Disclaimer:I do not own them. I own nothing. I'm nobody if you prefer that. I am just a girl with too much freaking imagination. The End
A/N: Once again I'd like to thank Bar for without her I wouldn't have written the last three chapters and I'd like to thank Loes for reading my story xD and of course I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed. Without you I probably wouldn't have continued writing at all. Oh by the way, this chapter didn't take me that long to write, don't you think? I'm probably getting more time to write anyway because I'm almost done with school, the only thing that's left now are my exams. Hope I'll pass them. crosses fingers. Wish me luck :P
Now on with the story, here I present to you chapter seven:
Chapter 7: Hurtful thoughts and content memories.
Sighing Maria descended the grand stairs of the Von Trapp Villa. Not for the first time she wondered how she managed to keep up with these children, but she had done a fairly good job up till now she had to admit. And they weren't even half as bad as she'd suspected. They actually were sweet and special.
She stopped and turned her head towards the three bedroom doors. Behind each of these doors two or three Von Trapp children lay now sound asleep. Or at least she'd like to think they had dozed of by now. The sceptical side of her knew better than that. Nevertheless she continued her way down-stairs, ignoring the soft voices that came from behind the doors whilst doing so.
Arriving down stairs she hastily looked around in hopes she wouldn't run into someone unexpected. Normally when she'd tucked the children in for the night she would stay upstairs in her own bedroom. But since she'd decided that she probably wouldn't get any sleep anyway she went in search for some sort of distraction and what could be a better distraction than a well written book? Seeing as the hallway looked positively empty she quickly made her way to the library.
Unfortunately upon arriving she noticed that the library was already occupied by someone. She considered briefly to make a silence retreat but upon turning around she knocked a big
expensive looking lamp over. It crashed to the floor making as much sound as a lamp could produce whilst hitting the floor. Maria looked horrified at the piece of furniture as she saw the tiny bulb flicker and then fade out. She silently cursed the object for it had revealed her presence to the person sitting at the library desk.
"Maria, dear you scared me." The Baroness said, with one hand clutched to her chest indicating that she indeed had been anxiously startled.
"I'm sorry, Baroness. I didn't mean to frighten you." Maria apologized. She quickly bend down to retrieve the lamp. Wonder above wonder it seemed to have survived its crash and the only thing that looked to have been broken was the little light bulb inside.
"I was just looking for something to read. I didn't expect someone to be still in here." Maria explained herself. Feeling a bit foolish for being caught wandering about the house by the one person she least wanted to run into.
"That's okay, dear. I guess I lost track of time while reading these travel guide books about Europe."
She held up a number of heavy looking travel guides. All with bright and beautiful pictures on the covers. No doubt showing the best places to be, in each country.
"It's hard to pick out a perfect destination for your honeymoon. Everything seems common when you compare it to the luckiest day of your life, don't you agree?"
Maria swallowed hard before longingly looking at the book closet. If she could just grab the first book she could get her hands on and make a quick exit maybe, just maybe she could pretend she hadn't heard the Baroness' hurtful words.
"Maria?" The Baroness looked questionably at her and she suddenly remembered the woman had asked her a question.
"Yes, of course." She said redirecting her gaze at the Baroness. She then quickly walked to the book closet trying to focus her attention on the old looking covers. She let her fingers slide along each book, reading the tittles, but they were not really getting through to her nonetheless.
"How have you been Maria?" The Baroness asked her. Just as she'd started to let the book tittles form meaning in her mind.
"Fine, I suppose." She absentmindedly spoke as she pulled out a thick book from an upper shelf and started to read the back.
"You suppose?" The Baroness asked almost interestedly.
Maria looked up from her book. Not quite knowing how to take this kind of interest in her well being from a woman like the Baroness.
"I'm doing fine." She rephrased herself, looking straight at the Baroness, hoping that her voice sounded as indifferent as she'd meant for it to sound.
