L.

I touch your face in the morning breeze. I know you for so many years. You never tidy your hair, not even once. I always help you to set those dark, smooth threads together onto one direction, but you deny it. You giggle and make me sit down. You say that my hair is too nice that makes me look like an elf maid, and I say that a man, especially a man who will soon be a King, should make himself look clean. Then we fall into silence. And at last you put your arms on my shoulders, and you say that you do not want to be a King.

I want not too.

What awaits you is huge responsibilities and your freedom lost forever. Your messy hair will always be tidied, you will never dress like a ranger and run of into the wild again. You have lost the rights to do these things. And you cannot be with me, that is the thing makes me sad.

So many days. So many days had we spend together. I remember in Rivendell, when we met for the first time, you are still a child. I told you tales and myths, and you were so happy. Your face was so naïve in those days, but you were so young, so fearless. You called me "big brother", you took me to the garden and showed me those little flowers, you pulled my hair naughtily asking for another story, you were holding my hand.

And since when holding hand becomes not allowed between you and me.

You discovered that I have immortal life when you entered your youth. You learned that I will not die of mortal cause, and you will die eventually. You were worried, your dark, pure eyes was filled with tears that marks anxiousness. I smiled. I wiped your tears and on that exact day, we made a vow. In which that vow I shall never make again to anyone. Only to you. A vow that is tied to our lives.

"If I shall ever die, then I shall die with you side by side."

I do not ask anything for myself, but I am worrying about you, do you know? Last time I paid a visit, I saw wrinkles on your face. They appears in front of my eyes, dancing, moving, and carve themselves deep into your face and forehead. I know their meanings, you are not as energetic as you once was. You are old now, and you are slowly fading away from the world.

It is kind of odd, isn't it? Watching you grow up, changing from a child to youth, to middle-aged man, and now watching you grow older than me, with those bits of whiteness appearing on your face, and you becoming wearier everyday, and I have not changed for even a bit. Not a single thread of the carving of the age has appeared on me. I know that it is precious, the life of the Eldar, but if I am with you, I'd rather be with you, holding your hands, grow old with you and die with you.

I want to grow old with you, and follow you to wherever your final destination is.

I have decided. I will build a ship, a grey ship with huge sail. I will take you, my most beloved, and my loyal friend Gimli with me, and we shall sail away to the fair lands at the west. But I cannot go to you right now. Now I am deep within Mirkwood with my people, and I have got my own responsibility beside. But I think it is time. I will go to you fairly soon, and I will ask for your opinion.

I hope you can somehow see this... I can feel you, deep in my heart. You are also writing to me, aren't you? I understand your responsibility. I understand that deep in your heart, you also have a very special affection towards Lady Arwen. I understand that because in my earlier days, when you were still a young man, I also had a special affection towards an elf maid that I liked. Believe me, I understand everything.

You meant to be crowned the King, and I am very proud of you. Please do not be mistaken by me, when I looked into your eyes like that on the coronation day. You are very special, and you are very brave. I almost slipped it out, I almost said gi melin, but I did not. You stared into my soul suspiciously, and I laughed. You didn't hear what I whispered to you, and when you see her, your tears bursted out. You were like a fountain. I laughed once more.

"I brought you a gift." That's what I said. I shall write it here.

Am I being too selfish? Because I wanted you to go with us. Desperately. But you have got your things, and I cannot let you set them aside like that.

I am not the only one who loves you.

Why are you a man? Why aren't you an elf? Why are me an elf? Why am I not a man? Isn't that supposed to mean that we meant to have different destinies, that we meant to be parted? You and Lady Arwen are utterly the forth rare marriage of a man and an elf in the world's history, but me... Am I meant to be left alone? Is it wrong from the start, the love between us? I dare not to think more about it. Because I am scared, and I love you.

I love you as a brother, whom I fought side by side. I love you as a King, whom I am loyal to. I love you as a kid, whom I have cherished and cared. I love you as a friend, whom I have pledged my soul. And I love you as a man, whom I would give everything. You are the one who I am drawn to, and no matter what happens, I will not leave you.

My dear A.