A/N: I'm so srry this chapter took me foreeeeever to update, I hope you haven't lost hope, yet. These past few months have been very hectic for me and they still are. I'm even surprised I updated this story today because I really didn't think I would when I woke up this morning. So, yeah I'm surprised I did this too.
I do appreciate all the reviews and the tips even the negative comments. It helps me to learn from my mistakes as a writer… If you could call me a writer, though :P xD. For this chapter I want to thank Bar for her whining about finally updating this story, and I want to thank Loesie for her fate and sweet comments. Further more I'll have to warn you, this chapter has not been checked by a Beta. So, there probably are some miner grammar and spell issues somewhere hidden in this chapter. But don't let that stop you from reading it. Jacq
Chapter 5: Doing what's best for the children.
As all the chattering and noise died away as soon as the front door was violently closed behind the seven siblings and their uncle Max, it was as though a gentle breeze of silence travelled through the house. At this moment the villa held no sign at all that seven healthy, cheerful children were living in it. And without their presence the house held a frighten silence.
Maria stood in the entrance hall, looking at the now closed door, as she feared what was about to come. The Captain asked her to come to his downstairs study as soon as she said goodbye to the children. When she hugged them and wished them a save and glorious day, Maria had had to do everything in her power to keep her cheerful composure as cheerful as always. Normally she had no troubles in doing so, the children had a certain refreshing spirit over them that when she was around them would keep her from feeling anything but worried or lost.
But this time even the children's excitement about going into town hadn't been able to distract her travelling mind.
Never in her whole life had she felt so trapped, as she did now. Not even on her Uncle's farm, or the thoughts of living a secluded life at the abbey when she would take her vows.
The feelings of uncertainty and even certainty she felt every time she was thrown into oblivion, were not new to her. She had lived a terrifying childhood at her uncle's house. Where everyday she would wake up and wonder if this day, could be the day that her prince charming would come, sweep her of her feet and would take her far away from her uncle and her horrible life. But as she grew older she some how convinced herself that there probably was no such thing as a prince charming, or love for that matter. So, she'd all together given up on the whole concept of ever getting married or having children.
Maria pulled herself together, as she realized she'd been staring at the marbled floor. She gracefully left the entrance hall and made her way to the Captains study. Contrary to his up stairs study, the Captain informed her how to find his downstairs study, and as she hastily pasted the library she deliberately slowed down, trying to extend the journey for as long as possible.
Finally, when Maria reached the door she hesitantly gave it a soft knock, when she heard no reply she gave a somewhat firmer knock, making sure that this time it was loud enough for the person on the other side to hear.
"It's open."
Came the loud voice of the Captain from behind the door. Maria grasped the knob and opened it.
"You wished to speak to me, Captain?"
She said as confident as she could manage while entering the room and closing the door behind her. She remained where she was as she looked up at the Captain who was seated behind his desks, which was covered with papers, books and notes, and by the looks of it, he had been studying them before she arrived.
"Yes, please, do come in"
He said, as he smiled at her, making sure his hospitality sounded sincere. Maria took a few hesitant steps forward, unsure about what was to come and unsure if she could defend herself if he would ask her the same disturbing questions as he had yesterday.
The Captain stood up from behind his desk motioning his hand towards the couch.
"Please, sit Fräulein."
Again he gave Maria a warm smile, in hopes it would ease the mood somewhat. Unfortunately this form of affection unsettled Maria greatly. She nervously crossed the room and sat down on the couch. Hoping that she didn't look as transparent as she felt.
"I hope the children will have a fine day with their uncle, it's been a long time since Max took them out." He began, settling himself into a chair opposite of her.
"Yes, they seemed very excited about it." She retorted relieved about the small talk he was initiating.
"They would really hate to see you leave, you know?"
"I know."
She sighed, feeling that this conversation was heading into a whole other direction. She should have known he would use the children as an excuse. She adored each and every one of them. They all had their own individual personality. They were so much a like and yet very different from each other. At times when she looked at them play, sleep or even fight, she almost regretted the fact that she would never have children of her own.