"Good to hear that, Maria." She smiled at her almost looking sincere. Almost. But Maria knew better than to believe that the Baroness thought she was doing fine. And if she stayed any longer in the same room with her she might say things she'd regret later on. Deciding that the book she was currently holding was good enough to peek her interest, she was about to turn around and leave her spot when the Baroness once again turned her attention to Maria.
"You know. I actually thought the stone was a bit too big for me, what do you think?"
The Baroness directed her hand towards Maria's line of vision. She turned and looked at the glittering white diamante, that judging from the way it looked had been very expensive.
"It's beautiful." She honestly admitted, not being able to force down the little tremor in her voice that revealed itself once the soft words had left her.
"It is, isn't it? Yes, Georg really knows how to meld a woman's heart." Smiling she looked at the stone.
"Still I think it's a bit big." She concluded not really talking to Maria as she stated the quite obvious. Yes, it was big and beautiful.
"No, it's perfect." Maria disagreed. Feeling her stomach twist at the thought that the diamante indeed looked ever so perfect. And the person who wore it was perfect too. Perfect for the Captain. They would make the ideal couple. The kind of couple everyone would gossip about when their own world seemed everything but perfect. Yes, Everybody agreed on that well known fact, even she. She knew that she could never wear a diamante looking that perfect, for she wasn't perfect at all. What even made her think she stood a chance? She forced the thoughts aside. No, she didn't want to ponder this any longer. She knew those thoughts were inappropriate. She wouldn't think about them anymore. Because she knew it was impossible to have.
"Well, I'm going to sleep now, Baroness." She nodded her head to the woman in ways of saying good night and turned, ready to leave.
"Yes." The Baroness said perplexed. Still feeling a bit uneasy about Maria's honesty. A guilty feeling washed over her. Knowing that she'd hurt the young governess on purpose and that Maria had taken every blow with an almost frightening sincerity. It made her feel like a horrible person. So she made sure that her last words sounded as sincere as she could manage.
"Sweet dreams, Maria."
Maria gave a weak smile and left the library looking like a rabbit that had just escaped the mean claws of a lion. And she probably had, on some weird level, Elsa realized.
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A month had passed and Villa Von Trapp seemed busier than ever. Preparations for the wedding were the staff's top priority and if they had anytime left it would be spend on their usual routines; dusting, cleaning, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner. The maids were going crazy and Frau Schmidt kept looking over their shoulders, breathing in their necks making sure everything went like it should. At the same time she also gained a new nickname with the maids; "The Bloodhound". Of course she knew about it. But being the patient woman she was, she kept that knowledge to herself. Remembering wise words someone once had said to her, "What comes around must go around."
Today was no different than the past weeks. Frau Schmidt was barking orders and maids were feverishly running around obeying "The Bloodhounds" wishes.
Brigitta giggled as she watched them dash by. Then suddenly stopped as they both threw an angry glance in her direction. Sighing the girl turned around in search of her brothers and sisters. She hadn't seen them since breakfast and she sure as hell wanted to know where they suddenly had disappeared to.
After having looked for them up-stairs she tried the living room. But no sign of them there either. Then the library, the kitchen, the cupboard under the stairs and she even dared to look in her fathers study. But it seemed as though they'd vanished. Finally when getting tired of looking in the house she decided to look for them in the back yard. At last there they were, all six of them sitting near the lake in the shadows of some trees.
"There you are." Brigitta exclaimed tiredly, making all six of them look around.
"What are you all out here for?"
"Look who's asking stupid questions all of a sudden." Friedrich lazily replied. Stretching his arms and idly getting up from his spot in the shadow.
Brigitta shrugged and slide down next to Louisa, under a big old tree.
"We're trying to avoid the madness inside." Liesl told her younger sister.
"Oh." Brigitta nodded her understanding. The wedding preparations were getting on her nerves too. For weeks now the Baroness had been talking about which colour would suit her wedding dress best or how many layers of butter cream frosting the wedding cake should contain. By now Brigitta had decided she would never get married. The horrible things people had to go through before finally getting married. It was just too much. Not to mention the fact she didn't even like her new soon to be step-mother.
