and Kate laughed.

"It sure is."

"You've indoctrinated your daughter, I see," Jim said, his eyes twinkling, and Kate dropped her gaze, her cheeks warming. "Just how do you know about Richard Castle, little one?" he asked Ramona.

"Our friend," Ramona beamed at her grandfather. "Alexis gives me books." She held up the ones in her hand, showing him. "Rick makes me pizza."

"Alexis- Who? And… Rick makes you pizza?"

Jim's eyes narrowed as he put it together.

"Katie, when you said you were stepping outside to phone your friend Rick, just who were you speaking to?"

A/N: Thank you all so much. x