"Then why, Fräulein? I know it couldn't have been them who made you want to leave last night."
His eyes searched Maria's in hopes that he would find some glimmer of a growing confession. But when he looked at her he could only see her building frustration as she tried to push back the reasons about why she had wanted to leave.
Georg had seen how close she had got to his children these past couple of months. And to be honest it still amazed him how easily she'd won them over. He had been a bit surprised when he learned she was still there, in his house, after he had gotten back from Vienna with Elsa. After all his children's resistance and after all their futile attempts at getting his attention by playing tricks on the other governesses, they instead of playing tricks on her had grown to accept her. And even Georg too, in time had come to accept and admire her. He didn't know when she suddenly turned into a friend instead of his children's governess, but then again it didn't surprise him. His conversations with Maria about his children were always much more personal than the conversation he had had with their previous governesses.
He wasn't blind and since he'd had time to ponder her sudden distance towards him last night, he had come to the conclusion that he was the reason for the state she was in right now. If his suspicions were right, Georg suspected that it had something to do with the abrupt ending to their dance at the party. Then and there he felt that there was more to Maria than was showed beneath the service. Part of him was curious about this side of Maria. The side that wasn't made for the abbey, the side she was trying to push away at any given moment. But he quickly cast those thoughts away, knowing that they weren't appropriate. He was her employer and she was his employee, end of story.
"Why did you leave?"
"I'd rather really not wish to discuss it, Captain." Maria answered him after a few moments of deafening silence.
He held her gaze for a while, searching her eyes, waiting for a more elaborate explanation, but when there came none, he let out a sigh, stood up and walked back towards his desk.
"So, that's it then?"
He said turning around just before he sat down on his desk chair.
"You're going to pack your bags and you're going to leave the children, me, this house without any explanation as to why you're actually leaving? Excuse me for what I'm about to say, but don't you think that's a bit selfish?"
A soft silence fell over the room as the words hit her hard.
"I don't know!"
She exclaimed in deep frustration, standing up, she turned around and looked out the window into the flowery garden.
"I don't even know if I still want to leave. It's not the children. You're right about that. I... it's just..."
She trailed off, looking down at her hands. She felt like she had gone to far, that she had given away too much Information.
"It's just, what, Maria?"
He was watching her with great interest and felt they were getting closer to the real problem at hand. But as she turned towards him and hastily looked down at her hands he caught a glimpse of her frustration and he could have sworn that her eyes were shimmering with unset tears.
A sympathetic feeling washed over him. Whatever was bothering her he could see that it tore at her, and if she'd rather not want to talk about it he should accept that.
"Fräulein?"
"Yes?"
She spoke softly while still looking at her fingers, trying with all her might not to show the weakness that was threatening to reveal itself.
"You may go."
Confused she looked up forgetting about her red shot eyes and caught his gaze.
"What?"
Was all she could manage a bit taken aback as she saw his determination looking back at her.
"You heard me, Fräulein. I won't force you. You may leave as you wish"
He nodded towards the door as if saying that it was alright for her to leave without going against his wishes. Not that she cared much about his wishes; he thought as he saw how she hesitantly grasped the door knob before pushing it down.
She stood still for a few moments pondering the fact whether she should leave without saying something. She felt a bit guilty and it felt highly inappropriate to leave like this.
"Captain?"
"Yes, Fräulein?"
He said, questionably looking up at her.
She looked at him, at a lose for words. She had no idea what to say to him, that would help ease the guilt she felt gnawing on her conscience.
She let go of the knob and stepped back into the room. Subconsciously playing with her fingers as she carefully tried to shape words in her mind that could express what she most desperately wanted to say.
"You know, it's funny"
She began as her eyes turned distant, a small smile crossed her face but her expression remained blank and emotionless.
"A few days ago I felt that by becoming a nun I would be able to help this world and serve God. I knew exactly what he wanted from me, I knew why he had send me here to you, Captain and your family. And I felt I was doing the right thing."