Even Fräulein Maria had changed. Their always so lively governess seemed more distanced. There were often times when she felt silence in the presents of the Baroness and their father. Something she never had done before their engagement. To both Brigitta and Liesl it was obvious why. They were convinced there was a connection between their father and Fräulein, but it was harder to convince their other brothers and sisters of this fact. Even Louisa said they were both seeing ghosts. Yes, it was true Fräulein Maria acted quite normal when in their presence. They still played plenty of games. Went on outings at least once a week and beside that she also told them stories about the time she had spent on her mountain. About the rabbit she'd had when she'd turned five. And in return they would tell her stories about better times too.
"Are there any new developments?" Louisa asked lazily looking at the beautiful lake in front of her.
"The Baroness is picking out her fourth back-up wedding dress, if that's what you're meaning?"
Sighing Louisa plucked at the grass next to her. "What does someone need that much wedding dresses for?"
"She's probably afraid she'll stain them or something." Kurt mockingly joked.
Liesl heartedly laughed at Kurt's obvious observation. Somewhere she even knew he was right. The Baroness indeed was a concerned human being, a real perfectionist. It wouldn't surprise her if that indeed was the reason for owning four wedding dresses.
Her eyes rested on Marta and Gretl who both were playing sweetly with a few sticks that were suppose to resemble people. They were wildly having an imaginative conversation with the sticks and each other. The sight of it made her smile. Sometimes she wished she could be seven again and play with her dolls. She missed that feeling.
"How long do you suppose it'll take before they notice we're gone?" Louisa looked at her eldest sister.
"Until they come find us." She replied never taking her eyes of her two youngest sisters who by now had found a rock and had turned it into an imaginative carriage.
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Darkness had consumed the Villa and its surroundings. Just like many nights before, it felt comforting to Maria. She'd never feared darkness; on the contrary, she'd always welcomed it. As she walked down the steps to the garden she let out a heavy sigh.
Nights like these had always been able to take away most of her sorrows and she felt she needed it, especially now. She welcomed the silence, the stars, the moon and the soft comforting breeze. It offered her a temporary escape from the events that had been going on for weeks now.
Parts of her felt relieved that it would all be over soon. Another part of her felt consumed by a heavy darkness. She knew that returning to the abbey, going back to the safe walls and the only family she had ever known, should give her a feeling of happiness, relieve even, but it didn't. Not even a tiny bit. Leaving the Villa, the children, her employer. It felt like more of a loss than a relieve.
The moon was shining over the calm lake, giving it a peaceful, almost drowsy look. Maria watched how the water sparkled in soft beams of the moonlight. Although it wasn't a full moon, it still looked magical.
She quietly hugged herself and rubbed her arms as a gentle cold breeze swept over her. It was getting late, she'd put the children to bed hours ago but she felt resentment about going back into the house, going back to bed. Deciding to just enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature a few moments longer she slide down a big old willow tree near the lake and closed her eyes. Relaxing into the sounds of silence.
"Good-evening, Fräulein."
Startled Maria looked up in the direction of the person who'd greeted her. She hastily got up as the dark figure moved closer. Not focusing on how she was getting up, she stumbled over her feat and was just able to hold her balance when she heard the person let out a low chuckle at the sight of her clumsiness.
"I can see, at least one of use is enjoying themselves, Captain." Maria threw at her employer; a bit embarrassed about the way he'd seem to startle her every time he got unnoticed near her. However, she had to admit that clumsiness always had been a quality she'd probably inherited from her family.
"My apologizes." He bowed his head gracefully. She smiled.
"Apology accepted."
"Might I ask what you're still doing up at this time of night, Fräulein?" The Captain inquired. Curious about her motives. He'd never seen her before while taking one of his late night walks through the gardens. An old habit he'd picked up a month ago. Something that shouldn't have become a habit again.
"I couldn't sleep." She simply stated as she slide down the tree again and looked at the lake.
"Any particular reason?" He asked and sat down next to her looking in the same direction she was looking at.
"It's a beautiful night, Captain. How could any person possibly sleep through that?"
