Chapter Four

She was avoiding him.

It had been four days since they kissed and she did everything she could to make sure they weren't alone again. He hadn't been assigned to her security team, which was a relief. However, he would try to stop by during her lunch. She had made sure to tell her assistant that if anyone were to stop by, she was in a meeting. Heero never interrupted her meetings unless he was already in the room. She didn't know how much longer she could avoid him, though. Their kissed had complicated her relationship with Tony. She found herself not eating at all. If she could stomach it, she could get one meal down.

Tony didn't seem to notice anything peculiar. He went about his days like nothing was wrong. Relena could hardly sleep, tossing and turning throughout the night. She knew she was already beginning to lose weight and that wasn't good since her dress was tailored for her. She was finding it especially difficult to continue on with the wedding plans as if she was not having an internal war. She plastered a smile on her face to the best of her abilities, but at night, when she was alone, she cried. She had been confused in her life before, but it was never about how she felt. Even during the war, she knew what was right and what she was supposed to do.

But, after four days of avoidance, she knew she would need to speak with Heero again.

As Vice Foreign Minister and friends with the higher ranking officers of Preventers, she knew she was welcomed into their building without a notice. She clutched her briefcase tightly, trying to keep the front up as if she was happy and content in her life. She nodded several times when she saw acquaintances. She was relieved when she didn't see Une. She had asked a new Preventer for directions to Heero's office. Without knocking, she pushed the door wide enough for her to slip through. Once inside, she closed it and locked it so they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Relena?" Heero said, surprised.

"Hello, Heero," she tried to force her faux smile to widen. However, at the sight of him, she crumbled. He caught her, his instincts still finely tuned. In his arms, she cried the most she had ever cried in front of him.

"Why is this so hard? Why did you have to come back, Heero? I was finally happy again." She wept, speaking in between sobs.

"Were you really happy?" Heero asked, leaning back slightly to look at her reddening face. "If you were honestly happy, my feelings wouldn't have affected you like this."

"My feelings for you will always confuse me even if I was eighty years old and have been married to someone else for fifty years. My heart has and always will love you, Heero, in some way." She confessed, calming down enough to speak clearly.

"Call it off," he said, releasing her from his arms. "Call it off until you figure out what you want. I'm not going anywhere… unless you want me to leave. You need more time to figure out what you want, Relena."

She sat there, pondering his words. He was right. If she, at least, postponed the wedding, she would be able to sort things out. She was only a few weeks away from the wedding and she wasn't in the least bit ready. Once Tony had proposed and she made it public, wedding planners bombarded her with details and venues. She hadn't had a chance to breathe and honestly think about it.

Tony had even proposed in a meeting, in front of all of their political colleagues. What was she supposed to say? She had hesitated, but no one seemed to notice. She wanted to think it through. However, she had to accept and not embarrass him at work. Now she was feeling the pressure of her decision and regretted that she might not have made the best one for herself. She could always make the best decision for the Earth and colonies, but she, clearly, was clueless about what she wanted.

She wiped her eyes, finally having the strength to look at Heero. "You're right. Thank you, Heero. As always, you know what to say to give me back my strength."

He cleared his throat, "I know this isn't the best time, but keep what you just said into consideration when you decide who you want to marry."

She huffed playfully, using his shoulders as support to stand up. "I'll try."

The next evening, she was feeling even more exhausted than usual. She was nervous about what Tony would say when she told him to postpone the wedding. She was nervous about upsetting him. In fact, they had never actually gotten into an argument. Political disagreement came with their jobs, but a personal argument had never transpired.

She sat by the window of her living room, knowing that Tony would be arriving shortly to take her out for their evening dinner. She had started biting her nails, something she hadn't done in years. She dressed down, hoping that she could speak with him inside her home instead of breaking the news to him in a public place.

A gentle knock on the door startled her. She stood up, smoothing out her clothes and hesitantly reached for the door. Once her hand rested on the handle, she inhaled deeply, trying to relax. Surely he would understand about her decision. He was reasonable.

"Hello, darling." He said as she opened the door, smiling smugly and leaning in to kiss her. She turned her head away, letting him kiss her cheek. "Are you ready to go?"

"Tony, I was wondering if I may have a word with you before we go." She asked, forcing her words to sound confident. She was shaking and hoped he hadn't noticed.

"Sure thing, darling," he smiled again, walking into her living room and taking a seat on the couch. Relena remained standing, however. She tried not to twist her fingers and fought off the temptation to bite her nails. She looked down at the carpet, trying to gather all of her courage.

"Tony, I think…. I think we should…"

"We should?" Tony encouraged.

"I think we should postpone the wedding. I have a lot on my plate right now and I don't think I'm giving the wedding top priority."

"Postpone? You have wedding planners to help you. You shouldn't be that overwhelmed with the wedding. Besides, you're always busy. There would never be a good time for you, Relena."

"I just think we rushed into this. I think we should plan the wedding together and take our time with it."

"Why?" He asked, befuddled.

"Tony, I'm just not sure I want to get married at this time in my life."

Tony straightened up, not standing up stopped looking at her. She knew he was thinking about ulterior motives that she might have. He wouldn't find any though.

"Is there someone else?" he asked, verbally stabbing her in the heart.

"No," she said blatantly and hoped she was convincing.

"Then I don't see why we should postpone it. I'll call the wedding planners up tomorrow and have them take on more. You shouldn't have to worry about this at all. Don't get cold feet right now, Relena. We're only five weeks away." He stood finally, smiling reassuringly at her.

She deflated, feeling as if she hadn't been heard at all. She let her shoulders slump as Tony took her into a hug. She was defeated. He wouldn't listen to her.

"Come, let's eat." He said, letting her go and pushed her gently towards the front door.

Sorry this took longer to update than it should have. I left my vacation having mixed feelings about my friend's situation and needed to try and translate it into this story.

Anyway, I think only a couple more chapters. Who knows, though?