She stopped, letting the unfinished words linger in the tense air.
All the while he had not looked away from her. Although she'd spoken in riddles he knew it had taken all of her will power to say what she'd just said, and he hesitated before deciding he had to ask the words that were lying heavily on his mind.
"What changed?"
"I wish I knew."
She sighed, looking outside the window for a second time.
A silence fell over them. The Captain stood up from his chair and leaned against the far corner of his desk crossing his arms in front of him and quietly finding himself lost in thought. Analyzing and re-thinking every word she'd said, making sure he understood the meaning behind all of them.
"I will stay until September."
Maria suddenly spoke, making the Captain look up seeing that she Had turned around and was now looking at him with the same determent expression on her face he'd showed her mere minutes ago.
"If only for the children. You're right; it would break their hearts if I left like this."
She stepped back to the door and before she opened it and exited the room, she could hear his voice saying a hesitant "thank you" She turned around one last time not fully looking him in the eye, giving him a weak smile and closed the door behind her. Slowly making her way back to her room.
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He sighed deeply before turning back to his desk. He thought he would feel better, more satisfied now that he'd convinced her to stay. He wasn't even sure if he was the one that had convinced her. After all, she'd made the decision all by herself. But maybe his influence had helped a bit. Or at least he hoped it had.
He rummaged through the papers on his desk, not precisely knowing what he was looking for, just trying to still his thoughts. He was tired of thinking, analyzing and re-thinking every step he'd taken and was about to take.
He felt at a lose for what to do. Oh, very deep down he had an idea of what it could be. It seemed so familiar. Yet, it was so easy to just push away, ignore it. For the time being he felt he could do just that. Ignore something he wasn't quite sure of how to handle.
More pressing matters were his top priority at the moment. Austria was slipping through his fingers. And he wanted to spend as much time with his children in the country; he used to call his home, until it had completely slipped away from his grip.
He slipped a hand in his pocket and drew out a tiny black box.
He'd made a promise to Elsa, and he intended to keep that promise.
Yesterday after his mystifying talk with Maria, he'd proposed to her. It hadn't gone according to plan, nor could he call it a real proposal on one knee. It had gone so fast, and Elsa agreed to it.
In his mind he knew he had asked her to marry him because of the confusion he felt. He'd wanted to take control of that confusion; he still wanted to take control. But it all seemed everything was getting even more confusing, the moment he'd proposed to the woman he was suppose to love.
He was staring at the black box in his hand, and after what seemed like an eternity opened the petite little box and looked with remorse at the shimmering ring he'd picked out weeks ago. Back then he knew that he would ask Elsa to marry him. He was sure he loved her, she was the one that made him hole again. But was she? Was she really?
With another sigh he closed the box and put it back in his pocket where it belonged,…for now. He should give it to Elsa after dinner, after their announcement.
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"I will stay until September."
The moment she'd said those words she knew she would regret them later. She loved the children, no doubt about that. But she wasn't allowed to let herself give into the feelings she secretly hid deep down inside. How much she tried to deny it, the more confused she got. Staying wouldn't help her straighten out her feelings. Hiding them would be even more difficult if she was forced to see and talk to him everyday.
But common sense did not win the internal battle that was going on, inside Maria's head.
Or had it been common sense that won? Was it not better for Maria to stay and take care of the children? To ignore the feelings she felt? Wasn't that what people called;"common sense?" Or was she just a fool, who tried to suppress the way her body and mind reacted? All these question to which she had no answers.
She slowly stood up from her bed and walk over to the closet between her bed and nightstand. She still hadn't unpacked the few belongings she possessed and figured she might as well do it now, since she wasn't going anywhere until September. She grabbed the carpet bag from under her bed and slowly began unpacking it.
It was late, nearly dinner time, she couldn't believe she'd spend the whole afternoon in her room. She hadn't notice time fly by so quickly. She could hear the doorbell ring. Sounds of echo's travelled all the way up to her room and she heard footsteps, enthusiastic voices and laughter. The door slammed in its lock and at this, Franz's roaring voice was heard above the noises the children made. Demanding that they'd be quiet or at least tried to calm down.