He chuckled at her obviousness.
"It indeed is."
They remained silent for a while, both enjoying the night and without either of them ever admitting it, each others company.
"You know." The Captain started, breaking the silence.
Maria turned her attention towards her employer
"I was wondering the other day." He nervously scratched his head.
"You never really told us what it was that made you want to become a non. With all due respect you seem so different from the other non's I've met."
"Yes." She agreed and looked down at the grass that lay between them. Although she had been ecstatic about joining the abbey a few years ago, she'd always known she would stick out like a red flower in a field of yellow roses. Being quiet and serene had never been one of Maria's best qualities. Speaking before she was spoken to, causing trouble when in fact she meant well, were things that defined her perfectly.
"Well, at first it provided an escape, I guess."
"An escape?" The Captain observed knowing they were entering more private territory about Maria's life.
"I suppose." She looked up, finding confused blue eyes looking back at her. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw how intense they were focused upon hers and she hastily re-directed her gaze towards the murmuring water. She sighed and hugged her knees tighter to her body.
"But soon they taught me things about God and his ways and they accepted me for the person I am, which almost instantly made me feel part of their family."
"What did you try to escape from? If I may be so blunt." The Captain dared asking, still contemplating her first and foremost reason for joining the non's at Nonnberg abbey.
She considered his question for a moment as she watched how the moon still shone brightly above the lake, giving their faces a white shadowy look.
"Certain memories." She spoke. Wanting to observe his reaction, she turned to face him. His eyes looked concerned, at a lose for what to say. It had never dawned on to him that Maria's memories of her own past had caused her more pain than pleasure. He suddenly realized she had walls around her being as well as he'd had, but hers could been seen and reflected in happiness and energetic tomboyish activities, she used as a mean to escape memories from her past.
"I'm very sorry to hear that, Maria."
"Yes, so am I." As she felt how sudden tears pricked in her eyes she quickly looked away, not
wanting to share anymore of her unexpected vulnerability. Wiping away the few tears that without her approval had still found their way down her cheeks, she suddenly felt a hand on her knee and immediately stiffened.
"You don't always have to be so brave, Fräulein." He squeezed her knee and she relaxed the slightest bit as his hand remained where it touched the soft fabric of her dress.
"I wish that were true, Captain." She answered trying to keep her voice steady but failing at doing so.
"If there's one thing you've taught me, it would be not to walk away from your fears."
She smiled through her tears at the irony of her own words being passed back at her.
"Touché." She replied laughingly. He was right. She realized, more than right even. Although she hadn't really told him much about her passed. He seemed to be more than understanding about how it had affected her.
She softly shivered as a much colder breeze touched her skin. Goosebumps formed on her arms and she rubbed them trying to get the warmth back that had gone lost to the wind.
Having noticed her shiver the Captain looked down at his pocket watch, seeing that the hands were close pointing to midnight, he thought it to be high time to call it a night.
"It's getting colder and late, maybe we should go back inside." He opted, at the same time lifting his hand from Maria's knee and getting up from the grass. The sudden absence of his touch left her bewildered. A part of her had liked the way his hand had tried to comforter her.
However, it hadn't really been appropriate either. She shook it off. Concentration on her surroundings again as he offered his hand to her.
She took it and as he was helping her up, she noticed their hands.
Standing there being able to support her own legs to hold her up now, he still didn't let go of her. Having noticed the same thing, he too looked down where their palls touched and fingers met.
As the moment went on Maria suddenly withdrew her hand. Just like their dance this touch had held more meaning than she was able to admit. Frightened by the intensity of feelings that run to her for a second time that evening, she took a few steps backwards.
Not being able to see his stare anymore for it had disappeared behind a shadow. He could see hers, full of doubt and fear she once again carefully shadowed behind her own wall of unravelled secrets.
"Goodnight, Captain." She finally said, when the silence turned unbearably
She hastily dashed by him, not waiting for him to reply or to even stop her. He let her go. Knowing time would reveal Maria's secrets when it was ready to.