Maria knew Franz never liked things messy. He was a tidy and cynical man, who wanted everything to be perfect. She didn't think he was all too happy with the sudden freedom these children had gained by getting their father back. But then again, Maria never really liked Franz anyway.
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Elsa sighed.
Checking her hair in the mirror one last time before going downstairs for tonight's dinner.
She smiled at the reflection in front of her, applying a little bit mascara here and some eyeliner there. She knew she was a lucky woman. Wealthy, beautiful, smart enough to know the ins and outs of fashion. She could price herself lucky.
Her smile faded. She turned around and headed for the door. She stopped, looked over her shoulder for a last glimpse in the mirror and closed the door lady like behind her.
Ever since she arrived she had experienced a whole other side of Georg. As she'd already mentioned to him; she found he was more relaxed and calm. Further more she came to the discovery that he was a father. Sure, she had known he was the father of seven. But before she ever met the children she never knew that being a father made a person different. She now had come to know another Georg than the familiar one who always came to spend time with her in Vienna.
And then there was also the case of Maria. The nun who obviously had fallen in love with Georg. Competition was the last thing Elsa had expected when she agreed to Georg's offer about meeting his children. At least not from a nun. To Elsa it sounded ridicules, preposterous. But unfortunately she had to Admit, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that her overactive imagination was seeing things that weren't there, that Georg was attracted to this nun, in love even.
She wasn't proud of what she had done to Maria the other night. But she panicked when she saw them dancing. To her it was obvious. But to them, she supposed, it was still a big blur.
"Good evening darling." Elsa had entered the dinning room.
She laid a hand on Georg's shoulder and smiled softly at him as she took the seat beside him. Then she looked around the table noticing the children, Max and not really to her surprise, Fräulein Maria.
"Good evening children, Max,… Fräulein."
"Good evening, Baroness Schräder."
The children said, not too earnestly.
Signs of a forced smile on her face were obviously there. But Elsa was very well educated in dealing with situations like this. And only a real pro would be able to notice how uncomfortable she really felt. Of course,…Max noticed.
"Had a nice afternoon, Elsa?"
Georg started as the rest of the family resumed their dinner after having said their prayers.
"As a matter of fact, yes I did."
When there came no elaborate explanation, Georg looked up at Elsa. But she'd already turned her attention back to the plate in front of her.
"Well, what exactly have you been doing this afternoon?"
Max's voice suddenly cut in. Having followed the ridiculous little scene between Georg and Elsa. His always nosy personality got the better of him and he was wondering why all of a sudden Georg's and Elsa's behaviour towards each other struck him as odd.
"Oh, nothing much, darling. Just some shopping around town."
She smiled knowingly at Georg and tenderly covered his hand with hers.
"Georg, don't you think we should…"
"Yes, yes of course."
He smiled at her and took her hand in his as they both stood up and pushed their chairs aside.
"Children, I have an announcement to make." Georg began.
At that precise moment it hit Max. He suddenly knew why his two friends were acting highly peculiar this evening. But Max was not the only person at the table who had come to the same conclusion. Although the younger children were all oblivious to what was happening around them, Maria and even Liesl could see what was happening, or better said, what was going to happen.
"I think it's suffice to say, that you're going to have a new mother. The Baroness and I are engaged."
He smiled at the people in front of him and gave Elsa's hand a tiny squish before letting go. Somehow he didn't feel at all relieved by the information he'd just given his children. A constricted feeling settled in his chest and he couldn't help but feel trapped at the sound of his own words.
A silence fell over the table except for Max's enthusiastic outburst.
"Why Georg, you should have told me. I thought you considered me a friend. Why didn't I know about this sooner? When have you proposed to her?"
Max questions filled the silent room, but he didn't look at all offended by the lack of information Georg had given his friend. On the contrary, he looked quite pleased with himself and this news hadn't come as a real surprise to him. Even before his questions were answered he hurriedly left the room without excusing himself, muttering something about collecting the money he had won with a bet, that no doubt had something to do with Georg's and Elsa's engagement.
"Congratulations father."
Were Liesl's first words. The first who tried to break the silence that had caused the room to shift from a comfortable pleasant atmosphere to one that felt cold and unfamiliar. She didn't blame her siblings for feeling this way. But she also wanted to show her father that she would support any decision he might take in their best interest. Although she wasn't quite sure if this was in anyone's best interest, she would, no matter what, support him. Because she loved him.
"You too Baroness, I wish you two the best of luck."
She walked over to where they both stood, shook her fathers hand and kissed her, soon to be mother, softly on the cheek.
After Liesl the rest of the family followed. But the icy atmosphere was still heavily present as the Baroness kneeled down to let Gretl kiss her cheek.
All the while Maria hadn't dared to look up from her plate. Gruesome feelings ran through her body. This time she didn't have difficulties remembering what kind of feelings she felt. She recognized them all to well. It frightened her. As the sadness in her heart took over, she forced herself not to let the children see the sorrow that was clearly present in every fibber of her body.
Forcing herself to keep those emotions locked away behind years of well constructed walls. She stood up.
"Yes, congratulations Captain, you too Baroness. I hope you become very happy indeed."
She softly took the outstretched hand of the Captain, shook it, and noticed how long it lingered before he let go of her.
"Thank you dear." Came the sugar sweet voice of the Baroness as Maria too, accepted her outstretched hand and quickly shook it.
The remainder of dinner was mostly spend in silence. Each person at the table was lost in their own thoughts. Except for Gretl and Marta who softly started conversing, in fear that if they spoke out loud they might get reprimanded.
Maria cautiously pushed her food around on the porcelain plate in front of her. Having lost all of her apatite the moment the Captain had made his engagement to the Baroness known. She should feel happy, relieved even. She now knew for sure he wasn't in love with her. There was no reason for her to leave the family now, or be concerned about his feelings for her. There were no feelings for her. But she didn't feel relieved at all, in fact, she felt quite the contrary.
"Father, may I be excused?"
Maria looked up at the child who'd spoken.
"Don't you want your desert, Brigitta?" Her father asked while swallowing down the remainders of his own dinner.
"I'm a bit nauseous, I think I'd like to go to bed early tonight and read some." The girl said, hopefully looking up at her father, awaiting his approval.
"Of course you may, sweetheart." He gave his daughter a little smile and nodded.
As soon as Brigitta had left the dinning room, desert arrived. Although it looked delicious, Maria still found herself unable to eat the sweet ice cream that lay in front of her.
As dinner slowly drew to an end, most of the other children excused themselves too, having hardly touched their desert either. Probably having as much apatite as Maria.
When only Gretl and Marta remained, Maria decided that it was high time for them to get some sleep too. It seldom happened that the older children went to bed before Gretl and Marta did. And this fact didn't go unnoticed by all three of the adults still sitting at the table.
"Captain, I think it's time for the little ones to go to bed now, if you don't mind. They've got a very eventful day planned tomorrow."
"Of course."
The Captain nodded. Maria stood up, scooped a sleepy Gretl up in her arms and took Marta's tiny hand in hers. Allowing the little girl to lead her out of the dinning room.
"Goodnight, Captain, Baroness." Maria wished them
"Goodnight Fräulein." Was the Captains reply as he kissed Marta goodnight.
"Sweet dreams, sweetheart." He softly stroked Marta's dark hair. Giving the little girl a wink before disappearing behind the corner on her way to bed, he let his eyes rest on Maria one last time, and before silence returned back to the dinning room he heard Marta's child like voice talk to Maria about something nasty Kurt had done today.
A weak smile crossed his lips and he settled his eyes back on Elsa.
"They'll get used to the idea soon, Georg" She said, putting a comforting hand on his arm.
"Yes, I do hope so"